Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]

Posts by nazzia30 [Suspended]
Joined: Sep 23, 2013
Last Post: Dec 11, 2016
Threads: 5
Posts: 13  
From: Pakistan

Displayed posts: 18
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Dec 11, 2016
Undergraduate / This university has dedicated itself to "nurturing honest, eager, and critical minds" I can offer it [5]

I really think this essay is well written. I think if you're sure of your capabilities then why not be confident and honest in letting them see that you perceive yourself like that. I was watching a video for a college and the people who reviewed applications clearly stated that they were looking for the go-getters and people who have no qualms about showing their strengths.

I think you've done the same :)
Dec 10, 2016
Scholarship / Public health management in Karachi and in Pakistan overall, spread of dangerous diseases [5]

Hi heys,

Please see if my essay answers the question asked in an effective way. I'm not very bothered about grammatical mistakes but am looking for critique on my content.

Thanks! :)

1) a)What is the most urgent challenge facing your organization or community today? Explain your answer. *
b)Tell us about your efforts to address this urgent challenge and what you have learned from the experience. Or, tell us what you would like to be able to do in order to address this challenge.

One of the many downsides to a centralized form of governance is the weak local government institutions that it leaves behind. Since its inception, Pakistan has had a very centralized system of governance where the center held on to most of the powers and the local governments were relegated to play second fiddle to the center. The problem is further compounded by meager resources at the disposal of municipal entities and absence of any transparent mechanism to spend those funds. This then leads to a myriad of social problems like lack of access to clean water, improper and broken sewage system and piles of solid waste in slums.

I genuinely believe that effective decentralization and empowerment of local government institutions can cure many of Pakistan's ills. And although policy formation is required at the national level along with building institutions equipped both technologically and financially for the overhaul of the municipal

system, I have on my own tried to undertake some measures for the improvement of municipal administration.

As Assistant Commissioner and municipal administrator, I've had a first-hand experience how the lack of resources has strained Karachi's municipal infrastructure to the brink of collapse. Corruption and lack of accountability further compound the issue resulting in millions being devoid of access to basic necessities for human survival. It is estimated that 60% of Karachi's population dwells in slum areas which have seen an exponential growth in the past two decades.

Public health management has always remained poor in Karachi but the problem peaked in 2014 where more than 14000 cases were reported for Dengue becoming an issue of public health emergency. Given the shortage of funds, I prioritized the inhibition of Dengue in my jurisdiction. Standing sewage water is the breeding ground for mosquitoes that infect people with Dengue. The lack of awareness as well as close proximity to the unhygienic puddles of water claimed the lives of hundreds of men, women, and children. More than 50 people lost their lives in Karachi alone. With little or no funds at my disposal, I developed a two-pronged strategy where we initiated an awareness campaign in the slums as well as identify key points where the problem was originating from and arranged for a daily exercise of fumigation as well as mosquito eliminating sprays were splashed over the main areas. Moreover, free mosquito repellents were provided to the poor families who were the most vulnerable to the disease.More than a hundred manholes were arranged to cover open gutters that were causing large mosquito breeding as well as the spread of vermin in households and causing poisonous injuries to people.

Within a period of two weeks, we were able to halt the spread of Dengue in the area. Moreover, we were also able to raise enough awareness to make people realize the dangers of Dengue and the importance of the hygienic environment for their health. We have kept the process going on a continual basis which also aids the Polio eradication campaign to a great extent.

Municipal issues in Pakistan are many. Dengue, Cholera, Malaria and other waterborne diseases claim the lives of many who do not live in hygienic conditions. Public safety and hygiene is an issue I'm most concerned about as it affects the most vulnerable strata of our society and I firmly believe these issues can be addressed if we an effective local government system that is not cash starved.
Dec 10, 2016
Essays / I need to build a personal statement for a foreign Master scholarship [6]

from an underprivileged background like mine.

After graduating from a Nigeria University Why don't you mention the name of your university? Or is it called Nigeria University? It is a little confusing...

Apart from that, I think the essay is very well written. Is it not too short though for a statement?
Nov 24, 2016
Undergraduate / Human resource management answer - your specific concentration areas of interest [4]

thank you so much for giving me the tips. I think you're right and I felt that way myself. However, can you tell me which para I should take out? I think you're referring to the first one. Am I right? Should I expand on the second one and go into more detail about class and courses?

Nov 23, 2016
Undergraduate / Human resource management answer - your specific concentration areas of interest [4]

Hey guys,
pls see my answer to the following question and let me know if it actually answers what the question asks or am I going off track here? Thanks! :)

Within your proposed field of study, what do you want to study? Please describe in detail your specific
concentration areas of interest within your field of study. (Your response should be a minimum of two paragraphs. Your
response helps us to match your interests with college programs.)

I want to study Human Resource Management with a focus on HRM techniques most effective in bringing improvement in the public sector. The public sector in Pakistan is run by colonial patterns and the organizations are marked by a passive management culture. Political patronage rather than sound business decisions often determines policy formulation. As the private sector lags behind, the public sector is still the largest source of recruitments and service delivery provider for the common man. Outdated and faulty human resource management is a key factor in keeping the employment rate at a paltry 27% of the total population.

As a part of the executive in a leadership position, I want to undergo a thorough training in HRM techniques patterned on the American management style which is progressive and result oriented. I want to focus on areas of training and development, performance evaluation and human resource planning. As Deputy Commissioner, I will be able to craft policies for improved human resource management. Good governance is largely dependent on improving the quality of the human resource by making appointments on merit and placing strict measures of accountability and transparency to curtail the level of corruption that presently is eating away at the core of our public institutions. Through this training, I aim to improve the performance of the various public organizations such as public schools, hospitals and general administration of a district under my jurisdiction. This, in turn, will help me to make the best use of the limited resources of the government and help improve service delivery to millions of Pakistani citizens.
Nov 23, 2016
Undergraduate / The exam day had arrived. Personal Essay for Common App [3]

I think this is a very well written answer. It makes one read it as you have made it very personal and given it a story like style. I particularly like the ending, so this is my story just waiting to be successful.
Aug 28, 2016
Scholarship / Networking skills - crucial determinants of one's performance in any field of work - Chevening essay [NEW]

Hey guys, this is my essay for the networking skill in the Chevening application. I want it to look impressive and make it clear that I connect with different organizations and sections of society. I also am exceeding the word count by23 numbers so any reductions to make it 500 words is welcome. But hopefully, I'm hoping my content comes off impressive. Thanks a bunch! :)

2....Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your networking skills, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future.

Proactive networking skills are crucial determinants of one's performance in any field of work. As a public servant, I've had the opportunity to forge both professional and social networks extensively. As an administrator and a strong proponent of participatory governance, I was the first to establish committees that took representatives of the civil society along with government officials for specific purposes. In the wake of increased target killings and mounting sectarian violence, I established the Interfaith Harmony Committee that took on board the religious notables of all faiths. Our goal was to denounce sectarian violence and send a strong message of a united front to the miscreants. This collective effort reduced the religious discord to a great extent and was applauded by the official higher-ups.

In 2015, when Karachi suffered from a severe heat wave claiming the lives of more than 1200 citizens, I used my good judgment and reached out to the medical community just in time to establish heatstroke centers throughout the subdivision. I arranged for medical and paramedical staff along with ambulances, ice packs and water bottles at fifty sites to minimize casualties. As a result of taking timely action, no lives were lost in the area under my supervision.

To promote sports and showcase the talents of our sportswomen, I worked in close coordination with the Pakistan Cricket Board and the administration to arrange a Cricket Series between the women national teams of Bangladesh and Pakistan. I arranged their welcome with the Governor of Sindh and supervised their entire stay period. This gave me a chance to be a part of a historic event as it was the first ever visit of the Bangladesh's women team to Pakistan since their independence in 1971.

Acknowledging my interpersonal skills, I am designated as the official state representative to receive all international dignitaries by Commissioner Karachi. It has given me the opportunity to meet ambassadors, ministers and other VIPs visiting and helped extend my professional network.

Aside from professional networking, I actively seek opportunities to build social networks with my peers worldwide. I was one of the few participants from Pakistan in the International Young Leaders Conference, UAE in 2012. Moreover, I was one of two female representatives from Pakistan in the conference at the Institute for Cultural Diplomacy, Berlin in 2012 where I delivered a speech about Pakistan's fight against terrorism. In 2015, I was awarded the Mosaic Leadership Conference, hosted by the Prince of Wales. These forums helped me to become confident in new environments and exchange ideas with my peers from other cultures. They have contributed to my personal development and greatly broadened my horizon.

My personal goals and career strategy indicates the relevance of strong professional network. As a Chevening awardee, I would have a possibility to collaborate with intellectual elite and key players in my area of expertise. The knowledge I gain will translate into better governance and development in various sectors. In addition, I would devote my time to participate in Chevening events in my country and conduct workshops, seminars, meetings and training to my Pakistani fellows to give insight and knowledge gained from Chevening community.
Aug 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'Find time for yourself' - The Way To Have Healthy Lifestyle essay - Task 2 [6]

However, some of them still can stay healthyif they make health a priority.
... many ways to stay healthy despite a hectic lifestyle

Right now, many people who have jobs which need much times to be finished These days, a hectic work schedule is a primary reason why people don't have time for exercise on a regular basis. so that they do not have time to exercise.
Aug 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Teaching how to do good manners are one of parents' role, they should lead kids in the right way. [4]

To be a good have social order in community ...
Both parents and the school have a vital role to play in order to achieve this. I believe, both them would influence children to ...

Parents are place for kids to get much direction about ... Children look to their parents to teach them how to behave socially. It is the parents' behavior that is emulated by the children and therefore, the right teachings and manners should be inculcated in impressionable children to become productive members of society.

For instance, students develop their social skills by becoming parts of group activity in school with their peers.

The behaviors many cultures in school caused others, can make ... Being a part of a diverse environment, children learn the importance of tolerance and respect for other cultures. The diverse environment of a school is a perfect set up for children to learn this.

Therefore, I assume that parents are part of guide for their children ... Therefore, I believe the onus to raise socially responsible children and productive citizens lies both with the parents and the authorities of the school system.
Aug 23, 2016
Scholarship / Clear post-study career plan; career goals related to UK priorities in your country - for Chevening [4]

hey guys. I need to know if my essay comes off impressive and clear on my post scholarship plan. thnks! :)

4. Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Outline your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer term career goals, considering how these relate to UK priorities in your country.

* UK priority areas can be found on your country page of the Chevening website

Pakistan holds a strategic geo-political position which makes it a vital state for maintaining peace not only in the South Asian region but also in other parts of the world. Ensuring good governance, economic and social development, improvement in the education and health sector and women empowerment are all necessary factors that are not only imperative for the country's own prosperity but also in line with the priorities of UK within Pakistan. To achieve these goals, it is necessary that the skill-set of the human resource of Pakistan, especially those who are directly responsible for influencing policy reform be upgraded. As a public servant who is directly responsible for the wellbeing of a large number of a populace in any given capacity, I see myself as a fitting candidate for this program who can employ the knowledge and practices learned in the UK to be replicated in Pakistan with the right indigenization and adaptations.

My immediate career plan is to return to my home province of Balochistan and provide my services as Deputy Commissioner. As is common knowledge that Balochistan is suffering from ethnic strife and insurgency movement which makes out of province officers unwilling to serve there. However, belonging to that culture and having strong family ties, I am more than ready to take up assignments that will lead to improvement in the lives of the people there both economically and socially. My goal is to work towards women's empowerment by ensuring that the primary and secondary educational institutions, especially those catering to girls in my district, are fully functional. As a Deputy Commissioner, I will make full use of my belief in women's education to propel me in the field. I will use strategies such as involving the local tribes, initiating programs that will reach out to remote communities and explain to them the importance of education and using local community leaders to dispel myths used by certain elements in traditional societies to discourage women from getting educated. In fact, I will keep education and sustainable development as my first two priorities.

Furthermore, it is my aim to initiate localized and self-sustainable projects such as the setting up of cottage sewing industries in local villages to help bring out the people of Balochistan from the perpetual cycle of poverty. These objectives can only be achieved by an officer who is competent in the field of development studies and one who can propose sound and effective policies to the higher ups for bringing about the required developments.

In the longer run, I see myself performing at senior levels in both field and secretariat assignments. My career trajectory aided by my competence will set me up for the position of Commissioner, Joint Secretary, Secretary, Head of Department as well as Chief Secretary of a province. The authority and discretionary powers that come with these positions make it incumbent on me to become an expert in this subject and make decisions that will improve lives for millions of our people.
Aug 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some information about general feeling of happiness among citizens in the United States of America [4]

It is also noticeable that there is not too much difference in percentage in people's feeling related to their children's age.

People who have got are married feel more cheerful than their single counterparts

Initially, the most happiest couple is that who aged between18-29, at 45 percent.

They whose children isParents who have childrenunder 18 are the happiest, at 44 percent.
... those do not have any offsprings.The figure is considerably low for the couples withchildren aged 18 and under.

Please see how it looks after the grammatical corrections. Hope it helps.
Aug 23, 2016
Scholarship / 'being a pharmacist is liked being blessed' - Essay for applying Chevening Scholars [3]

If I have finished Master degree, ...
If given the chance to finish this Masters degree, I will fully contribute my knowledge to this field.
Upon return to my home, I will ...
Upon returning home, I will resume my job in my current work place.

... health system according to the WHO report and I intend to render my services there.

... training and knowledge to battle the different kindsof cancer

In addition, I wishtocoordinate with (...) experiences and give advice

... education and ideas can lead to a better andmoreprofessional society.

After exposing sufficientthe right experiences and exposure, I will continue my Pharm D program

I hope you like these improvements I've made. Please see how your essay looks after this :)
Aug 20, 2016
Scholarship / A MSc in Development Studies will help me to develop a skill-set that I can effectively put in use [2]

Hey all, I need some guidance on my answer for the Chevening scholarship. I want your opinion on the content of my essay and whether I'm answering what they want to know. I also want to come across as a strong candidate so pls help me out here. Thanks :)

3. Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future.

*Please do not duplicate the information you have entered on the work experience and education section of this form

The Chevening program enriches its participants intellectually, socially and professionally by providing them an opportunity to learn the best international practices in UK's world renowned institutions. As a mid career public servant, I take great interest in the field of development studies as it is directly related to my job where I not only enjoy huge authority in terms of direct jurisdiction, but have also gained enough experience to realize the basic development issues faced by our country.

I have been diligent in my choice of program and settled upon the top ranking universities for International Development namely the London School of Economics, University of Sussex and the University of Manchester. I believe that an MSc in Development Studies will help fulfill my professional aspirations due to its interdisciplinary nature and range of development modules such as Foundations of International Development, Development Policy as well as Policy and Politics of developing countries. These modules will augment my understanding of the complex socioeconomic development issues and help me to contribute towards policy reform. In addition, the optional courses of Aid and Development and Policies for Sustainability and Development will broadly develop and improve my understanding of the contemporary issues affecting not only developing countries like Pakistan but also developed countries worldwide.

My rigorous academic and professional training at the Civil Services Academy has made me well versed in the subjects of Public Administration, Public Policy, Urban and Regional Planning, Local Government, Development Economics and Criminal and Civil Procedure Code. Moreover, while preparing for my CSS examination, I studied a broad range of subjects including Political Science, Constitutional Law, History of Subcontinent, General Knowledge and International Relations. An in depth study of these subjects along with a Masters in Economics gives me the right background to further delve into the field of International Development. Furthermore, my extensive work experience as a public servant and being directly responsible for the welfare of common citizens has underscored for me the importance of development studies for the prosperity of our future generations.

Presently, Pakistan is mired in challenges of poverty, under distribution of resources and a failing social sector. Moreover, we face an acute shortage of professionals who can steer the country out of its many conundrums. Civil servants are considered the agents of change in Pakistan and therefore, an MSc in Development Studies will help me develop a skill-set that I can effectively put to use in all of my future assignments. As an officer of the Federation, I have the advantage of serving in both Federal and Provincial governments. Moreover, my service cadre affords me a unique horizontal mobility where I can work in multiple development sectors including Health, Education, Urban Planning and Administration. My goal is to become proficient in the study of International Development so I can use my authority and discretionary powers in answering the development needs of the populace and at the same time help channelize the meager resources of the government in an efficient manner.