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Posts by thanhtrung97
Name: Nguyen Thanh Trung
Joined: Oct 22, 2020
Last Post: Nov 24, 2020
Threads: 5
Posts: 11  
Likes: 3
From: Viet Nam
School: University of Medicine, HCM city

Displayed posts: 16
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thanhtrung97   
Nov 24, 2020
Writing Feedback / WT2-RETIREMENT AGE. SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT? [2]

Q: Some people believe working adults should be required to retire at a certain age, while others say people should be able to work as long as they want to.

Discuss both views and give your opinion



A:
There has been an argument with regards to the age that working adults should retire. While some believe people should work as long as they wish to, I think the government should set a specific retirement age for working adults.

There are 2 main reasons why some people support no certain retired age. Firstly, since workers think they are still capable of contributing to the job, there is no obstacle to curb them from keeping doing what they love. For example, if a seventy-year-old man is still in good health condition and has a passion for work, he can even work more effectively due to his vast experiences in his field. Secondly, by rescinding the retired age in policy, disadvantaged persons can have more time to work and prevent not to plunge into financial crisis. In fact, in a poor family with many children, parents need to work longer and harder in order to raise their kids until they can become an independent person.

Besides, there are more compelling reasons to require working adults to retire at a certain age. One of the reasons is, by requiring people to retire at the same age, either a rich person or poor person, to achieve equality and a balance in society. For instance, if we all have retirement at 60 without counting other factors, such as illness or disability, no one would ever bemoan about privileges that any group of people has to retire sooner and contribute less. The second reason is to help people prepare their life after retirement better. The worker knows exactly when they will be off from work and can plan to enjoy the rest of their life by traveling, for example.

In conclusion, despite a debate in terms of the age of retirement, I support the government to set a particular age for working adults to be free from work and have a better time to enjoy the rest of their life.
thanhtrung97   
Nov 21, 2020
Writing Feedback / WT2-Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument [3]

AGREE OR DISAGREE?



There has been a debate about teaching children to play a musical instrument in school among people. In my opinion, I strongly agree with considering this subject in every school curriculum.

There are many benefits that music can bring to children's social life. Firstly, By gathering and teaching kids to use instruments and perform their favorite songs in groups, new relationships can be established among students while enjoying the class. In fact, many renowned pianists and violinists have become best friends when they found each other in music class in primary school. Secondly, due to profound meanings implied in each music masterpiece, children can gain the ability to sympathy with people's emotions. For example, many psychologic studies found children who expose music soon in their life is easier to recognize their parents upset and find a way to mitigate that feeling.

Besides, playing a musical instrument can boost children's study results and future careers. While learning to perform a song, students can recover and have fun with their friends after being stressed with books, thus enhance their endurance and creativity in studying. In some researches, groups of children who can use instruments, especially ones who have their instruments at home, almost have a better score compared to ones who are not. Teachers may discover children's talent while teaching them music. Because being talented at music is usually an innate ability, the sooner the talent is unveiled, the better the future for one is.

In conclusion, all children should expose to a musical instrument as soon as possible in school to build a good personality and get a better education.
thanhtrung97   
Nov 21, 2020
Writing Feedback / Society's appreciation and attention to teachers [5]

You seem to explain your opinion immediately in the introduction --> should only use 2 sentences for the intro-one for general statement, and one for your opinion without any explanation.

Besides, your conclusion section should be balanced with the intro!
thanhtrung97   
Nov 21, 2020
Writing Feedback / Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another [3]

The introduction section is too long. It should only contain 2 sentences, one for a general statement in which you paraphrase the question, and one for your opinion.

The conclusion should be balanced with the introduction. Your first body is not balanced too, I do not see any support from your last 2 sentences of your first body.

"Sadly" --> informal! --> Use "Unfortunately"
Do not use "..." with "such as" --> remove "..."
thanhtrung97   
Nov 9, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: The growing amounts of sugar-based drink consumption. Reasons and Solutions? [4]

Q:

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks.


What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?
A:
In recent decades, there have been a growing amount of consumed sugar-based drinks in many countries. Although this trend could cause negative effects on customer's health, the government and healthcare workers can solve this habitual and health problem in some particular ways.

There are many reasons leading to that trend. First, since the media and advertising influence a lot on our decision of choosing a type of beverage, giant companies of drinks can rely on that psychological effect to drive young people using their products without any attention to their health. In fact, in most advertisements of Monster energy drinks appearing on media every day, they only provide immediate effects on our brain to keep us awake and feel energized, but they do not mention about long-term negative effects on our cardiovascular system proven in many studies. Second, due to the availability, low price of sugar-contained drinks, people easily afford one whenever they are thirsty. For example, after participating in a football match under hot weather, players can have some Redbul energy drinks sold in a store next to their playing field to satisfy their thirst and also pump up their energy.

On the other hand, there are also many solutions to curb consuming this type of drink. Healthcare providers and government can work together to educate people about the effect of sugar-based drinks through media. For instance, an online campaign about reducing consumption of sparking drinks lead by the Malaysian government has succeeded when the average amount of drinks used every day has dropped dramatically in the first stage of the campaign. Besides, an alternative and healthier drink, such as lemon juice, always in our bag can be a solution. This helps us to use our prepared drink and save our money by not buying anything.

In conclusion, sugar-based drinks consumption should be decreased by the effort of both individuals and the government. The companies in the beverage industry also need to be aware of their products and process with the consultation of scientists in the medical field.

Thank you for your support!
thanhtrung97   
Nov 9, 2020
Writing Feedback / It is argued that knowledge should be spread publicly amongst the academic world [7]

I think it's better to show equal discussions for each body. For example, in body 1, you provide 2 support sentences ("firstly,..." and "secondly,...") along with examples but you do not in body 2.

You should build a complex sentence for your support sentence ("firstly,..."), instead of spreading 3 sentences for just 1 idea.
thanhtrung97   
Oct 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / Some people argue that spoken communication has more influence than written communication (IELTS 2) [3]

Q:

Spoken communication is more powerful than written communication. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


A:
Some people argue that spoken communication has more influence than written communication in terms of delivering information. In my opinion, I agree with this standpoint.

There are many advantages when applying spoken communication. Since speaking does not require any material to be performed, the speaker could deliver his or her ideas immediately and directly to a listener. For example, during an emergency operation, the main surgeon must transmit his solution for the case by talking to others in his team, not by writing, so that they could know how to manage this urgent circumstance synchronically. Besides that, by speaking face-to-face, the speaker not only delivers information but also includes the speaker's emotion appearing on his or her face and through body language. Therefore, a speech would be more inspirational and would touch the heart of the audience. In every election campaign, the presidential candidate always has a motivational speech among a crow in order to persuade them to vote for him or her.

In addition, written communication has many disadvantages. Firstly, in terms of security, if the content could not be well-protected, it would be stolen and leaves the owner in a plight of losing the competition. For instance, if Coca-Cola's secret recipe for making its drink is leaked on the internet, all company's rivals would take advantage of that release to depose Coca-Cola in the sparking drink market. Secondly, written communication requires more writing skills and carefulness to fully express the author's opinion, otherwise, readers could misunderstand. For instance, this sentence "most of the time, travelers sleep in their car" could be totally changed in meaning when missing the comma, which becomes "most of the time travelers sleep in their car".

In conclusion, speaking is a better manner than writing in communication among people.
thanhtrung97   
Oct 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / Important information should be shared freely. Yes or no? [3]

In the introduction section, using "I will try my best" is quite odd for this task, and the examiner would not care about that.
For your question, you should reduce word count to 250-300 words only. In order to do that, I suggest you to create complex sentences more (in 2 bodies) and only 2 sentences in the intro (one for general statement and one for your opinion/what you are going to do.)
thanhtrung97   
Oct 22, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Able to make film for everyone. Positive or Negative? [5]

Thank you for taking the time to read my essay.
In the introduction section, I use "although" to express my opinion in the latter clause within the same sentence. Perhaps words are not strong enough to hold my opinion?

In body 2, I agree with you. Should I reuse "For instance" in this context?
In the conclusion section, yes, I agree!
thanhtrung97   
Oct 22, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Able to make film for everyone. Positive or Negative? [5]

Q:

Films were produced by big companies in the past, but today people are able to make a film

.
Do you think this trend is positive or negative?


A:
In recent decades, there has been a growing trend in the number of films made by ordinary people. Although films produced by giant companies usually get a large investment and high quality, the ability to make a film for amateurs could carry a positive impact on the film industry.

There are many great opportunities for a non-professional filmmaker. Firstly, when recording footage does not require a high budget, anyone could easily produce a film that is to convey their idea to audiences. For example, with the expansion and popularity of online video broadcasting platform, there is a myriad of daily uploaded video in which the creators perform their creativity in various ways, such as vlog and experiment. Secondly, if the creator's production becomes well-known globally and reaches the attention of big film companies, which could enhance their career or even turn their life into a new chapter. For example, a film named Paranormal Activity was made by an amateur within an extremely low budget and this film became a box office phenomenon which then attracted large investments from many big companies to make its spin-off series.

In addition, this trend could be generally good for the audience. Since there are films from various concepts, audiences like us could have many options to choose ones that suit our taste. For instance, even if an audience's taste is comedy, horror, or action film, YouTube always provides or recommends videos containing relevant content for its audience. By easily delivering the idea of the creator's trouble solution into a film, some audiences may find an escape when they are in the same trouble. In an online interview with a 23-year-old depression patient, she felt relieved after she watched a video that her mother gave, and finally that video brings joy back to her life.

In conclusion, allowing a normal person to make a film will bring a positive influence on film industry in many aspects.