Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Thanks again Kevin. I am glad that you were able to help me during this stressful process! I will definately be back in the future for college essays or just high school essays!

Jenn

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Well, then it won't be the last question! I just don't want to bother you! : )

I took in your considerations and cut down my 2nd paragraph (and a couple sentences in the 3rd). I didn't want to get rid of the whole thing because then the 3rd paragraph didn't seem to make sense. Here is my essay now... (and it's very close to being sent in!)

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Thanks so much Kevin! Thanks for the explanations too. I think I am almost ready to finally send this in! I am confused about the last sentence you told me to switch around though...

Where should this be in the paragraph and are you telling me to combine sentences or get rid of some?

After having come to understand the challenging-but-fulfilling nature of working with animals during my job working in an animal kennel, I am ready to...

Just don't know where this sentence should go in the 1st paragraph and how to finish it.

Thanks again and LAST EVER question! : P

Jenn

P.S. Do these sentences sound okay?

Throughout the year, some employees would not take the job seriously and would have left kennels unclean or would have forgotten to feed the animals.

Both jobs involve caring for animals and making their lives the best it can be.
(it or they?)

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Thanks Kevin, but three sentences or so still start with "I." Do you think this is okay or do you think it should be changed? Please reply ASAP so I can finally send this essay in! : )

Also.. how come the "into" is together and the "on to" is not?

Which sentence sounds better to you?

Many experiences in my lifetime have shaped me into the person that I am today.

OR

Many experiences in my lifetime have shaped who I am as a person today.

Thanks
Jenn

Undergraduate / Reflecting on life at 65-regrets, accomplishments ect. [8]

Do you have the rest of the essay?

Essays / Reality TV essay - ideas to begin writing [35]

I definately agree. Controversy can not be well supported if there is no explanation! Good luck with this essay!

Jenn

Undergraduate / GA Tech essay [Volunteer. Travel. Study.] [5]

Hello. I am not a moderator, but I would love to help you out.

I think you should spell out all the numbers in your essay to make it look more formal.

I really like the beginning of your essay! It made me want to keep reading it.

I think the bolded sentence sounds fine. It is a long sentence though, so maybe you want to separate it a little.

Hope I helped!

Jenn

Undergraduate / Reflecting on life at 65-regrets, accomplishments ect. [8]

Hello.. I can try to help you.. but where's your essay?

Jenn

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Hey thanks Kevin, the question was in the post above my last post... with the titles...
but here it is again...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>

After adding the 2 revised sentences that you suggested to me, there seems to be a lot of sentences beginning with "I" in the first paragraph. Do you think that is okay?<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<

Here is the first paragraph again..

Many experiences in my lifetime have shaped who I am as a person today. I plan to major in pre-veterinary medicine for my undergraduate degree. I hope to continue onto a graduate school to pursue my dreams of becoming a veterinarian. I am ready for the challenging process of becoming educated as a veterinarian, because I want a career that I know will bring fulfillment for the rest of my life. I came to understand the challenging-but-fulfilling nature of working with animals during my job working in an animal kennel.

Essays / Reality TV essay - ideas to begin writing [35]

That is a very interesting topic. I would love to write about reality TV, since I watch it like all the time! I think that reality tv will definately will around in the future..

Grammar, Usage / How to enrich my writing? [10]

It is a good idea to post your work on this site, so moderators, contributors, or just any students can help you to try to make your essay the best it can be. This site helped me a lot and I hope they continue! I would definately recommend letting them revise your work.

Writing Feedback / The person I admire happens to be my rival - Essay on Role model [13]

I really enjoyed reading your essay as well. I think you have a great chance of getting in with this essay!

Undergraduate / Georgetown Foreign Service Essay [8]

Yes.. good luck! Then you should have a very good chance of getting in with a good essay like that!

Undergraduate / Title for college application essay? [16]

Okay thanks everyone, I think I will definately create a title...

Now I just have to be creative with it... : P

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Hello everyone.. the title of the thread is Common App. Essay- Option #1: significant experience and its impact Thanks for replying to the post Kevin, but if you could just look at the thread again, because you forgot to answer one question. I hope I don't sound demanding! I know the moderators have a lot of posts to reply to and I understand that there is not a lot of time to look at one for a long amount of time. Thanks in return!

Jenn

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Okay thanks Kevin, I will try to come up with a more interesting title... Do you like any of these...

My Dream Job
The Dream Career
The Experience that Changed my Life
My Inspiring Experience
My Ideal Job
Realizing (A Strong Connection with animals)
The place Where I Loved to Be
The Search for my future
The Inspiring Kennel

hmm.. I'm not very creative : P any suggestions?

Also.. I guess you did not see my question above the last one, but here it is again...

I really liked the revised sentences that you showed me. After adding those 2 revised sentences though, there seems to be a lot of sentences beginning with "I" in the first paragraph. Do you think that is okay?

P.S. Thanks kbros! That means a lot to me. What grammar mistakes do you see?

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Thanks! Hopefully, I keep checking tonight.. but I don't know if they will respond that quickly.
I will try to be more patient! : )

Jenn

Undergraduate / My first Essay. how a college education will change your life [28]

No problem!

I like the essay as a whole, but I think you should work on it a little more...

The two sentences that you combined is kind of confusing... maybe you should try to re-word it in a different way.

Jenn

Undergraduate / My first Essay. how a college education will change your life [28]

Hello, I am not a moderator, but I would love to help you.

Here are some grammer corrections...

Why am I applying atto Empire State College?

As described in Empire State Colleges' overview page. (This is not a complete sentence.)

You do not need to capitalize "teacher."

Spell out numbers that are small. (such as five.)

You do not need to capitalize "human being."

You do not need to capitalize "child."

Hope this helps!

Jenn

Undergraduate / Georgetown Essay - "Limit. Maximum. Boundary." [5]

I really like your essay. I am not sure if you wanted feedback or not since you did not state that, but I don't see many errors, if any!

Keep up the good work.

Jenn

Undergraduate / Georgetown - School or summer activity most involved in - significance [4]

Hello, I am not a moderator, but I would love to help.

Here are some grammer corrections...

In the sentence "I was hesitant but the promise of a trip to Kennywood, an amusement park, on the last day made me willing to deal with the three days of choir practice before the field trip."

Put a comma after hesitant.
Say " of a trip to Kennywood amusement park..."

Did you meant to write "will impact me for the rest of my life" in the last sentence?

Hope I helped a little.

Jenn

Essays / Question for UNC essay (word count) [26]

I don't think they would penalize, but if 150 words or less is recommended, then you should probably be close to that many words. Then you will have a higher chance of getting admitted because colleges like students that can follow the exact directions.

That's juts my opinion!

Jenn

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

One last question after the one above ^^^ Do you think I need a title for this college application essay? If so, do you like the one I already have or would you recommend a different one?

Thanks soo much!

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

I have a deadline for one of the colleges that I am applying to coming up, and I need a response quick. I don't want to seem demanding.. but I was not sure if the moderators receive notice of a new post under an already started thread, that they answered already.

Thanks!
Jenn

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Thanks so much Kevin. I like the revised sentences a lot. After adding those 2 sentences though, there seems to be a lot of sentences beginning with "I" in the first paragraph. Do you think that is okay?

Jenn

Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

Thanks everyone.. on the website they say that after the deadline, it is based on what they still have available.. so obviously the chances of getting in are going to be less..

and for the essay, i believe it is optional.. but i'm not sure

Undergraduate / Title for college application essay? [16]

Thanks everyone!! I'm still not sure if i should create a title though, since there are various answers...

If anyone wants to recommend anything, my essay is in the thread Common App. Essay- Option #1: significant experience and its impact The revised version is at the bottom!

Thanks again!

Jenn

Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

Rutgers admissions, sending application after the recommended deadline?

Okay.. so the recommended deadline for applications to Rutgers was Dec. 1. If I send in an application now with no essay, do you think I have any chance of getting accepted?

Thanks in advance for you opinions/comments.

Jenn

Undergraduate / U of Washington. Limit for number of word? [13]

I am not sure of this one... I would think that you should say within the recommended number of words, but you could still send in the one with 700 words because it's not restricted.

Maybe you should try to cut out some things from your essay to make it shorter.

Faq, Help / No reply for my thread? [17]

Thanks!

Faq, Help / How long to reply by a moderator or contributor? [9]

Must be a tough job, but very rewarding! You have been so very helpful Kevin, I just had one last question about my essay under [Common App. Essay- Option #1: significant experience and its impact] I promise this will be the last question, so I won't bother you anymore and I will be on my way!!! : )

Jenn

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Thanks sooo much Kevin! Nine out of ten is pretty good, so I'll take it!! : ) One last question about the semicolons though...

In this sentence >>>> Realizing that becoming a veterinarian takes a lot of hard work and many years in school, I am up for the challenge because I want a future career that I know I will be happy with for the rest of my life; therefore, one experience in my lifetime that has impacted my future was working in an animal kennel when I was a junior in high school.

Do you think I should put a semicolon there or just leave it as it is (as two sentences.)?

And in this sentence >>>> Science courses are mandatory for working in the medical field; so, I knew that I would be learning something that I love in college.

Semicolon or not??

Thanks again, and I promise this is the last question!!! : )

Jenn

Faq, Help / How long to reply by a moderator or contributor? [9]

I understand that you receive a lot of posts asking for help, so I will try to be more patient! : ) This site is so helpful to a lot of students (like me!) and I would like to thank you for all your hard work and help!

Jenn

Faq, Help / Can I repost a revised essay or it will be deleted? [12]

Thank you. I have just added my revised version to the original post. Hopefully somebody will look at it!

Student Talk / What does it mean to be a good writer? [7]

Oh, I understand. I guess great is always better than good! : ) Thanks for showing the difference.

Jenn

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Hello. Thanks for the revisions. Here is my revised essay all put together. If any moderators, contributors, or anyone would be willing to look over my revised draft, it would be very much apprieciated. Please tell me how it sounds and if you think it is ready to be turned in.

EF_Constance: Do you think putting a semicolon instead of a comma or period makes a big difference in the essay?

Shouldn't I spell out "16" to make it more formal?

Thanks so much!!

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Thanks so much! I apprieciate your feedback! If anyone else would please rate it, I would be very happy!

Undergraduate / I just realized that it is my grandfather's influence that has molded me into what I am today [7]

No problem!

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

I was wondering if someone could rate my essay on a scale of 1 to 10 and tell me if you think it is ready to be sent in. It is under the thread Common App. Essay- Option #1: significant experience and its impact Maybe a moderator or anyone willing to can tell me their thoughts.

Thanks!

Jenn