Undergraduate / (taking a train / learning engineering) - Stanford Supplements [3]

If you dont feel like analyzing both essays, I'd really appreciate comments on the 2nd one! I couldn't figure out how to word the conclusion.. Grammatical revisions are appreciated also. Thanks!

Prompt: revealing letter to roommate

Dear Rommie,
I can't wait to meet you! When do you think you're going to get to campus? I still haven't figured out all of my traveling plans. I'm from Chicago, so Stanford is a pretty far trip.

Personally, I would love to take the train. It would be an adventure - just hop on the Amtrak and sightsee for three days. There's so much to see on the California Zephyr route! The train passes through sceneries like the Rockies and the Sierra Nevadas. I get a kick out of stuff like that. I've always liked traveling, ever since I was little. My dad used to have to travel a lot for his job, and sometimes he would bring the family along. I've been lucky enough to experience everything from Virginia Beach to Seattle's Space Needle. There's just something about exploring a new place. You're learning from your surroundings, while your surroundings are being changed by your presence. Since college is all about learning and exploring, I think a train ride would be the perfect prelude to a new life at Stanford.

My family wants to fly to California because it's quicker and easier. I, on the other hand, never have good experiences at the airport. Don't get me wrong; I love being at O'Hare Airport. I love people-watching and seeing the airplanes come and go. This mentality causes problems, however, when you have a terminal to reach and belongings to keep track of. A couple of years ago, I almost forgot my suitcase in the airport! That doesn't even start to cover the problems I have once we actually get on the plane. Ever since a bad childhood experience with turbulence, I always get super anxious at the beginning of a flight. In retrospect, it's probably comical to watch me handle a plane's take-off. To distract myself on a plane ride to New York City, I recited all of the gas laws to my mom. I avoided a nervous breakdown and she got a chemistry review - win-win situation.

I guess no matter which way we decide to travel, it'll be an interesting experience. Well, see you soon!

Prompt: Experience that led to intellectual growth

My love for learning - specifically regarding engineering - was strengthened when I participated in the Packer Engineering Internship. Every year, the top physics students from high schools in the area apply to partake in this nine-week, paid internship. For six hours a week, around twenty interns were immersed in a science-based, hands-on learning environment. The first week, we created and shared presentations on all of the engineering disciplines. For the rest of our internship, we participated in group projects to further explore these disciplines.

Our supervisors selected our partners, because we weren't allowed to work with our schoolmates or anyone else we had previously collaborated with. I now appreciate this stipulation, because it forced me to strengthen my teamwork skills. We were faced with tasks such as designing and building durable model bridges, crashworthy model cars, and efficient wind turbines. Our use of the Packer Engineering facilities gave me exposure to different equipment, like Baldwin testing machines and scanning electron microscopes. We also listened to seminars given by Packer staff members, which taught us about the science behind subjects like structural engineering and auto safety.

Before the internship, I thought of engineers solely as creators of technology, structures, etc. While the Packer Engineering staff does fit that description, they are also investigators. Packer Engineering has handled projects involving everything from equipment malfunctions to arson fires. Exposure to these types of investigations has opened my eyes to a whole new realm of engineering; it has helped me see that engineering isn't all black and white. I now realize that engineering skills can be applied to all areas of life.

Undergraduate / 'strong academics and multitude of resources' - Why Yale? [2]

Prompt: What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply?

I don't know which response to use. Any comments on how to combine them or improve one are greatly appreciated!

The strong academics and multitude of resources drew me into the school, but Tumblr.com is what got me hooked. The Yale bloggers on Tumblr are amazing. They're always happy to help or encourage a prospective student, even though they aren't obligated to. Despite their various personalities, it's obvious that they all love their school and want everyone else to love it too. There are a million reasons why I love Yale, but the tight-knit community is the most important one.

For me, it's the people. It's having amazing peers that I can be driven and encouraged by. It's building lifelong friendships with the future leaders and innovators of the world. It's going to lunch with great professors who care about their students. I looked into the school because of the strong, well-rounded academic program and multitude of resources. The viewbook and quirky admissions video drew me in. It's the tight-knit community, however, that made me fall in love.

Undergraduate / 'daydreaming about my Senior Night' - Short Response [3]

Prompt: Elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities

As my final track season nears, I keep daydreaming about my Senior Night - the party at the end of the season where the team shows their appreciation for the seniors. It's tradition for each senior to give a mini impromptu speech, but I can't stop mentally preparing mine early. I'm scared that if I think on the spot, the words won't come out right. I can't afford for that to happen, because I need my teammates to know what they mean to me. I need them to know that practicing alongside them has taught me about passion and endurance. I need them to know that representing them at important meets has given me invaluable experience in performing under extreme pressure. Most importantly, I need to thank them for showing me how it feels to belong - for loving and accepting me when I needed it most. I need to let them know that they've taught me the importance of a strong community. I need them to know that I love them, and that I'll always be there for them. Once a family, always a family.

Any comments are appreciated!

Undergraduate / 'Side eye glances. Concerned looks'; Why Engineering - Columbia University [2]

Prompt: For applicants to The Fu Foundation School of Engineering and Applied Science, please tell us what attracts you specifically to the study of engineering.

Any comments would be appreciated, thanks!

Side eye glances. Concerned looks. Talks with family and friends "just to make sure this is really what I want to do." This is what I've been dealing with ever since I decided to follow in my dad's footsteps and major in engineering. My dad has always enthusiastically encouraged all of his children to pursue careers in engineering. Because of this, people assume I'm just a meek child who can't shake off her father's request. In reality, I'm far from brainwashed. My dad's influence on my career path has nothing to do with force or demands. I feel endlessly grateful to him for exposing me to the secret world of engineering.

I consider it a secret, because I think most people are put off by some aspects of engineering. Yes, it does involve a great deal of math and science, but it's so much more than that. Engineers are multifaceted; they play the roles of artists, thinkers, and explorers. They are creators, problem-solvers, and investigators. Engineering changes you. The rigorous mental training alters the way an individual thinks and turns him or her into a living paradox - logical, yet creative; systematic, but capable of handling the unexpected. That's what I love about engineering. The unique perspective I will gain will help me not only face my own problems, but also the problems of the world. Knowing all of that, who wouldn't want to be an engineer?

Undergraduate / 'Math kicked me off my pedestal' - Common App Essay [3]

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I'd really appreciate helpful criticism! Especially on the conclusion, because I think it's a little weak right now.

Math kicked me off my pedestal. You know, the pedestal smart kids tend to get on. The one that makes them feel perfect and superior. Yeah, math kicked me off mine, but it's probably the best thing that ever happened to me.

Freshman year, I was placed in regular algebra 1. As I breezed through the class, I realized that I couldn't stay on the regular math track. The math department agreed and happily accepted my request to advance to honors geometry sophomore year. Geometry posed more of a challenge, but I still wasn't satisfied. Designed to be a ninth grade class, I felt isolated in a room full of freshman. I made friends in the class, but I had an insatiable urge to be with my peers. I wanted to go through the same challenges as them, learn the same material as them, and most importantly, be in AP calculus with them senior year. AP calculus represented something to me. I associated all my dreams and goals with that class. I believed that my college admissions relied on that class. It was crazy, but I had to get into that class.

When I approached the head of the math department sophomore year, I had no idea what I was in for. After I vocalized my desire to make it to AP calculus, she offered me a solution. I could double up on honors math classes for second semester and then take summer school. Since second semester had already begun, they gave me a night to make my decision. The next morning, I was ready to get the ball rolling.

My good spirits didn't last long, though. Honors algebra 2 was no walk in the park. For the first time, there were problems I just couldn't solve. Not only was I struggling through algebra 2, I has to stay on track in geometry. When I got my first "C" that semester, my mindset altered for the worse. I completely lost my academic self-esteem in regards to math. That "C" seemed like an indicator of my inadequacy. If I didn't understand a unit or did badly on a test, I simply accepted defeat. It felt useless to build relationships with my teachers. I was destined to be no more than an average student.

I recently realized how wrong my outlook was. I struggled in algebra 2, because I didn't have the strong foundation my classmates had built up during first semester. I wasn't inadequate, I just wasn't as prepared. When I tell my peers about my sophomore year math experiences, they're stunned by the amount of effort I showed. These conversations have helped me realize that I possess the determination and dedication necessary to succeed in math and in life. So, yes, my pedestal has collapsed. I no longer think that I am superior, nor do I think that I am inadequate. I have finally realized that I am on the same ground as everyone else, and only my actions will decide where my path leads.