MarianaS
Dec 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Topic : Competition among friends can destroy a friendship. [4]
In my opinion, you should not explain your arguments (even in brief) in the first paragraph of your essay as this one is only an introduction. Instead, you may end the passage with the phrase like "because of the following reasons" or " I will endeavor to explain my stance in detail further".
This sentence should be revised in order to make your opinion more precise.
In the whole, your essay is very well organized and informative. Indeed, good work!
turn into enemy fromto each other because one might betray
My view, however, is that competition among friends can enhance a friendship rather than destroying the relationship. This is largely because the competition is able to improve the quality of their lives. Moreover, they are able to share their thoughts and give advises from each other.
In my opinion, you should not explain your arguments (even in brief) in the first paragraph of your essay as this one is only an introduction. Instead, you may end the passage with the phrase like "because of the following reasons" or " I will endeavor to explain my stance in detail further".
In addition, people can not only give advises from each other, but also cooperate together for the same purpose they have.
This sentence should be revised in order to make your opinion more precise.
In the whole, your essay is very well organized and informative. Indeed, good work!