Unanswered [57] | Urgent [1]

Posts by andygu
Joined: Nov 17, 2010
Last Post: Dec 13, 2010
Threads: 6
Posts: 14  

From: China

Displayed posts: 20
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Dec 13, 2010
Writing Feedback / "Does a zoo have any useful purpose?" [5]

azaaza is a good writer, haaa

Beside a zoo has educational benefit also it has amusing and entertaining purpose. In addition to zoo's educational benefit , there is also amusing and entertaining purpose ...it consider on of the most important places for family to spend some time duing the holiday to releife ower stress and amusing with different animals. for instance, wvwry weekend i I always goes to the zoo with my family especially my daughter and my wife .we spend time with animals . I play with moneky and feed it with the banana which he love. moreover my husband love to plays with the horse, she looksamusing amuse riding on it .also my daughter does not forget every visit to the zoo to play with the birds.
Dec 13, 2010
Undergraduate / "a passion for mechanics and strong humanitarian" what makes Stanford a good place [4]

From the very beginning, I expressed deep interest for cars and remember the triumph on assembling a toy motor engine. Thus, with a passion for mechanics and a strong humanitarian aspect; I aspire to be the next Elon Musk of the globe. I plan to use innovative ideas in the automobile industry and the financial gains to help future ecological causes.

This seems a little dull...add some interesting elements to it!
(like voice, funny stories ...even some embarrssed memories caused by your love of motor..)

I think you should delete the"After all, who doesn't want to go to Stanford?" because you have shown that only you are especially interested in Stanford.

It is a nice essay!
Nov 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Why Rice "because there are so many on my side" [4]

post: What motivated you to choose Rice?

Clock ticked. I caught the ball, and managed to drive through the traffic to the basket, suddenly I turned to get enough room, and then I launched an off-balance fling. Oh, I've made it!

I love that effort, passion, and feeling of success after helping my team win. My motivation came from not the champion, but the pat on my back, the trust when my teammate passed me the ball, and the deafening cheers of fans.

At Rice, thanks to the Residential Colleges, I can always find supportive and collaborative teammates in various games of life. By participating in student government and innovative college-designed courses, we can use our energy to motivate others, and our unique experiences to enrich others' lives.

What's more, professors are willing to help and invite students into the innovating process. Many of the faculties are superstars, but they can pass the ball to undergraduates, the rookies. I will take full advantage of the opportunities. I want to research on the remarkable properties of nano particles and fullerene nanotubes to develop supercaciptors and strong fibers. I also want to manipulate the wet/ dry surface of nanomaterials to create soluble nanomaterials.

Also, there are so many who need me and expect me to win. By joining the Engineers Without Borders, I can improve the quality of life for the needed by using my knowledge in nanotech to create low-cost solar panels and materials that can purify water.

At Rice, my friends, professors and those who need me are always on my side, encouraging me to nail the winning shot.

feedback or comments welcomed! Thank you !
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "passionate for life and eager for engineering knowledge" - why Rice-- be happy [4]

Prompt: what motivated you to choose Rice?

I am a sunny boy who is passionate for life and eager for knowledge. I poured my energy on the basketball court, I expressed my original thought through creating my own nano solar cell project, I challenged myself by learning advanced math.

Fostering intellectualism and the qualities of a good person, Rice is my dreamland. Thanks to the tradition of Residential Colleges, I can strengthen the friendship with many talented and motivated students. By taking an active role in interesting social events like student government and innovative college-designed courses, I can use my passion to motivate others, and contribute my learning ranges from ancient Chinese philosophy to technology to the exuberant school life.

What's more, Rice is a comprehensive research university excelling at nanotechnology and electrical engineering. Abundant hands-on and future-oriented research programs can help me pursue my interests in Artificial Intelligence and Communications further.

Apart from longing for love and search of knowledge, concerns for others also guide my life. By joining the Engineers Without Borders, I can apply my knowledge in AI and ECE to develop robots which can assist rehabilitation of stroke, and create low-cost wireless communication for the poor. In a word, I will be happy and make others happy at Rice.

Any comments or suggestions? Thank you!
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / The international student association, Rice: what will you contribute? (culture) [3]

Too many names of places and people like Trinidad, Tobago--- makes others from different cultural backgrounds feel a little confused. And I think you can write more interesting aspects of your culture, because after reading, I still cannot understand what is unique about your culture.
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Grandma Willow - Williams College Window Supplement [5]

I love it, but I think maybe you should write more about what you will do, not just a sentence. to stay within the word limit, you cna cut some descriptions of the tree.
Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay: Interest about math, science, or engineering? [6]

I think you talk about too many empty things, no details, and it's a bit wordy.
For example this paragraph "I value this sense of intellectual vitality immensely, as it pervades virtually every aspect of my life. In each day that passes, I find myself asking more and more questions about the world around me(what questions ?????) and nothing pleases me more thathe pursuit of these answers. (how do you pursue ????) From the very basest of questions in every day life, to the most complex questions in theoretical physics, I find myself wanting to learn more and more every single day. The actions of learning, discovery, and wonder are exhilarating to both my mind and spirit.

My passion for learning truly evolved and flourished in high school. Before then, school was just school-nothing more. But it was at that point that I began to develop the intellectual maturity, curiosity, and presence of mind to truly appreciate the action of learning and discovery. (tell more about intellectual maturity...) Here, I was immersed in a world of intellectual freedom where nothing was impossible or out of reach. Since then, this passion has only grown more dynamic and more vibrant. Every experience I have strengthens this enthusiasm. The greatest way that I express my excitement about science is the unrelenting, indefatigable questioning of the world around me."
Nov 22, 2010
Undergraduate / " childhood story" " Interest in biology" Pomona's supplement [4]

Pomona's supplement Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you've had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.

Welcome any advice, both on grammar and structure。Thank you!! :)

Did I answer the question properly? Need I add the last year's experience? I think the experiment experience is not forplain fun. Then What's your advice?

I was hooked by insects when I was only 6 and since then my childhood was inseparable from them.I called my cricket the musician, dragonfly the pilot, and butterfly the ballet dancer.... every creature has a nickname in my fancy world. Oscillating between making specimens and searching for little "companions" My childhood is full of memborable experiences. I can still remember vividly on my first night "attack."...

The gentle breeze blowed away the sultry air, all surroundings were dark and quiet. Searching between the branches with my torch for nearly one hour, I was totally exhausted with my neck and waist aching. "Got it, hey, look" my brother shouted to me. Along with his torch light, a cicada came into my eye. "preparing for molting, a new life above ground" I said.

Sitting under the big tree, we waited for the time of cicada molting process. I got my camera ready and the torch fixed. It was destined to be a sleepless night because the fantastic drama was beginning, cicada the leading role.

23:05 A tiny crack bursted in the shell and then a transparent lime-green and creature got out, half-way outside of its old shell which was firmly attached to the branch and clearly splitted down the middle.

0:10, the "newly birthed" cicada "stood" on top of its old skin. Wings were clearly visible, like traditional Chinese silk, delicate and soft.

1:33, clutched tightly at the abandoned shell, the cicada seemed helpless and weak, it was an absolute adventure.
2:23, began to change color, from white and green to brown and then black. Eyes changed to red.
3:06, wings were no longer soft ! It began to crawl on the branch. A nirvana for cicada!
Drama ended.
" How fantastic," I pushed my sleepy brother "Why need they take risk of being caught just to molt?" I threw my question to my brother, "God knows, maybe they are feeling too solitude underground. "

The next morning, puzzled with my question I poured myself in books and was surprised to find that molting allowed the body of the insect to expand and grow up! Depending on the species, molting can actually occur about 5 to 60 times in the life span of an insect and is generally regarded as one of the most vulnerable processes that an insect can go through. "How charming the nature is!" a sense of respect emerged from my heart," The insect must be warriors, fighting with outer enemys and taking up new challenges"

When I grew up I always recalled that memorable night but the molting process was no longer important because I realized the philosophy for life--one will grow up through a painful process as the cicada's molting and only when he withstand the most vulnerable times could he mature.

Last year, I was stressed out by my experiment on PCR and gene splicing. Every noon and evening I dealt with those cold appliance but didn't get the expectant result. I wanted to give in because it was too meaningless and time-consuming.

My instructor Mr. Lin said nothing after hearing my plan, just nodded. That evening he sent me an email:"Failure is better than giving in because you have tried. I hope you can mature yourself through fighting with your enemy within your mind "

I came back home with my notes but can't stop thinking about Lin's words and the splendid "drama"(life circle) of cicada. "Maybe I should try, as cicada does. I can't be a coward who can not molt away the faint heart..." I told myself.

The very next day, I brought a pile of notes and books back to the laboratory. Immersing myself in the experiment, I changed my old plan and adopted a new method from my classmates. I started from the beginning and sticked to the requirements rigorously. By controlling the temperature more carefully, I made sure that all the enzyme was active and hard-working

Two weeks passed,I finished my tough experiment successfully. Maybe I got more besides the perfect experiment data and that's the courage to make change and persevere, although it was destined to be tough and painful.

Facing the bump in road, some would choose to stop and went back, some would wind in circle, but they just accept the reality instead of trying to change. Sometimes giving in promises them from hurt but they can never explore the scenery beyond their comfort zone. So, molt off the faint heart dominating your life. Just drive carefully across the bumps and keep your "engine" aggressive, that's the meaning of life.
Nov 19, 2010
Undergraduate / 'looking through a window' - my williams supplement "the catcher in the rye." [4]

Post: Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

The catcher in the rye

In the rye, thousands of little kids are romping and hopping like rabbits. Even if they are running and don't look where they are going, no crazy cliffs will wait for the wilder kids to fall off. They are kids, so they must be happy and carefree.

But the fancy vanished. I saw only one kid running before me. I beckoned friendly to him; he stopped, stared at me. He got scared.

The rye field of my hometown had a funny smell that didn't smell like any place else. But I was not in the mood to figure out what the smell was. I kept thinking about the kid that ran past me, his fearful look, his heavy bags that dragged the skinny body down, and his big jacket that made him funny. Funny? But I felt pretty sad.

Laughters of hyenas drove me crazy. I mean, two cruel men were laughing. Kids had to call them "masters". Their duties were to brainwash, exploit and mistreat them. Suddenly, I felt I ought to sock the guys in the jaw or something. But I got the kid on my brains again, and I couldn't get him off.

"Be a hero in the battle of life." I cried. Yet no one answered.The kid had lost himself in the rye.
Battle? Life?? Fight??? But the "soldiers" got no weapons like knowledge or money.
Stubbornly, I keep looking out of the window: a big boy walk into the mountains, guys join him, together they build cozy classrooms. Kids read and write; they play and hop in the rye.

I feel so happy all of a sudden. The way they keep running and hopping. I don't know why. Maybe it is just that kids are so nice and all. They turn to me and smile.

I just want to ask: does it seem to offensive, weird or hard to understand? Can you find my aspirations and concerns those kids after reading? Thanks!
Nov 17, 2010
Undergraduate / "effective ways of delivering my message" - ApplyTexas Essay B - Issue of Importance. [3]

Living in the United States, we are gifted with the privilege of the freedom of speech, a freedom that has been br ought to us by the sacrifices of soldiers protecting the country.

We take our ability to say anything on our mind for granted without fearing persecution, unlike other countries such as North Korea, China , [b](Hey, China is my home country and it's not so horrible as you think!)b]or Sudan

I really think you should change your topic, because the thesis seems blurred.
The freedom, the optimism or the American Dream. Maybe you can not realize how speical is your country unless you campare her with other nations. Furthermore, just stick to your specific topic and do not try to talk comprehensively, or your thought will be superficial

Good luck!

Nov 17, 2010
Undergraduate / "Green electricity, conservation, and other reductions" - Why colby [3]

Welcome any advice, both on grammar and structure! Thank you !
Why Colby,Briefly discuss your reasons for applying to Colby: character maximum:1000

My answer
Apart from the talented peers, rigorous courses and inspiring livings, in colby I will find a special thing: green---both her fascinating scene and her core value. Having been concerned about the environmental problem for long, I started the "make green" survey in Beijing last year and chose to major in biology and ecology. As a global environmental citizen, Colby adheres to the values of respect for the environment and sustainable living: Green electricity, conservation, and other efficiency strategies that contributed to reductions, Colby had done more than I expected. In addition, joining in Environmental Studies Club and Organic Gardening Club there I can involved in sustainability discussions and engage initiatives through coursework and independent study. The "Problems in Environmental Science" and "Biodiversity" courses along with environmental investigations will also help me to achieve my dream which is making our earth a clean and green planet.
Nov 17, 2010
Undergraduate / "People, culture and diversity" - Rutgers University essay [3]

Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

The amount of culture and diversity that is brought to the Rutgers New Brunswick campus each year is amazing. People from all over come to Rutgers to get a great education (Tell something special in Rutger! Every university offers a great education). Not only are these people learning in the classroom, but they are learning from other students. They are learning from the people who come from a different state or someone with a different religion. This combination of people makes for a truly great education and experience.

People wonder what a middle class white girl from suburban New Jersey could possibly have to contribute to the diversity of Rutgers. While I may not have any religious beliefs or be fluent in another language, I feel like I really do have a lot to offer. I think that getting involved with the New Jersey Folk Festival could be a really good thing. I appreciate all of the different cultures that are brought together when attending a university. The New Jersey Folk Festival is a great way to embrace this culture and open people's minds.

As a student who wants to study graphic design and marketing, contributing to the efforts of the folk festival is a perfect way to really get introduced to working in these areas. I would love to be able to say I have helped promote culture and diversity in New Jersey by bringing so many people together to appreciate art and music.

I think you should tell things specificly, offer a specific example about your love of music and art.
Nov 17, 2010
Undergraduate / Eagle Scout -elaborate on extracurricular activities [4]

This is my 150 word essay about my extracurricular activity. Please be critcal. Any input will be helpful. It is at 150 words. Thanks!

delete that
Becoming an Eagle Scout isn't so much about knot tying or wilderness survival. It's about facing challenges and learning leadership skills," my Dad had told me more than once .

I think you should tell more about yourself but not what your father said or others did
Nov 17, 2010
Undergraduate / "innovations about nanotech, solar cells, and robot" - Cornell engineering [2]

Post:decribe your interest or idea in engineering, and how can cornell helps you?

I always got fascinated with innovations about nanotech, solar cells, and robot. Though jargons or functions often puzzled me, I could pour myself on higher-level math, physics, and search the websites like IEEE, Science Direct until I fully understand. After absorbing a new technique or idea, I grew more confident and excited that if given materials and equipments, I could make something real.

It was not until I joined a group researching on Smart Dust that I realized how simple my fancies about engineering had been. I began to understand it was not just having an idea, but turning the idea into reality; not working alone to design something funny, but collaborating to address pressing real-world problems.

I researched on Smart Dust with a team in China Telecom. It was a simple idea: a wireless network of tiny (nano-scale) sensors. But when we took its impact on our life, and its market value into consideration, we found the idea much more challenging. We had to figure out how to reduce power-consumption, size and cost, how to connect the tiny computer (the core of Smart Dust) to the outside world etc.

Everyday a bunch of problems arose. So we need to divide our work, everyone should focus on one problem and then integrate his solutions into our final design. I remembered it took a lot of effort for me and another member to figure out that the distance a common radio links allow a dust to transmit was 3 to 61 meters. In the process, we had to learn how to receive and detect signals, and how to decrease the errors. We just could not just sit before the computer and understood the whole things.

I dream to pursue my interest in nanotechnology further by studying in nanotechnology and aerospace fields. To become an engineer who can address problems arising in mankind's exploration of universe, I need an education with depth and breadth. And I need to learn from top researchers in these fields and collaborate with talented peers with the same dream. Cornell, the world-class research university, can offer me all of these.

Cornell is home to more than 100 interdisciplinary centers, institutes, laboratories and programs that support research. I love Cornell for her adventurous, but practical spirit, and her focus on teamwork and innovation. Discovery stretches across disciplines. With collaboration between different departments, top-notch researchers have made the Exploration of Mars and Carbon Nanotube Devices a reality here.

But realizing my dream requires more than technical expertise and collaboration with others. Hands-on experiences are important too. By joining the Kessler Fellows Program, a work-study program which combines educational and employment components, I can learn how to make technological innovations marketable, and the impact of my work on the community. Also, the Communication Engineering Program can sharpen my communication and analytical thinking skills.

So even if I choose a path unrelated with my major, I can address the opportunities and challenges of life and work as a critical thinker and flexible doer.

Can you guys please help me check some errors, or point out which part see weird or hard to understand, because as an international student, I'm not good at writing. Thanks a lot!
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