Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Two possible sites for the supermarket [4]

Please, give a feedback for this essay.

The diagram illustrates two optional places in Garlsdon town for the construction of a new supermarket.

Overall, it can be noticed that the traffic infrastructure of this town involve three main roads and a railway. The population of the town is higher than other thee areas which have link with it.

In more detail, the one of possible sites (S1) is located in the northwest of the Garlsdon town in countryside area, and between the railway from southeast to northwest and a main road. The road connects with Hindon town 12 km northwest of the town, where 10,000 people live.

Turning to the other selection (S2), it situates in the centre of the Garlsdon town where is nearby the railway and surrounded by industry zone. This town involves two dwelling zones locating to the north of and south of that respectively. Apart from above, another of remaining roads leads to Bransdon town 16 km southwest of the town, where has a population of 15,000, and the other link to Cransdon town 25km southeast away from the town, with 29,000 people living.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: languages die out annually. The greatest victims: history and culture [3]

Please, correct my grammar. I very appreciate your help.

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Nowadays, there is an enormous quantity of languages existing in the world. However, many of them confront extinction problem. Some claim that speaking fewer languages improve life style better than hundreds of that. Although this situation has many advantages, everyone ought to know the meaning of drawbacks behind the condition could higher than expectation.

Undeniably, speaking specific language to be a chief method of communication could create more benefits. First of all, it will obviously narrow the gaps in terms of several languages. In other words, apart from the reduction in misunderstanding among different languages, that improves the efficiency in communication and spreading knowledge. Some translated article or speech could lose the original meaning. Second, individuals do not spend time learning another language, and this period is usually endless. Learners have to speak fluent as a native speak in order to co-operate with international companies. Based on above mentions, these result in accelerating globalization, and reach an ideal destination of world village.

On the other hand, the disadvantages of speaking fewer languages around the world should be noticed. The greatest victims would be history and culture, which have profound relationship with language. If the official language change, each traditional festival will become meaningless. That is to say, the distinct history and culture is thrown away, and difficult to rebuild the same. Furthermore, doing this not only loss the diversity of different nations, but loss the characteristics of county. Those endangered language should be protected to avoid extinction as other languages.

In conclusion, despite speaking specific language can reach globalization and improve life better, I believe the history and culture behind language is more important than that. Preserving languages symbolize the feature of culture of protection.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Energy consumption by fuel in the USA (1980-2030) nuclear, solar, wind, hydro power [5]

Please, correct my grammar. I very appreciate your help.

The line graph illustrates the consumption of various sources of energy in the United State of American from 1980 to 2030.

Overall, it can be seen that petrol and oil are anticipated that will continually be the chief energy source. The consumption of the other sources will increase, except for hydropower.

There is a prediction that petrol and oil have used almost 50 quadrillion unites (50q) from 35q in 1980. The consumption of Coal and natural gas started at 15q and 20q respectively in 1980, and subsequently natural gas showed an initial decrease and coal had a gradual growth, with two fuel equal between 1985 and 1990. By 2014, both consumptions have climbed to the same number, at 25q, before that of coal will grew to 30q in 2030 and that of natural gas will level off.

Turning to remaining sources, energy from nuclear, solar and wind hydro- power were equal at 4q in 1980. Whereas the consumption of nuclear has a projection that will explode to 8q in 2030, that of hydropower experienced a fluctuation before it is forecast to remain stable at 4q in same time. Solar and wind also showed a variation between 1985 and 2010, before it has increased to 5q by 2030.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: age percentage of people in Yemen and Italy between 2000 and 2050 [8]

The pie charts illustrate the percentage of people in Yemen and Italy between 2000 and 2050 in terms of three age groups. Overall, it can be seen that the population of aged 60 and above is expected an upward trend, and that of 0 to 14-year-olds is a downward trend in both countries.

In 2000, the number of people aged 0 to 14 in Yemen accounted for half of total population, with 50.1%, whereas that in Italy made up 14.3% of total population.The majority of Italian was 15 to 59 year-olds, with 61.6%, which was higher than that in Yemen, with 46.3%. The percentage of people aged 60 and above was responsible for 3.6% in Yemen and 24.1% in Italy.

By 2050, it is anticipated that the percentage of people under 15-year-olds will have decreased to 37% in Yemen, and 11.5% in Italy. Meanwhile, the citizens aged 60 and over will experience an increase in Yemen and Italy, at 5.7% and 42.3% respectively. The people from 15 to 59 years of age will account for 57.3% in Yemen, and 46.2% in Italy.

Please, correct my grammar. Thank you.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: best way to improve public health; lack of exercise [7]

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, most of individuals are living in a busy world with lack of spending time exercise. Some argue that the construction of sports infrastructures can increase the willing of doing sports. However, others believe that should be associated with other measures. In this essay, I would argue that integrated measure is a better choice.

There is no doubt that establishing the large number of sports facilities is significance and convenience to individuals. Most of them need to endure the pressure from workplace or school, and the pressure cause them receive an unhealthy body condition, such as obesity, cardiovascular disease and gastrointestinal disease. The solution for these problem is spending time exercise, and list doing sports in their routine. That is to say, offering citizens suitable places can help them to create a regular lifestyle and improve their health condition.

On the other hand, enhancing the figures of leisure center and recreation are one of the solutions to affect positively public health. Some argue that the use of sports facilities is restricted by time, seasons and location. Therefore, they are not suitable for all citizens. In this pursuing effectiveness world, the modern diseases are triggered by various facts, such as eating unhealthy food and keeping awake all night. Governments and health authorities ought to deliver health education information among people and strengthen awareness on health issue from elementary school. This creates the importance of health body to people.

In conclusion, apart from increasing the number of sports infrastructures, promoting the importance of health body should be involved in the measures. I believe no single action can solve the problem effectively which must be resolved by integrated solution.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-In many countries there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. [3]

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.
What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

Currently, there are as much as unemployed person, who is graduated from advanced education, does not have occupation in many countries. In my opinion, it is essential that universities should stop traditional education, and have to re-structure an appropriate method.

Firstly, most of all companies still have abundance figure of vacant job, but this information is not convinced. Because print and television media have reported many times the redundancy message, causing applicants are intimidated. Actually, enterprise has been turning to hire others type of career, such as on-call, contract, part-time or temporary positions, therefore decline the number of permanent employment too. It has become a brand-new challenge to everyone.

If school still using the traditional education to instruct the students, it will harm their ability. In addition, it also is going to be a society issue. So, the educational institutions and the governments should solve this problem together. The institution can provide an academia-industry collaboration course to pupils. It is an occasion that they can realise the practical requests of industry, also training pupils how to use their acquaintance for workplace, or demand they go to be intern in company. And government should provide training scheme to these employed, subsequently you might get a permanent career. Furthermore, you should not refuse the temporary positions, when your capability is convinced, you also can get it.

Summary, we can't give up any opportunity that struggle to get a guaranteed job. And the revamp of teaching patterns and training scheme should execute as soon as possible.

(253 words)

Please help me.
Thanks you.