Writing Feedback / Narrative Essay about ghosts - trouble placing my thesis [2]

Greetings!

A thesis helps orient the reader to know what your essay is about. That's why you should include it in the first paragraph. It sets the groundwork for the rest of the essay.

If you don't like "Ever since I was young," you could say "From an earl age" or "Since childhood..."

Don't go too crazy with your commas; note where I've removed some for you and added another:
People [delete in the past] have made countless claims reporting the apparitions they have seen or encountered. Children, especially, are more commonly known to have interactions with ghosts. It is believed that this is because children have not yet had years to adjust their thinking of what to accept or not accept as reality.

All the sudden - The expression is "All of a sudden"; it seems that "all of a sudden" many people have begun to say it differently--perhaps it will eventually evolve, but for now, it's still "all of a sudden."

I never had another encounter with my grandmother, or any other spirit for that matter.

What a scary experience! Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Beowulf Essay help [2]

Greetings!

You've written a great essay! I have just a few editing suggestions:

For a person to be selfless, he or she needs to care about others more than he or she cares about him or her self. - While I can appreciate the attempt to be gender-neutral, a less awkward way of doing it would be to say "For people to be selfless, they must care about others more than themselves."

"destroy evil wherever it exists, not merely to protect his own people or his own interests."

and even received a Nobel Prize because of her work.

Apparently, we are still an Anglo-Saxon society.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Faerie Queene Book I--Help editing/criticizing my 4 page paper [4]

Greetings!

Sorry, but we can't provide our free help through email. You will need to post your essay here if you want some editing advice.

Thanks,

EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Should marketers be allowed to target children in their ad campaigns? [3]

Greetings!

I think you've written a very good essay! Here are some editing suggestions:

[ delete: This is given that] Children under the age of ten lack cognitive development and are more susceptible to being influenced by the media because they are unable to comprehend the intentions of marketers.

All media are constructions that ultimately know how to skillfully persuade children into consuming their products.

This seems rather unjust to have children exposed to media - You are making an argument in order to persuade; using "seems" and "rather" weakens your argument considerably. Be more definitive.

Subsequent to the viewing of the ad showing Spiderman in action, children have been commonly known to imitate the violent behaviors and actions of this super hero. This reveals how young children are easily influenced by products of media as they desire and attempt to experience the events they were just exposed to. In the James Bulger case-where two ten year old boys lured a two year old boy away from his mother leading him to the train tracks where they then proceeded to beat him with stones-it was proposed that media was somewhat responsible for this violent behaviour. This is because the crime played out by the two perpetrators was similar to the schemes in Child's Play 3 and evidence shows that they were both subjected to this film prior to committing the crime.

[delete: This is given that] Every child on the playground may have obtained this popular, new gadget and the child who hasn't tends to be excluded and taunted by the others.

and this is considered unjust, - By whom? Again, this weakens your argument, which can stand on its own without additions like this.

here are also claims that encourage marketers in targeting children. - Who is making these claims? You need to either explain this, or, if that will take you too far off-topic--and I think it might--leave it out.

Nonetheless, given the amount of consumerism in our world today, [delete: indicates that] even the adults who were targeted in ads at a young age have continued to be influenced by media.

One more note to your revision--add some commas: a child's favorite super hero, i.e., Spiderman, is essentially

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Help with Law and Contracts Assignment! [5]

Greetings!

The laws in the United Kingdom are very different from the laws here in the U.S. (I'm assuming you are wanting UK law). I can't give you specifics on UK laws, but might be able to guide you in the right direction. You should be able to find statutes on private limited companies which set out the regulations on names, memorandum of association, and resolutions. Use your school library's resources to search for these statutes. You might also want to check out articles in law journals on that topic. I know that in my state's bar journal, there are often articles describing such things as how to start a limited partnership or the latest statutory changes on limited liability companies, and so forth.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Definition of Education-Need filter words & eliminate repetition paragrap. [14]

Greetings!

I think it's great that you've gone back to school! It will be a challenge, but one well worth the work! Here are some editing tips:

Our first teachers, who were are parents that brought us into this world, raised us, become responsible for their children's education from five to eighteen years old, so teachers can enlighten students to become knowledgeable and prepare them for college. - This is confusing. It starts out talking about our parents, but seems to end up talking about teachers in school. I might rewrite it like this: "Our first teachers were our parents. They brought us into this world, raised us, and became responsible for enlightening us to become knowledgeable adults." This has the feel of a good introduction, but since your essay is about school teachers and not parents, you need a sentence to connect this to the following sentence, so that they flow into each other. I would advise making the paragraph something like this: "Our first teachers were our parents. They brought us into this world, raised us, and became responsible for enlightening us to become knowledgeable adults. But the bulk of a child's learning, especially that which prepares him or her for college and a career, will come in the classroom. In providing a good education, teachers are the most important ingredient in shaping student's lives."

Then, in the next paragraph, you can go on to become more specific about how this education takes place:

"Students benefit from a good education if they have excellent teachers, books, and funding. Federal funding supports and provides teachers good books, supplies and a safe environment to meet at the elementary, junior high, high school and college level. Teachers are artists who gather and interpret books for students to comprehend at the appropriate level of understanding. It's important for teachers to have good classroom setups, appropriate technology, and visual aids. It helps if they also have a good sense of humor, the ability to discipline, and a love for teaching."

I'm not sure that the student/teacher ratio really belongs in this paragraph. Remember that every sentence in the paragraph needs to be on the same topic. It's even a bit of a jump from federal funding to teachers-as-artists. Try to make it as cohesive as possible, so your reader won't feel that s/he's bouncing around from one topic to another.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Letters / Letter to Financial Aid Office - FAFSA and CSS [8]

Greetings!

I think your letter is very well-written! I have just a few editing suggestions:

I realize that my parents' current IRS income tax forms do not reflect a big difference but that's because our major struggle only began at the end of that year.

To make matters worse, my father's union, which provided our family with medical benefits, has now cut them off because he hasn't been working. So now my family, aside from being without one source of income, is also without health care.

We do not know when this problem will be resolved. My father's worker's compensation trial will not begin until April 10, 2008, and even after the trial, it will take many weeks--probably months--to come to a resolution.

P.S: I have attached supporting documents of my father's injury, worker's compensation, and pending court trial.

I hope your letter is met with success--good luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / I'm having trouble finding info for a High School Senior-level res. paper [3]

Greetings!

Professional journals in the field are usually the best sources of this kind of information. Have you tried looking at the Journal of Technology Education? Its issues are available free online and cover a wide range of topics in the field. You might also want to try T.H.E. Journal, which has articles about the technology schools are using and the impact it has on them.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Definition of Education-Need filter words & eliminate repetition paragrap. [14]

Greetings!

You've done a lot of hard work! There are some areas where I felt you did not really answer the question, though. For example:

4) In paragraph 13 Holt says, "Lets get rid of all the nonsense of grades, exams, marks."

Do you agree? What would be the advantages and disadvantages of this course of action?

No I disagree.

Advantages a teacher would give you both guidance and direction. School ground would be in a protective environment to share ideas between other students without any judgment. If the teacher shows you personally, visual aids this would help us better understand and comprehend the variety of subjects and material. All depends how the teacher presents the visual aids. Without homework assignments assigned to us, how would we gain experience in class. - It doesn't say anything about getting rid of teachers or school grounds; the author was referring to grading students' performance.

Disadvantages no incentives, gangs would form, more disputes resulting in domestic violence. Students who don't care turn to substance abuse becoming addicts: drugs or alcohol. Gangs would stake their claim territory feeling they have power or control over another student. - If this is meant to be in response to the same comment, it is way off-topic.

There is no interaction with the teacher. Ratio assign to how many students, perhaps 30 students) is assign to one teacher has its benefits. There would be more quality time spent with one student assign to a teacher. The smaller the class size the more time spent will allow us to learn more. - I'm confused; where does the question talk about class size ratio?

I felt that really only the last two questions you wrote answered the question, and they should really not be in the form of questions.

For the bold can I used the word independantly
By allowing children a chance to be independant will allow children taking control of their own education. - Yes, you can say "independent" but be sure to spell it correctly. :-)

It was a little difficult to tell which parts you were asking about, but I think your question referred to this: However education has become more and more digitalized in a classroom environment replacing teachers by home learning experience sometimes referred to distant learning. I would take out "However" and start the sentence with "Education..."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Hong Kong for mainland tourists - article [2]

Greetings!

You've done a good job! Here are some editing tips:

Under Individual Visit Scheme, people from the mainland find it easier and more convenient to visit Hong Kong. With more and more Chinese provinces involved in this scheme, mainland tourists have become one of the most important visitors that Hong Kong's tourist industry hinges on. Because of this, our magazine has conducted a survey, interviewing 1011 mainland tourists at several tour spots, to find out their feelings about Hong Kong and Hong Kong people.

and truly convince them that Hong Kong is a modern city.

The selling of fake products is rampant in the mainland's marking. - Did you mean market?

Mainland people have lost their confidence in buying things there, especially when they want to buy technologies, jewelry and health products, and prefer to buy them in Hong Kong instead.

easy way to identify which shops are more trustworthy was by checking whether there is a 'confidence label' stuck on the glass of the shop's front door.

Additionally, mainland tourists thought that Hong Kong people are civilized.

roads in Hong Kong are often busy, crowded, and full of exhaust fumes, which makes breathing uncomfortable

conducting more research about the damage the problem has inflicted on Hong Kong's tourism. Also, they should promote and subsidize the study of Putonghua to encourage people to better their Putonghua Language skills.

With the improvement, mainland tourists would find visiting Hong Kong a perfect experience.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Help on the poem Bully [5]

Greetings!

Sure, if you'd like to post your analysis, I'd be happy to have a look at it for you and give you some feedback!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Cause and effect shopping - Need Help [4]

Greetings!

I did not really understand your question about a "truth direction," but I would be happy to help with some editing. :-)

Like kinds of other addiction, shopping addiction is caused by uncontrollable regular habits. This habit will worsen and happen more often when shopping addicts have emotional stresses. For example, when they are sad, lonely, or bored, they go shopping without really thinking to reduce stress. To satisfy shopping famine and thirst, shopping addicts are ready to buy even unneeded goods. Lack of control in shopping addictive behavior is also formed by media such as the internet, print advertisements and TV. Advertising attract shoppers through "big sale programs," and the internet provides "Online buying" that satisfies instant demands for shopping addicts. This easy access can become a habit. Thus, a frequent habit leads to loss of control and, eventually, addictive behaviors for those who are susceptible.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / My main goal is to be a manufacturing engineer with a six sigma black belt. [3]

Greetings!

I always think it's fun to take an essay and cut it down to a specific word requirement--as long as it's someone else's essay! It's very hard to "murder your children" as one writer put it, referring to cutting out the words one has so carefully crafted. So, I took the pain out of it and did it for you! :-)) It is now 298 words:

My primary career goal is to be a manufacturing engineer with a six sigma black belt. I believe I have the skills and experience to achieve this, but experience and skills are nothing without motivation and passion.

I have been in manufacturing since I was a child growing up in Peru. From an early age I had a natural curiosity about how things are made. I worked in an aftermarket automotive factory; I loved to see parts being produced from raw materials to finished goods. My goal to be a manufacturing engineer seemed an impossible dream due to my family's economic situation, but when you want something enough, there are no limits, so I taught myself processes and techniques while earning money to pay for high school. I could have dropped out and worked more hours, but my mother, who did not have the opportunity to go to school, taught us that education is the only thing that nobody can steal from you.

After two years of military service, I returned to my manufacturing career with even more motivation and army-instilled discipline. I enrolled in a technical school to earn an associate's degree in manufacturing. I worked as an engineer at a metal injection factory for over 5 years until I immigrated to this country, and have spent the last four years learning the language, the culture and the manufacturing business while focusing on my goals. I now face the education barrier, and in order to succeed, I need a degree. After some research, I decided that the school with the program that fits my needs is FSC. A degree from FSC will make my dream come true because hard work, perseverance and a dream with the right tools and education is a guarantee for a successful career.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / 8-10 page research paper using MLA citing?? [2]

Greetings!

Citing correctly can be a real challenge! In general, it is not necessary to use paragraph numbers when citing in MLA. If you were citing a web page on a site that did not have numbered pages, you might need to, but otherwise, the page number should suffice. The trick to proper referencing is to remember that not only do direct quotations require a reference, but paraphrased ideas do, as well. If you use someone else's ideas, you must include a reference, regardless of the fact that you changed it by paraphrasing. You can use phrases which continue to indicate where you got the information:

Smith found that sleep disorders affected health (217). "The results were indisputable that REM sleep is vital" (Smith 219). But the most surprising result was that deep sleep was even more important than REM, according to Smith's exhaustive studies, particularly the Boston study (235). There, a group of seventeen men and 15 woman had outcomes with dramatic results. This was a completely new way of looking at the sleep cycle. [No need to cite again, if this information is on the same page]. This promises to be a great help for the treatment of insomnia, and shows that ensuring proper amounts of the right kind of sleep should be emphasized by family physicians to their patients. [No need to cite if this is your own idea.]

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Observation Activity In Jane Eyre [2]

Greetings!

You've written some marvelous descriptive prose! I have just a few editing suggestions:

"Swaying gently in the chilly January breeze, with as much grace as a dancer, I marveled over how something so tall could create such light, elegant loveliness." - This kind of sentence can be tricky, as it does not start with a subject. What you have said here is, in essence, "swaying in the breeze, I marveled..." In other words, it was you who was swaying. The same sentence structure occurs here: "Sneaking into a hole just above my head, I heard the pit-a-pat of his little feet." Again, it was you who was sneaking and not the squirrel. Remember that when the sentence starts with a description like that, the first word after the comma needs to be the noun to which the action was referring. So, you could say, "Sneaking into a hole just above my head, the squirrel scampered merrily, his little feet dancing a pit-a-pat" ... or words to that effect. And speaking of effect, that's a word that can be tricky, as well:

The bird did nothing to affect the figure, however.

Here, you need to keep your tenses the same: Stepping away, the sun finally gone to sleep, and taking in the tree as a whole, I felt emotions that had never before taken me over.

Your last sentence confused me: "Inklings of thoughts that I had witnessed an understated miracle still swarming my imagination." It's a sentence fragment that also does not really state clearly what you are trying to say. Try rewriting this one.

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Cause and effect shopping - Need Help [4]

Greetings!

I think you have some good ideas! Will you be writing only about shopping as an addiction? If so, there might be more to the "cause" than just wanting to look good. Addictive behaviors usually have deeper roots, often stemming from low self-esteem and insecurity, or depression. You are right about the financial effects; there could even be legal problems, if the shopping addict spends too much on credit cards or begins shoplifting to feed their shopping habit.

I hope this helps with some ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Argumentative Essay that requires five outside sources - Question [2]

Greetings!

I think you will need to find at least a couple of sources that support your side of the argument. Certainly, mentioning the opposition viewpoint and giving your reasons why you feel it is wrong is also good. But try to find some sources on your side as well. Check out religious organizations, anti-abortion groups, and other conservative-leaning groups. I know there are some websites that argue against emergency birth control in hospital ERs...perhaps they also touch on the parental consent issue.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Computer addiction - Need writing topic ideas for my cause and effect essay [8]

Greetings!

That sounds like a very good topic for a cause-and-effect essay! The cause, of course, is the addiction itself; the effects are the ones you mentioned, but I can think of a few more. For example, they may not only neglect their work, but also their family members and friends. Some people end up living a "virtual" life and doing very little outside the internet. As far as health concerns, not only vision problems, but carpal tunnel syndrome from typing or using a joystick, back problems, blood clots from sitting in the same chair too much, weight gain from lack of exercise...the list goes on and on!

Let me know if you need some editing help once you have a rough draft! :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Imagination; Never ending - help on my cinquain poem [4]

Greetings!

I think you've done a great job with your cinquain poem! I especially like your description on Line 4. The only question I would have is about Line 2. As you know, Line 2 is to contain two adjectives which describe the noun on Line 1; technically, "never-ending" is one word, a hyphenated adjective. Now, that may be just fine; I suppose it depends how picky one wants to be. Personally, I like your poem just the way it is! :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Can't Find Primary Sources!!! On Trujillo and his Women [2]

Greetings!

Finding primary sources can certainly be a challenge! If you didn't find any by searching directly, what about citations in secondary sources? A brief internet search showed me that there is a book which contains some primary sources: Foundations of Despotism: Peasants, the Trujillo Regime, and Modernity in Dominican History. By Richard Lee Turits. Stanford: Stanford University Press, 2003. I could not access the article which reviewed this book, but the brief reference to it did say it contains a lot of primary sources. That's where I'd start: with non-primary sources that cite primary ones. Failing that, I'd suggest asking your instructor, if s/he is at all approachable.

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Scholarship / unique learning experience/ independence; What this scholarship would give me? [4]

Greetings!

I think you've improved it! Here are some more editing tips:

Receiving a scholarship would give me an opportunity to attend FFA. I'm interested in this school because I feel FFA will provide the best environment for academic growth. I feel the academic programs offered here will greatly prepare me for realizing my current career goal of family medicine. Being able to study at FFA will provide me better college opportunities and excellence in writing, vocabulary, speaking skills and critical thinking skills that will be useful when I get to college. Additionally, it has always been one of my dreams to be able to go to a boarding school. Being able to attend a boarding school would give me a unique learning experience. It would let me gain independence, and I would be striving to adapt in a foreign area. The scholarship would help pay off some of the tuition fees and it would make it more affordable for my parents to let me go to FFA. Receiving a scholarship would help me achieve my dreams, help my parents with tuition fees, and give me a boost of motivation to do my best in my studies. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something major, and I believe that attending FFA on scholarship would be exactly that: a major accomplishment.

Good luck in your future studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Any personal accomplishments that have given satisfaction [2]

Greetings!

You've written a nice little essay! I'm happy to give you some feedback.

The most recent personal accomplishment that has given me considerable satisfaction is being able to skateboard. I always admire those people who are able to skate. They all seem so dedicated to what they do; even if they fail at landing a trick they keep on trying.

At first I couldn't keep my balance, and tended to fall down a lot.

As soon as I got my balance, Marcos taught me how to ride the skateboard step by step, and I finally got it down.

Even though I can't do any tricks with my skateboard, if I keep on trying I know I'll learn some, eventually. All the scrapes and bruises I got while learning how to skate were worth it because it was something I had been wanting to do for a while, and it brought me and my friends closer to one another.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / does this sentence make sense? "I watched the small playful ping pong ball..." [9]

Greetings!

No, I'm afraid the sentence does not really make sense. :-) My advice would be to simplify, simplify, simplify! Try shortening the sentence--make it two, if need be. Also, don't use a $10 word if a $1 word will do. Only use words like "extenuation" if you are sure that you are doing so correctly, and it is the very best word choice for that sentence. Try rewriting the sentence a bit simpler and then run it by me again. :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Scholarship / unique learning experience/ independence; What this scholarship would give me? [4]

Greetings!

Here are some editing tips for you:

Receiving a scholarship would give me an opportunity to attend FFA. I would like to attend FFA because it seems like a really great school and it has always been one my dreams to be able to go to a boarding school. Being able to attend a boarding school would give me a unique learning experience, would let me gain independence, and I would be striving to adapt in a foreign area. The scholarship would help pay off some of the tuition fees and it would make it more affordable for my parents to let me go to FFA. Receiving a scholarship would help me achieve one of my dreams, help my parents with tuition fees, but it alsogives me a boost of motivation to do my best in my studies, and also gives me a feeling of accomplishing something major.

Those are my grammatical suggestions. I would also suggest that you try to make the essay a bit more specific to that school. Saying it "seems like a really great school" makes it sound like you don't really care which school you go to as long as it's a boarding school. And it's a bit obvious that getting a scholarship will help with tuition. Try to talk more about your goals for the future.

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Starting my cause and effect essay about women delaying having children [8]

Greetings!

I think your essay makes some very good points! Here are some editing suggestions:

If choosing to wait until later some of the advantages involve: more maturity, better care for the child financially, and helping the child understand their dreams are attainable. - Better would be: Some of the advantages arising from delaying having children include the greater maturity of the parent, greater financial security, and improved parenting skills. A parent who has already achieved success in life can better help a child to understand that dreams are attainable.

Financially, you are able to afford all the things that are needed to comfortably raise a child. - Don't suddenly switch to second person (you); keep it in third person.

With someone choosing to achieve their life goals first and having children later in life they are able to show their children as they grow up that goals can be achieved. - I'd eliminate this sentence as it is a bit awkward, and you can put this information in as I did, above.

As women get older, they are less likely to be able to conceive and carry a child to term.

As stated above, there are some that want to work on their career first so that they can provide for their child financially. Others may not be able to find their ideal mate until later in life which could cause a delay in parenting. Either way you look at it, parenting is a big responsibility but a person is never to old to love and cherish what a child brings to life.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / King Lear essay tracing Lear's progress in Act 2 [24]

Greetings!

I have edited the grammar problems for you:

The decisions one makes can influence the course of one's journey through life, all stemming from a single moment in time. In William Shakespeare's tragic play, King Lear, the title character is a flawed man whose inability to see the truth in front of him leads to his downfall. King Lear's journey through the play takes him on a path from denial to rage to isolation, leaving him, in the end, a broken fragment of the king he once was. His denial stems from his not being able to see his daughters' true colors. This denial leads to his rage, when he perceives that Regan and Cornwall are being thoughtless of his authority. Lear then descends into isolation, in hopes of redefining who he is. Lear moves through stages in his life before any wisdom can be gained, resulting in his becoming a victim to his own poor choices. [I'm not really sure what you mean by "stages in his life" ...]

It is said denial is "an unconscious defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts, feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable (dictionary.com)." King Lear's denial derives from his blindness towards Regan and Cornwall's deceitful actions. He cannot see his daughter's and her husband's true motives, since they are masked by lies and deception. Lear and his followers arrive at Gloucester's castle. Kent hails the king, who promptly asks who has placed his messenger in stocks. When Lear finds out it was Regan and Cornwall who did this to Kent, Lear immediately refuses to believe they would imprison and disgrace someone in their King's employ: "They durst not do't: They could not, would not do't---tis worse than murder" (II.iv. 212-214). The fact that Lear convinces himself that his daughter and Cornwall would not mistreat his servant, Ken, shows his denial and aptitude for self-deception.

By being in denial, Lear can avoid the harsh reality that his daughters, Goneril and Regan, as well as Regan's husband, Cornwall, do not respect his authority. To circumvent the truth, he makes an excuse for Cornwall's devious behavior: "No, but not yet, maybe he is not well/ Infirmity doth still neglect all office/ Whereto our health is bound/ We are not ourselves," (II. Iv. 294-297). Lear suggests that, when sick, an individual constantly neglects performances of duties that he is bound to carry out when in health. This reason excuses Cornwall for disrespecting Kent. Even though Lear attempts to solve this problem, he stands in fierce denial of his loss of authority. He no longer has power, only the title, King. His unbelieving denial develops into a powerful rage.

King Lear becomes enraged when he witnesses his daughters' lack of respect towards his commands. His inability to believe what he is seeing causes him to become outraged. In desperation, Lear begs Regan to shelter him, but she refuses: "Good sir, no more. These are unsightly tricks/Return to my sister" (II.IV.346-47). Regan shows little compassion for her father who is in need of her charity. Rather than providing their father with shelter, both Regan and Goneril toy with his emotions. They take the position of being leaders, while Lear becomes a distressed "follower." They tell Lear that he cannot live with either one of them if he has over twenty-five men: "If you will come to me/...I entreat you/ To bring but five and twenty: to no more." (II.IV 416-18) By them denying him his men, they are taking away his authority.

Lear is able to see Regan is inconsiderate of his emotions. He immediately explodes with anger: "Allow not nature more than nature needs/Man's life is a cheap as beasts. (II.IV.453-55). (Can you help me explain what this means?) [Lear is expressing anger by comparing his life to that of an animal. Animals, being inferior to humans, Lear is saying that he is being treated as less than human.] Lear embodies such rage that he curses Goneril, who has a "sharp-tooth unkindness towards him" (II.Iv.132): "My curses on her" (II.IV.334). His rage resulted in him invoking evil on his daughters, since they made a mockery out of him: " I pray you father, being weak, seem so" (II.IV.390). Regan views her father as a senile, weakened king, who no longer can handle control. Lear sees the dishonor his daughters have for him. This provokes him to be frantic, and to seek revenge on his egotistical daughters: "To bear it tamely; touch me with noble anger/...You unnatural hags/ I will have such revenges on you both/That all the world shall-I will do such things/... O fool I shall go mad" (II.IV.465-75).

Lear was blinded by Regan and Cornwall's love in which he denied their immorality. Yet when he had to accept the truth that his daughters were his "corrupted blood," he became filled with anger. His uncontrollable rage evolves into a sad isolation.

Carlos Salinas once stated, "Isolation is a self-defeating dream." When King Lear loses his authority, he turns to isolation, in an effort to regain some purpose in his life before it slips away. After the confrontation amongst Lear and his daughters, Cornwall asks Gloucester (The Earl), where King Lear was departing: "Alack, the night comes on, and the high winds/Do sorely ruffle; for many miles about/There's scarce a bush" (II.IV.490-92). Lear ventures furiously out into the storm of his own accord. The king would rather experience a dark and chaotic night, than to keep the companionship of his daughters who demand that he abandon his followers.

The coming storm signals the disarray in Lear's life. Regan shows no remorse for her father and his sorrow: "Shut up your doors" (II.IV.302). This is a symbolic force of alienating King Lear. Before he leaves, Lear establishes he is truthfully saddened: "Or e'er I'll weep" (II.IV.475). By isolating himself, he will be able to reflect and go through a purgatorial suffering only to gain some sort of wisdom. Lear sets out into the storm to find a better version of himself.

Shakespeare's tragic play, King Lear, follows the life of a damaged man, who is blinded by his love for his self-seeking daughters. King Lear transitions from denial, to rage to isolation. This causes him to grow weaker, and to no longer be the strong willed king that he once was. The passion he has for his daughters hinders him from seeing the their true motives. When having to accept reality, Lear engages in denial, since he is tormented that his daughters are rather wicked. His refutation leads to his rage, since he is able to witness Goneril, Regan and Cornwall, do not obey his authority. After being rejected, Lear then decides to isolate himself, in hope of rediscovering who he is. Lear's "passion and shame tormented him, which led to his rage to be mingled with his grief." He was once a king who held great power, but became weakened by his vulnerabilities, which were, eventually, his downfall.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on multiple intelligences and learning styles [14]

Greetings!

I think it has turned out very well! I'm not sure that I understood your question about appendixes. Are you talking about making the surveys appendixes? Appendixes are often used to present unpublished tests, surveys or other materials.

The form of an Appendix is as follows:
1. Start each Appendix on a separate page.
2. Heading: the word Appendix is centered on the first (double-spaced) line below the header. If there is more than one appendix, use letter names: Appendix A, B, C, etc.

3. Indent the first line by 5 to 7 spaces.
4. Use the label of the Appendix when citing it in the text: (Appendix B) (as you already have done).
You can see an example of an APA-formatted Appendix here: vanguard.edu/uploadedFiles/psychology/appendix.pdf

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / First half - Iago guilt paper [3]

Greetings!

Here are some editing tips for you:

In Shakespeare's play Othello, Iago shows as guilty all of Othello's tragedies, indeed Othello is a wellspring of his tragedy. - I'm really not sure what this means, particularly "Iago shows as guilty all of Othello's tragedies"; that does not really make sense.

Actually Othello is a flabby and jealous man at least who could not believe his fair wife.
- I'm not sure if "flabby" is what you really meant. It means he's out of shape, physically, which would be at odds with "Othello's outside looks strong"

He is a respected person; he is the pride of Venice. His fame, and his age is enough to inspect and to understand what happens, but he can't.- "inspect" is not the right word; I think maybe you meant "to be introspective"

He hasn't any confidence. Before Iago begins his scheming, he already has his doubts about Desdemona because he said "she lov'd me for the dangers I had pass'd." (I, iii, 167) He is unsure why Desdemona loves him. - There are way too many pronouns in this sentence; it is difficult to tell which "he" or "him" you are referring to.

Othello hasn't any reason to not believe his wife Desdemona. She is a smart and a strong woman who has the capacity to fascinate others, but she truly madly loves Othello for who he is.

That she loves Othello is obvious, but she has allowed her emotions to override her intellect is disproved by this speech. - I can't really follow this. Are you saying she has or has not allowed her emotions to override her intellect?

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Starting my cause and effect essay about women delaying having children [8]

Greetings!

I think you're off to a good start with your thesis. There are several ways to look at this issue as cause and effect. The cause of the delay in having children, as you point out, can be more than one thing. But you'll also want to discuss the effects this has on their lives. Some women, for example, wait too long and find out that they can't have children any more; fertility diminishes with age. On the other hand, many women who do get pregnant later say that they are glad they waited, because they bring more maturity to their parenting.

I hope this gives you some ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "The Soldier's Duty" - Argumentive Photo Essay need help with more Ideas [6]

Greetings!

I think you're doing a good job with the description; I'll give you some help with the grammar:

War is when two sides disagree, forcing soldiers to be trained and prepare themselves to perform the evil actions required by a call of duty, based on a higher authority's decision. A higher authority gave power to the soldiers holding the guns in their hands, forcing them to diminish evil people. We all fight for what we believe in; sometimes other countries don't see eye to eye. The higher authority places soldiers in a difficult situation where they are forced to place their lives on the line. Soldiers must find the strength to perform such deadly tasks when called to duty, risking their own lives.

The poles and ladder against the building in the background are faded almost into black and white.

In addition, the man seems to be clearly evil at first on call of duty protecting his country. - As I said before, I don't see why he is "clearly evil" just because he is holding a gun; that is what a soldier's job is.

This experience will be unforgettable and the last that he will ever face in his life time. - I'm not sure what you mean by this; are you making an assumption that he's not getting out of this situation alive? There is no way to know that.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / In 2006, I went to Vancouver; Cross-cultural experience essay [2]

Greetings!

You've written a very interesting essay! Here are some editing tips for you:

While staying in Vancouver, I faced cultural differences on occasion, which sometimes were too huge from my home culture to overcome them.

(relatively, compared to my home culture)

the norms of Confucianism--a fundamental basis of Korean culture--it took me some time to accept homosexual couples frequently seen on streets or buses without prejudice.

It was a total shock to hear my friend say "I saw one of my male teachers kissing with a guy on the street corner."

being thought of as a taboo in that conservative society of mine.

many gays in my country are afraid of coming out of the closet. (Coming out of one's shell usually refers to someone who is shy, rather than gay; for gay, one says "closet"--though I really couldn't tell you why. :-) )

Encountering homosexual couples too often outside was shocking to me at first, but I got accustomed to seeing those people without strong dislike and started seeing them as different beings, not strange or abnormal.

The second astonishing experience was the way of greeting.

When I saw Asian friends from Japan or China, we just waved at each other as a greeting.

They gave me a hug, and even kissed my cheeks as a sign of greeting. It was very uncomfortable and awkward for me at first, especially when male friends greeted me in that way.

I knew that the old concepts that I brought from my home would interfere with adapting to a new circumstance.

the experience I had there would have been frustrating and given me a much more difficult time.

Time will heal everything as long as one is ready to accept the distinctive differences with an open mind.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / End of the World Essay... [2]

Greetings!

I think your writing contains many good ideas. The area where you need the most work is grammar, simply because English is not your first language and you still have a ways to go before you are completely fluent. Probably one of the hardest things for many students trying to learn English is those pesky articles: a, an and the. When to put "the" before a word can be very confusing! However, if you will look carefully at the articles I added to your essay, you may begin to get a feel for when you need one. Most of the time, you will need an article before a noun; less often, you won't, as when you are referring to a concept, rather than a "thing." For instance, you would say "the human" but not (usually), "the humanity."

Keep working at it and you'll continue to improve! Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / is this brief remark correct? [2]

Greetings!

It would be easier for me to know whether your remark is "correct" if I knew what the assignment had asked you to do. However, if you were supposed to surmise how the vicar felt about the clock, I think you hit the nail on the head! Your analysis seems logical to me; the clock, and its ability to function, was not particularly important to the vicar.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "The Soldier's Duty" - Argumentive Photo Essay need help with more Ideas [6]

Greetings!

I think you have chosen an excellent and very provocative photo! You make some very good points in your essay, too. There is one that many people might not agree with, though. "Holding the gun at his target clearly states he is evil." I don't think the message is that the soldier is evil; more, that war is evil and forces good people to do things which, in any other setting, would be considered evil. This does not necessarily mean that I disagree with your thesis that good and evil can co-exist within a single person. Your point could be stated (rather than saying the man is evil) by saying that the man must draw upon the evil within himself to find the strength to perform his deadly task; but he must also draw upon the good within himself to perform the same function, as he is protecting the world, including his family, from the evil he is aiming at.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Advertising is the ability to sense, interpret - my addmission essay [2]

Greetings!

Your passion really comes through in your writing! Very good! Here are some editing suggestions:

This is where I made the first piece of artwork I have ever fallen in love with, that made my heart throb: a poster for the North American International Auto Show.

my desire to attend this school and absorb its environment has become even stronger.

The only other suggestion I have would be to pump up your ending a little. You have already used the phrase "take it to the next level"; once is enough, if not too much. Avoid cliches whenever possible; unfortunately, that once-useful phrase has become one. You might want to say something like "...and inspire me to take my art into new realms of yet-undiscovered beauty." Play with it a little and see if you can improve on mine. ;-)

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Media file - Sociology of the Family essay [3]

Greetings!

I think you have done a good job with keeping your tenses straight. You are right that APA requires the use of the present perfect tense--or the past tense-- in signal phrases which introduce the cited material: "Miller (2006) reported"; " Jayson (2005) has argued"... I note, however, that whenever you cite a news article, you use the present tense: "David Crary stresses"; "Jane Gross draws attention" and so on. I'm not aware of an exception for news stories, as opposed to scholarly research, but it seems to me that it reads well the way you have it. I leave it up to you whether to change it.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / About Me essay (Karina raised in Kazahstan) [5]

Greetings!

Thank you, Karina!

Yes, there are several ways you could say it. For example, "Because English is not my first language, I had some concern [or "I was concerned"] that I would not do well in school." You could also say something like "Because I was still learning English, I was a little intimidated by the idea of attending an American school." That gets across the emotional aspect, without actually saying that you were "afraid."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / "Six sigma" research paper - the thesis statement question [16]

Greetings!

I would suggest that you check your school library's databases for articles on six sigma. It is becoming a popular topic and I would imagine you can find enough information to show you in what area the most research materials will be available, so that you have enough sources to cite. Check professional journals in management and business.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / what do you do for good health? pls check grammar and give some detail more [3]

Greetings!

Here are the editing changes I made for you:

It is a universal desire of mankind to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It leads to longer and happier life. Staying healthy means eating a well-balanced diet, getting regular exercise, and avoiding things that are bad for the body and mind.

Firstly, a well-balanced diet is essential for not only children but also adults. Nutrition plays a key role in maintaining good health and preventing many diseases. Everyone can have good nutrition by following some basic rules such as eating food high in complex carbohydrates and fiber, avoiding too much sugar and limiting salt intake, and eating lots of fruits and vegetables.

Secondly, a healthy life is an active life. A modern life with cars, motos and elevators makes humans become lazy. That is the reason why people nowadays get so many more diseases than their ancestors. Lack of physical exercise can cause tiredness and poor general health. Playing some sport or physical activity like badminton, running, walking, tennis, swimming, volleyball, soccer, riding, and so on, is necessary for good health.

Finally, to achieve good health, people are required to say no to bad habits such as smoking, drinking, overeating, and overworking. We should meet friends on weekends to have a cup of coffee, share many stories about life, do things with the family or travel to somewhere fun or restful so that we might avoid situations that are constantly stressful.

To sum up, people can take their lives and happiness into their own hands, and the first step is maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / How to write Memo about cultural differences to assist manager [12]

Greetings!

I'd begin it with something like this:

There are a number of challenges presented by the cultural differences that managers will face. One of the more apparent ones is the language barrier.

Then, go on to describe what the language barrier is and how it might be a problem, and what the possible solutions to that are.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com