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Posts by vincenm [Suspended]
Name: Vincen Arivannoor
Joined: Nov 6, 2014
Last Post: Jun 7, 2015
Threads: 11
Posts: 26  
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From: India

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vincenm   
Jun 7, 2015
Graduate / What are you made for and how will an AGSM degree help you achieve it? [3]

I believe I am made for the role of SVP of Product in a major hi-tech company, where I can establish the company's strategy and direction for the product portfolio. This requires the knowledge of how business is managed in cross-functional teams in a collaborative environment. Right after MBA, I aspire to work as a consultant for a top firm such as Accenture post the MBA. I hope to leverage the professional experience I have in IT with the knowledge gained through MBA to work with hi-tech and IT industry clients in emerging markets , providing solutions for business problems, such as risks of acquisition or low market share. My career as a consultant, solving issues faced across different functions in the industry, will help me transition into the role of SVP smoothly.

To attain my goals, I need to understand various aspects of a business management, including finance, strategy and marketing, and develop skills, such as organization skill, analytical, listening and networking skills, as consulting firms hire consultants who have an all-encompassing knowledge in all these areas.

AGSM's strong emphasis on core courses will develop my foundation on functions such as finance, operations and Strategy. Since I never learned marketing before, the 'Marketing Strategy' will help me allow me to scrutinize the marketing issues and suggest new changes to marketing framework. Besides the 'Quantitative Business Modelling for Managers' can teach me how to make visual representations of problems and provide solutions based on the data. 'The Strategic Consulting Project' will provide the hands-on experience by helping me adapt the theories learned to different scenarios I will encounter as a consultant. Therefore I need an MBA from AGSM as it accommodates my aspirations by gaining the knowledge required in a collaborative culture that is conducive for learning.

Please give a critique on this.
vincenm   
Jun 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Reducing the walking distance. [8]

Jaggi.

Are you writing this for TOEFL for something else?

Can you add the edited essay?
vincenm   
Jun 7, 2015
Graduate / What are you most proud of personally and/or professionally and why? Essay for MBA application [2]

Answer the two Q.s with approx. 250 words each.
a.What are you most proud of personally and/or professionally and why?
b.How will you contribute to your classes and to the college community?

a.
Even though the world is globalized, we still face a multitude of conflicts in both personal and professional lives due to lack of sensitivity and empathy for those who differ in beliefs from us. Such prejudices often result in frictions, which could have been avoided if people only took time to truly understand one another.

Having grown up for 17 years in culturally and racially heterogeneous Qatar, I developed an outlook that is far removed from what is seen in India and the Middle East. I have interacted with Arabs, Somalians, Americans, and Filipinos. I have been exposed to the liberal lifestyle of the Scandinavians and the conservative mentality of the Middle Easterners. Every interaction with other nationalities showed me a different side of their social mindset. Studying with Pakistanis made me realize that the jingoistic stereotypes about them in India are overhyped. I respect the fact that my European boss is in a common-law relationship and nothing changed in our personal bond, even though such relationships are frowned upon in India.

All these interactions made me learn not to let any disagreements I have with cultures get in the way of empathizing with people. Such experiences made me value a person's character and intellect and not judge anyone based on race, appearance and sexuality. Whether it is to brainstorm solutions with other delegates in Model UN or to work professionally with client and HP teams based in 5 continents , I learned to appreciate the various cultures of the world, enabling me to adapt my working and communication style to handle such diversity. This diversity I have experienced both in my professional and personal life thus helped me develop an open-mind and it is this aspect that I am most proud of.

b.
My expertise in providing solutions to problems faced by customers in the supply chain network spread across more than 15 countries will allow me to contribute to team assignments. With my earlier successes in changing the business processes in my team and doing quality analysis of the team in Bangalore, I can provide valuable insights to the team members, who come from non- IT professional background, of the various projects that I will be involved in. Besides the experience I have handling interactions with clients and HP teams across the five continents, along with the international upbringing I had in the Middle East, will help me give a unique perspective in the classroom on various topics that are more global in nature.

Besides for the four years I studied I was always involved in various events and initiatives in my college, and I plan on involving myself in the clubs, extra-curricular activities and college events once I join AGSM. I have the opportunity to join the public speaking an debating club , helping the members and myself to learn from each other's experience in debating on various topics. The experience I had starting and managing the Model UN event in my college is something I want to share with the club and, if possible , I would like start a similar inter-collegiate event at AGSM. Additionally the consulting and marketing clubs provide an avenue where I can contribute through the various projects and competitions. Doing community service in college and at work has strengthened my resolve to give back to the society by joining the social impact club at AGSM, and by donating to the university scholarship fund as an alumnus.
vincenm   
Jun 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Air leaks and heat loss in houses [3]

You use 'which' after a comma. Change 'which' to 'that' for a direct emphasis.

//entire of air into the house is from several parts//

Entire? Do you mean entry ?
vincenm   
Mar 15, 2015
Graduate / Challenged by diversity and how you handled it - MBA application essay [2]

Prompt: Describe an experience where, working in a team as a member or leader, you successfully managed to deal with a challenge posed by the diversity of the group. (Maximum 500 words)

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I was surprised on learning that my council president for the conference is a son of the King of Qatar. Even though I have greeted Qataris I was nervous as I never greeted a Qatari royal before. Should I wish him 'As-salamu-alaykum' with the cheek to cheek kisses as per the cultural norms? Luckily before I leaned in for the kiss, the Prince greeted me with a handshake. An awkward moment due to a generalization was averted. We then went on to discuss the topics that were going to be deliberated upon in the council over the next 2 days.

Nothing beats the diversity seen when it comes to a Model UN (MUN) conference. With hundreds of participants from across 5 continents, the International Georgetown MUN Conference is definitely the one of the events where I encountered diversity not only in ethnicity, religion and culture but also in ideas and opinions.

In my council one of the topics up for discussion was: 'Controlling the trade of fissile materials'. As the delegate of Zimbabwe, which is an autocratic country with capacity to export Uranium, I joined a bloc of nations that traded Uranium. Our bloc's aim was to prevent the passage of any UN resolution made by opposing nations that can adversely hamper our exports of Uranium. For that to happen, we needed to write a counter-resolution that can either prevent imposition of rigid controls on the exports or filibuster the opposition till the conference is over.

But soon cracks developed in the bloc as many delegates wanted their nations' position to take priority. Many delegates complained that their points of view were sidelined by the bigger nations. Some weren't happy that most of the decision makers in the bloc were from Western nations, thus not reflecting the diversity of the bloc. Similarly more small differences in opinions cropped up, leading to a situation where we couldn't develop a consensus on what agenda our bloc should have.

I negotiated with those delegates that initiated the bloc and are writing the resolution. Just like any work environment, the delegates are expected to be very professional and are required to accept reason over any emotion. I made them realize that if they alienate the smaller nations, including mine, the bloc will fall apart. Our differences in opinion will result in our failure to achieve the collective aim of our bloc. I convinced them to write the resolution based on a common agenda outlining the minimum objectives of the bloc where the diverse concerns and opinions of nations are incorporated. In return, the smaller nations agreed to not oppose the lack of regional diversity in the group that is writing the resolution. After we completed our resolution, the president, who was happy with the discussion we shared earlier, was more than willing to discuss my bloc's resolution before our opposing blocs could finish theirs. Thus we were able to achieve our aim of maintaining the status quo regarding the exports.

Like how I did in the above example, I truly believe that in any diverse environment where professionalism is required, one can solve any issue that can arise from diversity if one can empathize and cogently argue for the benefit of the collective good.

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The first para is an anecdote that i wanted to show of the diversity I encountered. Do let me know if it c=goes well with the rest of the essay.

Also do comment on the content, structure and grammar as well.

Thanks in advance..
vincenm   
Mar 14, 2015
Graduate / Describe a situation where you failed to achieve an objective. What did you learn? (MBA appl. essay) [3]

Describe a situation where you failed to achieve an objective, and what you learned from it. (Maximum 500 words)

The one aspect that I wanted to understand the most in my professional life is -' what does it takes to be a good leader?'. Hence I am always on lookout for any opportunity where I can display my leadership abilities and learn more on what make a leader good.

Two years into my job, I noticed that a teammate, who had recently joined my team, wasn't pulling his weight at work. He mostly finished his tasks after the deadlines and never handled the interactions with our international clients in an appropriate manner, leaving our superiors dissatisfied.Even though he was technically sound , it was weird that he wasn't performing well. Nonetheless, I didn't bother to talk to him and find out the root of this problem. Besides I didn't want to spend any time doing a task at office that wasn't my responsibility. But after seeing this bad performance continue for few months, I knew it was time that someone indeed stepped up to the plate and had a conversation with him . This was the opportunity I was waiting for where I could influence him such that he becomes a valuable asset of the project in the eyes of the upper management.

I had a candid talk with him where I explained to him the problems of his actions and made it clear that ,if he didn't show any marked improvement in productivity ,he is bound to get bad rating during the annual appraisal. After he realized the repercussions, I started to advise and mentor him and monitor the way he did his tasks to make sure the objective can be achieved. My personal attention was able to improve his productivity and his conduct within couple of months. But despite all my best efforts , I couldn't raise his performance to the level that could have impressed the manager, thus preventing his removal from our project as it went through reorganization. I wasn't happy over the fact that I couldn't achieve the goal I had set for him, leading to his short-lived tenure.

...

Please comment on the content,grammar and structure of the essay.

Thanks in advance.
vincenm   
Mar 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Firstly, when the rain falls, the dam is full for a period of time. How the rainwater is reused. [5]

The water is produced to be drinking water for household consumption.

Produced seems out of place here.

'The second is the household waste-water is used to produce drinking water.'

The transition into this para seems weird. You said firstly and finally and hence this para should be started with 'secondly'. But I rather see a new sentence here.

'The water which is collected in the tank then is sent to the garden'

It must be '...is then sent to..'
vincenm   
Mar 7, 2015
Scholarship / The value of education is something I have understood since a very young age. Scholarship statement. [3]

Two things that needs to be more prominent in your answer:

1. Your parents are unemployed . But you need to explain the first part of the prompt ' financial circumstances' in detail.

2. You said you are a deserving student. You need to back that statement with proof as the college is investing in you if you get that award.

Explain all your academic and extracurricular achievements and involvements. Stress more on this aspect in your essay.

My 2 cents.
vincenm   
Mar 6, 2015
Scholarship / I noticed that most of the students lack good interpersonal and debating skills - SMU COX MBA app. [3]

The Cox School of Business seeks students who desire to become leaders with purpose - those who will positively influence the global business community, whether in a small way or on a large scale. What have you done thus far in your academic or professional career to make a difference? (500 word limit)

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In my sophomore year I co-created a Model UN (MUN) conference, first of its kind to be held in the NITs, with a vision of starting a new community where students can discuss and debate global current affairs. We were well aware that our event wouldn't attract most students as it offered neither the geeky fame of tech events nor the glamour of the dance and fashion shows. However we took it as a challenge and made an action plan for how our event must grow over the next 3 years. I held focus group meetings where I invited students to gauge their interest and abilities.

But as a result of such meetings, I noticed that most of the students lacked good interpersonal and debating skills. This will affect the performance of students when they face participants from law and journalism schools, who have comparatively much better social and public speaking abilities, in the inter-collegiate version of the MUN event. Also if the students from other colleges aren't challenged well in the event, they will spread bad reviews and may not return the following year, thus killing our event before it can attain mindshare in the MUN community.

As the CMO of the MUN event, I decided to offer free MUN training to interested students with the aim of developing their knowledge of MUN and their public speaking capabilities. I marketed this initiative by spreading awareness that attending these sessions will not only prepare the students for MUN, but also prepare them to face interviews , handle group discussions and negotiate salary packages during the various recruitment events. This tactic worked as I was able to get many students to attend the training sessions. Through our sessions, we trained students in how to negotiate with other parties for the benefit of one's position. I conducted many group discussions where the students deliberated on diverse topics such as global current affairs, economy and tech industry. We trained them on how to effectively speak and debate in public, making sure they overcome any nervousness.

Over the few months, I was happy with the progress made through the training sessions. To test the waters we soft launched the event by only involving college participants. Impressed by the quality of the debates and discussions seen, we expanded our event to include other colleges.

As I was clear about the success and the social value of my initiative, we continued the sessions in the following years. As a result, participants from my college were able to strongly debate and discuss various global topics with experienced participants from across India, thus keeping the quality of our event very high. Additionally most of the students who got trained were able to pass the group discussions and interviews with flying colors during the various recruitment events.

I am happy that over the three years, my MUN event not only made significant achievements, as mentioned in my resume, but it also indirectly helped the participants develop their social skills and handle the intensity of the placement season very well. Just like the above initiative, I want to make sure that the many business developments that I will be part of as a manager will also have a social impact, even though I will not be working in the non-profit industry.
vincenm   
Mar 6, 2015
Grammar, Usage / Future perfect continuous tense and its usage! [5]

I think it should be

Would is used when you are talking about the future scenario when you are talking about it from the perspective of the past or present.. This line talks about the future here.

I am not sure about th usage of when here too.

My 2 cents.
vincenm   
Jan 14, 2015
Graduate / 'Microsoft's Xwatch'; What are your career goals, why an MBA and why Georgia Tech? MBA essay [2]

Why an MBA and why Georgia Tech? (Required)
Describe how your experiences, both professional and personal, have led you to the decision to pursue an MBA at Georgia Tech. Discuss your short- and long-term career goals and how Georgia Tech is best suited to help you achieve your goals.


Microsoft's Xwatch : A smartwatch worthy of Dick Tracy - theverge, Oct 15 2019
Yesterday at the New York event Stephen Elop, Microsoft EVP, revealed the latest Xwatch, the smartwatch offering by Microsoft. Vincen Mathai, product manager in the Xwatch project, laid out his vision for the product, stating "For people who want a wearable that is a non-obtrusive fashion statement, the Xwatch is a cloud powered product that seamlessly provides voice integration and context aware processing such that the user experience is improved by minimizing the human-machine touch interactions."

My fascination for products that paved way for the post-PC era and interest to know how a market grows around such products have motivated me to seek out a business position in the tech industry. Right after the MBA, I will work as an associate product manager at Microsoft or HP. By working on the development and marketing of the product, I can combine my engineering background and acquired business skills to help create a product that will define the industry. In the long term, I plan to become the corporate SVP of Product Marketing in a major IoT company, where I can establish the company's marketing strategy and direction for the product portfolio, which will have a range of uses from managing smart cities in India to conserving energy through smart grids in USA.

As the marketing manager for my undergrad Model UN(MUN) event,by using Facebook and Twitter and by promoting the event in different colleges, I reached out to the MUN community.I managed the conference newsletter, which kept the participants updated on the various developments of the event. These are just couple of the marketing activities I did that made my event attain critical mass. My experience in running and marketing the MUN events confirmed that I have the potential to implement the vision and roadmap of a product, supervise the launch and successfully market that product.

Despite the experiences I have had, it is hard for me to switch my career because of lack of such management opportunities in IT industry for an engineer. Besides a lack of professional experience in marketing or sales wouldn't help me achieve my goal. Hence it will be difficult to become a product manager without an MBA.

Scheller gives the flexibility to define my curriculum such that I can learn about various functions in the company, allowing me to strengthen the symbiotic links with cross-functional teams. Since I never learned the concept of brand building, I can learn to develop the mindshare of the product by taking the 'Strategic Brand Management' course. Since I have to develop from scratch capabilities such as reading customer attitudes and conceptualizing product ideas, the 'Marketing Research' and 'Collaborative Product Development' courses will teach me to effectively scrutinize market needs by using proper analysis methods and to create products based on such needs. By taking the course 'Pricing Strategies and Analytics' I can interact with Prof. Pattabhiramaiah,a fellow NIT alumnus, and learn more about his Product management experience in SAP, helping me understand the concepts of pricing a product during its lifecycle. The emphasis given by Scheller on experiential learning is a boon as such learning can help me adapt the theories and models learned to different scenarios I will encounter in business life, thus refining my skills with hands-on experience. Taking the Marketing and International Practicum courses will help me analyze a company's problem, advising strategic solutions . Scheller AMP will allow me to network with professionals and alumni, learn marketing trends and understand best practices of industry.

I will be thrilled to utilize this holistic approach to education at Scheller that will allow me to become a well-rounded MBA graduate and achieve my career vision as imagined at the start of the essay.
vincenm   
Jan 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / Some countries follow religious laws in its way of punishment such as Saudi Arabia and Iran. [3]

Good essay . But I am not sure what the prompt of the essay is supposed to be.

Issue AFAIK is that 'Should there be a fixed punishment for the same type of crime committed?

your argument" jury composed by a specific number of people get together in the court to listen to the different aspects of the crime. Then, they decide the proper judgment together with the judge approval of course. Such a method might seem perfect however, lots of mistakes can be done and jury can be influenced by a good defense from lawyers."

doesn't work for the prompt I believe is the one you intend to discuss.

This argument IMO is more appropriate to the topic 'Is the jury system the right way to provide justice?'

Work on a proper counter argument.
vincenm   
Jan 14, 2015
Scholarship / Three adjectives have followed me throughout life - philanthropic, creative, and intercultural. [2]

I like your essay. I can't find anything bad about it.

I have only 1 problem
"At first, these three adjectives were separate parts of me. Now, they have combined to form a personal "nickname" for myself and I proudly vow to keep it with me for life."

You mentioned: (charity/community service) Girl scouts , volunteer (creative ) and foreign language classes (inter-cultural).

How are inter-connected as you mentioned in the highlighted sentence. I dont see it.

It still looks like the previous sentences. Maybe you can say that you volunteered as a girl scout at a fund raising event for the Chinese Academy .

This example I gave shows an inter-connection of the 3 adjectives in 1 single event.

Try to work on that. Good job nonetheless!
vincenm   
Jan 14, 2015
Graduate / "Engineer" was the only word that attracted me towards itself whenever I thought of my aim in life. [3]

Germany has some of the best engineering universities of the world that are known for their high quality teaching and the level of research. Just like a common Pakistani student, I also have a dream to study abroad in a reputed institute like Dortmund University, which is one of the best universities in Germany. Studying in Germany would be a great opportunity for me.

Your structure is good.

I dont see the point of mentioning your sports skills unless you explain how that will help Erasmus . THry may have a sports club. WOrk on it or remove it.

ANd no need to write four (4). Use any one , not both.

Keep making more drafts and you can make it better.
vincenm   
Jan 12, 2015
Graduate / Why I want to trade places with Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella for a day -MBA Georgiatech essay [3]

If you could trade places with someone for one day, who would it be and why?

I wish to trade places with Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft and the most powerful Indian American in the tech industry. He is a person who despite not being an alumnus of IIT made it big, thus breaking the stereotype that top tech gurus of Indian origin must be from IITs. I want to poke around his mind and find out what made a non-IIT person a top business leader in the tech industry. Nadella has repeated "mobile first, cloud first" over and over again, clearly outlining his strategy and vision for the new Microsoft that will be platform agnostic. As a person who was following every development in the tech industry since 7 years, this direction for Microsoft is a welcome move that will work wonders in this era where everything and everyone is getting connected. Nadella is planning "to unlock the human capital at Microsoft" by forging a culture that is no longer insular in nature, promoting innovation and inter-divisional collaboration.

Learning more about his work style and vision for Microsoft are not the only reasons I want to switch places with him. I have certain business decisions to make on his behalf that I believe is necessary for Microsoft to grow and capture new markets. As Satya Nadella, I want to pacify shareholders' concern for the company's bottom line. For instance, when the ValueAct Capital hedge fund bought a $2 billion stake in Microsoft, they began to agitate for change that is aimed at short term benefits in order to maximize returns to the shareholders. But such short-sighted goals is bad for a company like Microsoft that is trying to reinvent itself in order to regain the consumer mind-share that it lost to Apple and Google in the 2000s . I will also persuade the stakeholders to agree to let Microsoft price the upcoming software upgrade competitively as nowadays it is clear that the old pricing policy will not work in this age of freemiums and cheap or free incremental upgrades. Subscription based pricing, which was successfully implemented for Office 365, will be tried across other applications. Thus I will convince the stakeholders to put more faith in the long term direction Nadella set out to achieve.

The next step on my agenda would be to build developers interest in different Microsoft OSes. In 2015 Microsoft is going to release Windows 10 that unifies all the 3 mediums of using an OS-Phones, tablets and desktops. Microsoft seriously lacks the interest among developers to create applications for tablet and phone. If Windows 10 needs to be successful, Microsoft will need to convince those developers that applications developed once will indeed work across all the 3 mediums, bringing down coding time and costs.

Even though hardware doesn't figure in Nadella's vision for the company, as Nadella I will make sure that the hardware division keeps growing. THough the Surface division had a rough start, with the sale of Surface Pro 3 the division is finally making immense progress. I will push the Surface division to grow for the next few years without cannibalizing the PC sales of OEM partners. Additionally the Nokia acquisition brought in hardware pundits, who need to be supported even if Microsoft bleeds money. Therefore creation of a flagship phone will help Microsoft demonstrate its capabilities to the smart phone market. Nadella's decision to scrap the high-end flagship, code named 'McLaren', showed Microsoft's disinterest to innovate, causing many fans to leave Windows Phone. This will cause Windows phone to lose market share,making Microsoft irrelevant in mobile. Hence I will reverse the earlier decision and release a high-end phone immediately.

These are the goals I plan to achieve by being Satya Nadella for a day. I believe my actions as the CEO will benefit Microsoft in the long run. Besides the knowledge I will gain over 1 day will help me become an innovative product manager in this post-PC era.
vincenm   
Jan 4, 2015
Graduate / INTEGRITY, ORGANIZATIONAL EXCELLENCE and PLANNED SOCIAL CONTRIBUTION - MENDOZA MBA ESSAY [2]

As a graduate business program, we want our students, faculty and staff to Ask More of Business(TM). Why is this important? We believe, as our founder Father Edward Sorin did, that it is important for business to be a force for good in the world. We follow three tenets to achieve this goal:

INDIVIDUAL INTEGRITY: Ask that integrity be at the heart of every business decision.
EFFECTIVE ORGANIZATIONS: Ask tough questions to solve tough problems. Of all the skills recruiters seek in MBA graduates, critical thinking is highly prized. We teach you to be a problem-solver.

GREATER GOOD:Ask that we consider a greater good. Social responsibility is in our DNA as a learning community. ( 2 page limit w/o essay title)

Your responsibility as a lifelong member of the Mendoza community is to Ask More of Business - to exemplify individual integrity, organizational excellence, and a concern for the greater good. How do you plan to do this in your professional career?

"Had I not received the job offer in Qatar, I would have worked at Union Carbide India (UCI) and could have been among the 3500 people who died on that fateful night when Bhopal Gas tragedy occurred". He then went on the explain the unethical decisions made by the UCI, subsidiary of Union Carbide Corp. (UCC) , where UCI ignored the directives from the parent co. to fix the flaws in safety equipment and procedures. My father concluded "UCI lied to UCC to save money and according to their moral values and reasoning; the weight of saving money and not fixing the flaws was higher than the safety of the workers and people". Hearing this candid conversation as a 13 year-old shocked me into realizing that I could have lost my father hadn't the twist of fate occurred in his life. I understood that day how business decisions , whether good or bad, have far- reaching consequences going beyond the business sphere .

Growing up in a Syrian Christian family I was brought up with values that are rooted in social responsibility. In Qatar, whether it was my involvement in spreading water conservation or in beach cleanup, my family supported my interest in working for a social cause. My parents also taught me to not compromise the integrity of my character to earn financial benefits or brownie points. Thus being socially responsible towards loved ones, team and society became an important part of the set of principles that defines my character.

Because of this upbringing, I learned to make sure the every decision I make both in personal and professional life is based on motives that are selfless. I follow a simple one step process that always helped me solve any situation that challenges my ethics. What I do is that I ask myself this question: 'Is the main reason behind the solution to the problem, selfish in nature?'. If it is yes, then I will scrap that particular solution and go with the solution that doesn't benefit me selfishly and that integrity of my team and organization is not affected.

For example, at work I once caused a major error that impacted adversely the testing system of supply chain management application. I was faced with a situation where I was not sure whether I should report the error to my managers. I could have fixed the issue by covering it up ,making sure that HP or client notices the problem. Doing that would have made sure that this mistake wouldn't reflect on my performance rating. Also if client did notice the issue while they do the testing , I would never get caught even though the team's reputation and integrity would have been tarnished,. Contractually HP wouldn't have suffered losses , but the choice of hiding this mistake was nonetheless based on a selfish motive. Therefore I went with the option where the integrity of the team wasn't affected. I went ahead and informed my supervisors, owning up to the mistake I did, and burned the midnight oil to fix the issue on my own. I made sure that the team was aware of the situation and was prepared to pacify the customers, if any complaints arose (it never did ). My action made sure that this mistake was not repeated by anyone in the team, allowing for my team to maintain the excellent track record in client satisfaction.

Therefore I always make sure that the solution in the end doesn't harm the ethics of the individual, team and company. Like the highlights of my work displayed in my resume, I worked to develop the management of process, project, change, knowledge and resource, keeping in mind that the integrity is not breached in any way.

My fascination for products that paved way for the post-PC era and interest to know how a market grows around such products have motivated me to seek out a business position in the tech industry. The emergence of smartphones with the arrival of iPhone, led to an explosion in utilization of such products, having immense power and opportunity to make tremendous positive social impact. We are able to spread social awareness of issues, like ALS, across different regions using apps like Facebook and Twitter. Through apps like 'Himmat' and 'Guardly', which are mainly targeted at women's safety , people can immediately inform certain contacts that they are under threat along with informing the police . Such impact can replicated with the advent of wearable and Internet of Thing (IoT) products.

Right after the MBA I will become an associate product manager in a company, such as Microsoft, that is involved in making IoT products . Since I am not planning to work in Non-profit organization, which directly works for good of society, the social contribution that I can make as a product manager is more indirect in nature. As a product manager, I want to involve in a wearable project where I can make a smartwatch that can be controlled by voice. By working on the development and marketing of the product I can combine my engineering experience and acquired business skills to create a product that will define the industry. Along with many consumer oriented functionalities, the smartwatch can also be configured thru apps to send out a homing distress signal and to record the audio and video of the surroundings, thus informing the authorities immediately. Such applications of the products made by IoT are limitless. In the long term, I plan to become the corporate SVP of Product Marketing in a major IoT company, where I can establish the company's marketing strategy and direction for the product portfolio, which will have a range of uses from managing smart cities in India to conserving energy through smart grids in USA. I want to manage the portfolio and try to market the product such that the customers will also take cognizance of the social benefits of having such IoT products, enabling them to incorporate these products into their various business and CSR initiatives.

Through various courses and initiatives such as 'Greater Good Series' I can learn about Mendoza's approach to ethics and integrity ,going beyond legal problems affecting a company. I can understand a collaborative environment that lets people work to make each other better rather than make themselves better. I therefore believe that my experiences till now and aspirations for the future, coupled with a Mendoza MBA degree, will enable me to 'Ask More of Business' .
vincenm   
Jan 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / A person develops different qualities and traits as he grows up from a child into an adult [4]

I am giving my opinion as a person who got 29/30 in Writing section of TOEFL IBT.

First of all I think you didnt explain the essay prompt. It is more defined the title you gave.

1. Intro not stunning. Add more meat into it. People read it s well. Hook them with an exmaple / anecdote/ saying etc. if possible. "People would argue what are the most important qualities that a man should posses but I am of the opinion that a good sense of humor is one of those qualities." I dont like this sentence.

2. Your advantages / plus points are good. But try to work out the disadvantages of having sense of humour in another para. But I seriously think you shouldnt waste time on disadvantages as TOEFL writing essay expects you to take a stand either supporting it or rejecting it.

3. Your conclusion is a restatement of your earlier points. On its own this is not good. You should also add more closing arguments as well.

4. Your word count of over 400 words is good.

5. Many grammar,spelling and structure errors seen. Whatever maybe allocate 5 mins to read thru the essay and fix spelling, grammar and structural mistakes.

Overall score I will give : 6/10.
vincenm   
Jan 4, 2015
Undergraduate / Discovery shuttle with crew STS 105 - I have loved aerospace since I was a child. [5]

Nice essay overall. But 2 points I want to highlight.

1. Try to explain more why UT Austin is better . Try to incorporate the courses that you want ot learn and is not seen at UNT. Also research on the certain professors at Austin that will help you achieve your education goal. . Read in a cursory manner their papers and explain in your essay why you feel that professor will help you. It shows the college that you are indeed interested and you did your research .

2. I am confused as to your career goal. How is a PhD going to help you work on your career. Isn't a Maasters enough for you to do that? If both those comapnies you mentioned require only PhD holders as employees then mention it. Otherwise you have to be more clear on the correlation between your education and career goals.
vincenm   
Nov 11, 2014
Graduate / Prince of Qatar Anecdote- An International experience essay for Foster Bschool [8]

How about the changes I made now ? The chnage I made are in red

I was surprised on learning that my council president for the International Model UN conference is a son of the King of Qatar. Even though I have greeted Qataris I was nervous as I never greeted a Qatari royal before. Should I wish him 'As-salamu-alaykum' with the cheek to cheek kisses as per the cultural norms ? Luckily before I leaned in for the kiss, the Prince greeted me with a handshake,following which we discussed the agenda where he said he loved to see what my country can contribute to the council . An awkward moment due to a generalization was averted.

Growing up in a Syrian Christian family I was brought up with values that are more progressive than the ones seen in the other Indian communities . Yet in this 21st Century my community isn't liberal enough as we still superficially judge someone on the basis of religion and socio-economic class .

In this globalized world having international exposure is not enough to establish effective interpersonal relationships. If people lack sensitivity for other cultures there can be mistakes in both personal & professional interactions , leading to conflicts . One must be open-minded while interacting with other cultures to make sure that meaningful bonds can be built among people with diverse backgrounds. Residing in the racially and culturally heterogeneous Qatar helped me to see beyond such differences in people. In 25 years, I connected with people from different parts of the world, be it Arabs, Americans, Somalians, or Filipinos. I have experienced mindsets ranging from the conservative attitude of the Middle Easterners to the liberal outlook of Scandinavians. Studying with Pakistanis made me realize that they are very similar to Indians and the jingoistic stereotypes about them are overhyped . I acknowledge my European boss's live-in relationship and this hasn't affected our professional and personal bond , even though such relationships are frowned upon in India.

The Prince didn't want his royalty status to affect his professional engagements in that council , allowing me to objectively criticize his stance on many topics . Prince's unpretentious attitude proved that status and wealth don't have to come in the way of productive relationships.

All these interactions made me outgrow the parochial mindset of the Indian culture. I don't let any disagreements I have with cultures get in the way of empathizing with people . Such experiences made value a person's character and intellect and not judge anyone over the race , appearance and sexuality . I learned to appreciate the various cultures of the world , enabling me to adapt my working and communication style to handle such diversity. Whether it is to brainstorm solutions with other delegates in Model UN or to work professionally with client and HP teams based in 5 continents , such intercultural interactions helped me well in my life. Thus, my broad-mindedness will help me inculcate what my peers in the team have to offer. I will collaborate with them and the college in strengthening the global experience that Foster has developed over the years. While there maybe certain parameters in my profile that are not distinctive, the contributions I can make to the diverse culture of Foster, will definitely set me apart from the rest.


SO does my essay look better now?
vincenm   
Nov 11, 2014
Graduate / Prince of Qatar Anecdote- An International experience essay for Foster Bschool [8]

regardless of his country's culture and tradition. If he showed and spoke of a great deal of respect for the cultures and norms of other nations, then we can probably better connect his story and importance to your essay

Thanks a lot for the quick response.

"For example, how has dealing with these nationalities influenced you point of view about religion, gender issues, and the like? "

I have some experiences that I think can be used . I will list two below

1.Playing cricket with Pakistanis taught me that I shouldn't make sweeping generalizations about them because of the 60 years of enmity between our nations. We do not hate each other and many of the hate is

2. My European boss lives with her partner for many years in a steady relationship . She calls him 'her hubby' even though they aren't married. I appreciate her relationship even though in my culture

such relationship is frowned upon. My working and personal relationship with her hasnt chnaged even though she shared this personal info with me.
3. My college senior came out as gay and this hasn't bothered me at all . Watching pop culture on TV and media made me realize someone being gay has nothing to do with one's character and ability to work professionally. My relationship with my senior hasn't changed a bit.

Can I use these examples in your opinion?

" Perhaps he said something along the lines of not wanting to be treated as a royal and wanting to discuss all topics".
He did mention that we should work in manner such that his royalty status doesn't come in the way of smooth functioning. I can try to work in this detail.

"If he showed and spoke of a great deal of respect for the cultures and norms of other nations, then we can probably better connect his story and importance to your essay. "

We didn't discuss a lot more of the cultures as we went on to discuss the agenda for the 3 day event

"Do you have a maximum word count for this paper? If you can let me know what it is, maybe we can work on meeting the requirement in a more polished sort of way :-)"

The adcom gave a limit of 500 words (80 words above and below limit is fine as per the adcom).
vincenm   
Nov 9, 2014
Graduate / Prince of Qatar Anecdote- An International experience essay for Foster Bschool [8]

An optional essay where I can express some aspects of my profile not mentioned in other parts of my MBA application

I was shocked on learning that my council president for the International Model UN conference is a son of the King of Qatar. Even though I have greeted Qataris I was nervous as I never greeted a Qatari royal before. Should I wish him 'As-salamu-alaykum' with the two cheek to cheek kiss, as expected when we meet royalty ? Luckily before I leaned in for the kiss, the Prince greeted me with a handshake. An awkward moment at a public event was averted. We then discussed briefly the agenda for the council following which he said wants to see what I can contribute to his council.

[...]
vincenm   
Nov 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / Technology is the tool that reinforce people to get numerous knowledge overnight [8]

I find all the paras in the essay okay except for the 2nd one. I couldn't even wrap my head around it.

Can you give a better situation to prove your point instead of those bats? I found grammatical erros too in that para.

I suggest that you use an anecdote of how tech did wonders for you.
vincenm   
Nov 7, 2014
Graduate / After the nuclear meltdown happened , I shockingly viewed the #Fukushima trend on twitter [8]

Hi vangiespen

I confirmed with the adcom of the college and they want to know the experience , irrepsective of where and whne I had it , that defined my long term career goal.

Basically this experience make me realise that i have potential to make it in the marketing field. My short term goal is to work as product manager balancing both technical side and marketing side of the work. I want to transition to marketing completely within 15 years and become a VP .

Also the reason of 'we' being used a lot is because I was advised by Bschool students to emphasize that I am a team player . If I use 'I' everywhere in the essay they will think that I am disingenuous.

I do like your analysis , and I really wish I could use a professional experience but my technical roles only helped me develop my leadership and business skills. But I never could express my raw potential for marketing.

I would like to hear your opinion on how I can work with this ? :)

Thanks in advance.
vincenm   
Nov 6, 2014
Graduate / Bschool Application -International exposure essay [3]

Hi

This is an optional essay where the adcom wants to know more about the applicant. So I waned to use this to differentiate my self from the rest in my overrepresented applicant group.
vincenm   
Nov 6, 2014
Graduate / After the nuclear meltdown happened , I shockingly viewed the #Fukushima trend on twitter [8]

Inspiring Profession Experience - Describe a specific experience that inspired your professional plans and prompted you to explore the MBA.

"After the nuclear meltdown happened , I shockingly viewed the #Fukushima trend on twitter . As the online news poured in from Japan , I saw an opportunity to create an unforgettable experience for the participants as most Model UN events never get to discuss real time crises. I earnestly presented my idea to the chairperson , who happily agreed to debate on this ."

In my sophomore year I co-created a Model UN conference , first of its kind to be held in the NITs, with a vision of starting a new community where students can discuss and debate global current affairs within the framework of UN. We were well aware that our event will not attract any of those students as it didn't offer neither the geeky fame of tech events nor the glamour of the dance and fashion shows. Also to be a good participant one needs good interpersonal and debating skills ; but most Indian engineering students are known to lack such capabilities . But we took it as a challenge and made an action plan for how our event must grow over the next 3 years. We started holding focus group meetings where we invited students who had the potential to become good participants. To test the waters we decided to conduct an event by involving participants from our college . We were impressed by the interest generated and this set the ground for expanding our event to include colleges from across the country.

Since I handled the marketing communication I created a logo that wasn't a cliché , using it as a creative hook to establish our brand . By 2009 social media took off and by using facebook and twitter, we reached out to the Model UN community effectively. . I also ran promotion campaigns in different colleges to spread word of the event. We linked our event with the college cultural festival because of the coolness factor and the extra awareness the festival will bring to it . I became the chief designer and editor of the conference newsletter , which kept all the participants updated on the developments of the event. We even got accreditation from UN through the UN Information Centre .

Because of the success , our conference became a spotlight event leading to 100% growth in funding and 50% rise in no. of volunteers . My team ramped up the marketing efforts such that we had a 150% increase in participants over the 3 years. The experience of discussing Fukushima disaster as it happened , made the participants spread good views of our event across the community. We were able to build the mindshare , making it attain critical mass. 3 years later the Conference is still running brilliantly and I am proud of what we did to start this distinctive event for our college.

The experience I had running the event made me realize that I have the potential to become a manager who can create a vision for a product (my event ), implement a roadmap , understand the targeted market and utilize all the resources possible to sell the product . Thus I learned that I can become a successful VP of Product marketing in the future.
vincenm   
Nov 6, 2014
Undergraduate / Challenge a Belief (suicidal friend) - College Essay [3]

Hi I think it is best if you explain more the imact your decision did for her and than give more words to explain her suicidal tendencies.

College would want to see with anecdotal evidences how Kate changed for the better. Noentheless this is a good essay ! Keep working on refining this.
vincenm   
Nov 6, 2014
Graduate / "Accomplishments lie within the reach of those who reach beyond themselves" - SOP [7]

Dude

I think it is best if you can expand on what you have learned . You can talk more on your coding skills and what impact it had . Did you work on any projcts as a hobby ? Add that with details as you are apllying to a tech program.

Do give a small anecdote if possible on how you fell in love with coding and that can serve as a hook for the adcoms.
vincenm   
Nov 6, 2014
Graduate / Bschool Application -International exposure essay [3]

Even though Syrian Christians are comparatively way more liberal than the Hindus and Muslims in India , we are still not progressive enough for the 21st Century. My community absorbed both the good and bad aspects of Indian culture. We treat people with fairer skin colour with more importance . The women are not allowed to be as free as the men. We treat people of lower classes with disdain unlike in libertarian nations where people are treated the same irrespective of class and creed.

Residing for 17 years in the racially and culturally diverse Qatar helped me to see beyond such differences in people . I met more than a fair share of people from different parts of the world, be it Arabs, Americans, Norwegians ,Egyptians or Filipinos .I have seen mindsets of people ranging from the conservative attitude of the Middle eastern people to the liberal lifestyle of Scandinavians.. Even though I am an engineering graduate , global geography , history and human culture have always piqued my interest . This passion was reflected in my hobbies such as quizzing ,debating and Model UN .

.I have always dissected any development in business or politics with a global perspective . I learned that a muslim brand ambassador plays an important role in the Middle Eastern marketing , as seen when adidas market share shot up when they employed Mohammed Ali . I understand the difference in USA's and India's perspective on political correctness , which is reflected in advertisements made in these two nations . Besides , my international experience was put to the test when I worked with teams based in 5 continents. I taught my team to address the Asian clients using their English names instead of the actual first names. Casually discussing topics such as Winter swimming and venison cuisine has made my European bosses more receptive to my professional recommendations and ideas.

All these experiences made me broad minded , outgrowing the parochial mindset of my community and Indian culture in general. I learned that a woman in a burqa could be a powerful health minister of a country whereas a woman in miniskirt could be only interested in gossiping and vice versa . Such experiences showed me to value a person's character and not judge anyone over the skin colour, appearance, religion and sexuality . I learned to appreciate the diverse cultures of the world , enabling me to adapt my working and communication style to handle such diversity . Finally, my open-mindedness will help me inculcate what my peers in the team have to offer . I will collaborate with them and rest of the college in strengthening the global experience that Foster has valued and developed over the years. While there maybe few parameters in my profile that are not as high as other applicants, the contributions I can make to the diverse culture and student life of Foster, by providing insight into Middle East and India from a global perspective, will definitely set me apart from the rest.
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