Undergraduate / Study different cultures / Playing the guitar [4]

African American Humanities and African American History classes, coupled with Spanish language classes and Saturday Chinese school, seemed daunting at first; however, after immersing myself in these fertile courses, I became much more enthusiastic about the richness of humanity, and I became much more familiar with the struggles of minorities. However, more importantly, I'm more cultured to think in their spectrum and respect the traditions of our world.

Also, use IcedBananas comments. I thought that they were helpful and insightful. I think you definitely answered this question! Good luck!

Playing the guitar has been an integral part of my life for the past two years. I may not have Led Zeppelin or Carlos Santana's skills on the guitar; in fact, I'm probably the worst guitarist among my peers during my guitar lessons.

Also, use LW Trojan's comment. Great idea. I think you definitely answered this question! Good luck!

Undergraduate / USC Short Answer! ("to incorporate Hollywood into my studies") [7]

I, however, was never one to believe that academic pursuits and personal interests had to stay in their own separate spheres; bringing hobbies and non-"educational" aspects into the learning experience makes it more enjoyable for me .

I've also had a fascination with communication, from how people interact to how messages are sent through various media, such as television and advertising. I plan to to fuse all of these interests together by majoring in communications , with a minor in communication and the entertainment industry .

I would use RachaelJennifer's suggestion:
shouldn't the end of that be, "... into a curriculum where i will genuinely enjoy learning." ??

Undergraduate / Georgetown "Describe Yourself" Essay [10]

I believe that IcedBananas is correct on the spelling issue. :)

Undergraduate / COMMON APP ESSAY: FREE TOPIC. "Ingredients" [3]

LOL! Yea... It is a good idea to give us a good 24 hours before you need the paper; however, I would post it about a week before it is due. That will give you plenty of time to correct any issues and repost it for more input!

Want to help? Be sure to comment on other people's work. It will get your post counts up, which we look at when we are helping people. We tend to help the people who post on other people's work first. Just a suggestion!

Good luck!

Writing Feedback / A Separate Peace Essay during World War II in 1943 [6]

Commas can be your friend. To help you out, here are some rules on commas: grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm

Many teachers like to mark out commas, colons, and semi-colons because students often misuse and overuse them, but if you use them correctly, you will wow your teacher. I love the semi-colon... It is easy to implement when you know how to do it correctly.

Good luck!

Writing Feedback / About edgar allen poe essay [11]

Personally, I would take it out. None of my professors liked comments like that, but if you feel drawn to say it, then say it! Is this just an essay for a class you are in or for something else? Do you have a word count? Do you have a works cited page?

You did a great job! Good luck!

Undergraduate / USC essay #3, "our 24-hour journey" [5]

Here is the "rule" for earth:
"(When to Capitalize)Names of celestial bodies: Mars, Saturn, the Milky Way. Do not, however, capitalize earth, moon, sun, except when those names appear in a context in which other (capitalized) celestial bodies are mentioned. "I like it here on earth," but "It is further from Earth to Mars than it is from Mercury to the Sun. " _ Not mine... I found it on a website. I was taught that you only capitalize it in this situation as well as when you put the in front of it. "I love earth. I love the Earth."

I would not remold it. I loved it. Very descriptive and honest. I actually saved this as one of my favs. :)

Undergraduate / common app short answer help ("bare room lined with mirrors") [19]

Well, since it is so short, I wouldn't change anything. I think that this gets the point across well in 150 +/- words.

GOOD LUCK!

Writing Feedback / About edgar allen poe essay [11]

Poe narrates a life of misery, which is only satisfied when the presumably dead Berenice's teeth are torn out. "...And from it, with a rattling sound, there rolled out some instruments of dental surgery, intermingled with thirty-two small, white and ivory-looking substances that were scattered to and fro about the floor." (CITE THIS AS WELL!)

I LOVE IT! I always loved Poe's work, and I agree with you. I definitely do not think that he suffered the mental craziness that people deem him worthy of having. Like Hitchcock, I think that he just was able to write and create stories that shocked people.... shows sanity to me... just a great sense of "GOTCHA!"

Graduate / 'I was encouraged by my professors' - SOP for Master in Engineering [8]

Rocketeer:
Of course, I can explain why I suggested that. It is not necessarily a stylistic or grammatical issue; however, when I read the sentences both to myself and aloud the 'in' just did not seem to sound right to me. That is just a suggestion of course. This is your 'baby'. Ultimately, if you like the way it sounds, go with it!

Good luck!

Undergraduate / common app short answer help ("bare room lined with mirrors") [19]

I developed a thirst to win after my first competition when I was nine. In time, accomplishing my ultimate goal, meant transferring to a dance school in New York, which was a two-hour drive from my Connecticut home. Since changing schools in 2005, I have gone from a struggling competitor, to partaking in both regional and national competitions, and nearing a qualification for the world championships.

How long is this essay supposed to be? It was pretty good. I would add in these if you have the space:
Why you love Irish dance
The feeling you get while dancing
It's impact on your life
How dancing made your life better

Good luck

Essays / uni film essay, how all films are carriers of cultural identity & ideology [8]

In software that my college professors used to check for plagiarism, the software checked every available resource online. This software, called TurnItIn.com, found similarities between my paper and an alumni website for Berry College Laboratory School. My name, address, and telephone number were on both in the same order. It red-flagged the information, but my teacher saw that it was my information and discarded it So, the probability of this page being found is pretty good, depending on the software; however, your reader will see that the writer is you! It helps that your handle on here is rachaeljennifer...at least I hope that is your real name?!?!?!:)

Here are a few free online plagiarism resources for students.

essayscam.org/forum/gt/plagiarism-consequences-tips-students-4866/
essayads.com/papers/study-plagiarism
essaybrand.com/research/dodging-plagiarism-scanner-outsmart-word-detection-68/
essay rater --------------THIS LOOKS LIKE A REALLY GOOD ONE!
writecheck.turnitin ------THIS IS BY THE COMPANY MY PROFESSORS USED!
copyscape ----- I HAVE THIS USED ON ME OFTEN FOR CHECKING MY ARTICLES ORIGINALITY.

Undergraduate / basketball court / crunching numbers to advising [6]

I don't see the disorganization. I see your dream (playing basketball), your problem (you wanted to be better), your action / solution (you practiced a lot), and the result (you are a great player and captain who now has an even better work ethic and character because you worked so hard).

I thought it was great to be a short answer.

Undergraduate / 'open mind' - Diversity essay - How I can contribute? [6]

Well, I thought that this was a weak essay. It did answer the prompt...I suppose. I am sure that you have numerous ways that you can add to the diversity at the University of ***. If your travels and culture are all that you offer, most likely you will not be chosen because someone with a stronger essay who made sold themselves very well out shined your essay. One of the purposes of these essays is to see who you are, what you are about, and why you want to come to that college. Millions of people every year travel to South America and Europe. Millions of people are bilingual. What makes you different? What sets you apart form everyone of those people? Don't get me wrong. The basics of the essay are great, but I would add more of your qualities to the essay. You want to sound irresistible to the boards.

GOOD LUCK!

Undergraduate / What have you gained from the activities and experiences listed in Part VI, you'll use in McIntire? [8]

I always believed that competition brings out the best in us, a process that puts healthy pressure on individuals. Throughout all of my life, I have been competing one way or another for the "prize", be it piano concerts to admissions; however , this belief changed during the summer of 2008 , when I received my first full-time job as an intern at Xceed Technologies, Inc.

"Take a week or two and learn the basics, let me know if you need anything, " he said and left me alone to tinker with the scripts.

Undergraduate / 'Accountancy and Commerce professor' - best teacher essay [7]

Good. I am glad you had such a great teacher. What is this for? An essay to the school? A recommendation for Teacher of the Year? It is good, but nothing spectacular about it. If you can tell us why you are writing this, we may be able to help you make is sparkle.

Undergraduate / basketball court / crunching numbers to advising [6]

I believe that you answered the prompts. Well done! Good luck!

Undergraduate / commonapp essay- cliches (and topic ideas) [12]

I don't necessarily think that clichés are bad, but I am not your teacher. The thing that I have learned in the education process from middle school all through college is that you have to read your teachers. You have to find out what is and is not acceptable to them. Each teacher is a bit different. For this teacher, just play his or her game! Even in school, politics exist. Your next teacher may love clichés or may think they are stupid. Who knows?

Unfortunately, you cannot always write what you want to write. That is a part of life. I have been in courses where I had to write papers on topics that I did not agree with, but had to write my paper like I did because my professor was that weird. There are some professors that believe that their way is the only way...unfortunately....just a game to play.

Undergraduate / "Leaders in the Making" - CMC Leadership - admission essay [13]

I agree. I would stay away from the humor.

Writing Feedback / A Separate Peace Essay during World War II in 1943 [6]

Be sure to use my comments and suggestions along with Kevin's.

Good luck!

Essays / Common app personal essay: selecting a topic for significant experience [8]

I would say be as specific as possible. If you have a significant academic experience that led you to your major choice, I would go with that; however, if you do not, I would go with the best, most significant, most specific experience I could.

Undergraduate / UGA short essays on application.. [6]

WELL! First off, GOOOOOOOO DAWGS! Sic 'em! Woof Woof Woof! My husband and I are HUGE DAWGS fans! :)

I always loved essays like this....

I always used these two examples:
1. I rebuilt a 1967 Mustang during my senior year of high school
2. I was a student ambassador with the People-to-People Student Ambassador Program and traveled to England, France, Greece, and Italy for three weeks when I was 15.

Do you have any cool, unique things like that going for you? What sets you apart from everyone else? Do you have any volunteer service? Think of things that you would tell someone to WOW them. These essays are to get the board interested in you as a person, not as a student ID number, not as a transcript, not as a person on a list of long applicants, not as an average person....

Good luck! Keep us posted on your progress and let us help you through this! :)

Undergraduate / Does financial aid count on the excellence of one's essays??? [7]

If you have an AWESOME, MUST HAVE essay, you could get financial aid out of the essay. I probably would not count on it. Your background, grades, test scores, etc. will count toward financial aid. The most important aspect of these essays is entrance to the college. After you are accepted, the FA office will generally do whatever they can to get you financed because they need you to go to their school.... In my experience, FA offices at private colleges are MUCH more helpful than public colleges.

Are you looking for more FA?

Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1 - If you were an admission counselor, what would you think? [19]

Much better. I would go with that! Good luck

Essays / 'The emphasis on "practical benefit" in Williams v Roffey Bros Nicholls [6]

What kind of class is this? What are the requirements on the essay?

Essays / Grad School Personal statem. in Childhood Education Major; from art to education [9]

I would start with why you were an art major and why you are switching to education. Are you switching to Art Ed? If so, explain how that best fits you and your "purpose" in life. This will be a semi-short essay, but you can fill it with tons of information to captivate the board.

Good luck!

Essays / Reality TV essay - ideas to begin writing [35]

Do you watch reality television shows? What do you not like about them? I rarely watch them, just American Idol (I am afraid... a 24 year old American Idol watcher!). Do you like that they seem scripted and rehearsed? Do you like that they are crazy (Survivor, Big Brother)? Do you like informative reality tv (I heard about a television show that reminded me of punk'd, but with real people and real issues, such as immigration, etc)? Your dislike of current reality tv shows can help you create the "future" reality tv shows.

Let me know if you need any other help!

Hope that helped!

Essays / What are the "do's and dont's" of an introduction of an essay? [8]

Yea... I don't understand the rule, and I definitely don't make them, but I have written that in a paper before and got CHEWED OUT by a professor about it. :( Learn from my mistake! :P

Like Kevin, I like directness!

Undergraduate / The greatest impact on my life had my father [11]

A truly influential person that has had the greatest impact on my life I would say is my father.

Through his words and actions, he turned a careless, irresponsible child into the responsible, independent, intelligent man I am today . My dad taught me to thank God for everything no matter what position I might hold .

I was impressed by how he, through hard work, went from a driver to an owner of a Mena Vet company for veterinary products. He has always held that their is no age or limit for learning.

Great job! I would still hone in on how what he taught you affects you most... Talk more about you!

Essays / "Confessions of a Student" [25]

Yes...we definitely need more information before we can help. What sort of essay is this? Entrance essay? Class essay? Article? What kind of confession are you writing about? Have you written anything else yet? If you have, post that. It may give us all a better idea of what you are wanting to say and talk about.

When I have problems with writing an introduction and conclusion, I write the body first; then, I go to the introduction and explain what I am going to "tell" the reader in the body and repeat for the conclusion.

Undergraduate / The greatest impact on my life had my father [11]

I agree with wongxy. You are writing the essay to get into your school of choice. You are not trying to get your dad in the school. Focus more on you... how he impacted your life. How he taught you things that make you who you are today... anything like that. I definitely would not say that you should not write about your father...definitely do!

Undergraduate / 'a developed and a developing economy' - U of T essay ( issue of importance) [7]

You've got it. You definitely answered the prompt... Just make the final tweaks to the essay and send it!!! :) Good luck!

Essays / Reality TV essay - ideas to begin writing [35]

I think that you can include that as long as it pertains to the future of reality tv... For example, you coul dsay something like this:

"Because early reality television shows seemed very rehearsed and scripted, the future reality television shows will..." If you go that route, be sure to tie in our the "new" reality tv shows will be better than the "old" ones.

Undergraduate / 'a developed and a developing economy' - U of T essay ( issue of importance) [7]

Yet, illiteracy and unemployment still play a major role in our social hierarchy.

In a world where corruption and terrorism prevails, education can be that factor, which helps eliminate such evils.

It also helps solve various other predicaments, such as poverty, world hunger, overpopulation, health related issues and many more.

In a country, like India, where more than a quarter of the population is under the poverty line, such a measure becomes a requirement for its social and economic development.

Without education, there would be no doctors, lawyers or any other professional for that matter. I, as a student, believe that everyone holds the right to education, and they should be provided with the support they require.

Great JOB!!!!!!

Essays / Essay: how does a malls design affect the identity of a visitor? IDEAS? [3]

Try to think of ways that the three age groups would view the same thing about the commerical mall...

For example, the signs --- font size and font type (young people may be able to read the fonts, but older people may have difficultly); the building and landscape-- young people may not see the use of nice landscaping and building, but adults will; security guards, parking, expected mother's parking, floors (anti-skid, etc), layout (multiple stories v. one story; steps v. escalator or elevator).

Hope that helps! Good luck!

Graduate / Admission Essay Msc in Managerial and Financial Review! [4]

It is definitely informative about you, but I didn't get a huge "WOW" factor out of it. I would probably rate this a 7/10. It was great, but was lacking that spark that will make you irresistible to your college choices. I know that you will ask, "What will make my essay shine?" For that question, I simply do not have an answer. The best advice I can give is to tell the college what makes you completely different from every other applicant.

GOOD LUCK

Essays / What are the "do's and dont's" of an introduction of an essay? [8]

Yes... Never say "In this essay, I am going to tell you..."! If I were a teacher, that error would already take you down to a C! Sorry.

I would start with the basic five paragraph essay and elaborate into however many paragraphs you need... I would do something like this

Paragraph #1: Introduction of thesis
Paragraph #2: Explain and define any words or phrases you may use in the paper
Paragraph #3: Issue 1
Paragraph #4: Issue 2
Paragraph #5: Conclusion of thesis

You cannot go wrong with a format like that. Of course, if your paper is two pages, you may not want five paragraphs; similarly, if you paper is 100 pages, you will want more than five paragraphs. Normally, if I have a paper that is more than ten pages, I will create subheadings to let my reader know the topics.

Good luck!

Undergraduate / Democracy itself guarantees the right to express; ISSUE OF IMPORTANCE [4]

I would add both your understanding and experience with democracy if you can spare the word space.

Essays / Reality TV essay - ideas to begin writing [35]

Try to think of how far TV has come in the last few years... While "MTV'S Real World" has been around for over 20 years, new shows like "Survivor" and "American Idol" have not. Try to think about where we will be in the future as far as a society... play on that. Now, reality tv shows go for money and "love" (if you can call it that). What if reality tv was for something more? Your life? Your family? Your future? etc?

Good luck

Undergraduate / 'Golfing activity' - common app short answer [9]

I first started golfing around age six .

I began golfing only during my grandfather' s visits mainly at the practice range. Eventually, he eased me on to actual courses. During my freshman year, I decided to try out for the school team.

During my freshman year, I was in the middle of the JV lineup, and, during my junior year, I was invited to the varsity team to fill the number three spot.

Great job!