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Posts by brazilian01
Joined: Dec 19, 2012
Last Post: Dec 19, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 28  
Likes: 1
From: Brazil

Displayed posts: 30
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brazilian01   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Passion for travel; Yale Supp/ Something you'd like to say more [15]

Thank you! I've changed a couple of things in the essay, so I'm gonna put it here:

When I was 9 years old, my father asked me if I would like to spend my summer in Italy. At the time, I thought it was joke (and so did my mother). But it wasn't. Five months later I was boarding a plane for a 12 hour trip that would take me to a country whose language I didn't speak to spend a month with relatives I hadn't seen in years. It was this experience that definitely made me fall in love with travelling.

After this initial venture, I was never able to stay put. I ended up going to Italy three more times, completely alone. At fourteen, I decided to do an exchange year in Germany. I didn't speak any German, but I went there anyway, ready for a new challenge. After three months there, I was speaking the language.

I love travelling. I love the feeling of going somewhere new and, as strange as it seems, I love getting lost. I have gotten lost in places I can't even point out on a map. I have shed tears in a train station after getting down at the wrong station and therefore missing my next two trains. Yet I loved these experiences. Because even though I felt lost and hopeless, I knew that I was learning something. Getting lost, to me, means that I am trying something new, discovering something that was not available to me before. Getting lost to me is wonderful. It is a proof of my independence and of my ability to make things right afterwards.

Living in Germany for a year provided me opportunities to lose my way (literally and metaphorically) but also to find myself. To be somewhere new, with people I had never before met, meant learning more about others and also about myself. Different cultures and people are somehow my passion. I enjoy learning more about others and teaching them a bit about myself and my experiences as well. Walking down streets and simply talking to people wherever I go are the best way I have to broaden my views and opinions.

I got to know people and stories in this year that I had never imagined I would meet in my life. As a history enthusiast, hearing my guest mother tell me about her life on the East side of the Berlin wall took my imagination to infinite places. I like seeing history come alive, and travelling provides me that.

Going to different places opens up the mind, the spirit and the heart. It makes you accept others and also yourself. The person I am today, this one who took the leap to apply to colleges in a different country, is a direct result of the little girl's fearlessness to travel far away just to live something new.
brazilian01   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Passion for travel; Yale Supp/ Something you'd like to say more [15]

I'm already at 460 words and the limit is 500. So trying to do what you suggested, I added one line:

Living in Germany for a year provided me opportunities to lose my way (literally) but also to find myself. To be somewhere new, with people I had never before met, meant learning more about others and also about myself. Different cultures and people are somehow my passion. I enjoy learning more about others and teaching them a bit about myself and my experiences as well. Walking down streets and simply talking to people wherever I go are the best way I have to broaden my views and opinions.

What do you think? Does it make it better?
brazilian01   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Joy is your business' - Bard Supplement Essay -True Joy [3]

The essay starts out great, but then gets vague. You need to elaborate more on your friendship with her and why she is the source of your joy, in my opinion.

Please check out my essays as well.
brazilian01   
Dec 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / may 1990 was my final in hight school [3]

I agree that you should take the essay to an English teacher. You chose a good topic, but you don't express yourself clearly.
brazilian01   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Passion for travel; Yale Supp/ Something you'd like to say more [15]

Thank you. I firmly believe in the "less is more" theory. I think my ideas are the important part, not my ability to use a thesaurus. I have already change the river crying into "shed tears"; it truly does sound and look better.
brazilian01   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Language Courses/ PennSID ; UPENN SUPP (How you engage academically at Penn?) [2]

A Penn education provides a liberal arts and sciences foundation across multiple disciplines with a practical emphasis in one of four undergraduate schools: the College of Arts and Sciences, the School of Engineering and Applied Science, the School of Nursing, or the Wharton School.

Given the undergraduate school to which you are applying, please discuss how you will engage academically at Penn. (Please answer in 300 words or less.)


Due to my love of travelling and of different cultures, international relations always seemed like a good option of study to me. Being Brazilian and going to another country to study is already an example of how I plan to strengthen my knowledge and my culture. If accepted in to UPenn, I intend to take full advantage of every opportunity that I am given and to always look for new ones as well. The first thing that interested me was the language courses that the university offers. Languages are my passion and for my intended area, the more I know, the better. The PennSID also particularly interested me because it would be a chance to put what I learn to use and do what I really want to do in life: help the world and the members of its community, facilitating the relations between people. Besides the academic opportunities offered by the university, I also believe that in such a diverse atmosphere, even when I am just at the library studying or talking to fellow classmates, I will be learning more and contributing to my culture. UPenn's academic rigor and its challenging coursework are something that will make a difference in my life and in the path which I wish to go on with it.
brazilian01   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / "Bullying" ; MIT World Prompt/ world you come from [14]

I hadn't noticed you'd changed the prompt, my mistake.

This frase isn't very well put together. There are disagreements between the tenses and the sentence ended up too long.
brazilian01   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Lehigh University Supp/ Common App/ Unique aspect of Lehigh? [3]

I did not understand your first sentence and what you mean by it. You seem to be only mentioning points about the school, without really saying why it interests you. It doesn't really say exactly why YOU are interested in Lehigh.
brazilian01   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Passion for travel; Yale Supp/ Something you'd like to say more [15]

1. In this second essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application-or on something that you would like to say more about.

When I was 9 years old, my father asked me if I would like to spend my summer in Italy. At the time, I thought it was joke (and so did my mother). But it wasn't. Five months later I was boarding a plane for a 12 hour trip that would take me to a country whose language I didn't speak to spend a month with relatives I hadn't seen in years. It was this experience that definitely made me fall in love with travelling.

After this initial experience, I was never able to stay put. I ended up going to Italy three more times, completely alone. At fourteen, I decided to do an exchange year in Germany. I didn't speak any German. Yet it turned out to be the best choice I had ever made.

I love travelling. I love the feeling of going somewhere new and, as strange as it seems, I love getting lost. I have gotten lost in places I can't even point out on a map. I have cried rivers in a train station after getting down at the wrong station and therefore missing my next two trains. Yet I loved these experiences. Because even though I felt lost and hopeless, I knew that I was learning something. Getting lost to me means that I am trying something new, discovering something that was not available to me before. Getting lost, to me, is wonderful. It is a proof of my independence (and my ability to make things right afterward).

Living in Germany for a year provided me opportunities to lose my way (literally) but also to find myself. To be somewhere new, with people I had never before met, meant learning more about others and also about myself. Different cultures and people are somehow my passion. I enjoy learning more about others and teaching them a bit about myself and my experiences as well.

I got to know people and stories in this year that I had never imagined I would meet in my life. As a history enthusiast, hearing my guest mother tell me about her life on the East side of the Berlin wall took my imagination to infinite places. I like seeing history come alive, and travelling provides me that.

Going to different places opens up the mind, the spirit and the heart. It makes you accept others and also yourself. The person I am today, this one who took the leap to apply to colleges in a different country, is a direct result of the little girl's fearlessness to travel far away just to live something new.
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