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Posts by flutenerd
Joined: Dec 24, 2011
Last Post: Dec 28, 2011
Threads: 7
Posts: 19  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 26
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flutenerd   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Perfect balance' - Fun and Rigor - Why Northwestern Education? [2]

Fun and Rigorous Education



In any conversation about Northwestern, the collaborative environment never fails to come up. This environment and the seemingly endless opportunities offered by the McCormick School of Engineering are a large part of what has kept my attention drawn to Northwestern.

One of the opportunities that I am especially excited to be able to take advantage if I end up at Northwestern is the Co-op Program. I want to be a biomedical engineer when I grow up, and I can't think of a better way to prepare for a career in that field than to gain work experience in that field as part of my education. Being near a big city would allow for countless opportunities in preparing for the "real world" and many different companies to have available to me, minus the pain of living right inside the city. I would love to be able to participate in such a well-respected program and to have the opportunity to work and collaborate with big companies on engineering-related projects.

I also have always wanted to study abroad as part of my college experience, and the Global Health Technologies program in Capetown is the ideal experience that I've had in mind for so long. I can't be around less fortunate people than myself without wanting to help them and in some way change their lives. To be able to meet and bond with people of Capetown while developing devices that could help save their lives would bring a sense of satisfaction that I can hardly imagine right now.

It's not just the educational aspects of Northwestern that have drawn me to it though. When I visited the campus, I felt so alive and I could just see myself living there. Our tour guide took us over to the park area by the lake, and in just the five minutes that we were out there, at least three people passed by us on either a run or a bike ride. One of the things I've promised myself is that when I go off to college, I'm going to continue exercising several times a week to both relieve stress and avoid the dreaded "freshman fifteen." I had been paying attention to the qualities of the gyms at the different schools I had visited, but when I came to Northwestern, I didn't even consider that, because what more stress-relieving environment to run in than a huge park right by a lake?

I was also struck by all the opportunities at Northwestern to continue pursuing my love of the arts. While I only play the flute, I have developed a passion for all the performing arts. When I was at Northwestern, my tour guide kept emphasizing the fact that students at Northwestern love to share their talents with each other, and I got really excited to know that there would always be some kind of performance that I could go watch my peers participate in. Then I realized that I would also have access to professional performances if I wanted, since I would be right outside the grand city of Chicago. I loved the fact that students are provided free transportation between the Evanston and Chicago campuses, so if I get to go to Northwestern, I will have the world at my fingertips.

Northwestern seems to be the perfect school in terms of balance between a rigorous academic education and a fun relaxing environment, and I think this balance is one of the most crucial things in a school to prevent burnout , but to still provide a world of possibilities to the students after graduation.
flutenerd   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / "Kaustubh Desai" - Stanford 2: to your new roomate [8]

This is really good, I definitely feel like I get to know you better by reading this. I agree that you don't need the part about Facebook though.

I really like the Kaustubh Desai/KD part and how you show two sides of you represented by something concrete, but I think you should probably try to add some sort of transition after that part.
flutenerd   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'sister's diabetes' - MIT- How your world has shaped your dreams [3]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations? (200-250 words)

Until about fourth grade, I dreamt of a life in the Florida Keys, working as a dolphin trainer at my favorite place in the world: The Dolphin Research Center. It was the water-lover's version of every little girl's princess dream.

However, one Tuesday afternoon - December 16, 2003 - my world suddenly seemed to turn upside down. I came home from school that day to learn that my little sister, Jennifer, had been diagnosed with diabetes, and I spent months feeling neglected by my parents who seemed to expend every ounce of energy taking care of and "spoiling" her. My dad wasn't home much that year because we were in the process of moving from Georgia to Kansas, so between his visits, my sisters and I took turns sleeping in my mom's room. I remember crying over the fact that Jenn got to sleep with my mom more just because she had given herself a shot for the first time. I didn't understand the pain she was going through, and all I could see was that she was getting more attention than I was.

I eventually adjusted to our new lifestyle though, and decided that I wanted to do something with my life that would make life easier for diabetics and hopefully prevent the siblings from feeling overlooked as I had. It is my dream as a prospective biomedical engineer that I can turn my family's pain into a career of preventing others from feeling the pain as harshly.

Any suggestions appreciated! Please feel free to be harsh, thanks!
flutenerd   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the only junior flutist' - MIT- Biggest Challenge question [4]

Thanks, I'll take those suggestions into consideration. This is just my attempt at condensing a longer essay I had already written, so maybe it's just not meant to be a 200-250 word essay since I had to take so much out and try to generalize more.

I'll take a look at yours though
flutenerd   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the sense of contentment I enjoyed' - Common App - Personal (Significant Experience) [2]

I love the second paragraph! I don't think you need the first one there though. The imagery of the second paragraph would make a great intro that grabs the reader's attention right away.

Also, for some reason, I don't really love the fact that you moved away from the performance in the next paragraph. I think you need to connect the two a little closer to make the essay flow better. I just feel like the last two paragraphs are a bit too general as opposed to related to the experience you are describing.

Also at the end, where you say "had achieved" I think it might sound better as "have achieved".
Just a few suggestions.
flutenerd   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the only junior flutist' - MIT- Biggest Challenge question [4]

Please give me suggestions. I'm currently 25 words over the limit... thanks!

Prompt: Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation? (200-250 words)

It wasn't until my junior year that I even became really serious about my flute playing. That fall and winter, I was really successful with everything I got involved in music-wise. Unfortunately, though, things quickly took a downhill turn. I was the only junior flutist not to get the top rating on their solo at District Solo and Ensemble. I, second chair flutist, got stuck with third part of our state-bound trio. I spent the remainder of the year mostly demoted to second part in band. In less than a year, my flute teacher went from expecting me to get first chair, to appearing to have lost faith in my abilities.

I tried to hide my hurt, but in my heart I wanted nothing more than to prove myself to my teacher. From early June until the November 12th NEKMEA All-District auditions, I practiced the audition piece several times a week. As the big day neared, I still couldn't sense my teacher's confidence increasing at all. The last time I saw her before my audition, the best she had to offer was "you never know with these things." I knew she was right, but at the same time I hated her for it, and that weekend was my chance to prove myself.

After hours of butterflies and anxious nail biting, the results were finally posted. I stood on my tip toes and leaned in over the competition to see something I couldn't believe. I had made 8th chair flute. I turned around with a beaming smile, and the school band director, there to congratulate us, put his arm around me and said, "You made it."
flutenerd   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My cousin, Trent' - ApplyTexas Significant Influence [15]

"terrible '90's sci-fi and 3:00 AM walks" (no comma)
I think it's Jenga, not Janga.
"Then, my parents decided I was old enough to be let in on the prolific family gossip. Over the next year, shock shook my adoration" - I think this part's a little confusing. You say "then" and "over the next year", but you haven't previously defined a time period or specific events that you were talking about.

But other than that, this is great! I really like your conclusion.
flutenerd   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The office workers' - Common App EC essay about debate [11]

This is really good!
I think it should be "knowing it was me"
You could probably take out this sentence, or at least part of it, because you make it clear in the previous sentence that it isn't easy: "It's not easy, but we make it to the street with only a few minor disasters." Maybe something like "The office workers stare at my debate partner and I as we try our best to be quiet while carrying 20 pounds of paper and an intimidating collection of pens down a flight of stairs. When we finally make it to the street, we scream."

Is there a limit on how many characters or words?
flutenerd   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'writing lists' - one thing that I love doing for absolutely no reason [9]

So maybe like this? "While they probably won't all happen, adding to the list gives me a temporary escape into a dream world where I can do anything and be anyone." Or what kind of thing were you thinking I should add?

And sure, I'll take a look at that!
flutenerd   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'dance allows me to be myself' - JHU- something about yourself [5]

I really like it as it is! If you have to cut something, though, maybe you could take out this sentence: "When I'm feeling romantic, my movement is sensual and fluid; my face is serious, yet relaxed, and the gentle motion of my arm traces my body as my hips make a slow and steady figure 8 to the beats of Rumba music."

Beautiful writing!
flutenerd   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'writing lists' - one thing that I love doing for absolutely no reason [9]

Suggestions please?

Prompt: We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (100 words or fewer)

The one thing that I love doing for absolutely no reason is writing lists. As strange as it sounds, writing just about any type of list relieves a lot of stress. When I write to-do lists, everything I can cross off makes me feel accomplished and ready to move ahead. My favorite kinds of list to write, though, are the lists of things I want to do for enjoyment, the most recent being of the things I want to do over winter break. While they probably won't all happen, adding to the list gives me a temporary escape from reality into a dream world, while at the same time helping me to feel in control.
flutenerd   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / ('my friends, teachers, and family respect me') MIT- Personality attribute [4]

Alright sorry, could you guys take a look at this one? I decided to write on something different that might be less stereotypical.

The attribute of my personality that I am most proud of is not one that describes the way I treat people or the way I act; it is a way to view the world that happens to define those things. Before I moved to Kansas in 4th grade, I hardly knew what optimism was. Now, it affects my thoughts, actions, and interactions every day.

When I moved to Kansas, I met a girl who seemed to be eternally happy. We became close friends, but she would tell me that I was too pessimistic. She explained what optimism was and would always encourage me to give it a try. This was similar to any other kind of training - the more she corrected my pessimism, the more optimistic I was without her reminders.

Now, maybe "training" gives this the wrong connotation, but I could not thank my friend enough for helping me to see the world in a more positive light. Because of her, I find it hard to feel hate for anyone, and I find it hard to feel hopeless in any situation. I've had people tell me that I always smile and that I laugh at everything. I know that's true - and maybe sometimes I laugh too much - but what's the point in being negative? Life is such a joyful thing, and I believe there's a reason that it's harder to frown than smile.

And Ali I'd love to review yours, which one are you talking about?
flutenerd   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / ('my friends, teachers, and family respect me') MIT- Personality attribute [4]

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to be harsh. Thanks in advance!

Prompt: What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (200-250 words)

Any high school student can find people to laugh with, cry with, and call their friends; what is hard is finding a group of people that abide by the same morals as you do. I have seen way too many people forfeit their integrity to feel cool and popular, and the only thing it's gotten them is a life filled with drama and other trouble. I'm proud - and so grateful - to be able to say that I have kept my integrity and found a faithful group of friends that has never led me astray from the moral path that I set out to follow.

I know that people at my school have typical high school parties where bad things happen, but I can happily say that I've never been to one, or even been invited to one. My close friends steer away from those kinds of parties, and everyone else knows that I'm not into that kind of thing. A lot of seniors would hate to be able to say that they've never been invited to a "real" high school party, but I think it's quite a deal; I get awesome friends who will always be there for me, and I'm perfectly happy hanging out, watching movies, and playing games with them rather than getting drunk on the weekends.

I'm proud to know that my friends, teachers, and family respect me, and I believe the root of this is that I have respected myself and stayed true to my morals.
flutenerd   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Drawing is my guilty pleasure' - Johns Hopkins [11]

First of all, I think they would love to hear about this. It shows that you are a well rounded person. It also shows that you keep doing what you love no matter what other people say.

Anyways, I think the first sentence or two need to be reworked a little... I like the idea, but the first sentence sounds slightly awkward. It's as if I expect the sentence to continue on longer. Maybe something like this: "Drawing is my guilty pleasure. Not to say that I am any good at it - the doodles and the complex designs of lines and waves in my notebook never fail to arouse laughter in my closest of friends or gain smirk remarks - but (insert something you like about drawing or how it makes you feel or something like that)"

Other than that, I think this is a great answer. I really like the word choice and just how you wrote it in general.
flutenerd   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'serious about my flute playing' - Common App- prompt #1 [7]

Please let me know what you think... I also need to cut about 150 words... any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I stepped into room 218, set my music on the stand, and glanced up at the wall of newspaper staring back at me. It was my senior year in high school. I remembered what I had been told about the judges being able to see only your shoes, so I planted my feet confidently into the floor. I raised my flute to my mouth and adjusted the warm metal to my embouchure. Then, after taking a deep breath, I floated flawlessly up to the top of my range and back down again. I looked down at the selected excerpt and let my muscle memory take over while my mind floated in and out of the audition room, trying to keep my nerves under control. I moved to the next room, where I also played about as well as I could have hoped for with all the adrenaline pumping through my veins. When I returned to the hall, though, I did what every musician does: "I messed up on this and that, and my tone was bad. I doubt I'll make it," and I got back the typical, meaningless, "No, that was so good! You'll make it for sure!"

My junior year, I became really serious about my flute playing. I had success that fall and winter, but from there things started going downhill. I was the only junior flutist not to get a I rating on her solo, and I did not qualify for state. I spent my next flute lesson being reminded about my less than perfect performance as I tried to hold back the tears. In less than a year, my flute teacher, Mrs. Stricklin, had gone from expecting me to get first chair, to appearing to have lost faith in my abilities. I spent the remainder of the year demoted to second part, and I couldn't help but feel that everyone, even my band director, Mr. Protzman, looked down upon me as a flute player.

I tried to hide my hurt, but in my heart I wanted nothing more than to prove myself to Mrs. Stricklin. From early June until the November 12th NEKMEA All-District auditions, I practiced Mozart's Concerto in G Major several times a week. At my lessons, I was so worried about impressing her that once my lip even began to quiver. But the last time I saw her, she didn't offer a single word of confidence in me. The best she had to say was "you never know with these things," and she admitted that my friend had a better chance of making it. I respected her opinion, and I wanted my best friend to do well, but at the same time I despised her for it, and that audition was my chance to prove myself.

After two hours of butterflies and anxious nail biting, a man walked over to the wall with pages fresh off the printer. There was already a mob formed whose heads I couldn't see over, and I stood back in an attempt to calm myself while I waited my turn to see the list. I stood on my tip toes and leaned in over the competition to see something I couldn't believe. I had made the All-District Band. I turned around with a beaming smile, and my school band director, Mr. Protzman, put his arm around me and said, "You made it."
flutenerd   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I want to become an engineer' - MIT- which department or program [4]

It really does, thank you so much! I kind of rewrote it taking your suggestions into account, can you tell me what you think about this one?

My dad has been an engineer my whole life, so I'm surprised that it took me 17 years to discover such an obvious way that I could combine my love for math and physical and life sciences with my desire to help people. For eight years, my sister - a type 1 diabetic - has dealt with some variation of daily finger pricks, shots, and catheters being stuck into her. It is my hope that becoming a biomedical engineer will allow me to solve these types of problems that most of us will never experience, and I believe that the MIT facilities will be able to provide me with the means to begin my work on easing such pains.
flutenerd   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Bungee Jumping' - Rice University Supplement [3]

It's kind of confusing how you say that you went bungee jumping every other Saturday, but then you say that you only went a few times. The fact that you only went a few times is also kind of inconsistent with the ideas you are trying to get across. You don't want them to think that you will "create strong bonds" and "be a part of their cause" only for a short time.
flutenerd   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The stench was intense' - LEHIGH UNIVERSITY (personal statement) [3]

the way hospitals made feel.

the way hospitals made me feel.

As I apologized for blinding stepping into his way

As I apologized for blindly stepping into his way

blood transfusion of blood

transfusion of blood (the repetition of "blood" is slightly awkward)

Although, I have lived

Although I have lived

I believe that my experience as a volunteer in the community hospital has impacted me positively and made me a better person.

Remember: show, don't tell! It's clear that this experience has impacted you positively and that you are a better person because of it, so you don't need to state that.

opportunity to learn which I believe, every child deserves.

opportunity to learn, which I believe every child deserves.

Other than those things, I think this is a great essay! I think it's awesome that you were able to have this experience and that you used your advantages to help others. I think colleges will find that a good thing as well. You may want to think about how you end your essay though, especially if you take out the essay about it making you a better person.
flutenerd   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I want to become an engineer' - MIT- which department or program [4]

Here's my first draft of an answer to this question. I'm exactly at the 100 word limit. Any suggestions would be great! Feel free to be harsh...

After pondering for months why I want to become an engineer, I've realized that I can't see myself doing anything else with my life. I tried convincing myself that I belong in several different fields, but my heart wouldn't buy any of it. When I grow up, I want to be able to use my strengths in math and science to change people's lives. I want to create things that the world has never seen before. I want to help solve problems like the ones my sister has dealt with for the past eight years of her life with diabetes.