Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by nitex
Joined: Apr 27, 2010
Last Post: Jun 15, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 14  
Likes: 4
From: Singapore

Displayed posts: 15
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nitex   
Jun 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Could Fame Be All Good? [10]

Take David Beckham as an example, a popular 37-year-old UK footballer, whose earning exceeds millions, solely from the sponsorship deals, thanks to lucrative partnership with numerous apparel brands, including H&M, Adidas and Armani. His average pay per day is £36,000, which is apparently not equivalent to a normal executive with much lower monthly wages.

However, t here is also a high price to pay, as they endure intolerable high pressure. To single out such case, Dato' Lee Chong Wei, Malaysia's national badminton player, who was represented to participate Thomas Cup. His new team players may be forgiven for poor performance, but he can't afford to disappoint his nations due to his high-ranking in badminton world. Therefore, this is also why many Hollywood celebrities ended up releaseingrelieving their stress using inappropriate channel by methods such as taking overdose drugs that took their life away, like Whitney Houston.

In short, fame could enable one to enjoy luxurious lifestyle that not many could afford, but to be hounded by paparazzi 24/7 and live under microscope of tabloid, I think being a high-profile figure in society brings more downside than benefits.

do throw a thumbs up for me if it help!
nitex   
Jun 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / In many countries there has been increase in social problems involving teens [6]

For 3 paragraphs you are basically revolving about the same point. Repeat and repeat. You need to come up with more points to substantiate your answer. You also have run on problems with your sentences.

Another thing is that, the question ask "To what extent do you believe this is true? ", meaning you need to provide both sides of view. You need to tell why is this true and why is this not true, in what scenarios is it true or not true. It will be good for you to make your stand in the first paragraph and elaborate in subsequent paragraphs

You can start off by identifying what are the social problems caused by teens in the society, such as drugs, theft etc.
Look up for evidence, facts, go google how many hours are adults working per week and see if the results can validate your stand. Find out what might be other cause for the rise in social problems caused by teens. That way your essay will be more convincing.


Hope this help and do throw a thumbs up for me if it did
nitex   
Jun 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'human beings are far from perfect' - Essay about an ideal wife [3]

I'm not sure if you are task to write about ideal wife with the title humans 'human beings are far from perfect'. If you are not tasked to do so then your essay is completely off.

On the side note, essay about an ideal wife should not be about listing everything that you want from a wife. Your teacher would have asked for a checklist instead of asking you to write an essay. It should be more about what an ideal wife means to you, because everyone perception of an ideal wife is different. You should also talk the personalities that you look for, how does these personalities would fit well for you and your relationship with her.

Hope this helps!
nitex   
Jun 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: do animals have the same rights as humans? [6]

IMO animals should have the same rights as human is an unrealistic ideal. We can see this as a part of the food chain where humans are at the top. Thus we feed on animals, something like "survival of the fittest".

Feeding on animals can be traced back to long ago, when humans first started to kill animals simply for survival. This is something that cannot be change overnight as killing animals for food has already part of our culture, our everyday lives. For example, eating turkey during Christmas.

How are those people going to convince that we should not kill turkey ?

Rather than having this unrealistic ideal, what we can do is to classify animals, by our culture. Generally, we don't feed on dogs, cats and pet fish as they are part of our daily lives, our pets. On the other hand, animals such as fish, chicken, pork, beef, lamb, all these will continue to be our food as it has always been. Because there are market and consumers for these food.

Government on the other hand, should also work closely with scientist and researchers to prevent misuse of animals and unnecessary waste of animal's lives.

The above are my views and thoughts, do give me a thumbs up as sign of support if you like it.
Cheers!
nitex   
Jun 13, 2014
Speeches / The Speech about how to be an excellent student [3]

you can talk about how to be an excellent student, what are the qualities of an excellent study should be, how you want to strive to become an excellent student
nitex   
Jun 13, 2014
Graduate / 'My long-term goal' - personal statement for my Masters in Accountancy [2]

it is good that you have talked about your qualifications and work experience which I believe is sufficient.
however, it would be good for you to mention why you want to pursue a career as a CPA in a public accounting firm, be it CPA as your dream job and what made you sure that CPA is what you wanted, any instances or occurrence which made you feel that way ? or perhaps is that anyone in CPA that you look up to ? and how he has inspired you ? you might to include these to better portray your personality and character. share about your goals and dreams.

hope this helps and do give me a thumbs up if possible as show of support! thank you! :)
nitex   
Jun 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Good grades, so what? How it is important for the future? [2]

i see the title "Good grades, so what? How it is important for the future?", meaning i should talk about how is good grades beneficial. the question portrays a skeptical view on having good grades and I should write to prove that good grades are indeed beneficial.

To oppose the article you have to show how good grades are not important for the future.
so.. im not sure which side you exactly want :X
nitex   
Jun 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'follow the rules of the nature' - changes are essential for improving our lives [3]

1. you can be more specific, what do you mean by you had a regular and acceptable situation in your country ? do you mean the political and financial state of your country ?

2. "Then I decided to immigrate to Canada because in pursue of a better education" or "Then I decided to immigrate to Canada because I want to improve my education"

3. instead of saying "but I faced with lots of problems in the new society.", - you can say something like you face many challenges brought about by the new environment

4. "evaluation my back grounds educational. " - something wrong with this phrase.
5. "Now it is tangible that I improve in many aspects of my life." - Im not sure if tangible is the correct word, you might want to change it to be clearer on your thoughts.

6. " the environment is changed every time, so we have to follow the rules of the nature. " - after this statement you should follow up with how has nature change and what did people do to follow the rules of it,

7. "with each season nature change due to solving it's needed" - sounds weird also -_-
8. after you talk about nature, you should elaborate more on it, you can talk about climate changes and how it affect different parts of the world, eg. global warming

9. your transition to talk about "life without any changes will be boring and monotonous" is somewhat abrupt
10. it is good that you have point out an opposing view, you should also talk about the benefits of change to tackle the opposing view to better support your argument.

you can elaborate more and bring up more specific example.
overall, the paragraph is somewhat generic. you can bring in anecdotal examples but it is strong encourage that you also include how change has impact the world, basically on a larger scale and elaborate on it. perhaps you might want to start off with something like,

Change is always constant and is inevitable. There are some who support the notion of change while others were receptive to change.
I belong to the former group and believe that without change there would be no progress, and humans would not have come as far as where we are today.

Pls throw a thumbs up for me as support and I'll also be glad to share my thoughts with you should you need any further assistance.

Thank you! :)
nitex   
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / A day to spend the way you wish [5]

Hi Didgeridoo, can you help me with my personal statement as well ? I know its a long one but I would really appreciate and needed your help :( Please~

My thread is on "The feeling of wanting to know computers; Personal statement for admission to CS" ><
nitex   
Jun 11, 2014
Undergraduate / The feeling of wanting to know computers; Personal statement for admission to CS [5]

Hi EF. Im writing in an appeal for CS course in university and like to seek your advice for it. This is my first time appealing for a course and pls advice me on anything that I should include or have miss out >< Thanks in advance for helping!

Appeal for CS

I can always remember the feeling of wanting to know just how computers worked, why they worked and what else they could do.
My interest for Computer Science began when I stumbled upon a Youtube video. The video shows Steve Jobs giving a speech to Stanford graduates during their graduating ceremony. He talked about his days in college and how he got into typography, which eventually helped define the spacing and arrangements that we now see in our Computers, and how things are lined up neatly. I was intrigued by his speech and it has planted a Computer Science sapling in my heart since.

Learning Computer Science could provide me with the knowledge and skills to achieve what I want in life. I have always wondered the purpose of life, the reason for our existence, and if there is actually something we should do within our short lifespan. As I continue to grow and learn, it came to me that I am a fortunate person compared to many others living in different parts of the world and I should set my life goals to help as many people as possible, and I could be someone useful to the society.

Having introduced to basic programming from polytechnic courses and graphic design in junior college, it has helped me develop my interest for Computer Science even further. Looking at how successful people such as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg are able to make an impact to the world with computer in different ways, I too want to achieve something great with the knowledge of Computer Science to help those in need.

During my time in Junior College, I have been involved in running 1 of the 3 shops in my school's Enterprise Club as the General Manager. The shop that I'm in charge of mainly sells stationaries and snacks for our students, as well as corporate gifts for visitors and freshmen.

My role involved taking on the responsibility of running weekly executive meetings, ensuring the shop's success and liaising with suppliers. I have also organized fund raising projects to help the needy in surrounding neighbourhood and had successfully plan, design and execute a 3-day entrepreneur course without much help from my peers and teachers during the school holidays.

The idea was to promote and encourage entrepreneurship within my school compound.
I found these experiences extremely valuable in strengthening my leadership, team working abilities and communication skills, especially when I move on to do my national service and start my working life.

Having worked at a gaming company over the past year after completing my national service has also help me obtained an understanding of what it is like to work amongst a large group of people. My job scope ranged from managing the game, ensuring our game security system is not breached, brainstorming and planning of game events, to dealing with the game's community should any problem arises.

My work experience has also shown me that Computer Science is the ideal course for me as I come across more detailed specifications of the game. It is always challenging to solve complex problems and nothing can be compared to the satisfaction after being able to come up with solutions to solve the problem.

I am passionate about everything to do with computers and would feel completely dedicated to further my studies at a higher level.

In the year of my A level examinations, I was doing well until Mid-year when I start to face several family problems. Things were in a mess and it indefinitely distracts me from my studies. I know that this shouldn't be an excuse and I have since learned how I should have handled difficult life situations properly and having to go through these challenges also help me grow to become stronger as an individual. I understand that my A level results wasn't spectacular however I believe I have the aptitude necessary to become successful.

Throughout my time as a team commander while doing national service and working for the past year, I have learnt skills such as dealing with the public , working under pressure and becoming a reliable and responsible person. These valuable life lessons and work experience have changed me to become who I am now and I'm confident that given the opportunity, I can become an asset and be of value to the society.

Before I left my job, my boss also wanted to give me a pay increment and assured me that he would welcome me back to the job anytime.

In my spare time, I practice Chinese calligraphy which I've started learning since 5. It helped me to develop strong patience which I find it to be beneficial for me when writing program, which could be frustrating at the beginning when I have no idea of what is going on.

Besides that I also exercise regularly, going for a run or swim every 2 days ensuring myself to lead an active and healthy lifestyle.
As of current I am also furthering my knowledge of Internet programming by learning HTML, C++ and Python using online resources.

Looking to the future, I am very keen to pursue a career in the Computer Science sector as I believe it to be a dynamic and versatile area of work, with many exciting opportunities which provides many transferable skills essential for embracing future challenges.

There are 2 fields which I would be particularly interested in after graduating. One is to work for the government. I want to play a part in solving first world problems and help create innovative solutions. I believe working at the government sector will help me stay true to my goals and realise what motivates me to study computer science, that is to serve the community and helping people who are in need .

By which I plan to create a software that is simple, efficient and useful for everyone, especially for the elderly as our country is shifting towards an ageing population.

The other would be working in the fields of research. I want to be part of the team which is at the forefront of next gen technology.

Be it working in my favourite game company to help develop and create new game content or going into research to develop the next generation virtual reality device. Specifically Oculus Rift, the company which Facebook had just bought over for 2 billion recently.

The bottom line is that I want to part of this exciting field. There are many options which I believe have yet to be explored and with Computer Science, I believe I can be successful and achieve my goals no matter where I go.

I am confident that this enthusiasm will combine with my strong determination and motivation, enabling me to succeed in the challenges that university presents.

Given the opportunity, I would do my best to meet and exceed the expectations required by the students attending your college.
I am very much motivated to also prove that I deserve a spot in your college and being able to let the admission committee feel that they have made the correct decision to accept me.

I would cherish what it is given and strive very hard to achieve my goals and ensure the resources provided will not go the waste.

I also like to be involve in voluntary work and help out the college in whichever way I can.

Thank you for reading.
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