Undergraduate / Common Apps - Short Answer Question [activity question] [3]

Hi, I would like seek some help and editing for this essay. If possible, could you also help to cut short my essay so as to keep within the word limit?

COMMON APPLICATION - SHORT ANSWER QUESTION
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer).
------------

During my first year in junior college (which is equivalent to Grade 11/junior year), I took part in a two- year Bicultural Studies (China) Program organised by my school. This program was specially designed to allow students to better understand the Chinese culture, and to gain insight into the development of modern China through talks given by invited speakers who are experienced in the related fields of study. In addition, this program also included an immersion trip to China at the end of the first year of the course. The experiences and lessons this trip had provided me are invaluable. I grew from this experience of participating in this exchange program as I learned to be more independent and through my interactions with the Chinese student, I came to appreciate the differences between their and my culture, and that people's beliefs, behaviours and ways of thinking are rooted in traditions. From this experience, I see significance in having cross- cultural trainings, especially in the face of an increasingly globalised world. [170 words]

-----------

Thank you very much for the help and guidance :D

p.s. I am from Sinagpore, thus our education system might be a bit different from the States...

Writing Feedback / "This is the worst economy I've ever seen." - Personal Essay [3]

I would like to seek help to critique my essay for common application. Please be very critical, as I felt that this essay is not very good, and have a lot of improvements that need to be done. Thank you very much!!

COMMON APPLICATION - PERSONAL ESSAY
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you. (250 minimum)

-----------

"This is the worst economy I've ever seen."

This is how Alan Greenspan, former Chairman of the U.S. Federal Reserve, described the current subprime banking crisis. Indeed, as our world becomes increasingly globalised and interconnected, financial crisis are believed to have contractionary effects on the rest of the world economy. Thus, an issue that is of significant concern to me, be it personal, local, national or international will be the looming global recession brought about by the recent subprime mortgage crisis.

The U.S. subprime mortgage crisis began with events in 2007 and 2008, which causes plunging property prices, a slowdown in the U.S. economy, and billions in losses by banks. In September 2008, this problem was brought to attention as each day brought an extraordinary development that would have seemed astonishing just the day before. The US investment bank Lehman Brothers was allowed to go bust; Merrill Lynch was joined with the Bank of America in a forced merger while one of the world's largest insurers, American International Group (AIG), was bailed out. With the stability world financial market seem to be falling apart; it had also caused a precipitation of awareness of and attention to the economic implications of the subprime mortgage crisis. As Alan Greenspan would have called it, this situation is definitely a "once in a half century, probably once in a century type of event."

With the events escalating by each day, I realized that this banking crisis is no longer just a domestic problem - one that would only affect US housing markets. It will have such a far- ranging global impact that we, as global citizens, will be directly or indirectly adversely affected.

Countries, especially a small domestic economy like that of Singapore who relies on the strength of its booming export sector to bolter the nation's wealth and prosperity, hence establishing the health and survival of the nation's economy will definitely be one of the hardest hit nations. Singapore is considered to the most trade dependent country in the world, with its total trade volume exceeding four times of her GDP each year. Thus, with Singapore relying so heavily on the foreign sector for economic growth, employment and living, a dwindling export sector due to a world recession will invariably result in a ruptured economy, causing rising unemployment and slowing down of economic growth, which may stunt the development and progress of a nation.

Hence, I feel that this issue is definitely one that is of paramount importance to me, my family, my country and even everyone in the world since in today's globalised age, we have all become so interconnected that a flap of the butterfly's wings can set off a tornado around the world.

----------------------

Thanks a lot!

Undergraduate / Jigsaw puzzles / Singaporean experience - Diversity Essays [5]

Hi, I would like to have these essays to be edited and critiqued upon. Thank you!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world shaped your dreams and aspirations [approximately 500 words]

"I used to dread solving jigsaw puzzles, but one experience with the game two years ago changed my perception. Now, not only do I enjoy assuming the role of a puzzle solver, I also like to examine the many pieces of the puzzle and try to find the correlation between them, thereby using these relationships to piece the puzzles together into a diverse yet beautiful picture. As I solve more and more puzzles these days, I realize that just as jigsaw puzzles are comprised of many seemingly unrelated small and interlocking pieces which produce a complete masterpiece when all the jigsaw pieces are pieced together, the world I lived in is actually a collage of puzzles as well.

My multifaceted background and experiences can be portrayed by thetwo different types of puzzle pieces, the edge ones and the filling ones. These experiences have put together to shape me into whom I am today.

As a Singaporean, I often see myself as part of a "melting pot" of ideas, cultures, and people, in which different cultures and heritages have assimilated and evolved to create a single unique "Singaporean" culture.

Just as a jigsaw puzzle is never complete without its very important filling pieces, my family forms the other important aspect of my life. Since I was young, my parents have inculcated in me a great deal of perseverance, humility, responsibility and respect. Thus, these values eventually became the set of principles that I always stick to, allowing myself to look at things from different perspectives and to demonstrate a responsible personality to move towards my goals with great perseverance. I have learned much from my family. Without them I would not be the person I am today. I hope that with my values and the lessons learned from my parents I will be able to attain the educational pursuit which will equip me with the necessary knowledge for future studies.

During the two- week exchange program, we were given the opportunity to interact and attend classes together with the Chinese students. We talked about almost everything under the sun, from their daily activities to the incalculable types of Chinese cuisines from the different regions of China. They introduced the different regional Chinese cuisines, which are collectively better known as the "Eight Great Traditions" (八大菜系), to us while we enthralled them with the names of an entire range of local delights that are truly distinctive to Singapore ; the delectable Bat Kut Teh (pork- rib soup served in a broth of Chinese herbs and spices), the fragrant Hainanese chicken rice, and the Peranakan dishes which combines Chinese, Malay, and other cultural influences into an unique flavour.

----------------------------

If possible, please give me some comments regarding the contents of the essay as I am not sure if I had adequately answered the essay questions.

Undergraduate / 'my grades did not meet my standards' - University of California PROMPT #2 [3]

I would like this essay to be critiqued upon with regard to content (whether this has answered the prompt adequately) and any other grammatical errors. Thank you!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

----------------------------------------------

Among all of my qualities and talents, I feel that diligence, responsibility and perseverance are the most important qualities to me. It provided me with an opportunity to develop myself into a person that is highly motivated and eager to participate in new tasks & challenges.

From a young age, I have always had a keen interest in monetary matters and have developed a genuine interest in the field of economics. Thus, when I entered junior college two years ago, I decided to take up economics as one of my subjects to build up fundamentals and prepare myself for college courses. Indeed, I was intrigued by the mechanisms behind those economic concepts and the analytical approach required by the study of economics. However, as this subject was one which I had never taken before, thus there was a long time when I struggled with my economics classes. Nevertheless, I told myself that I should not throw in the towel that easily; instead I made it as a challenge for myself and set it as the obstacle that I had to face.

I understand that being responsible for my studies and putting my best foot forward are essential if I want to excel in this subject. I realize that if my grades did not meet my standards, it just mean that I did not try hard enough; I did not study hard enough. I want to be the protagonist in my own life instead of being an antagonist. My ambitions for college have been cultivated in this vision of always studying and advancing and any obstacle obstructing me must be defeated. Therefore, with my passion for economics and sheer determination, I kept myself busy by reading up more on economics reference books, economic- related magazines and consulting my economics tutor in my own time. My resolve was proven when I finally managed to break the glass ceiling and receive outstanding grades for economics. I continued to receive good grades in this subject for the duration of my study in junior college. Now I am proud of myself. Overcoming these challenges taught me about persistence and about being unfaltering in the face of adversities. Today, I would often try to push myself even more so that I can face new opponents and when I want to pursue something, I will charge forward like an enraged ram, dashing until my ambitions are met.

Every new struggle and challenge changes a person. It breeds character and prepares the individual for the next obstacle in the game of life. My background has allowed me to have the ability to take pride in my work and appreciate the opportunities I have been presented with. With the confidence and unbreakable perseverance I have developed triumphing over all of these difficulties, I know these qualities will help me excel in college and it will undoubtedly allow me to succeed in any facet of life.

--------------------------------------------

Thank you! Any comments will be very much appreciated :D

Undergraduate / Question regarding Uni of Virginia supplement essay [9]

The question is "what work of art, music, science, mathematics or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?"

The subject matter that I had chosen is pictures & images that made use of optical illusions. What I am going to talk about is that there is a need for us to look beyond the surface and not be misled by what our eyes see. What we see might not be the reality; it might be illusions, like how the images have deceived us. Also, it is important for us to look at things from different perspectives. For example, there are some pictures that may give completely different images depending on how we look at them.

I would like to know if this is a good approach to take for this essay and whether there is a need for me to specify a certain image or can I just use the general term.

Any comments or suggestions are very much appreciated :) Thank you very much!

Undergraduate / University of Wisconsin essays [3]

Hi, I wrote the below essay for another university, but intend to use it for one of the UW-Madison essays. I would like to ask for some help to take a look if this essay answers the prompt adequately or do I need to change/improve any parts to better suit the essay question.

-----------------------------------
If there is additional information you would like us to consider in reviewing your application, please share this with us as well. This is your opportunity to tell us things about yourself that have not been asked elsewhere if you believe they will help us become acquainted with you in ways different from courses, grades, and test scores.

Among all of my qualities and talents, I feel that diligence, responsibility and perseverance are the most important qualities to me. It provided me with an opportunity to develop myself into a person that is highly motivated and eager to participate in new tasks and challenges.

From a young age, I have always had a keen interest in monetary matters and have developed a genuine interest in the field of economics. Thus, when I entered junior college two years ago, I decided to take up economics as one of my subjects to build up fundamentals and prepare myself for college courses. Indeed, I was intrigued by the mechanisms behind those economic concepts and the analytical approach required by the study of economics. However, as this subject was one which I had never taken before, thus there was a long time when I struggled with my economics classes. Nevertheless, I told myself that I should not throw in the towel that easily; instead I made it a challenge for myself and set it as the obstacle that I had to face.

I understand that being responsible for my studies and putting my best foot forward are essential if I want to excel in this subject. I realize that if my grades did not meet my standards, it just mean that I did not try hard enough; I did not study hard enough. I want to be the protagonist in my own life instead of being an antagonist. My ambitions for college have been cultivated in this vision of always studying and advancing and any obstacle obstructing me must be defeated. Therefore, with my passion for economics and sheer determination, I kept myself busy by reading up more on economics reference books, economic- related magazines and consulting my economics tutor in my own time. My resolve was proven when I finally managed to break the glass ceiling and receive outstanding grades for economics. I continued to receive good grades in this subject for the duration of my study in junior college. Now I am proud of myself. Overcoming these challenges taught me about persistence and about being unfaltering in the face of adversities. Today, I would often try to push myself even more so that I can face new opponents and when I want to pursue something, I will charge forward like an enraged ram, dashing until my ambitions are met.

Every new struggle and challenge changes a person. It breeds character and prepares the individual for the next obstacle in the game of life. My background has allowed me to have the ability to take pride in my work and appreciate the opportunities I have been presented with. With the confidence and unbreakable perseverance I have developed triumphing over all of these difficulties, I know these qualities will help me excel in college and it will undoubtedly allow me to succeed in any facet of life.

-----------------------

Thank you very much for helping me :)

Undergraduate / 5 aspects ("life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests") [2]

I'm starting on another UW essay. However, I'm not very sure how to go about writing the essay. I would like to know if we have to talk about all 5 aspects ("life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests"), or can we just choose one to two of them to write about in our essay. Thank you!

As Singaporeans, we often see ourselves as essential ingredients in a "melting pot" of ideas, cultures and people. Different cultures and heritages have assimilated and evolved into this vibrant and distinct identity that embodies Singapore's blend of multi- cultural and multi- ethnic groups. This perception became apparent to me when I participated in an exchange program to China last year.

During the two- week exchange program, we were given the opportunity to interact and attend classes together with the Chinese students. We talked about almost everything under the sun, from their daily activities to the countless types of Chinese cuisines from the different regions of China. They introduced the different regional Chinese cuisines, which are collectively better known as the "Eight Great Traditions", to us while we enthralled them with the names of an entire range of local delights that are truly distinctive to Singapore; the delectable Bat Kut Teh (pork- rib soup served in a broth of Chinese herbs and spices), the fragrant Hainanese chicken rice, and the Peranakan dishes which combines Chinese, Malay, and other cultural influences into an unique flavor.

From our interesting conversations, I realized that although we all belong to the Chinese race, we are inherently different due to the diverse experiences we had for the past seventeen years. Indeed, we may look similar when viewed from afar, but upon close examination, it is obvious that each of us is unique; each is made up of separate sets of experiences and cultural backgrounds.

This exchange program has not only broadened my social horizons, but has also made me appreciate the importance and significance of cultural differences. I believe that by joining University of Wisconsin, I have so much to contribute and learn among the student body because of its great cultural diversity. Not only does UW provide me with the opportunity to achieve academic excellence but also to meet new people. I hope to share my multifaceted culture and experiences while at the same time be inspired by those of others. I believe with this understanding and appreciation, I can add to the diversity of the UW student body and prove to be a great asset to the university.