Undergraduate / "improving people's lives with computers" - Computer Engineering - Michigan [4]

Hi there,

Please critique my michigan supplement. I will critique yours as well, thank you.

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

As an eighteen year old, I don't yet have the experience or vision to know what I want to accomplish. Yet, I have a dream. I dream to take my interest in computer to the next level and develop ideas that can improve people's lives with computers.

To make my dream into reality, I know that I still have a lot to learn and to explore. Hence, I need a university; a university that could broaden my knowledge in computer as well as giving me chances to work on my ideas. After lots of researches, I find University Of Michigan to be my ideal university and I want to study computer engineering.

From Signals and Systems to Computer Architecture, the College of Engineering of UMich offers tons of interesting courses for computer engineering that I like and I can't wait to study them. I would like to have the power to build systems that contain microprocessors and program them. Or, I could create new designs for microprocessors, personal computers or supercomputers. Besides, I have the opportunity to choose elective courses which I expect to find one or two true passions and expand my knowledge in that field. And, the best part is I will be tutored by the best faculty in the world and with the high tech facilities including the Center for Wireless Integrated MicroSystems and the Center for Ultra-Fast Optical Sciences.

However, education in UMich is not all about studying in the classroom. There are many exciting opportunities in the university. For example, UMich offers a variety of research opportunities for undergraduates such as Summer Undergraduate Research in Engineering, Summer Research Opportunity Program and Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program which I intent to participate in as an extraordinarily valuable training for me. In addition, UMich has excellent connections to many companies which lead to many internships, co-ops, and job opportunities. The internships would give me a lot of useful experiences and a preview for future work in the field.

Furthermore, what attracts me most is that the Umich College of Engineering is like a big family. The senior section leader will tutor the junior in the discussion sections and get them excited about the major. There are also peer advisors who help and share their experiences with other undergraduates. I really like this kind of interaction because I could build up relationships with other undergraduates. Besides, there are many student groups in College of Engineering such as IEEE, CSE Scholars and HKN. I have long heard about HKN and I dream to be a member of it. I will work hard to be a member because I know that Eta Kappa Nu is an honor society whose members are handpicked.

I value the chance to study at UMich heavily as it is my great honor if UMich is my next destination. I therefore will not only gain from UMich, but also contribute to UMich by constantly challenging myself to achieve a great achievement.

Undergraduate / Do not have community - Computer Club - Michigan Supplement [5]

Please have a look on my essay and comment on it. The length of the essay is 263 words which have exceed the recommended words limit (250), please give advice on which part should be cut, thank you.

Student Computer Club

I love computer. For me, computer was the greatest masterpiece that mankind has ever created. I could stay up all night coding software or formatting a computer, and I wouldn't feel tired about it. That was why I joined the Computer Club at my high school and I thought that I was belonged to the community of it.

That was last school break, more than a year ago now. During my surfing, I came across a tutorial in the internet. It was about creating a private server of an online game. It really captured my mind. I hoped I could create an online game that can act as a community for the school. The next day, I met up with my Computer Club's peers and presented my idea. At first, they were interested with the idea. Yet, the project called off as they didn't want to learn basic programming.

As a sole fighter, I bought the programming books, sacrificed some of my sleep and created the server myself. Though I couldn't manage to get a lot of members and I was forced to close the server, I realized that I didn't belong to the Computer Club's community. I found that I belonged to a community that really love computer and would sacrifice themselves for it.

I have spent more than eighteen years in my hometown; still I can't manage to find these people. That's why I want to step out from the town, from the country, and become a Wolverine. I felt certain that I could find this community in UMich, the one of the largest university in the world.

Undergraduate / Computer Club + Summer Job -common app essay [3]

Hi there, my first language is not English, please give suggestions and advices, thank you. I will help you back.

Required Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

As I entered the computer laboratory, I came to a world that belongs to me. I was greeted by a sea of people having the same passion as me and computers which have long been my best friends. I have been participating in Computer Club for 3 years and I was the treasurer. My responsibility like keeping records of financial transactions and maintaining the club's account has shaped me into a responsible person. Besides, I helped organize the club activities. During the club activities, I was able to discuss and share my ideas about IT with the others. This opened my mind and stimulated my creativity to develop better ideas. After all, the best part was being able to learn basic programming languages. It needed patience and determination as even a missing single dot would cause failure to the whole program. And I had them.

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I have a strict and protective mother who doesn't allow me to hang out friends. Due to this, my best friend was my notebook and I had only a small circle of friends. To be plain, I found it easy to doubt my ability to have new friends. This have made me developed a sense that I didn't need friends and I felt that what I need was skills and strengths.

During my ninth grade's school holiday, I worked in a sport specialist shop as a sales assistant. It was my first time stepping out from the home and school, interacting with people from the outside world. I enjoyed myself very much as it gave me a lot of lessons and experiences.

However, I didn't really interact with my colleagues. I was like a stranger to them. Yet, I didn't feel wrong about it. Every day, I had my lunch alone on the bottom stair and I remained silent throughout unless there was a customer. A week later, I felt lonely and I started to hate this kind of life. At home, I have my family members around me; whilst at school, I have my friends accompanying me, but here, I had nothing apart from loneliness.

I couldn't sleep that day. I realized, that night, that my life shouldn't be just about me. I must have friends and connection with other people.

The next day, after the work, I went to a bookshop and just managed to buy a book, "How to Instantly Connect with Anyone" by Leil Lowndes before it closed. I sacrificed my sleep to finish reading it. On the next morning, I came to work with confidence and "tricks" crawling all over my mind. I approached to them and tried one of the tricks.

"Hello there," I said. "I am planning my mother's birthday. Do you know any good restaurant around Georgetown? "
To my surprise, they shook their head. I was speechless and I walked away. I failed; it was not going according to the book!
I didn't know what went wrong until I accidentally heard one of their conversations. From their conversation, I found that while they interact with each other they are always concerned with the other's feelings. They only chatted about topics that favor both of them. Due to this, I realized that in order to gain others' respect, I must make friends through my real heart. There shouldn't be any "tricks".

Hence, I tried to think in their perspective and be concerned about their feelings. Again I approached to them, but this time I admitted the trick. I felt that it was best to tell them the truth. Then, I started to chat with them and I constantly observed them. I stopped and changed topics when I found that they were not interested in it. For example, I stopped talking about computers after I found that they are technophobes. Instead, I talked more about my family since we are family-oriented people.

The result was overwhelming; I couldn't stop talking with them that day and we have built up strong friendship. From that day onwards, I didn't feel lonely anymore. I felt so great for having someone to accompany me. I even cried when I left the job.

We are still friends even today.

Undergraduate / there is no "short-cuts" in our life - Strong determination - MIT [13]

What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)

A group of students gathered in a circle in the corner of the classroom. It seemed that they were sharing something.

My friend left the group and come to me. "Come, follow me, I have something to share to you, don't tell anyone else," he whispered in my ear. At this moment, my heart was struggling; I was wondering should I follow him.

A moment later, more students joined the group than before and they were very happy with the exam leaks. I knew it is wrong, but it placed me in a dilemma; if I didn't look at the exam leaks, my class rank would be affected as almost all students in the class had had a look on it. Yet, if I followed, it is not compatible with my personality.

At last, I chose not to follow them. I felt that the exam is meaningless if I had known the exam questions. For me, exam is a platform to determine how much I know; it is not a platform to compete to each other. So, I told to myself, "I will only compete with myself."

After all, I worked hard for the exam as usual and I ignored every single leaks. Though I couldn't get the result as good as the rest of them, still I was proud of myself for my strong determination. It made me realize that there is no "short-cuts" in our life and I should persist in doing something in the right way.

Appreciate any new ideas or critiques.

Undergraduate / Computer Game + EECS department + My town, Butterworth - MIT Short answers [3]

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

I love playing video games. It is a great satisfaction that allows me to escape from the stressful school life. I enjoy it because it creates a virtual world, a world that needs me. It allows me to be a hero that saves the world and gain people's respects. It also turns my ordinary life into an exciting and interesting journey. Besides, gaming gave me a whole new perspective on things. For example, I used to think war is nothing but two forces competing with weapons. It is through playing war games that I realize about the evil of war.

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)

I have always had strong passion in computers and it is my dream to further my study in my passion, so EECS is the department that appeals to me. I am always curious to know how a silicon chip can calculate and process input and somehow creates a virtual world as an output. Besides, I always have ideas for computers, and I wish to make them into reality. It is my belief that in the future humans' lives will be more integrated with computers. Hence, by having the ability to create a better computer, I can contribute to the world.

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

I come from a town, Butterworth, a town where there is no law enforcement and people here have completely lost their mind.

At here, you are free from rules and laws as long as your wallet is full of money. Policemen are glad to accept brides from you. As a result, there are illegal casinos, illegal lottery group and selling of pirate CDs and DVDs all over Butterworth. Worse still, people have got used to it and they think it is nothing wrong about it. I can tell you that even many of my friends' parents involve in these illegal activities and they can have big cars and big houses.

Under this condition, many school boys/girls do not have dreams and aspiration at all. They just want to finish their secondary studies and involve in illegal activities just like their parents. For them, money can be earned so easily and they don't care about the development of the community. Some of my friends even laugh at me when I tell them that I dream is to further my study in my interest. "You are stupid and crazy!" is a typical comment that I will get.

I want to prove that they are wrong. I want to prove that there is no real gain without sacrifice. That's why I want to step out from the town, from the country, and further my studies. One day, I will return and I will show them the importance of dreams.

Press feel free to critique and comment on it, thanks!