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Posts by Yayz
Joined: Jul 21, 2010
Last Post: Oct 3, 2010
Threads: 10
Posts: 94  

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Yayz   
Oct 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Given your desired major and why- Prison Ministry [4]

Welcome to the land of unimaginable despair

Talk about attention-grabber! The first paragraph has great imagery, but a bit confusing...did you want this in second person? (Second person would be addressing the reader. "You open your lunchbox and discover that you have forgotten your apple" is second person because is about "you")

People seem to overlook the places that need humans' fellowship the most.

This makes it seem as if the tired, the poor, the huddled masses don't need assistance...you seem a bit cold to their plight here. Maybe if you write something like "When people think of Christian Ministry, they think of traveling to third world countries to feed the hungry and poor, to heal the sick, to provide for the homeless; however, they tend to overlook the difficulties of another segment of society--prison inmates. "

It is easy to love your neighbors but hard enoughto just be in the same room as your enemies.

That's great..

Who deserves a chance for forgiveness and who does not? God has given us all thousands of chances to come back to Him, but we have all failed Him thousands of times.

The incarcerated are caged on the other side of the eight inches of concrete wall , but we are all similarly captivesof our own iniquities.

Christian Education and Ministry can help me to open the doorsof the hearts of these men and women.

The world can look down on these people, but it is my honor to be their voice and their friend.
Yayz   
Oct 2, 2010
Undergraduate / "Connections of a language nerd" - Why The Ohio State University? Undergrad Essay [4]

I would take out the last paragraph...schools usually don't want to hear that you only want to be accepted to prove something to someone else. It's like saying you want to end so you can make lots of money. That may be true, but it's probably best to leave it out.

I think it's great that you've mentioned your goals and passion for language, but maybe you can elaborate on how OSU will play a role in that?

The first sentence sounded a bit odd...First the subject is how OSU is a large school, then you jump to it being your first choice. The "but" makes it seem like some big contrast is coming up, but there doesn't some to even be much of a connection between the two parts of the sentence. I'm having trouble explaining this, but maybe you could rework the sentence somehow. Also, the next sentence is a really long list of vague characteristics that you don't address in your essay...maybe you can shorten it, or mention specific things, or use a pronoun like "OSU has a lot of stuff I like," except more sophisticated. Or, better yet, combine those first two sentences somehow.
Yayz   
Sep 30, 2010
Undergraduate / An inscription to help a person I may be sharing an abode with know me better [3]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate--and us--know you better. =D (1800 character MAX, this is 1799)

As the rain splatters against my window-the translucent green drapes oblivious to this, of course-I try to imagine a similar situation at Stanford. While I doubt California will be plagued by tropical depressions as Florida is right now, the concept of precipitation is the same. Perhaps you and I would welcome the silent moment as a chance to tackle our work, while occasionally stopping to debate philosophy. Perhaps we will be roasting "smores" over a candle after a bout of nostalgia drives us to undertake this whimsical experiment. Perhaps one of us will be winning a game of rock-paper-scissors to decide who can eat the last chocolate chip muffin. Or, perhaps, you will be asking me why I mentioned such an apparently haphazard assortment of activities in that note I wrote to you a while ago.

As I left Chemistry and headed for Psychology this morning, happy for the momentary downgrade to light drizzling from furious pounding of rain, I thought about how only two steps remained for me to complete the problem my teacher presented in class. I laughed a bit after reflecting on how eager I was to solve it, but I also noticed how immensely happy I was at the moment. It was fairly strange-after all, how enthralling can finding how many grams of the excess reagent are left be? Happiness is normal and chemistry can be very interesting, but the cause of my joy is that I am extremely satisfied with life. I am delighted with all of my responsibilities and obligations-studying, running school clubs, writing essays for Stanford, to name a few. Although they were beginning to overwhelm me, at that moment and now, the reason I complete these tasks-I enjoy them and the products of my labor-invigorates me.

Perhaps you and I will have a similarly elated year sharing a space at Stanford.
Yayz   
Sep 11, 2010
Undergraduate / Favorite Plays: Importance of Being Earnest & Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead [3]

(One of the essays for the University of Chicago) Respond by writing a paragraph or two. Share with us a few of your favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, pieces of music, musicians, performers, paintings, artists, blogs, magazines, or newspapers? Feel free to touch on one, some, or all of the categories listed, or add a category of your own.

If life could be a model of a literary work, it should imitate The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde. With all the wit, puns, cynicism, Victorian repression, paradoxes, epigrams, Bunburying, and arguments over cigarette cases, this play would make for a Wilde-ly amusing existence. If people were more honest about reality and themselves, then the world might consist of less social ills through the deterioration of illusions and more meaningful relationships between individuals through the fostering of personas that reflect a person's true being. On a more existential note, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead is an irresistible example of absurdist revelation. Following Rosencrantz and Guildenstern on a hilarious-and eventually fatal-journey showed me not only an unforgettable instance of a coin defying probability, but also a great reason to make choices and steer the course of my life. Until I read this play, I did not realize the danger of my passive attitude towards life; now I value the importance of being earnest about decision-making. For instance, a choice I am particularly earnest about is applying to the University of Chicago and, hopefully, attending it.
Yayz   
Aug 29, 2010
Book Reports / An essay on the short story: "The Sniper". [3]

I hope you aren't asking for someone to write an essay for you...do you need help figuring out how to begin? Think about the implications of the sniper killing his own brother. Do you know about the conflict in Ireland over independence from Britain? Families were often split on the issue ...and sometimes brothers fought against brothers
Yayz   
Aug 21, 2010
Scholarship / Centers, infinity, absurdity--they're exciting [3]

Last essay for that scholarship/admission thing:

Describe an experience that you have had or a concept you have learned about that intellectually excites you. When answering this question, you may want to consider some of the following questions: Why does this topic excite you? How does it impact the way you or others experience the world? What questions do you continue to ponder about it? 500 words max

Concrete objects, abstract ideas, and even humans' passions have centers. However, excitement lies in exploring why a particular center is a center, how the existence of this center is maintained, what works against its existence, what might happen upon the loss of the center, and so forth. I love combine my knowledge of the concept of a center with my fascination with infinity and absurdity.

With enough creative thought, a center can be found anywhere. For instance, while some argue infinity cannot have a center-since each point could be the center, surrounded on all sides by infinity-it can, indeed, be asserted that the center of infinity is absurdity. Of course this is comparing two unlike things, but that is the beauty of creativity. Why have I seemingly arbitrarily decided that absurdity is the center of infinity? Well, for the same reason that there are a number of words in that sentence which end in "y." When the property of infinity is applied, hypothetically, to something, the result is usually absurd. Take for example: an infinitely large piece of gum, an infinitely quacking marmoset, and an infinitely long list of hypothetical applications of infinity-ideas such as this might have been the frights that inspired advocates of moderation (or word limits, for that matter).

Absurdity remains the center of infinity under the condition that thought remains logical and is threatened when thought becomes absurd. Since absurdity is the antithesis of logic, the thought process must be logical in order to allow for a distinction between the result of infinity application and the original condition. If, in thought, absurdity is the norm, it would probably not be defined as the center of infinity because its quality would not have an apparent effect. The converse of this is true: if absurdity is not the center of infinity, then absurdity is the norm. The farther absurdity moves from the center of infinity (the less absurdity becomes a quality of infinity), the more it nears the norm. For instance, as an individual's readiness to accept what is typically perceived as absurd in the same way he or she accepts that which is typically perceived as normal increases, logically, the less likely he or she would find an infinitely large piece of gum to be odd.

At some point in my life, I learned of the concept of a center. This simple, elegant idea encompasses volumes of complexities yearning to be understood; I hope to quench their thirst for light and, in the process, my own. This topic excites me because of the enormity of the challenge it proposes-answering questions without absolute solutions. Centers are infinite in quantity and influence people in an infinite number of ways. Even what a person perceives a center to be can have a great impact. One day, maybe, I shall discover my true center. For now, my quest beckons me to investigate the possibilities for this center-life, earth, people, water, psychology, philosophy, absurdity, infinity.

*that is an allusion to Indiana Jones I felt like throwing in. Who thinks that's a no-no?
Alternative would be: "Thus, "centers" are not truly the subject of focus; rather, the crux is exploring..."
Yayz   
Aug 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Significant expereince-- 6th grade math class [4]

Shouldn't there be "the" before "means"?

Yeah I noticed that after I put it up

in the first paragraph, I felt you were going to talk about something related to maths, or the class in general. However, you ended it up with the boy.

I was going for an abrupt thing...kind of symbolizing how everyone knows that you learn math in a math class but you don't usually expect to learn something life changing oO I think that can be fixed simply by writing a sentence in the beginning of the paragraph about the boy so it doesn't take the reader by surprise...how severe is the abruptness problem?

In the second paragraph you make an intriguing point, and while it looks good, I felt like you were telling me why an unpleasant experience is sometimes important for learning. I know that, and have known it for quite sometime, and I'm sure the AOs know that too.

That's a good point and you gave me a really good idea. What if I rewrite the para so that it is about my learning this, not telling you or the AOs something we all already know? So it is more personal & what-not

Many people view learning as an unpleasant experience. I've always been odd enough to enjoy it and have found long division and Queen Elizabeth fascinating. Here I've mentioned topics one usually comes across in school. While I value what I have learned from my textbooks and my teachers, I am also indebted to my peers, my surroundings, and even myself for what I have learned from them. In elementary school it was easy to recognize learning spelled out by a neat benchmark; but since then, I've realized that learning from experience can be just as, if not more so, important. For instance, the year I spent in sixth grade math was the source for one of my defining life lessons-no, not lesson 3.4, but personal value, or valuing the self.

The third sentence of the third paragraph seemed similar to what I've pointed out. Again, I felt as if you were teaching me something, and I'm not sure if that's a good idea for an admissions essay.

Yeah, I kind of wrote that as a disclaimer so it wouldn't seem as if I was trying to say that we should verbally abuse children because it builds character oO Thank you for your perspective, Ershad; you are always pointing out that I underestimate the reader. Anyway, wonderful--I can take this sentence out. There isn't anything important there so this is the new para

I was fortunate enough to feel tortured by the boy to my right. At some point, wading through my tears grew too laborious and I determined that I must step back and reevaluate my situation. Although my thought process involved much more wobbling here and there, oscillating to and fro, and other sorts of motions resembling amateur performance art than that statement conveys, in sum, it is accurate.

And now I only have 459 words so maybe I can write a decent conclusion

Ok, how is this for a concluding paragraph?

I'm always on the look-out for new learning opportunities, including those that are hard to find. After all, who would have expected that in a math class rife with stimuli and, of course, math, my most significant learning experience would come from the boy to my right?

It subtly wraps things up & explains the abruptness in the first para! Or at least I was trying to accomplish that (thoughts on this would be nice=). Now I am up to 496w

Thanks, Ershad!! =)
Yayz   
Aug 19, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS: theoretical knowledge couples with useful skills are not only practical but also necessary [2]

some hold the view that a university is a temple of knowledge

most students choose to go on further their education

qualifications and capabilities, for instancesuch as , computer skills, presentation techniques, and negotiation training

hands -on experience

Certificates such as business, computer languages proficiency certificates are stronger weapons.

You wrote certificates such as...blank and blank certificates. Write either ...blank and blank or ...blank certificates and blank certificates

the one with language skills would more likely to be employed
or
the one with language skills wouldis more likely to be employed

is no longer enough, and, unfortunately

if they are to competesucceed in today's economy.
--anyone can compete but I think you are trying to make a point about success

theoretical knowledge coupled with useful skills areis not only

they are what the future needs.

Wow, you've written really well!

Did I answer the question of the topic correctly?
It seems so. You provided a viewpoint and defended it

Are the examples I provide acceptable?
People go to school so they can succeed in the workforce was right on point--give the people what they came for
The competitiveness of the job market probably isn't as strong because you seem to suggest that an employer values a degree from a university...but that doesn't mean the university has to be experience oriented. I think you should clarify the idea that an employer looks for work-related experience gained in a university. That can really help =)
Yayz   
Aug 19, 2010
Undergraduate / Significant expereince-- 6th grade math class [4]

Another essay for a program that determines admission/a full scholarship to schools like the University of Chicago

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)

The crack in the so-called window of my sixth grade math class always had the suspicious air of a bullet wound. The black-, no, greenboard bore a note instructing students to bring a novel to read-left over from another class. The lessons were usually easy and the plastic chairs were usually hard. The air felt cold and the chalky blue paint muffling the walls continued to peel. The teacher was kind enough not to mind my completion of homework for lesson 3.4-or whichever lesson we happened to be on-before or while he taught lesson 3.4. And the boy to my right seemed convinced that the best method of entertaining himself must be making me miserable; my physical appearance and nerdy grasp of mathematics were the chief areas of attack. Lachrymose and lacking self-esteem, I fell prey to quite a number of his taunts.

Many view learning as an unpleasant experience. I've always been odd enough to enjoy it and have found long division and Queen Elizabeth fascinating. Here I've mentioned topics one usually comes across in school. While I value what I have learned from my textbooks and my teachers I am also indebted to my peers, my surroundings, and even myself for what I have learned from them. In elementary school it was easy to recognize learning spelled out by a neat benchmark; but since then, I've realized that learning from experience can be just as, if not more so, important. For instance, the year I spent in sixth grade math was the source for one of my defining life lessons-no, not lesson 3.4, but personal value, or valuing the self.

I was fortunate enough to feel tortured by the boy to my right. At some point, wading through my tears grew too laborious and I determined that I must step back and reevaluate my situation. Although my thought process involved much more wobbling here and there, oscillating to and fro, and other sorts of motions resembling amateur performance art than that statement conveys, in sum, it is accurate.

Hair that is aberrantly puffy or curly is not a signification of an individual's inferiority and an aptitude for mathematics is actually a good thing. While this may seem obvious, in sixth grade, it was my revelation: self-worth should not be undermined by negative comments from malicious persons and reasonable pride in one's abilities is healthy. Since discovering this, I have continued to grow in my understanding of the importance of self-esteem and have developed a desire to help others with this as well. I plan to facilitate the realization of this wish by pursuing a degree in psychology and a career in psychiatry.

I'm always on the look-out for new learning opportunities, including those that are hard to find. After all, who would have expected that in a math class rife with stimuli and, of course, math, my most significant experience would come from the boy to my right?
Yayz   
Aug 19, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

(Dark Knight)

Yeah that also makes it kind of tough since it is a recent movie, but that is why I included it--it is more of a challenge to find the link.

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, and The Dark Knight present the devastating effects of modernization on society, from Western encroachment on traditional African life to rampant crime and, thus, fear in New York.

39 words...over the limit again (maybe if I take out the authors' names? that would still make it only 33w) ...I'm mostly trying to get the psychological similarities across but there is no room

Thanks again!=)
Yayz   
Aug 19, 2010
Grammar, Usage / "I did it myself" - A question on compound personal pronouns [7]

Yes, I think so because

1. If you are trying to get that point across by using a pronoun that refers to you, you have the choice of "I, me, and myself." "I did it to I" and "I did it to me" don't seem right, so at least by process of elimination, it is the only word we can put there

2. "Myself" is always used for one of two purposes and since it is obviously not being used to emphasize you, by process of elimination, it must be the other

But the emphatic pronoun "myself" is still a reflexive pronoun, nonetheless. It just happens to be used to emphasize rather than show that the subject's action is being done to the subject. (In the first sentence) So if your goal was to write a reflexive pronoun, you already did it

Seems like I won

Haha congrats
Yayz   
Aug 19, 2010
Grammar, Usage / "I did it myself" - A question on compound personal pronouns [7]

I think it is emphatic because

1. If you get rid of it (I did it), the sentence has the same meaning. The addition of "myself" thus serves to emphasize

2. Isn't a reflexive pronoun when someone does something to themselves? Like she rescued herself. You aren't doing anything to yourself (as far as we know what "it" is) so it does not seem like a reflexive pronoun

And I think it is grammatically correct since I am sure "I did it" is correct since it has the necessary Subject-Verb thing going on so the addition of that pronoun shouldn't hurt it. It sounds like something at the end of a dash? Maybe it would be clearer if you wrote "I, myself, did it."

=)
Yayz   
Aug 17, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

I think you reversed the names though

Ha...yes I did. Do you know how to pronounce it? I've been wondering...oO

Fav. Books and/or movies? Max. 30 w

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, and The Dark Knight all present a powerful depiction of the chilling effects of modernization on humanity.

28 w

I think it will be impressive if you can discuss the theme a little bit. AND make connections to things going on in the contemporary world.

Is that enough? I feel like it is pretty vague but how much can I squeeze into 30 words? Also, I'm not sure if chilling is the right word either. I feel like "negative" is too blunt..
Yayz   
Aug 15, 2010
Writing Feedback / Should we encourage children to be competitive or cooperative? [4]

Putting too much pressure on them can only lead to a result that no one wants to see.

That's a really good sentence! You should keep it! =)

I guess my biggest problem is that I don't outline my points before writing it.
I just write down what's on my mind because I'm so afraid that there won't be enough time.

I think that is my problem with timed essays, too. Hopefully we can both improve! =)

I'll revise my essay based on the suggestions you gave me. :)

Awesome. You should post it in this thread so we can try helping you more :-)

Good luck! :)
Yayz   
Aug 15, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

I think, for the favorite books/movies, I want to replace Anna Karenina with Things Fall Apart by Acebe Chinua. I just remembered reading that book, I love it, and I think the modernization theme is more obvious in it than in Anna Karenina...that's okay?

haha...you're funny.

And yeah whimsy...whatever that means ;)
I always end up learning new words after conversing with you -- so thanks for that :)

Haha thank you =D Happy I can help? =)
Yayz   
Aug 15, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

Okay, I tried again

While my career goal focuses on becoming a psychiatrist, I explore related fields as I build depth in this area. Although there is a medley of theory that is used in the application of psychology, as well as medicine administered in psychiatry, I plan to study sensation and perception more.

(50 w) Wait...did I lose the "how did you develop these goals" part?

I really am interested in that but there isn't really much room..
Craving4suga, that's a good idea but I already barely have enough room to explain myself frankly...that would be fun but I just don't think I can make it work =( Maybe I'll save that for an essay =)

Thanks for bearing with me =)
Yayz   
Aug 14, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

Yeah, I was actually pretty confused in regards to what I was supposed to do and, after asking MANY people (mostly my psychology professors), I found out that Undergrad really doesn't matter...you can major in underwater basket-weaving and still go to Law or Med School as long as you complete the respective requirements. This was pretty hard to believe at first (hence my zealous inquiries), but now I finally get it! (or at least hope I do, sort of) It's always interesting to learn about the norms in other countries. India's course seems to be more or less the same, just more logical with less room for whimsy; but I am sure if a student is creative enough, he or she can create plenty of his/her own whimsy! ^^
Yayz   
Aug 14, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

I want to become a psychiatrist but I am going to get my Undergrad degree in Psychology since it doesn't really matter much for medical school as long as I finish my pre-med requirements. I want to be a medical doctor (like the typical one you would find in a hospital) as much as I want to be a psychiatrist. I was also considering double-majoring or minoring in Biology but that's more of a back-burner idea I am not very concerned with now. So I want to be a psychiatrist, ultimately, but for the sake of applying to Undergrad unis I'm focusing on my major--psychology...so, I study both haha
Yayz   
Aug 14, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

This will be better if you tell about some schools of thought you favor... existential, cognitive, etc. What theorists are your favorite? I know you have only 50 words to use, but you should specify which areas of specialization appeal to you.

O.O That is like stuffing one of my socks into a thimble.../hyperventilates, then runs around screaming "Freud!" before tripping over a cigar/...Okay, now that the melodramatic/humorous portion of the hour has concluded I might be able to think clearly...but, but, there are so many...there are the famous ones and more obscure ones with amazing theories but with some flaws...and...and...ok, so much for thinking clearly -_- Plus my problem with the "school of thought" thing is that multi-school, so to speak, approaches generally work better...like Nature and Nurture rather than just one...and then there's the whole medication thing, too

Okay, /deep breath, thining cap on/...I wanted to mention some specifics like cognitive-behavioral therapy, maybe, or Erik Erikson but I ran out of room...is this alright?

While on the surface my career goal appears to be simply becoming a psychiatrist, I aspire to embody something more meaningful. Although there is a medley of theory that is used in the application of psychology, I intend enlist the best combination that would help a particular patient.

(48 words)

Speed does not propel. Speed is a result of propulsion.

Hahaha that's right! (Not to mention I had an extra "l") Good thing physics is only a hobby of mine! I initially thought of writing inertia but decided it didn't make any sense and sounded out of place...

Something else is propelling you.... :-)

Ok, try #2:

Running is, to me, the most enchanting sport because it motivates me to find a flow in all of my activities similar to running's absorbing rush of energy.

(28 words)

Thank you Kevin! You really pushed me in the right direction with these questions =)
Yayz   
Aug 14, 2010
Undergraduate / Biographical essay: the dissolved Soviet Union to the modern America [4]

The Soviet Union, as one may be learned in a History class

Um...I do not believe that is grammatically correct...no offense...but, I am not an expert, so let's see what others say...

It was in a land far away far away from the West. (not necessary)

Oh, that was a typo, I didn't write that on purpose. Thank you for pointing it out!

maybe it should be " goods for consuming were very rare."

Erm, I'll have to disagree with you again, "consumer goods" is a proper phrase and I do, in fact, remember reading that phrase in multiple textbooks, articles, etc. Also, "goods for consuming" sounds a bit odd, again, no offense (just trying to voice my opinion and generate a discussion)...I think it is best to stick with the conventional phrase than create a new, lengthier one...

You should feel free to argue against any of my contentions. Thank you for reading my essay and offering suggestions! =)
Yayz   
Aug 14, 2010
Undergraduate / Ms. Lee - "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you" [14]

Thank you, Andy! This essay is already uber long so I'm wary of editing it more out of fear that I shall not be able to restrain myself, but you make a good point...I've been wondering about how to properly walk that line since, well, before I decided on this topic. I still have a couple of months, though, so if I wake up in the middle of the night with the conviction that I urgently need to talk about the influence more, I will have that luxury. Either way, I plan on thinking about this essay PERPETUALLY (no, just kidding), but I definitely plan to give it thought--at least out of paranoia oO Thanks for reading it and replying!!
Yayz   
Aug 13, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

Don't feel "compelled" to change that :D

Haha very clever =) Well, I have a month to decide on a word XD

They probably think we are better than we actually are

Another interesting observation, Ershad. Maybe a "terminator" status should be created to downgrade the importance of "contributor" (mostly I think it would just be rather amusing)

"redolent of life"

Hmmm...I guess it's like when you hold the teeny-tiny hand of a new-born baby or run your hand over a dew-soaked leaf and you just feel this beaming aura of life...I'm kind of trying to say that air is that way too, in that your sense of smell experiences that ethereal life sensation...oO

Okay, I guess I shall have to obtain another opinion before I decide to write about mustard or some other condiment.

Thanks again!! =D
Yayz   
Aug 13, 2010
Undergraduate / Biographical essay: the dissolved Soviet Union to the modern America [4]

To provide you with a sense of what this is application if for...it is a program aimed at low-income, high-acheiving students with the ultimate goal being admission to one of the US's most selective colleges w/ a full scholarship

We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 word limit)

The Soviet Union, as one may learn in a History class, was a very bleak place for most of its inhabitants, to say the least. It was in a land far away far away from the West. It was a land where displaying opinions that diverged from what was announced as correct often resulted in a ticket to Siberia. It was a land where, in the words of most textbooks, consumer goods were very rare. It was a land where people, such as those in my family, died from starvation. The Soviet Union is my land and its depressing failings are woven into my being. I feel that in order to explain who I am today, I must start with the life out of which I gained life-my cultural and historical background has and continues to shape me and offer personal lessons from which to grow.

The sharper the contrasts between the Soviet policies and my values, the more intense are my convictions and passions. For instance, the Soviet Union stressed, possibly above all, conformity to the group. One of my most cherished qualities is nonconformity. While the Soviet Union has long been dissolved, conformity is still an insidious trap manifested in a person's desire to be accepted by society, and thus kowtow to its norms. I treasure the uniqueness of every individual and believe that my unconventionality is my greatest quality. As earnestly as the Soviet Union sought to eliminate individuality, so do I seek to illuminate all that makes me different and encourage others to appreciate their own distinct attributes rather than succumb to the pressures of "the crowd."

This is, however, not a promotion of arrogance or self-centeredness because in admiration of qualities that distinguish an individual, we also encounter his or her less charming quirks. While I am proud of things like my passion for psychology that led me to enroll in Dual Enrollment classes at a local college and earn "A's" in those courses or my whimsical, yet diligent, effort to teach myself piano, I also realize that I have a habit of correcting others' grammar when it is unsolicited and that I tend to sound very sarcastic or cynical when I have not rested sufficiently. Luckily, due to this reflection, I am more self-aware and able to modify my behavior with others in mind.

Similarly, my rather rocky transition from Ukraine, a country that, as many others have, has separated from Russia with the dissolution of the Soviet Union, to the United States is also a source for musing and a perpetual influence on my development. In 1995, my father left for New York, my mother followed him in 1996, and I was able to see both of my parents once more in 1996, when I finally arrived in the United States.

When I asked my grandmother about my parents, she told me that I could not see them because they had not yet purchased a couch while the real reason was that the immigration services in the United States were refusing to believe that I was my father's child. The reason I find this exchange interesting is that it is a fundamental principle of developmental psychology that is usually taken for granted-namely, there are some things that children are not ready to understand. I find this fascinating because it denotes the amazing progress of the human mind from the blank slate of infancy to the capacity of abstract thought attained when an individual reaches the formal operational stage and beyond. Still, while this observation can be made from a near endless source of examples, I find this one to be particularly special because it reminds me of the fragility of the human psyche-the entire, beautiful development of the mind can take a disastrous turn as a result of stressful experiences. While this was not a traumatic occurrence, it does inspire me to help those who do suffer from mental illness, especially in immigrants that are typically overlooked.

Since I entered an English school system when I was five, I had the opportunity to gain a native mastery of the language. My parents, however, have struggled in acquiring the foreign tongue. While this has been a great obstacle to their success in the workforce, they continue to persevere and, in doing so, motivate me to pursue my goals with the same unflagging determination. I understand that I have opportunities far beyond those that were available to my parents and attempt to exploit them in my quest to achieve my goals. Knowing that my father was unable to attend a higher-level university because of his Jewish heritage and religion instills in me a greater desire to matriculate and succeed in a university that challenges me intellectually and provides opportunities to explore my various interests. 802 words. =|
Yayz   
Aug 13, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

compelled

Funny, yesterday I actually mentioned to someone that I am beginning to use that word too much and it is becoming an annoying habit. I need to stop being compelled haha. I think determined could work...I didn't use that word yet, did I?

I can't seem to connect this part with the first sentence

I thought it was assumed that air made me happy oO
OK, should I just erase the whole thing and write about mustard or something?...

Gandhiji's Salt March to Dandi

Cool, thanks! I didn't know ^^
Yayz   
Aug 12, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

you should be specific

The word limit is driving me crazy...>< Okay, attempt #2, I tried to restrain my habit of sounding overly-formal:
What are your career goals and how did you develop them? (50 word limit)
I intend to become a psychiatrist because I am fascinated by the human mind and the wide variety of mental illness it can succumb to. After learning of the anguish people with mental illness suffer from the experiences of my psychology professors, I was compelled to alleviate their suffering.

Yep, I think so

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, and The Dark Knight all present a powerful depiction of the chilling effects of modern society on humanity.

won't use the word "eccentric"

"You are the craziest person I know," crazy meaning unconventional, and spontanteous, was a complement given to me by a few of my best friends, individually.

"redolent"

I wanted to write "I feel rejuvenated after I experience something that makes me happy. For instance, breathing in air redolent of lfe provides me with a sensation similar to electricity streaming into and coursing through me." But that goes over the limit and I thought it sounded odd so, yeah...oO

How 'bout this version? It fits into the word limit:
I feel rejuvenated after I experience something that makes me happy. For instance, breathing in air redolent of lfe provides me with a sensation similar to electricity coursing through me.

I still think that sounds weird. I really don't like this question o.o

I just don't like the word "historical," I don't know it sounds weird oO

It's actually called "Salt March to Dandi" or simply, "Dandi March"

Really? I read an article that said "Gandhi's Salt March" oO Okay, thank you!!!

Why do they ask all these questions?

Hahaha It's because they like torturing unsuspecting students! I guess to learn about our personalities & what-not =/ They are so weird, though ><

Thank you, Ershad =))
Yayz   
Aug 11, 2010
Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]

What are your career goals and how did you develop them? (50 word limit)

My career goal is to become a psychiatrist. This goal developed out of my desire to help people and my fascination with the human psyche. This is the best way for me to accomplish my wish to help humanity and enjoy my work as I practice understanding the mind.

=49 words.

Alternative sentence (27 words):

Psychology is my greatest passion and I will be most able to fulfill my desire of helping humanity and being happy through a career as a psychiatrist.

30 word limits (which they claim is enough for THREE sentences) on the following:

What are your favorite types of music?
Classical, Indie, and Classic rock are the genres of music that seem to fuse with my essence and complement my moods, thus overtaking my preferences.

=25 words

What are your favorite books or movies?
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, The Dark Knight, The Princess Bride are my favorite books and movies, respectively.

=29 words Should I get rid of a few & talk about WHY those are my favorites? I was thinking of just having A.K., The Met. & The Dark Knight listed & writing about what they had in common

What are your favorite sports?
Running is, to me, the most enchanting sport because it motivates me to find an absorbing flow in all of my activities similar to the speed that propells me forward.

=30 words

What is your favorite source of inspiration?
My e-mail is a fun source of inspiration because of the variety of topics covered from environmental or humanitarian newsletters to advertisements imploring me to quickly purchase bargain-priced ink cartrideges.

=30 words

How do you spend a typical weekday evening? (I am assuming that means once school has startd)
A typical weekday evening is spent, initially, playing with my feline companion in procrastination, progresses to an eventual completion of assignments, and concludes with either studying or reading.

=28 words

How do you spend a typical weekend? (I am assuming "typical" means statistical average)
A typical weekend commences after reading for some time, involves school work--especially for online classes--and teaching myself how to play piano, and winds down with, again, reading.

=27

Who are your heroes? What qualities in them do you admire?
Oscar Wilde is my hero not only for his wit and brilliant satire, but also for the courage with which he endured persecution for his gender preferences.

=27

What is the compliment that you have been paid that you are the most proud of? Who gave you the compliment?
"You are the craziest person I know," crazy meaning unconventional, spontanteous, and eccentric, was a complement given to me by a few of my best friends, individually.

Should I go with something a little less...odd? I wouldn't want colleges to actually think I belong in an institution oO
=27

How do you rejuvenate yourself?
I feel rejuvenated after I experience something that makes me happy. For instance, breathing in redolent air provides me with the sensation of life streaming into and coursing through me.

=30

What do you consider to be your most significant achievement?
Organizing a donation drive in my school to send supplies to Haiti is my most significant achievement because it provided an impoverished area with critical provisions.

=26

If you could change one thing about your high school, what would it be and why?
I would change my school's offer of grades from eleventh and twelfth to ninth through twelfth so that students would be able to attend it throughout their high school carreers.

=30

What historical event do you wish you could have participated in and why? (As an off-topic question, why do we use the word "historical?" It seems like "historic" does the job...then there is cyclic and cyclical...what is this "-al"?)

I wish I could have participated in Gandhi's Salt March because it was a remarkable use of non-violent civil disobedience that eventually led to India's independence from Great Britain.

=29

How do you handle obstacles that stand between you and your goals?
I try to overcome obstacles that stand between me and my goals. I often seek advice or guidance from others if I am having great difficulties in determining a solution.

=30

Should I not include part of the ? in my answer? I wasn't very sure about how to approach these ?s

Thank you! =)

Yayz   
Aug 11, 2010
Graduate / Personal Statement for MSc in Biochemical Engineering (only the intro) [2]

I've got no idea whether such a style can be adopted for this type of essay

Well, I don't think I have any better knowledge of that, but I'll try. First of all, I don't think yo should worry about the example because it sounds good and, typically, you can write an essay about pretty much anything--the first time you tasted mustard, if you wish--and dazzle the reader if you explain why you are talking about this one specific experience rather than any other one well enough. Well, anyway, as it is a "personal statement," it does seem as if you are making a statement (a personal one) and are being more formal rather than flamboyantly informal so I don't really see a problem here. Hopefully someone who as actually gotten out of High School will come along soon.

Here are some grammar suggestions, out of habit. I don't think it really matters since this is an uber-rough draft, but, what the hay.

"No," said my supervisor.
I animatedly said, "But sir, this is the best process: w e can use waste sulphite substrate from paper mills as the raw material. So its benefits are twofold - clean fuel and waste disposal".

"I agree, but we cannot hope for large scale production; at least, not in the state of Assam," he reminded me.

That was the conversation I had with my supervisor after two months into the literature survey of my final year project. He had rejected my proposal to use fermentation as the ethanol production process. Although, I knew he was right, I was bitterly disappointed. The thought of microorganisms converting wastes into fuel had taken hold of my mind. In the couple of months that followed, I gradually decided to pursue higher studies in this field - the field of Biochemical Engineering. (Dramatic Dash, nice. Were you asking if a dramatic style is appropriate? This is definitely Drama movie intro-worthy. I like it, at any rate.)
Yayz   
Aug 10, 2010
Writing Feedback / The Cask of Amontillado - Research Essay -Cask of Amontillado- in MLA [6]

Dear Livid Melissa,

You should put your real name into the site so that it appears in the lower right-hand corner of everything you write (look at my or Kevin's posts here). That is just terrible =( I would feel really frustrated. You are going to call your teacher tomrrow? I really hope this works out. Try to relax while you wait for tomorrow morning, no use getting stressed and upset =/

Good Luck,
Sympathetic Maria
Yayz   
Aug 9, 2010
Poetry / Suggestions for my poem : "My Flight". [10]

"Poetry is the art of saying what you mean but disguising it." Diane Wakoski (Just read that, coincidentally)
Now I understand poetry. I think English classes should just start with that observation, it makes figuring out what the teacher wants you to do with the oddly arranged words on your desk easier
Yayz   
Aug 9, 2010
Poetry / Suggestions for my poem : "My Flight". [10]

Hello Kamal

This is a nice poem =)

You have good structure, too

I am not the one who is likely to abhor.

Maybe you can take "the" out of there.

While the unknown waters of darkness engulf me

For I peddle the present to venture the future

I just wanted to check if you meant "pedal" instead, since you are talking about moving a along a path. "Peddle" is really interesting, though. In case you didn't mean "peddle," maybe you should keep it anyway, it is a really awesome idea

coz of my erred past

I really like that phrase ^^ This is a cool poem, you should definitely keep writing!
Yayz   
Aug 8, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: GUN CONTRAL [5]

Hmm ok I checked the internet & it pretty much says that while "per cent" is not technically incorrect, "percent" is just the more common way to write it. So I guess it is more or less a matter of choice? Interesting..

dictionary.reference.com/browse/percent
Yayz   
Aug 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "Pressures" -any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments [4]

Your essay is rather hard to follow and you don't elaborate much. You seem to be using words, phrases, and irrelevant examples to show your intelligence but you aren't really saying anything. You definitely need more specific examples that you clearly relate to your thesis. You've started writing, now focus on improving your skills. Good luck
Yayz   
Aug 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "Speech and Debate activity" - UF Admissions Essay-Meaningful Event [13]

Haha thank you, Ershad. That was such a nice way of saying "Get off your lazy bum" XD

Since you mentioned

tailored to fit the school

Questbridge isn't a school it's a scholarship-school kind of thing...basically kids from low-income backgrounds fill out an application and the finalists that Questbridge chooses have their apps sent off to up to 8 schools that they chose. So since I can't exactly "tailor it to fit the school," what should I tailor it to if at all? (There are two requried essays, a multiple short answer section, and a biographical essay that focuses on the low-income thing so I'm getting the impression I shouldn't be mentioning that in every bit of writing ha)

In terms of time, I have to get all of this Questbridge stuff turned in by Sept. 30 and I am applying to too many colleges, meaning too many supplements that I want to finish a few months before their respective deadlines, so I was hoping to save myself a trip to the over-worked writer's clinic haha
Yayz   
Aug 5, 2010
Undergraduate / "Speech and Debate activity" - UF Admissions Essay-Meaningful Event [13]

Awesome advice, thank you. However, I had a bit of a question, if anyone shall be so kind as to look into this old and wrinkley thread. I'm going to apply to Questbridge and as one of the required essay prompts is very similar to this one I was hoping to cut down on my writing by rewording this one a bit. Do you think I can do it or should write a new essay?

Questbridge prompt:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)

This prompt (so you do not have to scroll up to compare):
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service. Remember to keep within the 500-word maximum length.
Yayz   
Aug 4, 2010
Undergraduate / "The Metamorphosis," "Antidisestablishmentarianism"-Unsettling novel-Favorite Word [12]

a very disillusioned feeling

Yeah, I think my Abnormal Psychology class made me feel that way too...I nearly gave up my ambition to become a psychiatrist, especially after the teacher showed a terrifying scientology-sponsored documentary that, while it was obviously exaggerated for, as my professor put it, "propaganda purposes," still freaked me out. Human Growth & Development made psychology fun again. The teacher was great. I know what you mean, though...I have to remember the good parts of psychology and how it can really help people

you have to search hard to find the good stuff

I welcome a challenge. A stimulating career is a rewarding one. (Not to mention one that helps prevent demantia =)

Thank you, Kevin
Yayz   
Aug 3, 2010
Undergraduate / "The Metamorphosis," "Antidisestablishmentarianism"-Unsettling novel-Favorite Word [12]

Hello Doris, thank you for reading

because his alienation started BEFORE the book started

Yeah, I know that's why I wrote

and his experience after his transformation is only an exaggeration of this condition in order to serve as a metaphor for twentieth-century life.

My problem isn't that I don't understand the novella (trust me, this is one of my favorite works of literature, I can babble on and on about it until I'm blue in the face) but

roughly 250 words.

What I wrote is already over that limit and I am sure the AO's don't really want to read a book report. Actually, I got the impression that the purpose of this question was to learn about the student, not the book, and I was actually worried that I had too much about the book in there. Thank you for the effort, though. Oh, so it was an apple! For some reason I got confused and started wondering if maybe it was an orange, not an apple oO I don't actually have a copy of the book so I couldn't check so I just wrote "fruit," thanks for that!

I thought vermin was plural!

haha That's exactly what I was wondering about when I wrote that! (Glad to know I'm not that peculiar) In the actual sentence from the novel, it says that Gregor woke to find himself as "a terrible vermin" a vermin. I have no idea what that signifies but I just went ahead and followed the format, plus I couldn't figure out what the singular of vermin would be if that was plural or what the plural would be if it was singular (vermins? haha) so my brain fizzled out and gave up XD I checked just now and the all-mighty internet seems to say that vermin is a plural noun but there is no reference to its singular so apparently it does not exist. But I feel like if I take "vermin" out of my sentence, the allusion loses it strength/symbolism oO Am I just being too "flowery" again?

OK, thanks, Kevin! I'll incorporate your suggestions

precarious!

What exactly do you mean? It sounds like you are referring to the ambiguity/uncertainty/etc. that comes with some diagnoses, but I'm not sure if I got your point right

I vaguely know of Victor Frankl and Milton Erickson [I think I recall watching a documentary on trance & hypnosis when I was younger and the words "the man who could supposedly put a person in a trance by shaking hands with them..." echo through my mind] (unfortunately)...I just googled him, this confusion thing is fascinating...hmm, maybe that's why I love confusing people so much, and apparently I've been unwittingly using his techniques to do so oO...this is awesome, I'll definitely look into it (she says, recalling the stacks of books falling off her shelves that are waiting to be read. Time, time, time :/
Yayz   
Aug 2, 2010
Undergraduate / "The Metamorphosis," "Antidisestablishmentarianism"-Unsettling novel-Favorite Word [12]

Thank you =)

an AO is supposed to know everything

haha No wonder students are so frightened XD

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times".

It's really interesting that you bring it up...oO My personal favorite is "All happy families are the same; all unhappy families are unhappy in their own way." I hope I quoted that correctly. I really like "Call me Ishmael" because it reminds me of the first page where he talks about getting into a mood where he feels like knocking people's hats off and is compelled to take to the sea...it's a fun image ^^

I hope someone who has read the met. (or at least Sparknotes' summary for a school assignment or something) gets around to reading my first essay =/

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