Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 ABOUT COMMUNITY WORK [2]

Prompt:
Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time.
This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It appears to some people that it should be made obligatory for adolescents to partake in public-oriented activities, while others declare their disapproval of the idea. From a personal standpoint, I am partly in favour of this.

On the one hand, it is irrefutable that students involved in those voluntary work are capable of deriving some significant benefits at first hand. Firstly, these are occasions that students are destined for experience and knowledge accumulation. Namely, on going to sanatoriums to visit elders, they get a chance to receive some know-how tutorials about diaper renewal or cooking. Moreover, these are also considered to be wholesome recreational activities which both efficaciously help participants to get their second wind after successive stressful schooldays and concurrently equip them with necessary skills that are not included in mainstream education. Culturally viewing, these works are also communally well-intentioned. For example, on commissioning teenagers to clean up their neighbourhood, not only can they learn about trash classification, but also the betterment of environment status is brought about.

Nevertheless, social services can be time-consuming and energy-draining; thus, teenagers might be sidetracked from schoolwork. Additionally, teenagers from impoverished households or disadvantaged communities have bigger priorities such as to support their family income and their living conditions rather than committing to voluntary work. Requesting community services as a must for teenagers is a double-edged sword. When teenagers do community work voluntarily, their actions stem from pure intentions, and the most rewarding thing for them is the pleasure of creating values for others and the pride of displaying their independence and hidden abilities. Whereas when teenagers do community work under compulsion, the simple joy has dissipated, the obligatory so-called "social work" has become less appealing and a burden to some.

The bottom line of the argument is that the benefit of unpaid community work is dependent on the individual. Community work brings precious opportunities for teenagers to work and give back but requires responsibility and effort.

Writing Feedback / The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. [2]

Tittle :
The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit.

What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?

Smoking has become omnipresent these days. Yet the harm of this behaviour is unpredictable as well as uncontrollable, it is not hard to find people smoking in public places. This problem is largely attributed to these following reasons.

The main reason the leads people to using cigarettes is social pressure. Some people started smoking since they were teenagers just because they are scared to be "the others" and isolated, so they do it to fit in the group. Furthermore, cigars contain poisonous chemicals that bring addiction to who smoke and make giving it up beyond the bounds

The next one to be named in this blacklist is "low price". Since being put on the map, cigarettes have been made cheaper than ever. Subsequently, consumers get more and more accessible to smoking. In any convenient store, it might not be be hard to see a plenty of kind of cigarettes, being on sale with the price under 5 dollars - a tiny number to any employed grown-ups.

From the aforementioned factors ,we can make significant improvements to put paid to this lamentable reality. Noticeably, the first thing to do appears to be putting up a higher price. This help lowering the accessibility to cigarettes and will indubitably play a crucial role in reducing the number of consumers . Moreover, more rehabs should be put into use in order to give people hoping to quit smoking a hand. Laws about being charged of smoking in public should also be brought in advance to deter people from it.

To cut the long story short, it is evidentially obvious that there are innumerable reasons for people keeping smoking in public and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem. It is not enough to provide information only about health risks and diseases, it is also important to inform people about how harmful this habit can be to the environment

Writing Feedback / Learning through screens are less beneficial than in a classroom with a group of student [2]

Tittle :
Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay :
There are people who claim that learning through screens are less beneficial than in a classroom with a group of students, but there are others who conclude the opposite. To my mind, the statement itself is partly right and also partly wrong.

Having considered all the convenience it brings, it is undeniable that learning online is more beneficial than with peers in a classroom. At school, the students learn together, so they have to do things together. The gifted ones often finish things faster and have to wait for the others. But in online classes, students done with their assignment can leave the meeting sooner. This is a remarkable advantage since many students can save the time they usually waste on waiting for the others to catch up, and presumably spend it on picking up a new language. Furthermore, in these days when the COVID-19 pandemic has not gone yet, learning from home plays a crucial role in lowering in the number of new cases. With this new learning method, schoolers will not have the chance to be down with the disease, as well as being well-informed at the same time.

Nevertheless, online class also has its pitfalls. With the comfort at home, some students are likely to get mind-numbed or fall asleep. At school, these things rarely happen. It is because of the lecturer's surveillance - which learning online lacks.Moreover, it is obvious that social media, games,films and anything available on gadgets hold more attraction to youngsters than lessons. Therefore classes attendees will be easily distracted from what they should never be supposed to. Furthermore, it is the peer pressure in class that makes student more likely to be indefatigable. When being put in a group of like-minded people, one is more unlikely to have the feeling of doing something alone and have more motivation to keep on their work. This is what creates the difference in performance between students taught online and at school.

To cut the long story short, I believe that even though online classes have their failings, this method is still a promising applicant for education for the next generation. However, to make the most use of the benefits it brings, there are still way many changes need to be made in near future.

Writing Feedback / Percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test [4]

the passing rate of driving test

The graph illustrates the proportion of Asian males and females getting licensed in their driving test between 1980 and 2010.
While the figure for passing rate in driving tests fluctuated over the period surveyed, it is evidentially obvious that women got licensed more than men all the time, and the gap in statistics stabilized at around 20%.

The statistics for females succeeding driving exam has its start at approximately 48% and that of males was 28%. In the next twenty years, the ratio of the two genders went upwards continually and both had their peak at 68% for women and 49% for male.

However, the year 2010 witnessed a small drop in the percentage of women getting drivers license from 68 to only 63 over 100 people surveyed. For male test-takers, the statistics didn't have any remarkable changes since its peak in 2000 and remained at a standstill with 49 over 100 men getting licensed

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 about students being allowed to use their phones in schools [2]

Tittle :
Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Thanks to the overdevelopment of information technology, smartphones have never been as accessible as they are these days. Every grown-up has their phone for work, for getting online, for chatting and so do the children. Since the success of the first phone invented, they have been increasingly seen in schools, used by students. Some people believe that this should be stopped due to the bad effects, but there also others who claim the opposite.

The fact that smartphones are supportive in both learning and teaching is undeniable. In many schools in different countries in the world, students have the permission to use their phones on educational purposes. When the teachers and parents are not around, if the child are struggling their appointment, they could go online for the solutions or even have a tutor who helps them via websites and applications. For the introvert ones, this is a great thing. Because they tend to keep themselves to themselves, they surely find it hard to ask for some help in the middle of the class with lots of students. And that is when phones take its effect. Phones make students independent from teachers since they are able to help themselves within a few minutes on the Internet. Furthermore, when pupils can't catch up in classes, they can go online to find documents and practice tests to improve themselves.

However, every coin has two sides. Although phones are beneficial in education, they also have remarkable pifalls. Students do not only have documents in their gadget, they also have games and social media - what draws their attention away from their class. When teachers and unaware, students can hide their phones in bags and use them to do things at are irrelevant to the lesson ongoing. They might not be caught, but this has a totally detrimental effect on their perfomances. Since they are inattentive to the lecture, when it comes to the important part, they will be completely uninformed and soon be left behind.

In conclusion, to my mind, students having their phone at school is a good thing. The Internet is information-laden and will be every student's best assistant in learning if they use it wisely and appropriately. However, restrictions are also required to make sure they use their gadgets for the right purpose.