Undergraduate / Personal circumstances (that would be useful for us to consider your application) [5]

Write an essay about personal circumstances that you think would be useful for us to consider your application??

I would appreciate your comments and you improvement on my essay... Thanks a million guys!!

Personal circumstances give us new experiences and broaden our narrow sight, even it could help us to get more comprehensive understanding of the world, the society and our life itself. I believe there are two charming qualities that were likely to influence the person I am now.

Throughout my childhood to my teen years, I have dealt with the financial problems of my family. My parents came from Hodeidah and struggled financially because they moved without anything and we had to adjust to a new, different environment. Moving from place to place, bouncing from school to school, and from community to community. I didn't understand why my friends at school had all luxurious life and the latest technology while I could hardly keep up with the essential things that could keep me alive. My parent's sacrificial heart made them separated for us to live, and the obligation of the family had forced my father to stay away from us. And my mother had to play the parental role alone. She helped, protected, supported, and stood by us whenever she felt that we started to mess up. We experienced various hardships alone, but we could overcome them. In return, my parents' sacrifice made me strong-willed and determined to get a good education and become successful person who deserved their sacrifice. And I realize that parents have a kind of instinct to sacrifice a part of their happiness for the best life of their children.

Besides to the sacrificing quality from my parents, independence was the second attribute which affected my life time. Since I graduated from secondary school, I started to work as a nurse and helped with the expenses of the family. I used to work for more than twelve hours a day and at that small age, it was really difficult time for me because I was never far away from home for such a long time. However, from that very moment, my family started to count on me that helped to shape my personality as a responsible, and a respectful member in the family. Furthermore, As I started my practical life early, I used to pay for all my college expenses as well as family needs. I became the person whom my parents rely on. Whenever, my family confronts a financial hardship, they ask for my help as well as when there is an important decision they should make, I am used to be a person whose opinion is important.

General speaking, sacrifice and independence attributes have transformed my character as it is now and have made me a women of clear vision to future. In my opinion, life is only achieved through meaningful personal change and it is easy to see how what may appear to you as the biggest problem of your life, may in fact be your greatest spiritual benefit and positively reflect your entire life.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay: Raise children in City or Suburbs? [8]

It is better to raise children in the city than in the suburb?? Do you agree or disagree?

No wonder, Childhood is the most important stage of human's life especially when this stage has a strong impact which lasts forever. Thus, I personally prefer to raise my children in the city than in the country suburbs.

First of all, I will raise my children in the city, for all my family lives in the city. My children will rise up with the warm atmosphere of their relatives. They will grow up with the all my family, and they will learn how family is important to everyone as well as they will learn how to respect and to listen to the oldest people in the family. Moreover, they will deal with the grandparents and listen to their stories which are difficult to be erased from the memory of the children and that will help them to broaden their imagination and give them a fascinating picture about the world outside their narrow world.

Besides, the atmosphere in the city is suitable for my children to build up their personalities properly to face this tough world. For instance, during my children lives in the city, they will be able to meet many people with diverse characters and experiences that will be addition to their experiences in this life. Accordingly, they will be able to handle their problems and deal with them bravely.

To wind it up, life in the city will be more appropriate to me to raise my children. In fact, we have to be careful about the childhood stage of our children since it will be the reflection of their future and whether they will be successful or miserable in their overall lives.

Writing Feedback / About the Grad CF Course (difficulty, diversity) [3]

please check my essay and tell me your opinion??

The Grade CF course is one of the hardest levels at Exceed institute that is compulsory for students to pass in order to graduate. This course has a lot of vocabulary and very difficult novels. When I started this term, I was so anxious because many people have scared me of the complicity and intensity of that module which called Scientific Module. At the end of the course, however; I found out that this course was one of the easiest modules I have ever studied at Exceed because of two main reasons.

The first reason was the competent teacher we had that facilitated the difficulty of the course. In each unit, the teacher helped us to memories the vocabulary by making many competitions between the students. Also, during the course, the teacher allowed the other class, conversation class, to mingle with us, and we had very interesting topics to discuss. Moreover, the teacher had a funny way of controlling the class by using the whistle that helped him to give an equal opportunity to each student to talk and express her/his opinion.

Besides the first reason, the diversity of the topics in the curricula of Grad CF course was the other main reason that made us eager to know more. This course has three units which are related to the medical field. The topics were too fascinating for us to talk about like how life begins and what genetically engineered means. Also, the stories were wonderful that are not only have a lot of beneficial vocabulary but also they were amazing stories with their weird plots.

To wind it up, the Grad CF course was one of the impressive courses I have ever taken at Exceed because of the qualified teacher we had and the different topics of the curricula. I recommended students to go ahead and study grade CF at Exceed and never pay any attention to others opinions because people judge things according to their different experiences.

Writing Feedback / Extinct Animals - Essay [2]

I need your comments about my essay...Please and if I have problem in my writing, tell me??

Nowadays, many animals have disappeared from the earth whether by natural reasons or human's hands particularly the extinct animals which we need to pay more attention to protect them from vanishing. In fact, I disagree with idea that animals have been created to serve human being so that we have the right to do whatever we want on them. I strongly support the claim that extinct species will only be saved if the public have changed its behaviors such as destroying lands and hunting.

Destroying lands plays an important factor which threatens the existence of animals. As an excuse of expanding economy and investment, many people start devastate forests in order to build buildings, flats, factories and farms. Accordingly, lands shrink and animals become exposing to the anger of natural without shelters. Furthermore, if people do not take animals homes, they spoil their lands by producing the factories garbage, dirt and poisons. As a result that led at the end to a massacre of animals.

Besides, Land detriment, haunting is another element which helps animals to disappear. Haunters hunt animals to sell their valuable parts which are considered very expensive. For instance, in Africa, hunters exert great efforts to track down rhinoceros to gain its costly horns which people use to make daggers that cost from 500YR to 2millions YR. Also, Ivory trade aids to reduce the number of African elephants to 400,000 the end of century.

In summary, we have to stop demolish forests, which are the homes of animals, and hunting animals to save endangered species then keep the balance in the earth. We should not forget that we still need them in our meals. In my opinion, protecting those animals is not person's duty but it is of all human being's accountability.

Writing Feedback / Guns Control or Not? - Essay with one body Paragraph [3]

Please check it for me and how can I get in that essay?? Thank you!!!

According to our constitution, every citizen has the right to protect himself whether with guns, knives or any other tools. However, when we hear the word gun, we recall many crimes have been committed by people with that tool. In my country, guns spread all over the country in excuse of they are one of our customs. Although the idea of banning guns is too difficult to be accepted in my society, I think the government should ban guns among the entire citizens all over the country for guns aid in the society's damage.

Guns and firearms assist the society to destroy itself. There are many crimes have been committed inside homes by one of the family members by mistake. For instance, Mohammed killed his sister when he was 20 years by mistake when he was trying to frighten her by his gun. He shot her in the head while she was cooking in the kitchen. Furthermore, Because of the easiest way of obtaining guns in my country especially at homes, there are several crimes relating to suicide have been perpetrated. Also, people use guns in many trifles conflicts. For example, according to the eyewitness, the driver killed the passenger because he did not give him 20 YR. Moreover, banning guns in Yemen is going to decrease the revenge problem which considers one of Yemen's problems.

To sum up, guns crimes consider one of Yemen's problems that destroy the society, and I strongly believe that banning guns is going to help people to rebuild the society properly. So in my opinion, the government should think seriously of putting strict laws of prohibiting guns to public and put very severe punishments to which they break those laws.

Writing Feedback / My (woman's) Weekend -TOEFL [4]

My Weekend

In the weekend, people have a chance to enjoy their times whether outdoors or indoors. They can do their favorite activities, go in a trip, and spend their times with friends. In my country, the weekend is different especially for woman. Woman can not enjoy their times outdoors for there are not many suitable places for woman to have fun and change the atmosphere outside. Thus, many women prefer spending their times indoors, and I am one of them. I spent my weekend, which is Thursday and Friday, at home between doing household chores and working via Internet.

As any working woman, I have no other chance to do the household chores except the weekend. At the morning, I wake late, and I start my cleaning journey. I start with rooms; I sweep them all, mop the floors, and polish the furniture. Next, I pick up the dirty clothes and wash them by the washing machine, then hung up the clean clothes. Although the life improves, household chores remain the same.

Besides, afternoon, I start my shift as adviser via Internet in one of the virtual English schools in Second Life program. My shift is from two to four hours. I sit in the welcome area of Language Lab, English City, I welcome people who show up in the area, and my duty is to explain everything to them. I have to tell them what the target of our school is, how to get benefit from our school, and how to subscribe in our school and be one of Language lab, English city, students.

To sum up, even in weekend there is a job I have to do whether a household chores or working as adviser via Internet. I believe in my country, it is too hard for woman to enjoy their times outdoors due to the scarcity of parks for women as well as the restrictions from the community towards women to go outdoors alone. So there are no other choices for women to have except spending time indoors beside Internet.

Please Check my writing and tell me what score could I get??

Writing Feedback / If Exceed's walls could talk, what would they tell? [3]

The teacher asked us to write a paragraph about Exceeds' walls (Exceed is an institute name) if they could talk, what would they tell?

Here is my Paragraph....>

They are solid, strong, and tough; however, they can watch every single thing. Have you thought if Exceeds 'walls could talk, what they would tell. They would reveal a lot of mistakes that have been committed by the teachers towards students. First of all, Exceeds' walls would shout and tell about the oppression of Exceeds' teachers towards students. For instance, many teachers compliment students and give them more than they deserve although they do nothing on the exams. Sometimes, teachers know students personally or they know his or her father so they attempt to be generous with them in grading. Moreover, Exceeds' wall would expose the teacher's names that focus on a number of students from the first day and ignore the rest of students for obscure goals. Teachers give them everything such as attention, scores, and approbation. Meanwhile, they forget the rest of the class that came and pay to get the same treatment from the teachers. Furthermore, another part of teachers play during the term then at the end week, they recall that they have curricula they should work on. There are certain teachers who waste student's time with silly games or talks as well as pay no attention to the course. Accordingly, in the last week, they wake up and sum up everything in that week. Lastly, that is right Exceed's motto is "we care" but if Exceeds' walls could talk, they would say "care is not an act but a habit"

Writing Feedback / My Friends - a Challenging Paragraph [7]

Hi

The teacher asked us to write a paragraph which contains these words
(Inclination, animosity, obscure, obliterate, low-key, intrepid, befuddled, befuddled, approbation, arbitrate, personify)

Here is my paragraph please check it if I use the proper meaning of the words

My Friends

Last summer, I spent my vacation with three friends. They have different personalities. Each one of them had an inclination to do things they thought were right. My first friend was Tony. He was totally confused and preferred to stay/ remain a low-key all the time. For instance, when we wanted to go out and have fun outside, he always turned us down. Actually, that type of personality affected him badly because he got no sympathy with people around him. Accordingly, the community around him always befuddled him. The second personality was George who is a personification of misogynistic. In fact, he hated women too much, and he could not obliterate a bad experience in the past from his memory. The last character was Ryan who was sociable and intrepid. For example, when there was a quarrel, usually for obscure reasons, between two people, he liked to act as an arbitrator to get them back together and get rid of the animosity between them so they reconcile their differences. Also, he was always treated by others with great approbation due to his achievements in life. In brief, spending my vacation with different types of personalities was really exciting for me. I got to learn about difference personalities and how to behave with them.

Essays / What is the more important natural or nurture [7]

I have asked to write about this
"What is the more important natural or nurture???"
Actually I have no idea about both sides...What should I do? or who has information could help me with outlines? :(

Writing Feedback / It is a paragraph, Are Zoos morally wrong? [10]

It is a paragraph ...)

A zoo is a place where animals and birds are kept for exhibition. In the zoo, we can watch in details the life of each animal or bird. Plus, we can find and recognize some rare species of birds such as the red cardinal, and we can watch some endangered animals such as the panda. Many people disagree with the idea of zoos and they think it is morally wrong. Yet, I believe zoos are not morally wrong as some people think, because we can learn many things from zoos, and I consider a zoo as a convenient place to take care of animals.

Animals in the zoo are considered as a sample of education for children. For instance, when children go to the zoo and see how the animal live, they will not forget them. They are going to learn how they live, what they eat, and how they interact with each other. Also, many attributes can be learnt from animals in the zoo. We can learn about corporation from bees, and affection from watching the way the mothers of baboons act towards their babies. In addition, it improves the sense of our responsibilities towards animals. When we decide to preserve an animal, we are going to treat it properly because we have noticed that in the zoo.

Besides, since there are many extinct animals which need more attention and care to stay alive and live peacefully, zoos are the proper places to take care of them. Zoos are the only place where we can protect endangered species. For example, the panda is an endangered species which could have been in a bad situation if the zoologists had not taken care of them. Needless to say, that many animals have been found wounded or injured in the wild then had the opportunity to be cared for and brought back to health and were able to live again because of the professional and specialist care they received in the zoo.

In brief, zoos are places where we can learn something from as well as a suitable place to take care of animals. In my opinion, zoos are a very important place which represents the natural world. Zoos not only awaken the sense of curiosity in our personalities but also give us the opportunity to preserve the animals left in the world.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL- Violent Media [6]

According to Longman dictionary, the word media means" all the organizations, such as television, radio, and newspapers that provide news and information for the public". Actually media has strong effect in our life; short-term and long-term. People welcome the good effect of media in our life which represented by changing a bad habit to the better or improving a skill according to reading a beneficial article that impact us. However, media has strong bad side effect in people especially children. Media affects our children to become less sensitive to the pain of others at the same time become more aggressive towards others.

Media affect children's personalities to become less sensitive to the suffering of others. Especially, playing games over computer and Internet or watching violent movies via television lead children to be less sensitive. For Instance, children fond in playing war games those ask them to kill a lot of people to be the leader or the king and win the game. Accordingly, you will find them point their guns left and right and shoot around to collect the highest rate of corpse to win the game. If we think deeply of this bloody scene, we will find by this way it prepare them to become cold-hearted towards their victims. Consequently, children become less sensitive toward his sister or brother when he plays with them. Furthermore, he begins getting used to see bloody scenes day by day that may let to a disaster in the future.

Besides, media can provoke children to be more aggressive or hostile towards others. A lot of researches have asserted that children who watch media violence are likely to have increased feelings of offensive and have decreased feelings of sympathy. Many crimes that have committed by children or teenage caused by their willing to imitate to what they have watched in movies or played in games. For example, Michael Carneal, from Kentucky, who in 1997 shot and killed three of his classmates. He was one of war games fanatic. According to the researches also, children after their playing or watching, they like to imitate this at home with their family or at school with their friends that most of the time end to a catastrophe.

To sum up, media influence children's behavior strongly that result in becoming less sensitive and aggressive. In my opinion, media has a strong impact on children so we have to use it properly to raise our children to be successful people in future not to destroy them. Moreover, Children are a valuable thing we could have in this life so we have to pay more attention to what they watch.

Writing Feedback / Classmates vs parents; 'Teaching is the exalted duty than anyone could take' [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement classmates are a more important influence than parents on child's success in school?

Teaching is the exalted duty than anyone could take. Teaching could be in many places such as at school, university, or even at home. Furthermore, parents exert a lot of efforts to teach and explain things to their children during school periods. However, I disagree with the idea that parents could be the only teacher for their kids because parents can teach their children many things but classmates are more influence on children.

Classmates are more influence on children more than parents. Nowadays, children spend a long hours at their schools or university. Accordingly, they spend that time with their classmates playing, discussing, reading, studying together and exchanging their point of views. For instance, when I was at university, I used to share my experiences and ideas with my classmates. Each one of us is with the same age and came from different places around the country so each one of us has his own customs or tradition. When I was at school, my friends and I used to support and encourage each other. Thus by this different mixture of people I learnt a lot from them. Moreover, I used to accept advices from others more than my parents because I feel like I choose them to be my friends not the life force me to accept them.

In conclusion, children get affected from their classmates more than their parents. In my opinion, we have to give the right to our children to choose their friends but we have to pay more attention to them if they get the good things or bad things from them.