Undergraduate /
Christmas Eve dinner; UChicago - Invent A Past For Present Supplement [23]
The cacophony caused by the droplets of water seized.
not necessary
The internal struggle raged.
This feeling that engulfed him made him want to do something.
this could be cut
Not only that, but he would be able to satisfy his thirst for knowledge in the library by answering his unanswered questions that ranged from why emeralds are green to the origin of the cosmos.
this part isnt redundant, but the essay could do without it
His family could live on his and his mother's wages but
again, not really necessary
He held his mother, looked into her eyes and told her that everything will be fine, he will help support the family by working at the library and will be the man she always needed in her life .
the highlighted portions can be removed
Now that I reread it, redundant was the wrong word. It isnt redundant. There are, however, a few parts that can be trimmed down, and I tried to pinpoint them. This essay is long, but not unnecessarily long. I feel as though cutting out too much will hurt the vioce that you have created. How many words is your essay?