Writing Feedback / Should all young adults require to perform national services? [3]

Hi..

This is my another writing sample..Can you please review it..

Thanks in advance.
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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The government should require all young adults to perform some kind of national services such as military services or social work.
Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
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I strongly support that government should require all young adults to perform military services or social work. I think government does not only deal with the state affairs, but its also involves in making our lives better. I would like to discuss following reasons in support of my arguments.

The most important reason is that doing military work or some kind of social work is the only way to show our enthusiasm and love towards our country. I think doing such activities like helping people while they are really in need of help increase our country's honor. Now a days, very few people are paying attention on performing such unselfishness activities. As a result, it becomes necessary for government to take action, and should make it mandatory for all younger to serve their country. I have one example that comes in my mind. I used to live in Gujarat during my four years of Pharmacy. At that time, our city's government have made an announcement that all younger had to take part in medical camp, and help people who came from different neighborhoods. That camp was completed successfully without any difficulties, and after completion of that camp our state's government awarded our city's mayor for such an excellent work done by all young adults. It was very honorable moment for us and our city. So, I think if our central government declares that every young adults must have to serve to their country, I am sure it will increase our country's honor.

Secondly, doing social work and helping people is now become a part of the career. In this fast paced world, we can see that competitions among various professions have been increasing rapidly. Now a days, every profession requires some kind of extracurricular activities, and doing social work is definitely the best option if we would like to stand out as an extraordinary person among all others. This does not only help younger in finding a good job, but it also helps improving our country's economy. It wider the chance of increasing employment rate of the country. In addition, those who do not have degree could also get a better job because they can show their strong working experience of national services on their resume. Those all would happen if the government make compulsory for all young adults to take part in social activity.

In conclusion, I strongly suggest that if government would take such action like all young adults must have to perform national services, then I am sure we would be able to see a new prosperous country within a few years. Allowing all young adults to perform national service is not only beneficial to the country, but to the society and the younger themselves too. I think national services is an excellent way to make our country proud and to enhance its economy overall.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL..Dormitory or apartment? Which is better for students to choose? [9]

Hello..

I am preparing for TOEFL and here is my another essay..Please check it and give your inputs on it..

Thanks,
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Question:- Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for your preference.

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When it comes to the issue of choosing an accommodation after completion of their high school, most students always get confused between these two options: living in an apartment, or in university dormitories. As far as I am concerned, both choices have their own advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand, living in a dormitory helps students to familiarize themselves with the academic environment of the university. For instance, students can have an opportunity to take part in many kind of extracurricular activities happing around the campus such as attending conversation club, or joining sports club. Students can also have more chance of interaction with their teachers and classmates. In addition, it is easier for students to get help when facing problem such as if students have problem in solving their math question, they can easily ask for help to their roommates, classmates, or teachers. I think living in dormitory is always helpful to students.

On the other hand, living off campus prepares students for the real life. For example, students can learn many new things such as how to become responsible, independent, punctual, co-operative compared to living in university dormitories. They are responsible to take care of everything including paying their apartment rent on time, and dealing with the utility bills. In addition, students also have to focus on their study, and try to maintain their grades higher. Furthermore, students also have a chance to know about the community around them. Interacting with the people, and socializing with them prepares students for the life after graduation.

From given the evidences, it seems to me that it becomes hard for students to choose between their living options since both living accommodation have its own benefits. If I have to choose, I would definitely choose the second option: living in an apartment. I think that it teaches me everything that I certainly wants to learn in my life because learning all those characteristics would really help me in leading successful life.

Writing Feedback / spending money on computer technology or on basic needs? [3]

Hi..

I am preparing for TOEFL and here is my essay..Please give me your suggestions on it..

Thanks..
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Question:- Some people think that government should spend as much as money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Others people disagree and think that this money should spend on more basic needs. Which one of this opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

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I strongly agree with those people who support that government should not spend great amount of money on developing computer technology instead they should use those money on more basic needs. I would like to discuss following reasons in support of my argument.

First of all, let us consider the education system of our country. What I believe is that getting the best education in this modern world is the most basic thing that everyone needs in their life. Education is getting more and more expensive everyday. I believe that there are many children in our country who want to study, but they can not get access to school because they can not afford the high cost of getting an admission to the school. As a result, those children ended up getting labor work which is nothing but increasing our country's overall poverty. I think what government can do is, they can fund money on creating free educational organizations so those children would take advantage of it, and consequently it helps in improving our whole education system as well as our economy.

Secondly, government should try to think about the issues of public transportation of our country. This is the another basic need that is necessary in our daily routine life. We have limited access to buses and trains, and we need more improvements in roads and highways. In addition, some villagers even do not have frequent access to trains and buses, and sometimes they have to wait for longer period of time at the station. It is becoming harder and harder for people to reach to their work. I think government should spend money in improving infrastructure of the roads and highways. They can focus on building more highways and roads in the villages, and making more availability of buses and trains to all people who live in villages so they do not have to spend vast amount of time waiting for the bus or train.

From given the evidences, it seems to me that spending more money on basic need is the wisest idea that government should take into account. I certainly think that improving basic needs like making our education systems least expensive and making improvements on public transportation would help improving our country's overall economy.

Writing Feedback / Doing work by machine? Work by hand is always easier, cheaper and eco friendly [8]

Hello..

I am preparing for TOEFL and here is my essay. Please correct it and provide feedback on it.
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Question:- Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

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Some people always prefer to do all their work by using machines because they think that it the easier way to finish all their task within the time. However, I do not see any benefits using machines for work. I strongly prefer to do work by hand. I would like to discuss below two reasons in support of my preference.

First of all, the most important benefit of doing work by hand is it is always easier, and it does not require to go back and check the same work again since we do it carefully at the first time. On the contrary, if a person is doing work by using machines, he or she has to check the work again in order to just to make sure that the task has been completed in a way it should be. For instance, I always prefer to clean all kitchen utensils by hand. I always take extra care while cleaning it so I can put them back instantly in a rack after cleaning it. If I use machine for cleaning utensils, I have to make sure that every utensils cleaned up properly, and if not then I have to put it back in a machine to clean them again. It requires double checking while work by hand do not require double checking. For those reason I believe that doing work by hand is always easier.

Second, doing work by hand provides one kind of exercise to our hand muscles. For instance, if I am cleaning kitchen utensils by hand, all my muscles from shoulders to fingers get involved in this activity and get exercised by doing so. I feel that it is more healthier to do work by hand. On the other side, if I do work by machines, I would become lazy and my hand muscles do not get any kind of strain on them and exercise.

At lastly, doing work by hand is always cost effective. If a person is doing work by hand means he or she is no using electricity to do their work. Doing work by machines is always expensive. Again let us consider the example of cleaning kitchen utensils. If I clean it by hand, it hardly requires ten minutes to complete the task. While doing the same work with the help of machines requires more then one hour, and it consumes lots of electricity. As a result, he or she ended up getting large amount of bill for that usage. Moreover, it is not always economically beneficial to use machines all the time.

From give the evidences, it seems to me that doing work by hand is always easier, cheaper and environmentally friendly. By doing work with the hand one can easily complete tasks without using lots of time, and it is always healthier way to do it by hand.

Writing Feedback / progress is always precarious; every step toward it brings suffering, sacrifices [6]

Hi..

I am preparing for TOEFL and here is my essay. Could you please help me to improve my writing.

Thanks in advance.
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Question:- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Progress is always good. Use specific reasons and details to support answer.
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In today's world we have progressed a lot from lifestyle to the technology and we will progress a lot more in the future, but has any one thought about how we made this progress. The answer is negative. It is well known saying that in order to go forward, one has to make great amount of sacrifices and compromises. Certainly, it makes me clear that progress does not always come alone, but it also brings few disadvantages with it which affect our lives.

We are living in the world of advancement where we can see a development in the society and industries. This progress makes our lives more comfortable and easier. However, we have to look on the flip side of this progress and to think about how much we have sacrificed in order to make ourselves convenient. For instance, we are cutting down more and more trees in order to expand cities and industrial areas, which results in deforestation. Deforestation causes many species and animals to lose their habitats, which impact our ecological balance. Moreover, less trees on the earth results in producing more carbon dioxide and less oxygen, which affect our environment severely. I think it is very simple that we are losing our natural environment in order to get progressed.

In this fast paced world progress has become one of the causes for destroying communication and interactions among people. We are running like a machine or robot in order to fulfill our dreams and goals. For instance, some people want to have promotion in their professional carrier, while other want to have a big house in their life. In order to achieve all those goals, we forgot who we actually are! As a result, we are keep getting away from our friends and family, and it increases generation gap between us and our children. Hence, I believe progress is the one which is responsible for destroying communication. Does any one think about all these negative impacts of being progressed?

Given the evidences, it seemed to me that progress is always precarious. It can come in many desirable forms, but also brings unwanted things as well. I strongly agree that every step toward the progress requires suffering and sacrifices.

Writing Feedback / Never miss a chance to attend a live performance, its way better than TV at home [4]

Who does not like to see their favorite band playing pleasurable music on the stage? The answer is pretty simple. Everyone enjoys seeing their favorite band on the stage since it is the most exciting and thrilling event that a person can experience which does not only give enjoyment, but also gives opportunity to meet and greet our favorite musician or actor. It also provides a chance to make new friends. I would like to discuss two reasons in favor of why attending a live performance is more enjoyable.

First and foremost, attending a live performance such as music concert gives people opportunity to meet and greet their favorite musician which can not be experienced while watching television at home. I believe that meeting and greeting our favorite personality is completely different experience than seeing them everyday on television. Besides, sometimes meeting them personally make us realized that how they truly are in their real life. We all have one common conclusion about celebrities that they are the most arrogant personality because this is how media influences us by providing misleading information about them. In fact it is not true because when we meet them personally, we get a chance to know them and we finally realize the difference between their real and reel life. On the contrast, if we prefer to watch television at home, we would never get a chance to meet our favorite personality.

Attending a live performance is the best place for networking and socializing. It is the place where all kinds of people from various cultures and religion come together and share their ideas with other people. It gives us a chance to make new friends and to know about their cultures. In addition, we can also have a chance to share our cultures, traditions and beliefs with them. I think making new friends and knowing about their life style is always fun and exciting. On the other hand, if we prefer to watch television at home, there would be a less chances of interaction and communication since we are not exploring ourselves to the world of live events where different people socialize and share their interests with each other.

In conclusion, I strongly suggest that a person should never miss a chance to attend a live performance whenever get a chance. We can not only meet our favorite actor, but we also get to know them. Besides, we can make new friends from distinct culture. Attending a live performance is always exhilarating and memorable experience that a person could never experience watching the same on television.