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Posts by rozhnaz
Name: rozhnaz abdoul
Joined: Oct 26, 2015
Last Post: Feb 18, 2017
Threads: 7
Posts: 15  
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From: United Kingdom (Great Britain)
School: runaki

Displayed posts: 22
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rozhnaz   
Feb 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / Nowadays overpopulation and crowding of large cities are considered a big problem in the world. [5]

Housing shortages in big cities cause great social consequences. Some think only governments action can solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

concern over housing crisis



Nowadays overpopulation and crowding of large cities are considered a big problem in the world. In fact, to get a space in the city, needs deep pockets and labourous search to find an ideal place to live in.There are so many reasons closely linked to this issue, Some think that government is a major player in tackling housing crisis. Before explaining my suggestion , l propose a wider range of opinion on the subject matter.

Clearly, increasing density of population correlates to the job opportunities and having livelihood in the big cities. It seems to be one of the biggest factors of having inadequate places to live in. Finding a carefully thought of a solution needed to deal with as so many students coming to study from different countries. They need accomodation to stay in during their period of study.

As far as i am concerned, dealing with this issue needs a great help from government. Providing a wide range of council houses for the dwellers, in the cities are very beneficial to solve the housing shortcome. As well as reacommodating student halls, factories, and large companies to the outskirts of the cities and towns, which generally, influences the expansion of housing for a wider variety of people.

In addition, increasing the price of rent by the house owners should be given a mention. Price cap should at least to be considered to control rent in those affected areas. Also make sure that landlords comply with it.

In conclusion, the concern over housing crises is a ligitimate one. It does need the government support, by allocating a great budget and imposing some rules that can at least steady the housing crisis.
rozhnaz   
Feb 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / Different techniques to encourage children for higher activity. Competitiveness or cooperativeness? [3]

Hi
First, introduce your topic. The introductory paragraph should briefly orient the reader to the topic and provide a conceptual map of the rest of the paper. Your thesis statement is the main point of your paper.

The body section should consist of at least several paragraphs where you will provide support for your thesis statement in the form of reasons, evidence, arguments, justification, and so on.
rozhnaz   
Feb 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / Unemployment is inevitable issue in the society, especially among school leavers [5]

More and more young people are leaving school but unable to find job (IELTS)



Nowaday unemployment rate is highly increasing and is ever-growing issue over the entire world, particularly among the young people. There are so many factors are closley linked to the matter of increasing the number of jobseekers. Lacking of academic qualification, absence of work experience and soft skills and having a great competition in the labour market are the main factors. I would like to enlighten each factors in the following paragraph.

It is a matter of fact, those youngester that are coming out of schools or dropped out , they are having struggle in starting to find a secure job. It is clear, teenagers are in the stages of development, they do not have enough life skills , which are requirement for so many positions. Having soft skills, get on with other people, self_confidence, self_control or resillence are not enough seen in young people. As a result, the can not be successful in the interview of job vacancies.

In addition, the labour market is very competitive. Getting employment or career will be so difficult without having any experience or academic qualification. However, the low skilled works are decreased in todays society, due to accelerating pace of life and technological advancement. Meanwhile, so many labor works are currently automated because of machinery development.Hence, need for human force are declined.

Furthermore, absence of recruitment could have bad consequence on an individual and on the society as a whole. Increasing the rate of jobseekers and unemployment may leave bad impact on the community in long term. Rising the rate of crimes and violence are indirectly attributed to this issue. Where as, providing the young people with training courses and teaching them rquirement skills. As well as, They should be well prepared by the government via compulsory courses, by allocating specific budget for tackling this turmoil among the school leavers.

In conclusion, unemployment is inevitable issue in the society, especially among school leavers. It can not be deeply rooted. The causes at least can be partially solved by the government and the authorities.
rozhnaz   
Feb 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS (unpaid work is important for the young people?) [6]

Thank you very much for taking the time to review my essay. Your input and feedback are vitally important to me. I have felt my essay is perfect before reading your feedbacks. I can see my mistakes now:(.
rozhnaz   
Feb 7, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS (unpaid work is important for the young people?) [6]

people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Are disadvantages of this requirement greater than the benefits for the community and individuals?

not only fun - youngsters at work



Voluntary work by young people has its own positive and negative aspects. In fact, studing is the main task of teenagers to prepareing their homwork. Being involved in unpaid work could have some influence on their academic performance negatively . Despite of having some drawbacks, it could have some advantages for the individual and the society as a whole. Before proposing my opnion, i would like to clarrify the multiview of this statement in the following argumentative paragraphe.

It is a matter of debate that exposing young people to work enviroment could potentially have a unhealthy consequence on their behaviour. The possibilites of being exploited by the employers and possibly abused by other adult co-workers could leave serious impact on their personality. As well as, the youngsters are more vulnerable to be involved in the world of crime and drug abuse via interacting with other people out of their peer group. It is realistic, students have plenty of pressure of studing , having time for leisure activities and sport are needed to combat this type of stress.

In addition, it is considered that involving young people in unpaid work would prevent them from learning bad habits such as smoking and drug addiction. However, students can hone crucial life skills , time managment skill and get the work placement experience, which is wholly beneficial for their future careers. Meanwhile, it is a great opportunity to make a choice among various kinds of works, and students can gradually improve their abilities in an indicating job , which they are interested in. These advantages could have advantages for the society on long term.

To conclude, i consider that the young people should not be obliged to do unpaid work. The main option in their life should be their study and work hard to get academic achievement. Their sparetime should be advocated for entertaiment and sport activities.
rozhnaz   
Feb 7, 2017
Writing Feedback / A healthy lifestyle or dependence on doctors and medicines? Writing task 2 IELTS [6]

For instance, it could be harmful when someone who ...
In my opinion the idea of this sentence is not correct, because cutting back on red meat could not be harmful.whereas, there are great substitute for red meat such as lentil and beans.

... not solely rely a healthy lifestyle to maintain ...
rely on .......to maintain their body healthy and fit.
rozhnaz   
Feb 7, 2017
Writing Feedback / A healthy lifestyle or dependence on doctors and medicines? Writing task 2 IELTS [6]

Albeit people could manage healthy by themselves,
Though people could manage their own health,

the advent of doctors is still important ...
the existence of doctors is still essential to provide health support to the patients.

In fact, every single patient has certain unique ...
in fact, the implementing of appropriate healthy lifestyle program have to be considered due to the uniqueness of each patient.
rozhnaz   
May 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / All over the world, children and adults are facing an increasing problem with excess weight. [3]

obesity becoming a main problem in many parts of world.
obesity has become the main problem in the world.

To tackle this problem government should put ...
This problem can be tackled up by putting restrictions on private cars or rising cost of fuel.

After this people will be forced to overcome distance by foot or by bicycles.
As a result, people could be encouraged to go about their daily lives on foot or by using bike.

many people reject to going to gym because of ...
Many people have rejected to go to gym because they can not afford it.
rozhnaz   
May 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children should be allowed to do paid work or not [4]

Some people think that young children should be allowed to do paid work while others think that this should be illegal. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Nowadays, children are more involved in the workforce for so many reasons. Some people believe that the younger generation can take advantage by working and earn money, whilst others believe that children should not be in paid work at all. However, there should be a considerable limit on the hours that children Spend on work paid or unpaid. In my opinion, I think gaining experience in an early age could be immensely beneficial, if supervised closely by parents and caregivers.

Some people think that children who are involved in paid work are more vulnerable to discrimination and exploitation than adult workers. As well as, Naivety and lack of experience at work place is more apparent and more common with children. For instance, children may have well been manipulated by other workers, giving them hard work and not being paid enough based on their job. Meanwhile, children are going through the process of physical and mental development at an early age, need to be under a good health care (and that is less likely at the work place). As some kind of jobs cannot give any benefit to children for example washing and cleaning floors or work surfaces.

It is clear; if a physical pressure is put on children at that young age could be harmful for their developments halt their progression.
In addition, there is a notion about the benefit of paid work for children. It is thought that allowing children to work can give them some advantages such as social skills, and valuable experiences that could be helpful for their future career.

Furthermore, I believe that children must have access to a mixture of working experience at their schools, while under supervision of their teachers and adult carers. This could help in eradicating abuse of children at work places and help develop their skills. At the same time, the job quality should be monitored by experts in education as well as the local governments, to deliver the best possible working environment for the younger generation.

In conclusion, Children, who get work experience in an early age, could be hugely beneficial to the growth of the country's economy. However, there should be clear guidelines from the local authorities on how and when to send children to work.
rozhnaz   
May 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Factors of unemployment and steps to solve it [6]

Unemployment has currently become an increasing issue in the world.There are various factors are linked to an increase in the employment level,such as globalization, technological advancement, economical crises,overpopulation,and increasing in the number of educated and skillful individuals.The governments should take responsibility and find proper ways to deal with this worring issue,that could have detrimental consequences in the long term.

In term of globalization and technological development,as aresult of rapid revolution of technology and invention of new machines, people lives become easier and left plenty of worker out of business.As so many works have been automated without need for large number of employees, such as bank accounts,sending money or email, and printing.Meanwhile,closing the boeders between countries and having proper ways of transportation lead to shifting so many corporations in searching of good investment and hiring workers with lower minimum wages.For instance;so many businesses have been transfered to another countries like China and India, as a result There have been so many workers made redundant.

In addition, overpopulation and increasing the number of skillful and experienced people are another remarkable reasons for rising the rate of jobless and jobseekers.It is clear,the enterprises are lokking for people have a lot of experience and give direct profit for their buisnesses.They do not want to opening training courses as it is time consuming and costs so much money.Undoubtedly,this great competition among people for such positions lead to lay off large number of people.

Regarding to economical recession,It is obvious,in the recent years many Europian countries ,UK in particular have encountered economical crisis and has resulted in shutting down so many businesses and huge unmber of workers being made redundant.

Finally,this worring problem needs a huge effort to find the best solution to treat the deep roots of unemployment.The governments should subsidize the corporations and small businesses, encourage them to expand the labour markets and increase their productivity.At the same time,funding to open training courses for such positions is very beneficial in declining the rate of unemployment.Protecting the balance between the export and import products is also should not be neglected for the safety of local trades.

In conclusion,unemployment is very serious issue, could have a destructive consequences if left untreated.Thus, collective support from governments and business owners are useful to indicate the factors of unemployment and find a best soultion to tackle it.
rozhnaz   
May 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 ; Unemployment is a big disaster. [6]

The considerable solutions to deteriorate thatthese issues are the tuition fee ...

the two main reasons of unemployment is aare the lack of higher education ...

The supportive policy havehas a beneficial effect to generate an entrepreneur ...
rozhnaz   
Oct 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / Teenagers who commit major crimes should be received adult punishment. [3]

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenager is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should be received adult punishment.

To what extend do you agree???
In many countries around the world, the rate of offences carried out by teenagers is growing. Some people believe that punishment for serious crimes should be equal for both adult and teenagers. While others think that teenagers have insufficient experience in their lives and are in the period of development, they will be under the control of adults, so that does not warrant heavy punishment as adults get. In my opinion, courts should judge all people equally despite their age. As well as they should consider the causes of crime itself.

However, youngsters have lesser experience in their lives, but the majority of them certainly know the difference between right and wrong. Ultimately, it is parents' responsibility to educate their children to be aware of crimes and be careful of approaching criminals. As they know their children's behavior very well, parents should take note of any abnormal behavior of their children.

Some teenagers are believed to be violent and enjoy hurting or stealing from others, as some signs of psychopathy would emerge in early age. These kinds of behaviors should not be neglected by their parents or school teachers; it is thought to have a damaging impact that would lead to serious crimes in the future. Therefore, those are accountable for upbringing youngsters that engaged in offences, should take responsibility for their negligence. As children are not completely dependent, consistently need instructions and guidance from adults.

In addition, in most cases the adults exploit the teenagers; they get them involved in crimes. As they know children will get lighter sentences, adults are responsible in all aspects.

In conclusion, in the period of development teenagers are getting experience in life and are not fully dependent.So adults should take the blame for any crime that teenagers commit. The teenagers should receive light punishment because they are not completely dependent.
rozhnaz   
Oct 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The causes of increasing average weight and measures to solve them. [3]

I think sometime people have chronic diseases such as heart disease,diabetes and hypertension. Some of them cannot exercise regularly and owing to the side effects of their drugs cannot have normal body mass index.In my point of view,presence of some chronic diseases are essential causes of obesity among the people in the societies.
rozhnaz   
Oct 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The causes of increasing average weight and measures to solve them. [3]

Nowadays, more and more people are suffering from obesity and the situation of their bodiesis worse than before. In the following paragraphs, I will cover why are these problems happening and some ways to prevent these problems.

Nowadays obesity is a major problem of most people around the world.There are plenty of reasons that contribute to producing this health issue.Lack of exercise and having unhealthy diet are the two crucial causes of obesity.Some useful measures should be taken to prevention and decreasing the rate of obesity among people.

I think this introduction for your essay is better.
rozhnaz   
Oct 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. [2]

What do you think are the causes of this?

Nowadays obesity is a major problem among people of all ages.Most parents are worried about the weight of their children.As child obesity is an essential factor for getting diabetes and hypertension later in their lives.There are so many reasons contribute in producing this health issue.The most important causes are unhealthy lifestyle and present of genetic disorders.

Firstly,in today's life people are so busy with their works and depend on easiest and quickest way to prepare food for their kids.They don't have enough time for cooking every day, as a result they usually rely on fast food such as burger and chips.

These kinds of food are full of unhealthy fat and are the core cause of obesity among children ,owing to kids are extremely fond to junk food.The daily list of food for kids should contain a variety sort of fruit and vegetables, that are useful for child growth and brain development.The schools must choose a healthiest meal for students, as most of them have their lunch at school.

Secondly,schools should encourage children to exercise and be active continuously. Sport must be an essential subject at curriculum of educational system. Current technological development makes children to use computer eagerly, specially for playing video games, This isolate them from their friends and having sedentary lifestyle causes gradually increasing their weight.This is responsibility of parents and schools to put a limit on using computers and children should be made aware about the harmful effects of using technology in extreme manner.

Furthermore,some researches show that genetic play an important role in making child obesity.Those children that are under the effect of genetic causes,have healthy food and exercise regularly but still are overweight.The current medical science has undergone evolutionary changes in the last few decades; they are trying to find a treatment for genetic diseases.

In conclusion,obesity is hazard health issue both parents and schools should be concerned about it and should take so many useful measures to decrease the rate of obesity among children.Parents should be a good role model to instill good habits for food in their children.
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