Undergraduate / "passionate abut studying" - University of Rochester Supplement (common app) [9]

Here are my responses to the three questions on the UR supplement on the common app.
What do you guys think?

1)What makes the University of Rochester a good fit for you? In answering, identify your sources of information, including any conversations you've had with Rochester faculty, staff, students, or alumni.

All the information I've received, from my guidance counselor and from Regional Director Joe Latimer, has helped me in choosing University of Rochester as a good fit for me. I feel that the Hajim School of Engineering and Applied Science will help me in pursuing my interest in math and science. I intend to major in biomedical engineering, and UR's strong research centered curriculum would greatly benefit me. UR will allow me to focus on my goals but also allows me to explore other subjects and interest. UR has a very diverse student body, and the school's many societies and clubs will enable me to meet and work with all these students and teachers. Rochester's hold many of values I look for in a school and I hope that I can be a part of it's diverse student body.

2)Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

I haven't written an answer yet because i don't know how to word it. But here's what i want to say.. i just don't know the best way to say it.

I'm very passionate about studying, and I'm sure to bring that to University of Rochester. I love to learn new things, and also to teach others things they may not know. I was born in the Dominican Republic (DR), and have spent a lot of my life going back and forth between New York and DR. I can truthfully say I see things differently because of this. I've experienced what life in like here in America as well as over there. Many families suffer great poverty there and for many of them their only chance for better future is their children. My family has always placed a great importance on education, on better oneself and helping others. Things are easier here in America and many of us don't see this and take it for granted. Whenever I go to DR, I remember how fortunate I am and try to help my community. The local schools often holds parties to raise money for those kids that can't afford to buy their school supplies. My family and me always take part in organizing it when possible. I take everything I have learned with gratification and I hope to bring these values to Rochester and it's community, but also to learn new values that I can incorporate into my life.

How would you guys write the second part?
I know some of you will say the way I wrote it is good enough.
But I don't feel it is.

Please and thank you!

Undergraduate / Mom-"things were different when I was your age"; Person with significant influence [10]

Question:Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

Throughout my life, I have realized why my parents have struggled and worked so hard. They came to America ad where couldn't speak English or find good jobs. They have strived to give my sisters and me a chance. My parents have always pushed us to do well in school and anything else that we may do. It was very important to them that we have a good future. My parent's struggles have made me aware that I should never give up. Although life is full of challenges, they can be overcome.

[...]

This is the second essay, same question just a different subject.

Throughout my entire life my mom used the same expression to get me to do work: "Las cosas eran distintas cuando yo tenis tu edad". It means things were different when I was your age, something that always stayed in the back of my mind when I was in school. These words had no meaning to me in my childhood; I always thought she was nagging; yet in reality she was teaching me a vital lesson. When I learned of my mother's childhood and how much harder it was for her. That even getting an education was almost impossible, I knew I would have to take everything given to me and make the best out of it.

[...]

Which one do you think is better?
Do you see any spelling mistakes?
I personally like the second one better, I just feel that it better shows how i feel. But then my english teacher said the first one is better.

I don't know.

P.S. this is for the common application.
P.P.S. THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!

Updated version:
Throughout my entire life my mom used the same expression to get me to do work: "Las cosas eran distintas cuando yo tenia tu edad". It means "things were different when I was your age," something that always stayed in the back of my mind when I was in school. These words had no meaning to me in my childhood; I always thought she was nagging; yet in reality she was teaching me a vital lesson. When I learned of my family's childhood, I realized how much harder it was for them. That even getting an education was almost impossible. I knew I would have to take everything given to me and make the best of it.

It came as a surprise when my parents decided to visit our family in the Dominican Republic, because we did not have the money. I had not seen many of them since I was a young child, too little to remember their faces or names. Once the tickets where bought, it was as if every family story flew of the shadowy closet that my mom kept safe and sound in her memory. As she told me about her childhood and father, I began to dread the idea that my grandfather would not like me, or that I would not like him. I had heard of his personality through my mother. He was strong, tough, and very traditional. He demanded respect and gave severe punishments to those that did not give it. He loved, but seldom showed it. I was not confident. The days were whizzing by and I would be flying miles to see a family I hadn't seen in years, to meet my grandfather for the first time.

As the plane landed, my stomach filled with tiny ants. My mom was crying and I could not help but feel that twine of light flowing from her heart over us. We were here, finally. I searched, hoping that I would somehow recognize someone, but to no gain. Every face was the face of a stranger; I stuck close to my mom as we walked across the exit. We were all nervous. Then a large group began to shout our way, my mom turned and screeched and then everyone was hugging each other. It was strange and scary and it lasted an hour.

For the weeks that followed, I got to know my entire family, especially my grandfather. My first day helping him on the farm, I had to help him de-feather a chicken. I was scared; I thought somehow the dead chickens would feel the pain or that the chicken's family would come get revenge on me. When I whispered my little secret my grandfather laughed, a wholesome laugh and with a pat on the back told me I was the silliest rabbit he'd ever met. Then he smiled, and showed me how it was done, my first try, I pulled and screamed at the same time. Now some may say that it wasn't an acceptable way to get some quality time with your granddaughter, but I think I learned a lot that day. I helped herd the goats, walk the pig, and feed the baby pigs. I was aching all over by the end, but I learned to let go of my fears. Until then I would run away from goats, scream if a pig got near me, but after one day plucking chickens and such, the fear was gone.

Since that summer, I've visited my family many times and seen my grandfather whenever I can. Ever summer I spend with him and my family I learn more about myself. I learned that I am much more patient than I thought; that I love to experiment and to take risks and adventures. My second summer with my grandfather, I learned of a giant hill somewhere behind his home, and I grabbed a water bottle and camera and headed off, only to discover a giant aqueduct-type system at the top of the hill. It cleaned water, and sent it off to reserves where it would be stored or sent of homes. The water did not come to my grandfather's home, because he lived and still lives in a small wooden hand made house. He built it from the ground up, chopping the wood himself, building the roof. That was more than 30 years ago, and he is still continues to fix it up to this day. He worked hard his whole life, as a farmer. Even at the age of sixty-three, he wakes up before the sun rises, and takes care of his home, farm and family. He's taught me dedication, hard work and perseverance.

I remember him as a quiet old man who told stories of his past. One story I will never forget. When my mom and her siblings where younger, they were extremely poor. When school began, my grandfather bought a pencil and notebook, which he then broke in half. My mom would always get angry because the younger kids would always get the side of the pencil with the eraser. He told me how they would write very small so that the books would last longer and sometimes he couldn't get them more supplies once they ran out.

Meeting my family was one of the greatest things ever to happen to me. My grandfather showed me what my family went through as children. They were poor and lived day-by-day, working and going to school. Sometimes they would not eat because there was not enough for everyone. He worked hard his entire life, looking over more then thirteen kids at one point. His responsibility, determination, and devotion have greatly influenced my person.

After that, I decided that if my parents could overcome the great poverty in which they grew up I could do the same and more. I could follow my dreams. Nothing and no one could stop me. I am intelligent and I have a family that loves me and will support me through it all. There was no doubt left in my mind, I wanted to do what my parents could not do. I wanted to go to college; I wanted to have a future for myself, one that would make me proud. Here was the lesson that my mom had tried to teach me for years: I am someone.

Undergraduate / "Characteristics of a doctor" Brooklyn B.A.-M.D. Program Essay [5]

In my essay I have to answer the following three questions. It can be 4 pages when double spaced, as of right now it is only 3 pages.

- What characteristics and capabilities do you have that would contribute to making you a doctor who is concerned with caring for patients as well as with curing them?

- What have you learned from some of the extracurricular activities that you listed above or from other experiences about the role, career, and life of a doctor?

- How have your experiences influenced your decision to pursue a medical career?

I have never experienced a deep regret; I have never felt that a failure was too big to overcome. If ever there were something to regret, that would be not following my dreams. From a young age, I saw how hard life was for my parents. They were unable to realize their dreams because of economic and personal reasons. It's not that my parents weren't happy, but they could have been much happier if they had been able to pursue their dreams. My mom always tells me to do what I needed to do to accomplish my goals and follow my dreams. My dream is to be a doctor, to save lives, to help people, to help my community, and to help my country.

My interest in becoming a doctor has a lot to do with my parents struggle. They never went to college, and because of that they have suffered a lot of hardship. They inspire me to better myself. After coming to American my mom faced many problems. She didn't speak English and couldn't find a good job. However, she never quit, because as a child she had it much worse. She has taught me that life can feel like a series of challenges, they may seem impossible to overcome, but in fact, they are the easiest to conquer. From my own experiences, I have realized that a single person can help you to overcome these obstacles. I want to be that person, and I hope to influence those around me, I know that as a doctor, I will affect many lives, hopefully in a positive way, and this makes me want to do this even more.

I believe that I have qualities that would make me a great doctor, beside the fact that I love science and love to learn new things every day. My pediatrician, Dr. Marcantonio, embodies what I believe to be the ideal pediatrician. She is empathic, respectful, honest, kind, an excellent listener and very intelligent. Those are traits, which I find to be necessary for a doctor to care and cure their patients. It is important to be able to listen to your patients so that you can fully understand the situation and be able to help knowing that you have the whole story. It is also important to be honest and respectful, so that your patients can feel safe with you and confide in your decision. My family has taught me many things; among those are respect, patience, honesty, modesty, and generosity. I hope that these traits will allow me to be a fine doctor.

I have seen many people suffer without hope for a cure. Many of them I've seen in the Dominican Republic. When people get sick they must pay for everything themselves and most of them can't afford the proper healthcare. What I want to do in the future is to help these people who cannot afford it. Quality health care is hard to come by in many countries, it is an idea I've had in my mind since I was very young and everyday it grows stronger.

Do you think I've answered all the questions? Any thoughts on it would be very very helpful.
In return I'll read ur esay. just post a link along with your comment

Undergraduate / Polytechnic Institute of NYU: Spend a day with an inventor. who, where and why? [5]

If you could spend one day in New York City with a famous inventor, who would you like it to be, where would you go, and why?

The decision would be a tough one, as I'd love to meet many inventors and ask them thousands of questions, about their thought processes and how they felt about what they had invented,whether they regretted their creation or if they were proud of it's existence.

I'd love to spend a day with two specific inventors, Louis Daguerre and Joseph Niepce. Together, these two men invented a pinhole camera, (Camera Obscura), which was more convenient to use and made photographic images more durable. Images have always been part of our history; they represent a way of expression, which sometimes can't be expressed with words. Having taken photography classes in high-school, I've come to love photography and can appreciate its many contributions to our society. Photography has totally changed our world, for the better.

Due to advances in photography, people were able to see the devastation of war. Photographers like Mathew Brady brought the war home, they brought death and combat to our doorsteps. I think that when people saw this, something just clicked in their heads, and it stopped being something foreign and strange and became something personal, something serious. It's also served to show us world issues, like world hunger, poverty and disasters. It allows us to see things we might have never seen, it opens the world to us, so that nothing is out of our reach.

Not only am I amazed at the effects photography has had on society, I'm also amazed by the creating process. Niepce started with photo etching and with creativity and skill slowly developed that into the Camera Obscura. From there, he and Daguerre developed the physautotype and began to improve the time constraints and the developing process. After Niepces death, Louis Duguerre invented the Daguerreotype. He invented this by studying the science and mathematics behind image recording.Two years after Niepce's death, Daguerre had an accident that ended up being the solution to making images in less time. Instead of spending eight hours exposing with the camera, a person could spend 20-30 minutes exposing the photographic paper. He also modified the process and developed a way to fix the image, so that it would not disappear.

I'd go somewhere that was gritty and had used and unique objects, to see how Daguerre and Niepce would photograph these things with the modern camera. Perhaps to an antique store or aged and old fashioned home. Every artist has a different point of view, but because Daguerre and Niepce are from the 1800's, the way they see the world is probably very different from my own view of it. With any luck we'd spend the day learning about each others techniques and thought processes. Daguerre and Niepce would teach me how exactly they went about creating their cameras. We'd develop our photographs and compare and contrast them. That way we could see our interpretations or notion of every odd end we photographed. In the end I would hope to have gained a new perspective on how I see the world and incorporate that into my photography and into my life.

Undergraduate / Why Stony Brooks? "USB is the ideal school for me." [4]

All the information I've received and found has helped me choose Stony Brook as the idea university for me. I feel that the university will help me in pursuing my interest in mathematics and science. I aim to major in biomedical engineering, and the school's strong research centered curriculum would greatly help me gain the necessary knowledge and skills to pursue this major. USB will allow me not only to focus on my goals but also allow me to explore other subjects and interest. Its reputation as one of the best research universities in the nation, reassures me that this is the right choice for me. After speaking to previous and current students I have learned a lot about Stony Brook's courses. I know that the work can be demanding and difficult at times, but I'm eager to work hard and make the most of it. A school is what one makes of it, and I believe Stony Brook's will help me shape my college experience into something that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

Not only does Stony Brook offer the major and courses that I am interested in, but it also has quite a diverse student body. The school's clubs will enable me to meet and work with all these students and teachers. The university holds many of the values I look for in a school and I hope that I can be a part of it. I also love its location. Family is an important thing for me, and attending USB will allow me to visit my family due to it's close proximity to NYC, where my family lives. The distance will also allow me to grow up and to start fresh. USB is just the ideal school for me. Its curriculum, extracurricular activities, location, price, student body, and the many possible opportunities Stony Brooks has to offer me make it the best fit for me.

What do you guys think?

Undergraduate / Melinda's condition led to my interest in science; Why I choose Bioengineering. [8]

"Melinda! Come on! We are going to lose! Hurry up!" We were all playing cops and robbers, it was fun, but when Melinda was on my team we always seemed to lose. I did not know at the time that Melinda suffered from a heart problem. Her heart beat slower then everyone else's heart. Melinda's condition led to my interest in science. I ruminated for weeks about the mere fact that she had a machine in her heart, and that she was alive because of that machine.

She told me about it one day when she found out her mom was being sent off to war. I found Melinda crying, she was scared for her mom and her family. I reassured her that everything would be all right, that her mom would be fine, and that she would be fine. Who knows how long we sat there, I was chattering off as always, non-sense really, anything to make her feel better. Midway through talking about the newest episode of Spy Girls, Melinda sat up, wiped her tears away and gave a quick and quiet giggle. Truthfully, I felt a great weight lift had been lifted; as I would have started to cry soon, along with her, if she had not stopped.

She told me that her mom and dad were both soldiers and she rarely ever gets to see them both at the same time. She wanted to be a soldier too, but her heart would not let her. Her mom had explained to her one day, that her heart beat very slowly and that she did not get a sufficient amount of air because of it. When Melinda was younger, they placed a mechanism in her chest. The way she explained it to me that day was that "These tiny strings send lightening into my heart so it can beat just like yours." I was in the 5th grade, and I simply could not believe what my ears were hearing. For a second I thought she had invented the whole story, but she showed me a little scar she had near her collarbone. I could not wait to get home and ask my mom about it.

When my mom told me it was true, I got slightly paranoid. If it happened to Melinda, it could happen to me and I was hell bent to find a solution to this. I went to search online, eventually I came to a page that explained it all. I read and learned all one could understand at a young age about peacemakers and artificial hearts, lungs and legs. I read about kids of all ages that had to use these machines, just do the things I did every day. Just to breathe, walk and live.

I wanted to help Melinda and all those kids. I was not very realistic at the time and I attempted to make a pacemaker. I cut out some cardboard and attached a battery to it. I thought that would do. I gave one to Melinda on Christmas and she loved it. Although it was not real and although it could not help, I found myself very proud. It is hard to explain, but what I felt that day, when Melinda hugged me, was happiness. That is the feeling one might wish to feel every day.

I found that now, as a young adult, I still want to help Melinda and others like her. Melinda's tears were catalyzing for the rest of my life, my deep passion for science and math, and my need to help others. This is why I have chosen a career in the biomedical engineering.

Thank you for reading and I'll gladly read your essays as well!

Undergraduate / elaborate on one of your activities (150 words) What are you writing about? [6]

I was wondering what topics you guys all wrote about on your CA for the short answer question

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

I don't know what to write about... or how to write about it.
Like what are we to say about the activity?

Do we just write about what we did?

Example:"When i was in track I had to run everyday for 4 hours and stuff... etc"

Do we write about how it affected us

Example: "Being in the UN club allowed me to open myself up to new people and ideas."

Why we did it?

Example: "I joined the chess club because I'm passionate for it. I love logic and the assurance that there can be a right or wrong way.."

Please and thank you!