Undergraduate / "A NGO coordinator" short answer for the common app. [3]

Hello and thanks to anyone who can help me with this extracurricular essay. I would love some feedback and comments!
Remember, you read mine and I'll definately read yours ;)

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

I entered the deteriorated building of the Rita Orphanage for the first time four years ago as one of the volunteers of the Sonhar Acordado NGO. I was swarmed by 16 playful children and since that day, a sense of fulfillment floods me every time I go there. Consummated by such feeling, I soon became one of the six coordinators of the NGO. I am in charge of organizing instructive activities for the children of the Rita, one of the six orphanages that the NGO works with. I have also twice helped producing a major event for more than 500 kids that Sonhar organizes every Christmas. My relationship with the kids developed my interpersonal skills and taught me that all you require to help those who need most is will, generosity and a ear to listen. That is something I shall carry throughout my life and profession.

Undergraduate / volunteer at orphanage - EXTRA CURRICULAR common app. [8]

I'm feeling that last sentence is kind of clichéd...I would love any kind of suggestion! Thank you in advance!

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences:

The facade of Rita de Cássio Orphanage was deteriorated and there was a foul smell in the air, probably from the sewage that ran not far from there. The orphanage was located in Samambaia, one of the seventeen poverty-stricken suburbs of my city. I stepped foot inside the crumbled building with its corroded walls, alongside seven of my volunteer friends from the Sonhar Acordado non-governmental organization. Before we could blink our eyes, we were swarmed by forty-two grinning little kids. "Give us a kiss! Play with us! Did you bring candy? Do you have toys?" was all that could be heard from a crowd of motherless children, their little hands wrapped around my arms and waist. As I tried to simultaneously hand out sweets and kiss their cheeks, I smiled on the inside and was certain that there could not a better way of spending my Saturday mornings.

Undergraduate / "Home is where the heart is" - Transfer common essay [4]

Hello, I already thank in advance anyone willing to help me. I really need help! I'm a brazilian student trying to transfer to some liberal arts colleges.

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The prompt: Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

I was sitting down next to all my scattered things on the floor, trying to make them fit inside my backpack. I stopped and looked at the small room around me. All I saw was absolute mayhem. There were three bunk beds cluttered with other people's possessions, one toilet which we could barely use ("Girls! NO poo in the toilet! WILL get clogged!" said a note by the toilet) and a shower so unimaginably cold and unclean that no one dare use it. There I was, in a small chaotic room in the middle of Peru, about to leave and head back home...but I knew I was going to profoundly miss it.

It was my 23rd day in Pisco Sin Fronteras (PSF), a non-governmental organization located in Pisco, Peru. Nearly all of the town was demolished by an earthquake in 2007 and the NGO's mission was to help the locals reconstruct their houses. Like most of the volunteers, I was staying in one of the messy rooms in the NGO'S headquarters. And now it was time to leave.

A year before I arrived in Pisco, I had just passed Vestibular, Brazil's national exam. I had been accepted to the University of Brasilia, one of my nation's most prestigious universities, and I couldn't be happier. But in the middle of my second semester, I couldn't turn my back anymore to my feelings of unsatisfaction. I expected a vibrant and diverse student body, but what I found was a pool of homogenous people with similar thoughts and wants. Everyone seemed to come from the same background and that truly disappointed me. The university also lacked student organizations and clubs, something I had hungered for in high school and had been looking forward to in university.

Listening to stories and studying different cultures and lifestyles captivates me deeply. At that time, I knew I needed a place where everyone was distinct and inspiring and preferably from a different culture than mine. So I set my mind on traveling to Peru, a country with a entirely different language and culture than my own. I wanted a place where I would even feel uncomfortable with such novelty, somewhere where I would be far away from my comfort zone. But in the end, encircled by difference is where I felt most at home.

In these three weeks at PSF, I met the most amazingly interesting people in my life. Each one of them had a different background and came from a different place. I was finally surrounded by intelligent and entrancing people. Bounded by such stimulating individuals, I found inspiration to discover who I really am and what I truly want to do with my life. Although I have always been an active volunteer in my community, it was only in PSF, where I had the daily challenge of improving people's lives, that I realized what is my greatest desire: I want to make a career out of helping poverty-stricken people. I want to see gratitude in its purest form shown in people's faces. However, since I'm sincerely enthralled by film studies I decided to converge these two loves into one profession: I'll be a documentarist aiming to show the harsh realities people face in underdeveloped countries.

Unfortunately, my current Communication College emphasizes on preparing the student to become prosperous professionals and doesn't care much about who the student truly is and wants. I need an University that dedicates as much attention to social responsibility and civic engagement as it does to the labor market. Moreover, coming from a big institution with over 15,000 students, I desire to go to a smaller and more intimate school, where I could develop a relation with my teachers and really get to know my faculty and fellow students. Additionally, my love for the theoretical studies on media surpass what my current film department provides for its students.

Back in Pisco, I started saying good-bye to the lovely life I was leading in PSF. While I mentally said farewell to my experiences and feelings, Ash, a clever Indian Australian who I befriended and that attended an Ivy League school, came up to me. We hugged and he wished me a good trip back to Brazil. "G, there as so many amazing places where you can study in the United States and so many unique people to meet! I'm sure you'll feel at home there just as you felt here", he said. I nodded and smiled. "I'll see you in the US as a transferred student, then?", he asked. "Most definitely", I answered with a huge grin.

That's all I kept repeating to myself all the way back to Brazil: most definitely.

Undergraduate / 2 short essays: "why my interest in BU" and "how Smith will help me with my goals" [6]

I would love some help with these 2 short transfer essays. Please do comment on both or either of them. Any criticism is welcome!

1)"What specific aspects of Smith College will better meet your academic goals?"

Being a believer that social transformation can occur through documentary, I will take advantage of every class and project that might explore film and social responsibility. Between taking classes in the Third World Development Program and participating in the Green Team, I will definitely make time for community service and for the Project on Women and Social Change. I'm also looking forward to the challenge it will be to immerse myself in the Southern Indian culture through the study abroad program. For someone like me who wants to change the world, Smith is the ideal place to start learning how to do so.

2)"In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us."

A whole year had passed since my brother went off to study in BU, when my parents and I decided to go visit him and see for ourselves how a real university in US looked like. I was fifteen at the time and more worried about my math grades than about going to college or even transferring, as my brother had done. But as soon as I stepped on the BU campus, everything changed and I immediately fell in love with BU's enviroment. Since we would be spending around 15 days in Boston, I took every possible opportunity to visit the entire city and campus. From doing the general campus tour to doing a private tour inside the Communications College, from eating in a dinning hall to visiting some of the student organizations by brother was part of, I was mesmerized by all of it. Needless to say, after being forced to come back to my home and reality, I have frequently visited the BU website for four years now, always remembering the amazing things I saw. I simply cannot run away from the idea that as it was my brother's fate, it would also be my fate to finish my college studies in BU.

Thank you very much!

Undergraduate / "How did you first learn about Macalester? " [3]

I would really love if anyone would comment on my essay. I'm a foreigner and a begginer at writing essays in english.
Be as critical as you want, I'm here to learn :)

"How did you first learn about Macalester?" (250 words maximum)

It was Friday night and once again, there I was, glued to my computer. While all my friends were out partying, I was on the internet searching for good universities in the US. As a Brazilian student, I was quite an ignorant when it came to knowing American colleges. But since I was headstrong that I would transfer to a college in the States, I had to know every good college there was out there and what it could offer me.

So I started looking at rankings, the first thing that I, as an misinformed person, could think of doing. After a short while looking over these rankings, I began to think. What exactly does a college ranking mean and how can that possibly signify that the college has what I needed? I have certain and unique needs and just because some university is considered number one in the country, it doesn't mean is number one for me.

As a result, I started searching different rankings that could show distinct aspects in colleges that normal rankings wouldn't. That's precisely when I discovered Macalester.

Of all its numerous rankings and honors, the one stating that Macalester is one of the most diverse and multiculturalists colleges in the US was what marveled me most. Having one of the highest proportions of foreign students in the US combined with its approach towards internationalism and multiculturalism, Macalester had won my heart.