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Posts by Davemedsci
Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Last Post: Jan 3, 2012
Threads: 5
Posts: 25  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 30
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Davemedsci   
Jan 3, 2012
Undergraduate / Tufts Supplements " Legos , A Park , All Aboard!" [3]

Id appreciate it if you checked for grammatical errors and just told me if you liked the ideas.

Why Tufts?
I love to build Legos; watching creations being formed before my eyes is awe-inspiring. In my eyes Tufts is like a giant Lego set. Each part of the set, unique in shape and design, creates one cohesive foundation. The Lego pieces are individual with their differing shapes, colors, and sizes. Tufts University could be my Lego set; a university that is filled with diversity, and where every student is valued for their talents. I want to be one of the Legos that adds to the big picture that is Tufts University.

For the second short response we asked you to consider the world around you. Now, consider the world within. Taste in music, food and clothing can make a statement while politics, sports, religion and ethnicity are often defining attributes. Are you a vegetarian? A poet? Do you prefer You Tube or test tubes, Mac or PC? Are you the drummer in an all-girl rock band? Do you tinker? Use the richness of your identity to frame your personal outlook.

All aboard! Hello ladies and gentleman and welcome to the tour of my brain. I advise you this trip is very wonder - full and you should try to keep all wonder in your body until I get accepted to Tufts and you can meet me. Please keep your hands, feet, and belongings inside the vehicle at all times, as it would be a tragedy for you to damage such a delicate piece of my body. I will be showing you ever part of my brain and I hope you enjoy the trip!

We are now moving up my brainstem, which I highly thank for keeping me alive by controlling my blood pressure, breathing and such. We are currently heading into the cerebellum. As you can see this part controls my balance. It's what helps me keep my balance as I battle for the soccer ball during a league game for my school. As we go a little further, were now at the Octopial lobe. What I see every day is thanks to this part of my brain. My taste for specific abstract art and my vision in artistic ability in my pastime of graphic design is all thanks to this part of my brain. It's what allows me to pick my own trend of clothing based on my preferences of a Mainstream/skater combination. It allows me to establish my favorite color as blue. As we go further, we arrive at the partial lobe; this part is what allowed me to learn my foreign language of Russian, without even being in a foreign country. It still puzzles me every day how that happens. This permits me to sit through books like Brave New world, The Martian Chronicles, and Prisoners Dilemma and get influenced through them. We will now be taking a short break, before we head into my favorite part the frontal lobe, the mother ship of my thoughts, dreams and aspirations.

Are you ready to go? Alright; and were off! We are now entering the frontal lobe. This is where I can really tell you about my genuine thoughts. In general I love to think about everything. The questions probably processed more than hundreds of times through this part are "why? How?" .Being placed in the bio-medical house, in my school, I have been engineered to always ask those questions to further enhance my understanding of concepts. You can also see as you turn to your left, that my neurons are always on high alert when meeting new people. As I meet my new individuals for the first time, my mind runs through various scenarios and assigns numerical probabilities. Each thing he/she says, each action and perceived emotion changes the data entering here, and I occasionally struggle to keep up. I always want to make a good first impression, to maximize the likelihood of a positive outcome. I consider my brain to be like a calculator, always trying to maximize the best outcome of any situation.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to ride through my brain. I hope you enjoyed your ride, bumpy or not, and I hope to see you next year. As my partial lobe would tell me; до свидания (Goodbye in Russian).

I need to cut the second one down by about 200 words
Davemedsci   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I want to be myself' - Common app essay - Topic of my choice [3]

One sentence is a whole paragraph so you should definitely merge that

"No man exists without negative traits. I am one of them; We aren't perfect, but negative characteristics shouldn't overcome positive ones, this will let us to form as a kind-hearted persons."

Double negative

"I hate hatred"
Davemedsci   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'get you involved and challenge you' - NYU and Hofstra Supplement [6]

Well to tell the truth Hofstra is my backup and if i dont get accepted i wont cry over it , so to me its not a big deal , but thanks for the input :)

do you think the second NYU essay is too short? or how can i really imporve it to have more of a spark
Davemedsci   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'a soccer pitch' - Extracurricular Activity [11]

Aha okay thanks so much :) I know you may be busy but il be posting up my longer Common App essay soon . If you could take a look at it or the other essays i wrote would really appreciate it , i dont want to sound needy i just want to send them out already and be done :P
Davemedsci   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'a soccer pitch' - Extracurricular Activity [11]

To me soccer was not just another sport, it was my passion. My junior year -my first year on the team - was like throwing a rookie onto a world cup team. No one showed me any respect, I had to earn it. I attained respect by training vigorously during every practice. That same year I was given the rank of captain. Through this role I gained a firsthand experience of being a leader and it advanced my understanding of conflict resolution. My involvement with the soccer team also gave me a worthy understanding of balancing my athletic and academic work. Having a rigorous academic course load I was consumed with hours of studies. I started to cultivate methods of recuperating my body and mind after practice .Weather it was to take an hour nap, or to simply just train less eagerly in practice, I learned the difficult balancing act of mind and body. In essence I thank the opportunity of playing varsity soccer; it shaped me into who I am today, as both a player and a scholar.

better?
Davemedsci   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'a soccer pitch' - Extracurricular Activity [11]

Prompt : evaluate one extracurricular activity

I need to make this about 600 characters shorter please help its due today :(

Every time I walk onto a soccer pitch I learned something new. Joining the varsity soccer team is my most vital achievement to date. It wasn't only another extracurricular activity to throw on my college application, it was my passion. My junior year was my first year on the team. It is like throwing a piece of meat into a starving carnivorous crowd. Every veteran player didn't show any respect to me or any of the new teammates. I had to work my way to the top of the food chain by training vigorously every practice and earning the respect of my fellow teammates. That same year I was given the rank of Captain. Through this role I gained a firsthand experience of being a leader and it advanced my understanding of leadership. Not only did joining the team further my involvement of being a leader, it also gave me a worthy understanding of balancing my athletic and academic work. Since I was a science major I was enveloped with hours of homework and projects. Coming home four hours later due to practice, tired and exhausted wasn't beneficial either. I started to develop methods of recuperating after practice to revitalize my body and mind so I could focus on academic work. Weather it was to take an hour nap , or too simply just go less vigorously in practice I learned the difficult balancing act of mind and body. In essence I give thanks to the opportunity I was given when I joined the soccer team. It was a major experience that shaped me who I am today, not only as a player but as a scholar as well.
Davemedsci   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I want to be remembered' - NYU SUPS [11]

You can definitely shorten it by taking out parts of the story and try to relate it to yourself more

Help me with mine if you get a chance :)

Davemedsci   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / Between Living and Dreaming? Who knows? UChicago Essay! [9]

Very Unique idea , im sorry i cant really help you with all your grammar because i dont have time but like the previous person , you need a better conclusion to summarize your thoughts and go out with a bang

If you get a chance look at my essays :)
Davemedsci   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'get you involved and challenge you' - NYU and Hofstra Supplement [6]

Why Hofstra? 500 CHARACTERS!

The motto of Hofstra University is Je maintiendrai (I stand steadfast). If I had to pick one main reason for my decision to apply to Hofstra I would choose their concentration and excellence in providing students with a urge to maintain on their career paths and never give up. What I see in Hofstra is the tools and opportunity's to push my education to a further level, while simultaneously indulging me in a pleasant student body, to allow me to grow individually as well.

Why NYU?

New York City. Almost everybody that I know always told me that I should apply to NYU because of its location in the heart of the most unique cities in the world. Although it may be true, and NYU may be located only an hour's train ride from home, there is one unique aspect about NYU that I find special.

Probably my favorite aspect about NYU is that they are always trying to get you involved and challenge you not only in academic but social aspects. With one of the most diverse study abroad programs in the world, NYU would allow me to learn not only in New York, but in countries all around the world. I feel it's very important to learn new cultures and always branch yourself past your comfort zone of your home city. Learning different cultures and indulging myself in different society's will help advance my social understanding of the world while also providing me with a prestigious education only available at NYU.

Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

Honestly, if money was infinite, I would probably concentrate and major in a vast amount of topics. I fell education should not be limited to one field of study because true solutions are created when more than one area of expertise is combined with another and is expanded on. To me my most remarkable area of study is computers. We use them every day. Computers are probably the most embedded technology all around the world. I can always look at a computer and my mind would run wild. Why does this work? How can I improve it to work faster? The inquiries were infinite. There was no doubt in my mind after I successfully constructed my own computer, that this was what I wanted to continue doing for the rest of my life. Although I do wish to not only further my understanding of computers but combine the aspect with other areas of study and produce benefits in every aspect of the world. NYU was a prime choice for me with their dual programs of engineering associated with the sister school NYU Poly.

last one isnt finished but tell me what you think
Davemedsci   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / Princeton Summers- Theater and Politics [2]

Im sorry i dont have enough time to grammaticly check your essay but i really enjoyed reading it :) you really put yourself into it .

If you can please take a look at mine
Davemedsci   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'first impressions are everything' - Boston University Review [11]

As I meet my roommate for the first time, my mind runs through various scenarios and assigns probabilities. Each thing he says, each action and perceived emotion changes the data entering my brain, and I struggle to keep up. I want to make a good first impression, to maximize the likelihood of a positive outcome, but my obsession with decision theory probably should wait until we are a little more settled. The concept is too difficult to explain while we heft boxes up flights of stairs.

To me probably my most unique aspect would be my obsession with decision theory, and game theory and its appliance to everyday things. It is a very dense concept to comprehend and I would be amused if my roommate was familiar with the concept but I would overall want to establish that these two theories' effects how I think about the world and its surroundings. I'd explain that decision theory combined with game theory presents a concept called competing decision makers. These descions take into account the other possibilities of different individuals to respond and to what rational or benefit. A classic example is a possible flu pandemic. If a person believes there will be an outbreak of flu virus tomorrow, he has two choices, get the flu shot or not to get it. Most likely the idea of a flu pandemic will cause his to receive the flu shot. Now what if every person is also competing to receive a flu shot and there are non-left. This person is now in a dilemma which was created from his rational to receive a flu shot. Overall you can predict almost every possible rational judgment and person will make and where this decision will place them. I feel that this is an important concept to explain to my roommate because it is of vital importance to me and if he can understand how I think and analyze things, he can better understand who I am. It would probably be a memorable occasion, as I will remember my first encounter with my roommate was to try to explain a concept that takes years to comprehend.

How about this?
Davemedsci   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'first impressions are everything' - Boston University Review [11]

I edited the main idea of the second paragraph but i still feel im portraying a first time meeting over what i would like him to know . Any ideas on what to replace , remove edit ? I know the grammer isnt correct but bear with me please

If there was one thing I learned throughout my life as a student is first impressions are everything. It would probably be a disaster if I got off on the wrong foot with my roommate for my first year of college, a step most vital in developing a sense of comfort at Boston University. If it was time for me to introduce myself to my roommate I would definitely relate to him the hectic process of moving into college and offer him any help if he needed. I always feel establishing myself as a helpful person and lending a hand can go a long way. I am sure both of us felt at least a bit of anxiety before meeting so I would absolutely try to clear the air by expressing my interests and finding what we have in common. I would let him know that my hobbies vary from recreational paintball to building computers and even to watching movies to days end. With such a wide range of hobbies, I try to keep an open mind to any new ideas or activities that my roommate would want to introduce to me. He would have to understand although to me school comes first I also like to explore the unique area that is Boston and would be glad to see the sights with company. I am as unique as they come, although there is more than one aspect of me that I would most likely note to my roommate.
Davemedsci   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'first impressions are everything' - Boston University Review [11]

Thanks for the responses guys. This is my first draft so there will definitely be edited versions . I do understand what you are saying and i will cut out some of the small talk and fix all he grammatical errors and past tense and such. I really just wanted to do something different than most people did for the response of taking a third person view instead of first person because i feel it is outplayed. Il definitely be replacing many things , and im sorry but decision theory is very hard to explain and i have to work on a more simple explanation for the reader. Thanks guys and il be posting a revised version soon. If i have a chance i will help with your essays also.
Davemedsci   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'first impressions are everything' - Boston University Review [11]

It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are?

If there was one thing I learned throughout my life as a student is first impressions are everything. It would probably be a disaster if I got off on the wrong foot with my roommate for my first year of college, a step most vital in developing a sense of comfort at Boston University. There is definitely a hint of anxiety when preparing to meet a person who you will be spending a year or more living with, although I could probably track down his Facebook and learn his whole life before I meet him. Social networks are handy tools now days.

If it was three weeks before the start of my freshman year at BU I know everything would be more then chaotic. People are moving in, out, and all around and parents are trying to settle their precious children into a home for their next four or more years. If it was time for me to introduce myself to my roommate I would definitely relate to him the hectic process of moving into college and offer him any help if he needed. I always feel establishing myself as a helpful person. Once the probable anxiety between my roommate and I has vanished, I would definitely try to express my interests and find out common interests. I would let him know that my hobbies vary from recreational paintball to building computers and even to watching movies to days end. With such a wide range of hobbies, I keep an open mind to any new ideas or activities that my roommate would want to introduce to me. He would have to understand although to me school comes first I also like to explore the unique area that is Boston. I am as unique as they come, although there is one aspect of me that I would most likely note to my roommate.

To me probably my most unique aspect would be my obsession with decision theory and its appliance to everyday things. It is a very dense concept to comprehend and I would be amused if my roommate was familiar with the concept but I would overall want to establish that this theory effects how I think about the world and its surroundings. In a short synopsis I would probably explain that decision theory is the study of how each person's descions are determined through rationality and the effects of other people's descions against the original subject. I feel that this is an important concept to explain to my roommate because it is of vital importance to me and if he can understand how I think and analyze things, he can better understand who I am.

- working on conclusion
Davemedsci   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / What do you hope to learn from and contribute to UPenn [4]

Your definitly putting yourself in the position that your very well educated about Upenn but i feel like someone said above explain how you would contribute to the school and i would change "wonderful student body" to something like very diverse , Wonderful sounds little out of place
Davemedsci   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'A young professional couple's daughter' - William & Mary supplemental essay [3]

I think it is a very good essay , you definitely portray what your are trying to say very clearly.
In my opinion some of your sentence's such as the first and second can be made into shorter more compact one's becuase i feel they would grab the readers attention better but overall very good job :)
Davemedsci   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Brave New World and perfect society' - Common Application Topic of your choice [6]

Hey everybody , this essay is not yet finished ( working on last paragraph and conclusion ) but let me know what you think about it , and any edit's are kindly welcomed and criticism even if it is harsh

Topic of your choice

Think back to the happiest moment of your life. Feels relaxing right? Now imagine you feel happy, safe, and secure all the time. Imagine a world where everyone is always relaxed and in no way insecure or unsatisfied. In theory, universal happiness sounds great, but in reality, the concept can require great sacrifices of basic emotions that define individualism.

In the novel, Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, humans live in a 'perfect' society that is devoid of traditional human values. Since everyone is socially engineered for specific life roles, they are always happy and satisfied with their lives. When comparing this fictional society to our world, I began to appreciate universal human emotions such as love, curiosity, anger, and understand how our emotions define us as individuals.

Aldous Huxley effectively illustrates a planned society that exists without any worries or stress. A caste system defines each person's specific role. Through constant brainwashing, individuals are conditioned from birth to accept their social and economic status. Their society is built on promiscuity, superficiality, and pleasure-seeking. There is no such thing as love, anger, or hate; all complexity is removed along with love relationships and family. Their entire society is artificially constructed and carefully controlled. What the people consider "happiness" is just a façade; they prefer security instead of experiencing life's complexity. A planned society provides superficial pleasures, with no hardships while sacrificing real human emotions.

Although there are many life difficulties, sacrificing our individualism is too extreme of a solution for preventing undesirable circumstances. Brave New World taught me to value emotions as a guide to overcome difficulties and learn important lessons. Each person is unique in their thoughts and preferences. Our world allows for individual choice in social and career roles. The ability to choose allows for opportunity and also jealousy, greed and anger. Huxley presents a world void of choice, but also void of love and fear. These primal emotions direct our life choice and define our individuality. When all difficulties and choices are removed, with no chance to feel strong emotions, a person becomes a mere robot with no reason to think for themselves.

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