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Posts by tuyentruong
Name: TRƯƠNG CÔNG CHÍNH
Joined: Dec 15, 2020
Last Post: Jan 2, 2021
Threads: 5
Posts: 9  
From: Vietnam

Displayed posts: 14
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tuyentruong   
Jan 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / The dilemma of whether to continue further education or to apply for a livelihood instantaneously [2]

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT STUDYING AT UNIVERSITY OR COLLEGE IS THE BEST ROUTE TO A SUCCESSFUL CAREER, WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT IS BETTER TO GET A JOB STRAIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.

DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.



Youngsters sometimes face the dilemma of whether to continue their education or to apply for a livelihood instantaneously after finishing school. Whereas some individuals consider the latter to be more advantageous, I think the former is significantly more beneficial.

The idea of acquiring an occupation straight away seems alluring to young people owing to numerous reasons. With a career, teenagers are able to earn money monthly, and thus, they can afford to purchase things they like without having to consult with their parents first. Furthermore, these youngsters may progress more speedily compared to those who continue their studies. They may gain practical experience as well as invaluable knowledge related to their fields of work. This will inevitably result in either their promotion or a successful occupation.

Having said that, however, I decidedly believe that enrolling in a higher course at college or university to acquire a respectable qualification is more beneficial. In this age and day, an academic qualification from a renowned institution means better career opportunities or higher salaries. Moreover, a considerable number of professions such as pilots, doctors, and teachers, only recruit those who have undergone special training and learning for a compulsory length of time. Additionally, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive and there are hundreds of applicants for a sole position. Consequently, those without a university degree will be unable to compete.

In conclusion, from my perspective, youngsters are more likely to succeed in life if they continue studying beyond school level rather than applying for a career instantly.

THANKS FOR YOUR READING AND OPINIONS IN ADVANCE.
tuyentruong   
Jan 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2, TOPIC: IMPACT OF PRIVATE CARS AND SOLUTIONS [5]

Hello,
The topic requires you to 1) describe the problem of using private cars too much and 2) the solutions to address the problem. Thus, I think you should do the body of the essay in just 2 paragraphs only. Additionally, your essay also lacks relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Your solutions in the fourth paragraph are so general, you need to provide clearer and more logical solutions. For example, you wrote, "However, the main role relies on each individual, people need ..." So how can these people acknowledge the problem and realize that their actions can create changes? Also, you can add a few examples of how a simple action can make big improvements to the environment.

That's all from me. Hope your next essay will be successful.
tuyentruong   
Jan 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / Children nowadays watch more television, which reduces their ectivity levels? Reason? Measures? [3]

Hello,
I think using the adverb " However" at the beginning of the third paragraph is a bit inappropriate. "However" is used to indicates that the relationship between the two independent clauses is one of contrast or opposition and in your paragraph, I don't see any contrasting idea. Additionally, there a few errors associated with your grammar:

In the second paragraph:
- "... fall victim of TO a live telecast ...." ( This is a phrasal verb: "fall victim to something" so you can't just use it wrongly.)

-"...and were limited with TO several programs, ..." ( You should use "limit to an amount or a number of things" instead of "limit with".)

In the third paragraph:
-"...encouraging their teenagers participating TO PARTICIPATE in ..." ( This is also a phrasal verb " encourage sb to do sth")
-..." being addicted to the electronic media but..."( You don't have to use an article before" electronic media")
- "... to achieve an outstanding performance in outdoor activities." ( In this sentence, the word" performance" means the act of doing sth, which makes it an uncountable noun so no need to add an article before it.)

That's all from me. I hope your next essay will be successful.
tuyentruong   
Dec 31, 2020
Writing Feedback / Psychologists assert that color has a significant impact on individuals' mood [2]

WRITING IELTS TASK 2:

PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE KNOWN FOR MANY YEARS THAT COLOR CAN AFFECT HOW PEOPLE FEEL.


FOR THIS REASON, ATTENTION SHOULD BE GIVEN TO COLOR SCHEMES WHEN DECORATING PLACES SUCH AS OFFICES AND HOSPITALS.

HOW TRUE IS THIS STATEMENT?
HOW FAR DOES COLOR INFLUENCE PEOPLE'S HEALTH AND CAPACITY FOR WORK?


Psychologists assert that color has a significant impact on individuals' mood and they, therefore, believe that buildings should be coated with the most appropriate color schemes. In my opinion, the statement is completely true and this essay will focus on the influence color has on people's capacity for work and well-being.

First and foremost, employers have been aware since time immemorial that color can have a direct connection with the success of their business. The general belief is that office workers may be unable to concentrate on their work if the office room is decorated with bright colors or eye-catchy patterns. However, in numerous workplaces, bold colors are necessary to help individuals to be more creative and effective in work. For example, my classroom is purposely painted entirely in yellow to help students come up with abundant novel and original ideas or plans.

Secondly, whereas in workplaces, colors can affect the business's output, in hospitals, they have a vital effect on patients' well-being. In hospital wards, bright colors are beyond all dispute less welcome for anyone who is recovering from operations as well as illnesses. Relaxing shades such as pastel colors are used instead to create a serene and relaxing atmosphere that will help patients regain strength speedily. Having said that, a children ward is the opposite as youngsters are more energetic and imaginative compared with adults. Therefore, decorating these wards' walls with bold colors and colorful posters will inevitably produce desirable results.

In conclusion, there is a direct link between colors and individuals' moods as far as I'm concerned. Thus, designers should make an effort to utilize the most suitable color scheme that will help the occupants of the room make the most out of their surroundings.

THANKS FOR YOUR READING AND OPINIONS IN ADVANCE.
tuyentruong   
Dec 31, 2020
Writing Feedback / Spending money promoting a healthy lifestyle, or on the treatment of people who are already ill? [4]

Hello,
@DoctorWho has commented carefully on the content of your essay and I completely agree with @DoctorWho. Still, I would like to point out a few mistakes that you have made associated with your grammar. These errors can lower your score so I recommend paying more attention to your writing. You should spend at least 5-10 minutes to check your grammar and your vocabulary after you have finished an essay. This will help you to have a more wonderful and error-free essay.

In the second paragraph:
- "...people to be treat TREATED by the budget..." ( You should use the passive voice here.)

- "The first reason, IN many income-low LOW-INCOME countries,...( In English, an adj always comes before a noun, if it comes behind, then there must be a verb between the adj and the noun, eg: income is low)

- ... entire time on earning money..." ( There's no need for an adj here because this is a phrasal verb: spend time doing sth)

( I think your idea: in poor countries, individuals spend their entire time earning money is not quite logical. You can change that sentence to " The first reason is that some individuals these days spend most of their time ... countries, especially in low-income ones)

- Another reason, a heathy HEALTHY style ... or confortable COMFORTABLE mental heath HEALTHY...( You have misspelled some of your vocabularies here.)

- On contrast ON THE CONTRARY/ BY CONTRAST/ IN CONTRAST, if a surgery is succeedS, it will ... ( There is no " on contrast" in the dictionary. Surgery is an uncountable noun so you shouldn't have put an article before it. Additionally, the word "succeed" is already a verb so no need for a verb "to be"

In the third paragraph:
- "... industry is divided INTO 2 branches..." ( You should use an adj here: divide into sth)
- "... nothing is possible to replace." ( Possible to replace what?)
That's all from me. I hope you will be more careful with your grammar and spelling.
Hope your next essay will be successful.
tuyentruong   
Dec 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / Many teenagers nowadays enjoy communicating through social networks rather than talking face-to-face [4]

Dear @ TheCard,
When Holt gave feedback on one of my essays, Holt said that additional information that the topic doesn't require you to discuss will not be included in the word count. For example, if I write a 300-word essay but I have used 100 words to discuss something that the topic doesn't mention, then my essay is under the word count because it will only have 200 words. This will lower my score because there is a penalty for being under the word count.

But you can ask Holt for sure the next time he gives feedback on your work. I am just a student ( not an IELTS examiner) so I don't know much about the grading system. In my opinion, though, it is best to focus only on the points given by the topic. Anyway, your question is great. It gives me a pause for thought.

I hope your next essay will be successful!
tuyentruong   
Dec 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / It is commonly said that youngsters obesity is becoming a dire problem for numerous world's nations [2]

Writing IELTS Task 2:

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries.


Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.


It is commonly said that obesity in youngsters is increasing becoming a dire problem for numerous nations around the globe. This essay will discuss the main causes of this disease, the severe effects it can bring about, and ultimately, the measures that can be taken to address this problem.

Childhood obesity is attributable to an abundance of factors. One of the main contributors is the inordinate consumption of sugar-containing treats and junk food such as cheeseburgers, hot dogs, and pizzas. Drinking sugary soft drinks also leads to this disease. Furthermore, with the advances in technology in this day and age, adolescents prefer playing computer games or surfing the Internet to doing sports and outdoor activities. This lack of exercise can inevitably contribute to the obesity problem.

The results associated with childhood obesity are abundant and noteworthy. For instance, obese children are at a high risk of getting not only cardiovascular diseases but also cancer or diabetes. Moreover, these youngsters can be susceptible to minor illnesses since they are overweight and unfit. All these troublesome problems will, beyond all dispute, put a strain on hospitals in the foreseeable future.

Due to the many risks caused by obesity, solutions must therefore be come up to tackle the problem. Firstly, it is vital that parents, schools, and governments educate young individuals about this disease. Secondly, the adults should ensure that their children have a healthy diet and the government should limit junk and unhealthy food advertising. Finally, putting restrictions on the time they spend on computers and encouraging them to take regular exercise are also exceptional measures.

In conclusion, despite the severity of obesity, this disease is not impossible to deal with. By analyzing the causes of obesity, optimal solutions can be thought up to keep the problem at bay.

Thanks for your reading and opinions in advance.
tuyentruong   
Dec 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / When people succeed, it is not only because of hard working but also luck. [6]

Hello,
I think your third idea ( the one about the lucky opportunity) is not convincing, particularly because of your example. You said that it is luck that your father gets promoted in his department but I think it is his competence or his ability to be a leader that turns him into a manager. Luck is only temporary and the head of the department would promote someone who he thinks is capable of managing a whole company( even when that employee doesn't know if he is capable of doing so) instead of a lucky person. Thus, I think you should change your third idea into something else.

The rest of the essay is, in my opinion, logical and relevant to the topic but here are a few errors associated with your vocabulary and grammar that can cause you to lose points.

In the first paragraph,
"... that hard working is..." Hard working is an adj and in this sentence, you have to use a noun so use the word "hard word" instead.

"... can make people succeed SUCCESSFUL..." ( Make sb + adj, ex: it makes me angry...)

In the second paragraph,
"For expample EXAMPLE, ... was born in INTO a rich family..."( Born into is a phrasal verb)
"... but lack of finance FINANCIAL support..." ( You must use an adj before a noun in this sentence.)
"... having a nice backround BACKGROUND is a luck that...( Luck is an uncountable noun so you should use a lucky thing or a stroke of luck instead.)

That's all from me.
tuyentruong   
Dec 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / Many teenagers nowadays enjoy communicating through social networks rather than talking face-to-face [4]

Hello,
Please keep in mind that the IELTS WRITING TASK 2 requires at least 250 words and that you have only 40 minutes to complete this task. In that length of time, you have to not only think up relevant ideas, but also how to arrange them logically, and then write a whole essay. Thus, in my opinion, it is best to write from 260-290 words. ( Your essay is 509 WORDS!!)

The topic requires you to discuss 2 things: why many teenagers these days prefer socializing online to meeting one another in personand the solutions encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person.

In your essay, you have forgotten to discuss the first points. This will greatly lower your score. And it is unnecessary to discuss the harmful effect of socializing online because the topic simply doesn't require you to do so. Instead of writing 2 lengthy paragraphs explain why socializing online is harmful, you should spend more time focusing on the 2 points the topic requires you to discuss.
tuyentruong   
Dec 19, 2020
Writing Feedback / Several leisure activities become fashionable ephemerally and disappear when a new trend comes along [3]

IELTS Writing Task II

Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



Several leisure activities become fashionable ephemerally and disappear when a new trend comes along whereas others seem to be perennially popular. Therefore, I can only partly agree with the assertion that well-known hobbies are more a reflection of fashions than true interest.

On the one hand, it is, beyond all dispute, that some recreations are only passing trends. Individuals, especially youngsters, take up these recreations owing to either their current novelty or popularity among their peers. For instance, my younger sibling seems to have a different hobby each month, as he joins in with the latest craze that sweeps through his primary school. For the last year or so, he has been obsessed with Rubik, spinning tops, yo-yo, slime, and puzzles. Similarly, adults' fitness trends change from jogging to doing yoga or going to the gymnasium, and I doubt that these trends' participants will be interested in them in the long term.

On the other hand, several citizens spend their time doing hobbies that are far from trendy. Although some leisure activities such as playing chess, basketball, or football have existed since time immemorial, they are still many people's top-rated pastimes in this day and age. Citizens who take up these interests are inevitably not doing something fashionable or wasting their time on things that they do not like. On the contrary, they are passionate about these recreations because they simply find it absorbing and pleasurable. From my perspective, I would say many people feel the same about reading books, playing sports, and listening to music.

In conclusion, some individuals' recreations change over time to follow the latest hobby trends whereas others do popular leisure activity owing to its exhilarating quality.

Thank you for your reading and opinions in advance.
tuyentruong   
Dec 19, 2020
Writing Feedback / Working in groups proves to be more efficient than working individually [4]

If this essay is for an IELTS writing task 2, then it must have at least 250 words. Yours has only 200 words so I think you should add more ideas.

But if your essay is for other purposes, I think it is ok to have a 200-word essay but here are a few mistakes associated with your grammar that can cause you to lose points.

In the first para,
- ... skills that are relateD to ( You should use an adj here instead of a verb)
- ... how you become successfully ... ( You must use an adj here too, instead of an adverb)
In the second para,
-As a result, working together's workload is ... ( I think this sentence is a bit confusing. You can change it to: Working procedure will be shortened and the workload will be much lighter when people cooperate together to do the job.)

In the third para,
- In addition, working in A group ( you miss an article before a singular noun here) is not only sparing in time..( sparing in time is a bit strange to me, why don't you use time-saving instead.)

In the last para,
- In conclusion, working on in groups proves ...( Working on groups is incorrect.)
Overall, I think your essay is too cursory. This may cause you to get an unwanted score in school exams or other tests.
tuyentruong   
Dec 18, 2020
Student Talk / How to enhance my English? [52]

If you're at the beginner level, watching movies or podcasts in English will not help much because you wouldn't have enough vocabulary to understand them.( I tried it 4 years ago with no progress made). It is better to have someone like a teacher or a friend who is really good at English to help you. You can ask them which type of English book is suitable for your age, hobby, or your level. ( There are a variety of books on the Internet so it can be confusing to know what is best for you). But I would recommend Cambridge and Oxford books. They have books for learners at beginner, intermediate, and advanced levels and these are well-respected and famous organizations so you don't have to worry about their reliability.

That's all from me. I wish you good luck with your learning.
tuyentruong   
Dec 18, 2020
Writing Feedback / Opinion on using social media networks at offices. [5]

Hello,
Your essay is great but there are a few errors associated with your grammar.
In the first paragraph:
- "In fact, this helps workerS to pay attention highly on TO their duties."
- "Supervisors and managers are worry that....."
- "... hours in THE working environment..."
In the second paragraph:
- "... but blocking accesses to those websites ..."
- " Due to the development of THE internet and social media networking, it't IT couldn't be deny
DENIED
- "... business man BUSSINESSMEN to explore..."
- "... advantages of social medias providing ..."
- "... and reviews appears just by..."
In the last paragraph:
- "... forbid their employees on FROM ..."
- "In conclusion, ... is seen as a better way not only helping ... spirit. TO HELP INCREASE NOT ONLY REVENUE BUT ALSO WORKING SPIRIT.

That's all from me. I hope you will check your grammar more carefully next time. Bye.
tuyentruong   
Dec 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS PART 2: MOST COUNTRIES HAVE TRADITIONAL CELBRATIONS THAT OCCUR ANNUALLY... [2]

Most countries have traditional celebrations that occur annually.

In your opinion, what benefits do these celebrations have for societies?



Tradition is a belief, behavior, and custom inherited from the past, which either has symbolic meanings or significant importance to society. Therefore, a great deal of traditional events is celebrated annually around the globe. However, the more modern our world becomes, the more these special festivals degenerated. This problem can obliterate the many benefits traditional celebrations have brought about to one's society.

Celebrations of culture provide individuals a sense of identity. They not only answer the question of citizens' origins but they also remind citizens of what or who have shaped their lives. The people in my country, Vietnam, for instance, take great importance in celebrating the Hung King Temple festival. In this special event, everyone will commemorate Hung Kings-the founder of the Vietnam nation and after that, getting involved in a diversity of folk games such as bamboo swing, rice cooking competitions, or lion dance. Vietnamese people are reminded that owing to Hung Kings' efforts and labors, they are able to lead a well-of life in this day and age.

Another sizeable value of cultural celebrations is that they educate us on things like freedom and benevolence, and help us pass on our cultural or religious history. In this aspect, Vietnamese people have Giong Festival, which is to commemorate Saint Giong, one of the four Vietnamese immortals. This event helps us remember the heroin battle of Saint Giong and his people, Van Lang, against foreign enemies in order to protect Vietnamese's freedom and rights.

To summarize, no matter how diverse traditional celebrations are, they all serve the same purpose: being the underpinning of one's society. Thus, disregarding them can bring about severe problems and disadvantages.

Thanks for your reading and opinions in advance
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