Writing Feedback / These days, the percentage of older people in the population structure has been increasing rapidly [3]

Ielts writing task 2 - Aging population

I have tried to improve some mistake from the last work. Hope you guys can give me advice for this piece of writing
Some people believe that aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others, however, disagree with this view. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

These days, the percentage of older people in the population structure has been increasing rapidly. This trend leads to both positive and negative effects that will be discussed in this essay.

On the one hand, the aging population brings about numerous advantages, economically and socially. First of all, senior workers have loads of practical skills and experience, which can be passed on to their counterparts. Take the teacher as an example; a senior teacher with a long time working has more experience in dealing with problematic children and the teaching method. Moreover, in a diverse working environment, the collaboration between the young and old helps improve productivity, increasing profits, and boosting economic growth. When it comes to the social aspect, older people are more likely to attend community service projects and voluntary activities, such as the local environment campaign.

On the other hand, it is believed that the aging population somewhat can prevent the nation's development. Older workers tend to be less creative and innovative than younger colleagues. They often find difficulties keeping up with the latest technology, which impacts companies' productivity adversely. One more problem is the higher proportion of aging working people, the higher the unemployment rates. The youth have little chance to have a well-paid job when many jobs are full-filled by senior workers. For this reason, a large number of young people are forced to be unemployed and take a low-paying job that is below their abilities.

In conclusion, regardless of some drawbacks, In my opinion, the advantages of the aging population outweigh the disadvantages, and there are various ways to take advantage of the older population to gain benefits for the society.

( 277 words )

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - Animal extinction - Reasons and Solution [3]

The number of animals disappearing is increasing at an alarming rate

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This essay will discuss several main factors that cause this situation and suggest some solutions.

In my opinion, the growing rate of animal extinction was due to both on land and in sea reasons.

First of all, on the ground, cutting down an enormous rain forest area leads to damage to wildlife habits. Therefore, animals will be put at a higher risk because they can not find home and face numerous difficulties adapting to the new living environment. Another factor that puts animals on the verge of extinction is that various human activities result in adverse impacts adversely on the marine environment. For example, waste discharged from factories and residents' houses and oil spills during extraction contaminate water, which poses a serious threat to marine species.

Solving these problems requires the collaboration of Government, Business Company, and Residents. First of all, stricter punishment should be imposed on illegal logging, overexploitation, deforestation, and overfishing. Next, Businesses and Companies should install proper waste treatment systems to freshen wastewater before discharging it to land, river, and ocean. The government should also provide financial support to organizations fighting for environmental rights and action to run the campaign to raise people's environmental awareness. And lastly, the educational program should be adjusted to include more knowledge about the harmful consequence of the pollution for animals' existence.

In conclusion, if there are no proper solutions, animals will suffer from a higher risk of extinction, which results in undesirable negative effects on the ecosystem.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, advertisement has bombarded people with various images and videos on technological devices [3]

Now I comeback with the second time taking Ielts test. Hope my writing improve

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - ADVERTISEMENT POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE EFFECT

Nowadays, advertisement has bombarded people with various images and videos on technological devices and publications such as Television, Smartphone, and Newspaper. This trend brings about both positive and negative effects on humans life.

On the one hand, it is undoubted that advertising has numerous significant benefits financially and socially. First of all, advertising provides customers with a large amount of products' information, which helps them to make better shopping choices. This also means that buyers can choose the product that works best for them. When it comes to social meaning, the advertisement might raise people awareness and knowledge about products development as well as cultural and social problems. For example, Adverting viewers can discover more about technical gadgets through smartphones or Laptops advertisements, or a lot of brands use storytelling with meaningful messages about family, dream, country, and so on to introduce their products to the customers.

On the other hand, advertising also results in several severe impacts on both companies and customers. First of all, companies have to spend a large amount of money on advertising. Because of this, apart from the cost of manufacturing, customers have to pay for the advertising cost, too. Another drawback that directly affects customers' spending habits is that advertising will encourage people to buy things that they do not really need. Take the iPhone as an example; some big fans of this brand always desire to own the latest version of this kind of smartphone, although their certain phone is still in good using condition. This leads to a waste of money and natural resources, or further will contaminate the environment.

In conclusion, advertising can be a good source of information for smart buyers. Still, at the same time, it can pose a serious threat to customers' benefits as well as the environment if people are not fully aware of its harm.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1 - Pie chart about population rate [4]

Yemen and Italy

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The four pie charts compare the proportion of three age group between two countries Yemen and Italy in the year 2000 and show the forecast in both countries 50 years later. In general, Yemen and Italy have a large number of people in the middle age and they were predicted to undergo a significant change.

It can easily seen from the graph that, in 2000, Yemen and Italy witnessed the golden population rate, because they both had high percentage of people in the working age group ( the 15-59 years group), with nearly a half for the former and up to 61.1 % for the latter. Considering to the number of the elderly group, Italy number was far higher than Yemen's. While the figure for Italy was almost a quarter, 24.1%, that of Yemen just reached 3.6%. The youngest group, age group from 0 to 14 years old, was the group that accounted for the largest proportion in Yemen, over a half when there was 14.3% of the Italian in that age group.

The 2 other pie chart provide the prediction on the rate of age group of two countries 50 years later. Yemen middle age group' rate was expected to rise dramatically, from 46.3 % in 2000 to 57.3 % in 2050.In contrast, Italy number was forecasted to decrease by 15.4%, to 46.2% in the year of 2050. The elderly group of Yemen was projected to continue to remain in the lowest rate of the country, 5.7%, while Italy number will have increased quickly to just above two fifth. In 2050, it was predicted that the working age group will become the biggest group in Yemen, with the projected number is 57.3%. Middle age group figure was also projected to account for the largest proportion in the Italian population, up to 46.2 %.

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Thank you for comment on my essay

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Writing Feedback / Advertisement are becoming more and more common. Is it a positive or negative development? [2]

how advertisements are affecting us?

These day, people are bombarded with various types of advertisement. This development brings about either benefits or drawbacks for humans

On the one hand, advertisements have positive effects on human's life. First of all, advertisements provide customers with information about products and services, therefore, they can make a better shopping choices for themselves and their family. For instance, public nowadays have a chance to watch advertisement about many kinds of milk on television or internet. Among several brands, moms can choose the products with the best quality, price, taste for their children. Secondly, watching advertisement help people to update the development of products. Advertisements always show the products with the most modern features Take technological devices as an example, thanks for advertisement, people can know the developing speed of the technological industry in general

On the other hand, advertisement also affected negatively on people. The first reason is that companies spend a huge amount of money on advertisement, which increase the cost of products. To reduce the price, producers might fight other ways to produce goods, such as using low-quality material or pass some stages of producing process. Another disadvantage of advertisement is that it encourage people to buy things that they do not really need. This is a waste of natural resources and working effort. For example, Apple - a famous brand of smart phone, always release the new version of their iPhone every year. There are a lot of people desire to own the newest Iphone although their phone are still working well and they are ready to pay a large amount of money to get that new smartphone

In conclusion, with the development of economy and society, advertisement has become an important part of our daily life. People should be aware of how advertisements are affecting us and use them to gain knowledge