Undergraduate / Consideration of others - Help me with Trinity's essay [2]

Trinity's Integrity Contract articulates our expectations of honesty, personal responsibility, active consideration of others, and respect for our community. What personal "integrity contract" do you employ in your own life?

As a son of doctors who dedicate themselves to the better living of patients, I was educated since my birth to concern for others. My 'integrity contract', which is all about the active considerations of others, shapes who I am.

Concerning with others require me to be aware of how my behavior affects others. I fully understand that what I do or say will have an effect on people around me. So it is important to consider people's feelings before I do anything. I spare no efforts to behave appropriately in case of generating negative efforts on other people. I dress decently every day and I do not use vile languages. I tend to think in other people's points and respect their opinions. At school, I stick to the honor code strictly and voluntarily. I have never given or received improper aid in any test, because it will harm the interests of other students. In public, I commitment to considerations of others is reflected by my efforts to avoid improper actions. I do not speak loudly and spoil the environment.

Taking active consideration of others require me to give love and help to those in need. At home, I do the housework every weekend to lighten the load of my parents. At school, my responsibilities include helping slow learners with their study. In daily life, I leave seats for people in need; I help the blind go across the street; I raised fund for the victims of earthquake. What's more, I make efforts to encourage more people to take consideration of people, who are often ignored. In the summer of 2007, I went to the local factory to know the lives of workers. The information I gained made me understand the miserable life of the workers. I wrote a research paper in order to attract attention.

My consideration of others not only helps others, but also enriches my life. The integrity contract makes me a descent and respected man. At the same time, the pleasure of helping others can never be overestimated, which motivates me to take more active consideration of other people.

I think the essay I have written is dull. I have no idea how to write this topic. Please give me some specific suggestions on this essay. The deadline in January 1st, so I have no muc time :(

Thanks very much for all your help :)

Undergraduate / short essay of Michiagan : social or cultural difference [2]

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

In the summer of junior 2, I went to Australia as an exchange student for two weeks. During the two weeks, I lived in the host family. The host family was very friendly to me and I quickly felt home in Australia, except one thing, I could not bath freely.

One day, I was covered in sweat after playing football. Then, I went home and had a shower of twenty minutes. After bathing, the host, Mr. Smith said to me, "Wang, it is a very good habit to bath every day. However, could you please limit the time for shower in 5 minutes?"

"Why?" I asked, "Water is not expensive. It is very relaxing to bath." "I do not care much about money. I just care about water." Mr. said seriously. He explained that Australia is a water shortage country, so every Australian citizen tried to save water. Then he told me different ways to save energy. Understanding the reason of the shower limits, I felt guilty. China is a water shortage country too; however, I wasted much water in the past. I decided to learn from the life style of Australian and become an environmentalist. Now, I always take a quick shower in 4 minutes. Although I lose the pleasure of shower, I am proud of saving water.

Through this experience, I have gained appreciation not only for the ecologically friendly lifestyles of Australian, but for all healthy life styles. In the same time, I was engaged in learning from them and promoting the concepts of them to people, including people of Michigan University.

Please give me some advice about the essay. I do not know if I have answered the question clearly. :)

One of my friend said that "through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences" meant that I was respect because of my social difference. However I think it means that I respect for social difference.

Undergraduate / essay of Virginia DId I answer the question+ grammar [3]

What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way.

Imagine a world where your fate is determined even before your birth. Imagine a world where there are no personality differences, but just DNA differences. Imagine a world where you are discriminated against since your birth, only because of your secondary DNA.

This world in the film "Gattaca" unsettles me by reminding me of the real world. In this world, our fates are largely influenced by our family backgrounds. People with better backgrounds enjoy higher social status and resources, and therefore can succeed easily, while it seems hard for people with inferior backgrounds to achieve.

Fortunately, the protagonist Vincent Freeman surprises me by his strong will to make his dream come true. Without the help of genetic engineering, Vincent is born with flawed DNA. From the day he was born, he was destined to be a cleaner. However, he never accepts his fate. He dreams of being an astronaut, which is blocked by his DNA. Through constant efforts, he finally accomplishes his dream.

The film "Gattaca" not only unsettled and surprised me but also changed me. In the past, I believed that destiny could not be changed. As a man from a very normal family, I could only be an ordinary person who leads tedious life. But after watching Gattaca, I understood the power of dream. I cannot determine my parentage, however, I can improve my life and accomplish by pursuing my dream with unremitting efforts. If there is something which cannot be changed, it is DNA. That's all. The sea called "impossible" finally has its end.

Any comment on my essay is welcomed. Thanks for your help :)

Undergraduate / 'Exam failure' - long essay of Michigan: setback [7]

Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?

You must wonder why I still keep the empty tube of correction fluid. It is not evidence that reveals my success. Instead, it only reminds me the depression of failure. Although such paper cannot conjure up any pleasant memories, I have to admit that that it is most significant for me, for it motivates me to change my attitude toward life.

I used to appreciate the correction fluid. When writing with correction fluid, I felt exceptionally relaxed, for I did not have to worry about errors. No matter how many mistakes I made, I could always obliterate them with ease. Though using correction fluid cost time and made a paper untidy, I enjoyed the freedom and ability to correct mistakes as I like.

The first exam of junior one was extremely important, because it determined the people who were qualified to attend the advanced class. I was confident about myself and believed that I would go to the advanced class. During the exam, thinking that I had correction fluid, I paid much more attention on the speed than the quality of the answers, because I could correct the mistakes easily. After checking the whole test paper, I found many serious errors. Shaking the tube of correction fluid subconsciously, suddenly, I found that it was run out. No matter how hard I tried to shake the tube, there was no any fluid. Desperate, I crossed the wrong answers by pen and therefore the whole test paper was spoiled. As a result, I did not attend the advanced class.

The failure was a great blow to me. "I could go to the class, if only I had correction fluid. I found the mistakes." I complained to my father as if the empty tube deprived me of the access to the class. However, to my surprise, my father did not comfort me. Instead, he said," The problem is not about the fluid. It is about your attitude. You failed not because that the fluid was run out but that you did not treat the test carefully in the first time. You should treat every chance as the last one."

The failure in the exam made me reconsider my attitude toward life. In the past, considering that I had abundant chances, I often carelessly made mistakes like those on the exam, or missed good chances. As a result, I achieved little. So I decided to change. I made my mind not to use correction any more, but I remained the empty tube, which now serves as a reminder to me that there are no more opportunities for me. I should treat every opportunity carefully. Now, aware that I have only one chance and no error is allowed, I always focus full attention on what I am doing and force myself to work harder and harder. I have achieved more than I ever thought I could, all because of the concept of treating every opportunity as the last one, which urges me to express my full range of potential.

This is my recent revison. Please give me some advice.
1. I do know whether the world "correction fluid" is understandable. Should I say "white out"? Do American people use it?
2.I think I repeat worlds like "correction fluid","mistake","chances","opportunities" too many times. How can I improve the sentences?

3.Any more advice about the content? I am not sure the third paragraph which described my setback is enough. And I think the last paragraph can be improved.

Thanks in advance for your help :)

Undergraduate / I was really fascinated in the law of supply and demand; Academic interests [2]

What led you to choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what areas are you most interested in, and why?

My first contact with the economics was the politics class in my middle school. Although I learned only basic theories at that time, I was really fascinated in the law of supply and demand, the opportunity cost, the marginal analysis and so on. Furthurmore, reading several economic books afterwards strengthened my interest in economics. But at that time, I was only interested in economics; the real decision to make it as my major arose from my experience of the internship in the factory.

In the summer 2006, I joined the internship to a factory in order to know more about the working conditions of the workers. I was really amazed after a research on the 135 workers there. Almost everyone felt unsatisfied with his working conditions. They work 10 to 12 hours a day, 365days a year while they are paid with only 700 Yuan (100 dollars) a month! And most workers lead a poor life and tried hard to make a living, but still felt stretched to pay for the tuition of their children and concerns for the whole family.

The one-month research really made my mind weighed done with anxiety, I am confused. Since the reform and opening-up, we had a big improvement in building a moderately prosperous society in all respects, but workers are still living with great pain and mock.

What made all this happen? It's economic that counts. If we are as rich as the developed countries, we can make people at the lowest position stand up and say, I am happy, I am satisfied with all my life. And as a result, I decide to choose economics as my major and bring hope to the people who are suffering and struggling. I hope that one day, every one is set for life and no poverty exists.

All comments are welcomed :)

Undergraduate / Grinnell Supplement essay - what makes me an individual [9]

Grinnell College is a place where students come to be part of a distinctive community. Tell us what makes you an individual and what you could bring to Grinnell, but also tell us about what you wish to take away from Grinnell College.

I may not be outstanding and great. I am a normal person, but I am unique because of my efforts to contribute.

My parents are doctors, who dedicate to improving the conditions of patients. Infected by my parents, I am engaged in helping people in need in my daily life. I offer seats for people in need in the bus; I help the blind go across the street; I volunteer to teach poor primary students; I organize a group of people to struggle for the better living of children slavery; I raised fund for the victims of earthquakes. Although what I do seem to be trivial, I am proud that I can stick to devoting for many years. I can rest in satisfaction of knowing that I do improve other people's lives. In the same time, I realize that I should learn more and cooperate with excellent and motivated people to achieve more.

I wish I could bring my willing to help to Grinnell. I understand that people in Grinnell are outstanding and great and I dream to be one of them. I want to organize people together and do things meaningful, which, I believe will not be trivial.

It would be my honor and prestige if I could attend Grinnell and contribute to Grinnell community with my full strength. I can meet the best teachers and the most passionate and smartest students, with whom I can share my dream of making the world a better place. I hope the knowledge necessary for achieving my goal and good relationships with the teachers and students are what I take away from Grinnell.

I wonder if I have answered the question clearly and exprssively. I want to show my readiness to help others and devote to the society. I want to show my willing to make friends with teachers and students and work together to contribute.

Thanks for any advice for revising the short essay :)

Undergraduate / Why Bates supplement any suggestion and comment is welcomed [4]

I am thirsty for knowledge. As one of the best liberal arts college in the US, Bates is a haven for seekers of knowledge, freedom and justice. Bates has distinguished faculties focusing on teaching and research. Student population of Bates-intellectual, passionate, and friendly-forms an academically challenging environment which helps me meet my academic goal. Besides, the school's small size and a student-faculty ration of 10:1 mean that student/faculty interaction is plentiful, and close friendships are easily formed.

I am trying to form a global perspective. Bates has a diverse student body, and about 6% of students are international students. The students with different cultures and traditions study together, forming a friendly and diverse atmosphere, which help me gain a better and deeper understanding of other cultures. Besides, Bates offers opportunities to study abroad in more than 70 foreign locations and more than two-thirds of students take advantage of them. These opportunities are attractive for me to seek real-world experience.

I am interested in economics and would like to take it as my undergraduate major. I dream to use my knowledge to improve the bad economic conditions of my hometown. Economics is the most popular major and is also the best among Bates' best. I believe that study in Bates can definitely help me realize my dream.

Bates College is a good match for me. It would be my honor and prestige if I could attend Bates and achieve my goals.

Please give me some advice. Ｉam not good at writing "why essay" :)

Undergraduate / Virginia supplement ( the world where I come from) [5]

Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are. ( about 250 words)

A heavy pounding on the door roused me from sleep. I frowned and heard the next door open and heavy footsteps.

I live with my parents who are doctors in clinics. Both of my parents are very busy every day. They usually work 15 or 16 hours a day. What is even worse, the sounding of knocking made by patients often wakens us up after midnight. Why my parents work so hard was always beyond me, because we have no lack of money. However, my parents never complain and they always work joyfully.

That day, I went out with my parents, wondering who was so selfish to disturb our sleep. It was a woman, waiting anxiously, with her baby in her arms. The little baby had a fever, so my father gave her the injection and prescribed a medicine. The whole process from knocking the door to leaving lasted only ten minutes. "Ten minutes spoiled the whole night," I grumbled. My mum just smiled and said to me, "If the baby was not treated on time, she might become deaf. Our ten minutes may decide her whole life. You should be happy and proud that our ten minutes make the family happy."

My mum's words changed me and made me understand that the value of life does not lie in money but the contribution to others. Infected by my parents, I decided to follow my parents and struggled for the better living of other people.

I began to take part in various charity organizations. In daily life, I try my best to contribute. I discover that helping others in trouble can give me pleasure.

Thanks to my parents who teaches me the meaning of life-to help others. Although what I do may be trivial, I rest in satisfaction when thinking that the lives of other people are improved because of my contribution.

Please give me some advice. I though the essay was not impressive at all and I was trying to shorten it to 250 words. It seemed hard, because there were too many that I want to show :(

Undergraduate / Common essay: Dissection all comments are welcomed :) [5]

Choice of my own: dissection

A haze of chalk powder surged in front of me and made me choke. I raised my drowsy head from a pile of books and looked up. The huge blackboard hung right up there, making grimaces. I laid down my pen, stared at it with both intimacy and strangeness. Having been its friend for years, I suddenly found that I never understood it fully in detail: How was it made? Why was it made in this way? And... Why was it there? These incessant, seemingly childish questions quickly dragged me into bouncy thoughts. With the expectation and excitement to discover what Newton had seen in a fallen apple, I just couldn't wait to scrutinize the blackboard, dissect it and completely understand it...

My passion was ignited and started to speed. A 3-D model of the blackboard was soon constructed in my mind. I readily dismantled it off the wall without the help of hammers or screwdrivers, inspecting it in my mind thoroughly from every angle, starting from the most basic aspects: Why was this chunky friend so swarthy and always confined within the exact design of shortened rectangle? These two questions sprang into my mind and were neatly resolved within 20 seconds. Its black skin absorbed dazzling light and really made sharp contrast against chalk. It could be too bright if bleached into snow-white. And its stature was due to efficiency, maximizing the area with a limited height. As a means of displaying knowledge in most cases, its shape carried a sense of simplicity and steadiness. Make it a circle? To be frank, it's quite impossible for me to concentrate when facing something resembling a huge basketball!

My first round of detachment proved to be a success and my curiosity was intensified. For further discovery, I approached the blackboard and tapped its surface softly. A weak sound made by metal echoed across my ears to and fro, mixed with an instant bass sound made by wood. Then, I touched the surface with my finger and palm, feeling for the first time that it was just as smooth as a Persian carpet ---- a delicate paint cover! I flashed back to the model in my mind and quickly complicated it into a three-tier one. "Isn't it a wonderful architecture?" I asked myself with the delight of discovery. Indeed, the inner wood bolstered the blackboard with its durability. The metal toughened it like a shell. The delicate paint, not only guaranteed the flowing feeling of writing, but also prevented the metal from rusting. The silver rims and bolts consolidated it, fastening the constitution firmly as a whole, unshakable, intact. What an exquisite structure! I found it fascinating.

My work didn't end here. Creative thinking soon ensued and permeated. My imagination was effervescing. "This can be made better!" I eagerly murmured while sinking myself into the brainstorm: "Isn't the pervasive powder so disturbing? If the blackboard isn't erased then the problem won't occur...What if I peel off the surface instead of cleaning it... Yes! Why not stack the covers layer by layer and make it peel-able? This frees teachers from continually breathing in the choking dust...Wait... If it can be cleaned elsewhere... Right! It will be wonderful if the blackboard has two sides, which, if driven by a horizontal axis, can easily revolve and alternate. Thus, a sort of machine can do the cleaning inside...What if..." Streams of ideas rushed to me unboundedly as vivacious images bounced everywhere. I was so intoxicated that I even chuckled involuntarily, until I embarrassedly met pairs of displeased eyes mixed with confusion.

A sheer satisfaction indeed, it requires only an acute eye and willingness to imagine. Why waste the opportunity to understand, to discover, but kill time senselessly? Things that seem extremely commonplace might turn out to be colorful and meaningful beyond expectation once dissected thoroughly.

Masses of powder surged again and my thoughts were drawn back. I looked through. Instead of seeing a blank board, I saw the shoulder of a giant.

Please give me some adivice :)

Undergraduate / Common short essay: Summary of activity, all comments are welcomed [8]

The experience of volunteer teaching is very important and unforgettable to me. In the summer of 2007, with fifteen motivated students, I went to Peicheng Primary School in Sichuan as a volunteer English teacher. I taught my students Everyday English, which was not an easy task. Most of the students were very shy to speak English because of their accent. I spent days correcting their errors in pronunciation and encouraging them to speak English loudly. During the process, I learned much. I began to know how to manage a team. I gradually understood the power of praises. All people want to be praised, especially the children. "Excellent! You are very smart!" "You have improved a lot." "I like your pronunciation." Such encouragement stimulated their enthusiasm of speaking English. After two weeks of hard work, the pupils mastered all I prepared to teach them, making me feel a strong sense of achievement. Most importantly, I established pleasant and comfortable relationships with those lovely kids. During the break, they would like to share their stories with me. Many of them asked me to autograph their favorite notebooks and they often praised me as their idol, which was a great honor to me. Two weeks of volunteer teaching was short but rewarding, and was my sweetest memory.