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Posts by lynnyang
Joined: Jul 22, 2011
Last Post: May 5, 2012
Threads: 5
Posts: 12  

From: china

Displayed posts: 17
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lynnyang   
May 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / ielts-scientific research done by companies [NEW]

Any one can offer some suggestions? I have problem with the Task Achievement part, i often feel my essays are not logical... lol

In today's world, it is private companies rather than governments who pay for and carry out most scientific research. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

There is a growing number of scientific research carried out by private companies.I believe this trend has more blessings than curses.

when most research are done by companies,this action will enjoy many merits.At first, compared with governments, companies can do research more efficiently because they are profit-driven.This means that new innovations can be released to the market more quickly,which not only can meet consumers demand, but can also drive the development of related industry. Moreover, in order to distract consumers from rival companies, it is likely for companies to reduce the price of their commodities,benefiting consumers economically. If it were not the competition in cell phone industry,consumers would be impossible to buy cell phones with less and less money. In addition,when research is done by companies, governments can also save funds,enabling them to make investments on addressing more urgent problems.

Nevertheless,research carried out by companies also suffer from downsides.The most alarming problem is that there are many companies researching on some products with hazardous impact on society. For example,some companies do research about weapons of mass destruction and sell them to different countries. It is the availability of these weapons that provided conditions for the eruption of some nuclear wars,leading to lots of injuries and casualties. In addition,some research like military research is related to secretes of a nation,making it less safe to be done by companies since companies may disclose confidential information to earn money. However,nowadays, many governments have realized those problems and legislation have been made to curb them. .

As a conclusion, though offering private companies the right to do research in scientific field have deremits,measures have been taken to mitigate those negative influence.Therefore, this phenomenon has more pluses than minuses .
lynnyang   
May 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Nuclear technology: Advantages and its risk [2]

I am a bit confused for your 2nd and 3rd paragraphs
based on your conclusion, "nuclear are very powerful sources of energy,if we use without proper way, it will invite lots of unimaginable harm too." but the disadvantages in second and third paragraphs are not about nuclear used in a wrong way... leaking and painful are not caused by improper use of nuclear .. maybe you can change your conclusion . or chose other examples .

BR
Lynn
lynnyang   
May 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / The use of internet should be institutionalized in a community [3]

HI .. thanks for your comment on my essay, you know my grammar is very bad, i just can give you some suggetions about the content of your essay.

um.. in my view, your essay is coherent and well-organized.But your supporting examples are all about children.. maybe you can talk about some negative impacts on adults, like the influence on our way of communicating with each other, less time is spent on socializing with friends on daily lives-make people feel less intimated than before

BR Lynn
lynnyang   
May 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / Ielts Task 2-should government spend money on saving languages [2]

HI guys .. I am going to take the test in one week... a bit nervous, and i still feel that my essay has lots of problems..

hope you can give me some suggestions . Thanks you !!

Some people think governments should spend money on measures to save languages with few speakers from dying out completely. Others think this is a waste of financial resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

290

Nowadays,nearly no country is immune from the problem of the extinction of some languages. However, people hold different opinions about whether governments should be responsible for rescuing those endangered languages. This essay discusses both sides of this argument and then I will give my own perspective on this topic.

Many people believe that it is imperative for governments to allocate funds to prevent some languages from dying out.For one thing,this action can enrich people's understanding of history,which may inspire them to some extent.There are many historical activities recorded by ancient languages which is at the risk of extinction today,making it possible for anthropologists to decipher historical mysteries by translating those information into modern languages. For another, given that most endangered languages speakers are people from minority groups and it is undeniable that languages can reflect culture,protecting those languages can probably allow the cultural characteristics of certain groups of people alive,preventing cultrual identity being jeopardized.

Nevertheless,there are people questioning the need for protecting moribund languages,claiming that the conservation of languages spoken by decreasing amount of people leads to a financial loss that outweighs the merits. This is because if governments want to preserve those languages,they may need to popularize them firstly.However, compared with those widely used languages such as Spanish,English,or Chinese, the areas where endangered languages are used is rather limited.As a result,less people apt to learn them. Hence,no matter how much money is spent on revitalizing those languages,the effectiveness may not be guaranteed,causing the investments being futile.

In my view,concerning about all those benefits conserving endangered languages can bring to society,governments should distributing money on this area.Though making them spoken by overwhelming number of people may not be possible,governments can only focus on the preserving the research and cultural value of them.
lynnyang   
May 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS topic: Increase in retiring age-agree or disagree [6]

Hi your essay is pretty good.!! but.. maybe ..you can include fewer points in the fourth paragraph and explain them more in detail.. that will make your essay more convincing
lynnyang   
Apr 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / Ielts- who have the greatest influence on the world [3]

Hi everyone, my third essay .. Thank you for your comments on my previous essays,your suggestions helped me alot.

Topic: Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

26
It is undeniable that our world is changing at an exponential rate. However,people hold distinctive opinions about who affects this phenomemon mostly.

77
Some people believe that politicans play the most paramount role in this case.This mainly because they are the person who set the vision of a country and launch related policies affecting a nation's future. For example, Araham Lincoln,the former President of US, unified United States and set it on the course to become the most powerful nation.Without this man, the US would probably has never donimated the world for decades,which would make the world today dramatically different.

89
Nevertheless, there are many people questioning this statement and they claim that scientists have the biggest impact on the world. Scientific achievements can promote the world's development. For instance,given that long-distance transportation tools have made it possible for products to be tranported between countries beyond boundaries,international trade has been promoted,which drived the economic growth globally. Meanwhile,science is also a negative force to the world.It is an abundance of green house gases emitted by vehicles and refrigerators that contributes to the global warming. Due to the temperature increase,many species of flora and fauna have become extinct.

45
In my opinion, there is no major influence on the world .Instead, the vision made by politicians and scientists' innovations are constantly interacting. It is the reciprocal impact of the two that shapes the world's characteristics and dictates how the world will develop.If this were not true, then we would be alble to predict the future world merely based on politicians' decisions.

As a conclusion,I believe,neither politicians nor scientists is the major influence on our society,but that both have powerful effects.

I feel the tense in the second paragraph is not very suitable,the example of long distance transportation..
I'm wondering if I used it in a wrong way

I am glad to hear your response
BR
Lynn
lynnyang   
Apr 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS topic- reduction in traffic jam by decrease in travel from home to other areas [3]

ah_zafari
Hi zafari,thanks a lot for your ideas about my essay. Your essay is pretty good and has lots of ideas.
My grammer is not very good, so I am not able to help u in this part.
but i can give u some suggestions about your structure.
The structure you used seems to be suitable for the "Disscuss both views and give your opinion" but this one is "To what extend do you agree or disagree' so you'd better change the first sentence of each main paragraph.

For eg: Some others, however, think that this solution is not possible in practice.
However,this solution is not possible in practice.--This is your point of you,do not use "others "
you can compare different types of essays on Cambridge IELTS Student Books,then you can see the structure very clearly..
Hope this can help you ^^
BR
Lynn
lynnyang   
Apr 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / Ielts-how to help poor countries? [4]

Thanks a lot.I have one more question, is it possible for me to change the first sentence in the second paragraph:
Admittedly, compared to other means of aid,financial aid suffers from several defects.
lynnyang   
Apr 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / Student to Pay Tuition Fees? - Yes or No [3]

HI,sorry I can not give you any suggestion now, can you tell me whether it is a GRE ,IETLS or Tofel essay? It looks like a GRE ..AW. When I know the type of your essay, i'd love to give you some help^^
lynnyang   
Apr 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Repeat the same or Try new things? [5]

Your essay is well organized, and your idea is clear..
But if I were you, I would add more things in the second and third paragraph,maybe some analysis of causes and effects,that would make your essay more convincing.

Cheers.
Lynn
lynnyang   
Apr 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / Ielts-how to help poor countries? [4]

Rich countries often give financial aid to poor countries, but it does not solve poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than the financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

52
Although people's living standard has been improved exponentially in the past mellennia,there are still some countries with the majority of their people living under the poverty line. It is suggested that offering financial support to those areas is futile. We'd rather find alternative types of assistance. However, I disagree with this statement.

99
It is understandable that why many people hold this view. For one thing, given that financial resources are more likely to address urgent problems such as food scarcity and shortage of dwellings, their impacts on a country's development can hardly last long. In contrast, other means of aid which include sending specialists to recipent countries and donating them advanced machines can contribute to more sustainable development,and it is the continuty that guarantee a country's well-being. For another, it is possible that domestic politicians may fail to allocate the money effectivly or they may embezzle it themselves,leading to great losts.

100
Nevertheless, financial aid also plays an inevitable role in revitalizing a region.It is true that this method can only alleviate the most immediate hazards. However,if those problems can not be curbed,people's survival will be jeoperdized,let alone thriving in society.For example,if a country is too poor to provide sufficient food to feed its citizens,their health condition can not be garanteeded,which causes the shrink of labour force. No matter how much professional experience a country can learn from others and how much cutting-edge techonology it possesses, lacking people to utilize those resources, this country is impossible to extricate itself from a plight.

26
As a conclusion,granted that other means of helping impoverished areas have more advantages than financial aid,the paramount role financial funding plays should not be overlooked.

Any one can give me some suggestion about this essay? I still think my last paragraph is too short,do you have any idea about it?

Thanks a lot
lynnyang   
Apr 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / IETLS-the only way to protect the environment is at an international level [7]

Thank you so much peter, I will pay more attention to the grammer part next time。
I think I write it too slow, normally use about 8 min to think about the structure and thirty minutes on writing, so I often feel short of time to proof read. How much time do you use for different parts?

BR
Lynn
lynnyang   
Apr 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / Change in life- Two different opinions. [5]

hi Zafari,you used lots of explanation method to expand your topic, your ideas are very clear^^
but like xyx0905 said, you can expand your main paragraphs with more specific ideas.

This is the method I often use. When I prepare a new topic, i will figure about the key words in this topic. For example, the kw for your topic are "same thing " and "change".Then I will think about the extension of these kw.

Same thing:
study related--academic fields
work related --same job
entertainments&habits--chose to travel to same place or same style of clothes,.food etc .
change: the catagories are the same as above

then you can explain each sub-idea by talking about the causes and effects

Hope this can help you^^

Cheers
Lynn
lynnyang   
Apr 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / IETLS-the only way to protect the environment is at an international level [7]

Thanks for your opinion Zafari, that is very helpful^^
How about this conclude the essay in this way:

As a conclusion, international cooperation is vital for solving invironmental problems, individual countries and person ,however,also have the ability to tackle this issue.
lynnyang   
Apr 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / IETLS-the only way to protect the environment is at an international level [7]

Hi everyone, this is my first essay posted here. My goal is to get a 8 in the exam after three weeks.. That is must be very difficult,but I have to work hard on it.

Topic:
Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual persons to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

44
Environmental pollution has been deteriorating at an exponential rate.It is believed that this nagative trend can only be slowed down by interntaional cooperation rather than by countries' individual work. However, I suppose both individual and international efforts are paramount to the conservation of environment.

117
It is true that many environmental hazards need to be curbed internationlly.For one thing ,given that most enironmental problems are caused by human behaviours gloably,it is less likely for them to be solved by relying on the efforts of few countries. For example, it is mainly the increased greenhouse gas emmisions worldwide that contribute to the global warming.If only few countries reduce their emmisions accompanying by continuous pollution of other countries,this phenomenon will by no means disappear. For another,granted that all countries can make their efforts voluntarily, addressing this problem internationaly can raise more funding and bring together specialists of broader fields without boundar, which makes big environmental concerns to be tackled effectively.

105
Nevertheless,contributions of individual countries and individual pereson are not futile in this case. Individual's efforts are necessary to improve environment because the world is made up by individual person and the collective efforts of every individual will make a difference. When everyone swifts from using traditional paper to those made of renewable materials, factories will stop cutting tress, reducing deforestation. Meanwhile, governments are able to take many measures to address problems confined to their own countires.For instance, by imposing stiff penalties ,governments can enhance legislation about discharging industrial waste, detering factories from continuing destroy the invironment.

As a conclusion, in order to solve enviromental issues,neither international efforts and individual contributions can be neglected.

Any one can give me some suggestions?
lynnyang   
Apr 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / IETLS GT 2: should there be free health services? [9]

hi Peterc, I feel like your essay is not very logical. THe task achievement part need to be improved. The topic is about whether health service should be provided free of charge.Your opinion in the first paragraph is very clear,but it seems that your argument is a bit confusing.

Here is my structure plan,you can have a look^^:
P1: intro+your opinion
P2: talk about the rationality about the opinion you disagree with: government should provide free medical service for many reasons: ...
a: advantage: benefits individuals economically -save money
b. adavantage2: benefits to the society: people can receive medical treatment in time-more healthy-high productivity
P3: Granted that this method has many merits, it also suffers lots disadvantages. Giving your reasons and examples to support this.
a.less payment of doctors -reduced working morale
b.latest medical treatment expensive-fail to benefit people
c.too much financial burden to the country
P4: conclusion
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