Undergraduate /
"Jessica won't be there' - Some One Who Has Impacted You [8]
As you walk in, look to your left; at a small table in the center of the room you will see two girls with smiles on their faces and tears in their eyes. Rewind about four months
prior and you will see these same two girls walking down the semi crowded hallway filled with chatter, both avoiding eye contact, finding some distraction in the distance making it seem as if neither recognized
the other was in the
vicinity . It was the unthinkable, we had stopped talking. My secrets were mine, and my smiles were dormant, while the turning in my stomach and a sense of emptiness overwhelmed me. To me the reason for our abrupt ending was nowhere to be found. As we sat at that table, talking about all of the promises we had made I was searching for the why, why for so long she was vacant, but I could
n't stop my mind from wandering. It took me back to playing barbies, and the first promise we made to each other -
a promise that was to never be broken; friends forever. But I never thought of the person sitting across from me as a friend, she had always been a sister. At age six we could be found making "soup" out of the rain water puddles and leaves, and at age 12 we were sneaking in late night talks over walkie-talkies. Friends forever - to me that meant I had a shoulder to lean on for everything. It had finally happened; the one person I never expected to let me down let me hit rock bottom. What was once a bond held together by secrets and promises slowly diminished into a bond made of meaningless conversations and casual affairs. Distracted from the current conversation I shed the first tear; it wasn't a tear of sorrow
, or
one out of joy. My tear came from realization; the realization that promises will always we broken
because change doesn't seize for anyone.(THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE)It is an inevitable part of our life, whether it is the way
we act, the people we associate with or our surroundings - many fear it while others embrace it. As we grow older change becomes suffocating, it lurks behind every corner and follows us around as if it were our shadow. The biggest change I will encounter in my first eighteen years is starting to sneak up on me; I can only run for so long. College is here. The hardest thing isn't writing essays or figuring out a way to pay for the education that will prepare me for the rest of my life. The hardest part is accepting the fact that Jessica - the one person I have shared my deepest secrets with - won't be there to experience it with me.
As I close my eyes and try to visualize what the next four years will be like, I can feel tears starting to form. Flashbacks of riding bikes, but only to the fire hydrant, for our parents had to be able to see us, and the picture of us playing Barbies that I was oh so embarrassed of over ride the future. Pulling myself to see life without her is not going as planned. For months I made it on my own, grasping success wasn't as difficult as I thought. I can make it without her, but I don't want to experience my
upcomings without her by my side. Every time
I try to envision the future , past memories weasel into my head. Since age twelve we've promised each other we would never be absent from each other
's lives . When we promised best friends forever, we meant forever, but I've realized
that forever is
coming to a shorter
endthan I anticipated.
This is very good! Very personal. Colleges like that.
