Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by studyingabroad
Name: Nguyễn Thúy Hường
Joined: Aug 23, 2020
Last Post: Jan 26, 2021
Threads: 5
Posts: 10  
Likes: 5
From: Viet Nam
School: Ngo Gia Tu High School

Displayed posts: 15
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
studyingabroad   
Jan 26, 2021
Writing Feedback / STUDY FOOD SCIENCE, SHOULD OR NOT? DISCUSS. [2]

Topic:
Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on other important subjects.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.



Answer:
There has been a controversy of whether students ought to dig in the science of food and its preparation instead of other subjects or not. This essay will discuss both views of this problem and point out my own perception.

On the one hand, opponents to the study of the science of food have some arguments. To commence with, food study will be believed to be a waste of time if it is brought in the official curriculum. This results from the fact that other important subjects is integrated with further reading about food and if learners know how to condense them, they will not have to spend some periods per week cramming this amount of knowledge. Instead, schools could held extracurricular activities which not only ensures to adapt the demand of food understanding but also reduces the students' burden while they have many subjects to study.

On the other hand, there are several reasons for the support of learning food science. Firstly, food has had a crucial role to play in since the existence of human hence people need gain some food fundamental knowledge in order to extract nutritions from it. Understanding about what a particular type of food contains, we can avoid mistakes when creating mixtures of food. To exemplify, given they can react detrimentally, garlics must not be combined with duck eggs while cooking. Secondly, wastes of food has been an intense issues virally happening all over the world. Therefore, students need to be raised consciousness about the importance of food and the situation that millions of their peer lack food supply so that every citizen has equal chance for normal development.

In conclusion, although each side has its own advantages, I raise my voice to the opinion that it is better for children to learn the science of food and how to prepare it. Personally, I think this will help us protect ourselves and solve global problems.
studyingabroad   
Oct 22, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Able to make film for everyone. Positive or Negative? [5]

You should add a personal linking word such as From my perspective, From my point of view... because it will make your introduction clearer and task-responding. An introduction paragraph should include 2-3 sentences: hooked sentence, paraphrase and thesis statement (show your opinion), don't write in such an ambiguous way.

The last sentence in body 2 seems to lack a linking word so it is not coherent.
You should add a final comment in the conclusion.
studyingabroad   
Oct 22, 2020
Writing Feedback / A large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Pros and cons? [4]

The first suggestion is you should notice to the punctuation in compound sentence. For example, in the first sentence, do not use a comma after "that".

Second, "...make society..." should be "making"
Next, "For example, the percentage of young adults ..." seems illogical when working oversea is not a negative trend, those who work oversea make great contributions to the economic development. So why did you say that they are unemployed?

"Besides" seems an improper linking word.
You should vary your grammar range, using more passive voice (not too much), inversion, comparative structure, so on.
These are personal opinions^^
studyingabroad   
Oct 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / Printed newspapers in the future can be replaced [3]

some suggestions to change:
- the paraphrased sentence seems not clear, you should add something like "... for free through media mass" to alter the word "online".
- please consider about your grammar before summit, there are a few errors in this essay. Btw, you should no use (...)
- you should add linking words and reorder ideas to boost your coherence.
studyingabroad   
Oct 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / DISCUSS: WHICH IS BETTER, DISTANCE LEARNING OR TRADITIONAL CLASSROOM? [4]

@Holt
Could you kindly show me some of my mistakes in lexis, and suggest some ideas for my conclusion? Because my teacher taught me to put my personal opinion in the conclusion and not mention about it in the left part of the essay.
studyingabroad   
Oct 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / DISCUSS: WHICH IS BETTER, DISTANCE LEARNING OR TRADITIONAL CLASSROOM? [4]

Topic: Some students like to take distance-learning course by computer. Other students prefer to study in traditional classroom settings with a teacher. Discuss advantages of both opinions, and state your opinion about how students should organize their schedules.

Distance or traditional education?



Answer:

Some of students nowadays advocate the distance-learning courses due to the benefits that development of technology brings about while others remain skeptical about this trend and still raise their strong voice to the traditional teaching method which involves in teachers and classroom. This essay will discuss the merits of both arguments and point out my personal view about the way of putting a balance among children's daily activities.

On the one hand, students will reap great benefits when choosing distance education. Firstly, online courses often differ in a wide range of majors and sorts of degree from educational instituitions all over the globe. Besides, they also provide learners with a plenty of time slots so that we can fit our study around the work and home life. Consequently, this modern method brings about convenience and flexibility to us. Secondly, online learning facilitates us to participate whenever and wherever without moving. As a result, it does cost less time and money in movement.

On the other hand, traditional classroom is deemed unalternative for most of students. First and foremost, many of them consider conventional form of class a more efficient way of learning and improving social skills. For people who learn better through cooperative activities and group work, the possibility of asking questions and receiving immediate answers is important. Another advantage of traditional classroom learning is that it provides students with a fixed schedule and specific periods dedicated exclusively to learning. Most adults immerse in the fast-paced lives these days, whether they have a demanding job or children in school. Thus, going to school appears to be indispenable for children.

In conclusion, considering aforementioned reasons, it is belived that each approach offers certain merits for students. Personally, I suppose that learners should combine all of them; for example, they can take part in extra online classes after school time or at weekends in case of preparing for important exams. Having proper schedule will utterly boost their learning productivity.

(327 words)
studyingabroad   
Oct 14, 2020
Writing Feedback / College is not the only way to success (No word limit) [3]

some personal suggestions to change:
- please write "...going to university or college...." for clearer sentence.
- what does "purchase" mean in this context? Please notice to your language use.
- the 1st body paragraph has no topic sentence. I recommend you should change the order of sentence 1 and 2.
- In conclusion paragraph, "have" should be "has" and "their" should be "its". Avoid letting your last paragraph be too short, shoud from 2 to 3 sentences
the rest of your essay seems quite solid.
studyingabroad   
Oct 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / WHETHER WHAT CHILDREN WATCH ON TV OR THE AMOUNT OF TIME SPENDING ON IT CAN AFFECT THE BAHAVIOR [3]

Topic:
Some people say that what children watch influence their behavior. Others believe that the amount of time they spend on TV influences their behavior most.


Discuss and give your own opinion.



Answer:
The television has been utterly affecting children's mindset. While some people argue that watching TV programmes play a crucial part in forming their behavior, others raise their strong voice for the viewpoint that how chidren behave greatly depends on how much time they set aside. This essay will discuss both opinion and point out my personal perspective about this problem.

On the one hand, there are a number of supportive ideas for the fact that children's behaviors are extremely influenced by following TV. One of the most reasons is that TV coverages abound in a plenty of shocking news and violent images, and children are likely to remember and store those features they get exposed to. Furthermore, young generation appear to be naive and uncontrollable. Therefore, if they are not under the control of adults, they will give an imitation of either good or bad actions shown on TV and repeat them more than once. As the result, parent's strict supervision on types of TV shows should be provided with the young in order to push negative elements out of their minds.

On the other hand, it is irrefutable that the behaviour changes will happen for the kids by the significant amount they spend on the mass media. By watching a certain period of time in a day, kids will amuse to watch continuously due to the curiosity about entertaining sources. Day by day, not only will those contents be gradually instilled in every child's self-perception but also drive them to the imitation of such activities. Additionally, they will be in that virtual world only since they have been observing them for so many days. That the plausible outcomes deprives from the large amount of time spending on TV is widely recognised.

In conclusion, having considered all aforementioned reasons of both sides, I concede that all of them have influence on children to some certain extents. In order to take use of TV's sources, adults should have proper adjustments in what children watch and how much time they take to use.
studyingabroad   
Oct 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Release auto-driving vehicles. Advantage or Disavantage? [7]

So the problem i could see is the length of your essay. You should not let each paragraph too short and put something like: "this essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of this issue" in introduction. The left seems to be very solid.
studyingabroad   
Sep 30, 2020
Writing Feedback / SPORT CHAMPIONS ARE COMMERCIALIZED THESE DAYS [2]

Sport is a big business and today



Topic: In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves? Write an essay within 300 words on the topic above.

Answer:
Having throwback to the bygone days, it could be seen that sports competitions aimed to enhance sportsmanship and set a new world record rather than rewarding prizes and self-reputation. This essay will present the influence of this phenomenon on the young generation as well as the whole world of sports.

To commence with, sports matches had been special occasions on which athletes put enormous efforts to taste victory and reach a gold medal. Thus they were deemed ideal models of constancy and non-stop trying among teenagers. For instance, sportsmanship not only brightened up children who are disabled or suffering from serious mental problems but motivated them to make their dreams come true as well.

Contrary to these days, people invariably take notice of a great amount of money that winners and runner-ups reward after a sports league. As a result, their luxurious and flashy lives are increasingly becoming the hottest and most controversial titles in the newspaper every day. Apparently, the original value of sports champions is gradually obliterated in people's mindset.

Moreover, the sports industry is being commercialized as the result of paying much higher salaries and satisfying demands for sports stars. Firstly, in order to have enough expenditure to afford normal activities, organizers have to boost their profit by forming leagues. Consequently, that ticket price is utterly increased and more and more commercial advertisements are added during the intervals of matches becomes usual. Therefore, it will lose audiences' interest in sports and make them under the misapprehension that enjoying sports is solely for the wealthy class. Also, we are accustomed to transference contracts related to athletes between influential clubs all over the world. Hence, players are getting more competitive and dominant rather than devoting the best performance for audiences so that they can achieve certain fame and merits.

In conclusion, sport commercialization leads to a bad outcome for both young people and sports themselves. It particularly worsens the figure of athletes and causes detrimental effects to this entertainment industry in the long term.
studyingabroad   
Sep 30, 2020
Writing Feedback / Task 2 ielts - Many countries nowaday have population with more young people than old people [6]

I think you should consider carefully about template of each type of ielts essay, task response and avoiding translating from your own language into English word by word. More importantly, take notice to your grammar because it seems that you dont have basic grammar background, so I firmly recommend that you should learn from basic to advanced level. Keep going!!
studyingabroad   
Aug 28, 2020
Writing Feedback / Task 2: International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their [2]

In general:
- the best structure of an essay includes 1 introduction paragraph, 2-3 bodies and 1 conclusion. In body part, you should outline 2 main points and analyze them clearly and deeply.

- You should consider grammar range first, a lot of grammar mistakes, you can use Grammarly app to improve.
- should use complex sentences not recommend simple sentences.
- avoid using "..."
studyingabroad   
Aug 28, 2020
Writing Feedback / Data regarding population structure by age and gender riding bicycles in a particular town in 2011 [3]

the population by age groups who rode bicycles



Answer:
The given chart presents data regarding population structure by age and gender riding bicycles in a particular town in 2011.

Overall, the 0-9 group made up the largest proportion while those in middle-aged became the least to take part in this activity. The major percentage in the male section was approximately as high as one in females.

Concerning females, children under 10 years old accounted for 51.4 percent. The second rank was the juvenile group, with the rate 42.2 percent and then the proportion of cyclists reaching adulthood was 17.1 percent. Also, 18.5 percent is the portion for the senior class. The left number of people under 60 years old was the lowest, accounting for more than one-tenth in total.

Among males, the percentage of boys younger than 10 years old was slightly lower than girls at the same age and reached about 50.3 percent. Next, the teenagers from 10-17 years old attain the same rank as its counterpart but just under a quarter of this sex cycled in this age while it was nearly half of girls who engaged in this outdoor activity. When it came to the older group, it could be seen that adults were not active in cycling, at about 9.7 percent. Similar to women at the same age, 40-59-year-old group was deemed the lowest proportion, with 8 percent; besides, seniors achieved only 13.2 percent respectively.




Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳