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Posts by Purwati Ayu
Name: Purwati Rahmi
Joined: Feb 17, 2014
Last Post: Apr 6, 2014
Threads: 7
Posts: 14  
Likes: 2
From: Indonesia
School: Kampung Inggris

Displayed posts: 21
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Purwati Ayu   
Apr 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Jewelry or concert tickets; What is more important for you? [6]

You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.Sometime when we have much money from our relatives, parents, bosses or winning a lottery, we confuse how to expend it for, saving, investing, or spending to buy many things which can pleasure our desire. And it is naturally human being because people need much thing which must be fulfilled. Some people prefer purchasing of show or concert tickets, while I would rather buy jewellery for investment.

Jewelry is one kind of non-renewable resources, so the amount always decreases as long time. As the economics law about human lives to role scarce resource, so rarer, it means more expensive. Saving it, we will get many advantages. If I and my family need money for medicine, health, or study, I just sell it and everything is be easier, It differs if I take my money out to see concerts. I just enjoy in short term whereas we can see it on youtube.

In addition, I can wear my jewelry in special event or in my daily activities and not only me, obviously, most women are keen on it. Women are identical with something which glisten and extravagant while minimally, they put jewellery on their hands, ears and necks. Particularly extraordinary event which is held rarely such as wedding ceremony, women will show their beautifulness up in pretty dresses added by gold, diamond, pearl and many others.

In conclusion, the choices are preferable for each person however I favour investing my money in jewelry over concert tickets because I think it gives me many merits in economics or prestige.
Purwati Ayu   
Apr 6, 2014
Undergraduate / The Broken Boy / CommonApp Essay - Background [7]

hallooo,, may I call you clue? :p that is a gorgeous essay I think. you have boomed my spirit up and I do love it. please, keep writing. i like it.
Purwati Ayu   
Feb 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / TASK 1 population in yemen and italy [5]

  The pie charts illustrate about population humans in 2000 and prediction number of citizens in Yemen and Italy in 2050. It is classified in three age range.

  People who had age between 15-59 years old and children in Yemen were almost equal in 2000, while old generations only had 3,6%. Then in 2050, the population growth will be projected, especially number of mortality and birth. We can see that number of children will fall and nonproduction-age people add during the next a half century.

  In the end of Second Millennium, Italian was dominated by production age between 15 and 59 years old. However, it will decline in the middle of 21st Century approximately 15%. In 2050 old people and productive age are similar, under 50%.

  In conclusion, government in Yemen and Italy countries will plan to press number of mortality and birth number in 2050. However government in Italy is more successful to applicate this policy.




Purwati Ayu   
Feb 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: AIR TRANSPORT USED TO EXPORT FOOD [3]

hi buddy! it is a good essay but i will give some suggestions for you. i just browse in internet and it said that in Introductions they have

1. hook
2. background
3. paraphrase of question
4. thesis statement

any corner of

many corners of

Food corporations, airline companies and governments can all make money

or all of them can make...
Purwati Ayu   
Feb 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Wealth and poorer nations; 'developing country and developed country' [3]

  Should wealth nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves.

  
Obviously, the state in the world is classified in two types, developing country and developed country, while one way to twine good relationship among all of them is by transfer support each other. Then, we often know many developing countries make program which is dedicated for third-world countries by providing basic needs. In other hand, the governments in non-globalize countries also have duties to take care the citizens properly. In the following paragraph, I will discuss about these views.

  First of all, wealth countries present many aids to poorer countries such as in sectors economic, education, social and so on. We know that every year there are more than a thousand scholarships which are offered by developed countries to invite students from poorer countries studying overseas. They also care about food adequacy of children by giving healthy food and milk. As we know that one of big problems which happens in developing countries is nutritious and food supply.

  But, in other hand, government in developing country also have responsibility to take care their people. Such as Indonesia, in the main state constitution is listed "fatherless children and poor people are looked by state (council)". Clearly explain there, that government must protect and give good treatment to people, while nowadays we still often seeing many beggars, non-educational children and hunger cases in several areas. It means that the government is unable to govern their country properly.

  All in all, the wealth country have good social responsibility to help another, while the governments in some poorer countries still can not look after the inhabitants independently. I think the basic need have to be full filled by the government in that country and aids from another should be more considered.
Purwati Ayu   
Feb 21, 2014
Book Reports / THIRD CULTURE KIDS (article re-write) [8]

hi.. miss..
let me check about your grammar yaaa..

This called for children whoare growth in a culture andseparate with their parent culture passport(s)

those were two conjunctions but only two verbs there.

a little Elizabeth Dunbar should be followed Roy, her father

it should be active sentence I think.
Purwati Ayu   
Feb 21, 2014
Undergraduate / Stanford University Summer Session (International). [6]

and I will takeany opportunity that helps me accomplish that

many opportunities. that is positive sentence, 'any' for negative and question sentence. and be careful in plural/singular
Purwati Ayu   
Feb 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Task I, consumption and expenditure of Fast food [2]

The first chart provides agglomeration of expenditure for fast food based on per-capita income and the second graph illustrates fast food consumption quantity from 1970 to 1990 in grams.

  Superior and average income classes much spent their money to buy hamburgers and It was more two times higher than pizza, fish and chips. One superior person spent more than 40 pennies and another 33 pennies. In other hand, majority people from low income group chose fish and chips, nearly 20 pence in a week and they just expended 8 pennies for pizza, a half lower than high income group.

  The quantity of Pizza and hamburger had grown in two decades. A consumption of hamburgers was a highest trend since 1985 until 1990 with average 200-300 grams. Contrary with fish and chips, took place in top position in 1970 but decreased a third times in 1985. interestingly, in the 1980s amount of consumption hamburgers-fish and chips were same and several years later happened between pizza-fish and chips.

  We can analyze from the datum that hamburgers was the junk food most preferred major people while in 1970 hamburgers did not too much produced. However pizza, fish and chips always stayed in second and third place alternately.




Purwati Ayu   
Feb 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl - Work in GROUP or Work independently? [4]

Hi buddy, I think you have written well and I get the poit,
but let me check about your grammar,

ability of working with team give gives us

some cases still happend in other sentences, I suggest you to re-check.

to have an ability to work

don't forget to add article before noun.
Purwati Ayu   
Feb 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I Fitnes Membership [3]

  The bar chart depicts about number of women and men who as fitness membership for three decades since 1970 till 2000.
  Overall, Bar chart fluctuates every five years but female members chart is slightly more stable in point between 1000 and approximately three thousand users. However amount of male fitness member is higher in four years.

  Beginning from 1970, there was more than 2000 men join as fitness members. Rising double marked five years later. While two periods next to it fell under 2000 people, it rose again touching the highest number, 5000 men listed as fitness membership. Unfortunately it declined significantly as 80% in last chart.

  The women membership moved up and down in every points. Two highest numbers of women membership happened in 1985 and 1995 nearly 3000 females. Also the lowest point was in 1970 with a thousand members but after that the members never always more than 1700 female members. Interestingly, both of female and male fitness membership had the same lowest sum with a thousand members.




Purwati Ayu   
Feb 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II : the influence of advertisement on children [8]

For example, a 12-year-old boy at a secondary school in our province , knocking his grandma down and taking away all her savings to buy an electronic game device, confessed that he could not control his urge to get one because he was induced by advertising.

i think you should give example more specific, because examiner does not where do you come from.
Purwati Ayu   
Feb 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS 1; Global sales of games software, Ds and Video or DVD [5]

  Global sales of games software, Ds and Video or DVD
  
  The bar chart informs about games software, CDs and Video or DVD global transaction between 2000 and 2003, provided in billion dollar.
  Each matter had difference total sales. Games software always placed the lowest rank. In middle global transaction position there were DVD or video. Also CDs as the highest level sale contributed much money per years.

  Since 2000, global sale of games software flattened out until 2003. It approximately rose 1-3 billions dollar per years. However the income is never higher than 20 billions dollar, just rising from just over 10 to nearly 20 billions dollar.

   The movement of DVD or video transaction was better than games software. The sale increase significantly without any drops. In 2000, the revenue was almost 20 billions dollar so grew in 2001 and 2002 above 20 billions dollar then roughly touched the best achievement 30 billions dollar in 2003.

  Conversely, CDs global sale was almost stabile in number just over 30 billions dollar. However CDs got the highest revenue than others. and the chart proves that CDs was the most favourite matter for four years.




Purwati Ayu   
Feb 19, 2014
Graduate / Letter of Motivation - program in Management / social sciences, law and business [7]

I suggest you to more concern about your abilities and achievements, your story may be not too considered by examiner.

my music taste had been developed from pop to Metallica

better you use had been changed, because 'developed' means the transformation of one thing, not one thing to another.

apply to after graduation

just apply after graduation without 'to'.
Purwati Ayu   
Feb 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Should tax be paid ? Advantages and Disadvantages [9]

thanks for commentating Pahan :)
Pahan

but govern countries

I think too extreme usage "govern", because it is identical with communism regime and I adapt with nowadays politics system, democratic, by using "operate" word.

But do not have examples in your introduction.

okay, i agree with you. thank you so much.
Purwati Ayu   
Feb 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Should tax be paid ? Advantages and Disadvantages [9]

Tax should be paid to the country, what are the advantages and disadvantages



  To operate a country, Government needs human resources, technologies and financial resources. Financial resources in Indonesia gets from tax of citizens, it contributes almost 80% state budgeting. However, it means inability of government to maximize Indonesia's natural resources independently without must collect from people.

  I believe there are some good aims about from this policy. In particular for policy makers do not need extra effort to earn money from non tax revenue. Because as far i know, policy makers are busy to oversee corruption cases. Beside that, tax is one kind of fiscal policy which is really useful to apply when inflation happened. By adding the tariff it can decrease money circulation in citizens. The last reason, tax is one way to detract discrepancy rich people and needy citizens cause rich people pay tariff higher than another.

  In contrary tax gives old problem which never done, corruption. Frequently, big amount of money changes the policy makers orientation when they campaigned. Unfortunately, tax is known as fresh field to corrupt. Different cases happened in poor inhabitants, sometimes tax become irrational. Almost all aspects are touched by bureaucrat policy such as pet tax, fireworks tax and wine tax.

  All in all paying tax is needed and give big contribution for this country because many problem can be solved by tax. In spite of our government still manage it disorderly.
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