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Posts by Kimbong93
Name: Rizky Ramadhan
Joined: Mar 31, 2016
Last Post: Apr 3, 2016
Threads: 7
Posts: 12  
Likes: 1
From: Indonesia
School: Syiah Kuala University

Displayed posts: 19
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Kimbong93   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / To learn about other countries.. By watching television or by visiting directly??? "IELTS WR TASK 2" [NEW]

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it?


Several humans contend that people can understand completely about different nations from their television, whilst others think that it would be better if they come to it. In my point of view, I would choose directly to visit the place. Both of them have 2 different opinions. It depends on people's purposes.

According to the statement in the previous paragraph, some people are keen on to select to relish and watch other countries from their TV. This is because it can be simple way to copy different habit with their own. For example, most societies now are more often to practice Korean dance because its style so famous in the world. As a result, a lot of citizens who suddenly claimed to be Korean fans. It is evident that it could be done by watching television.

On the other hand, others have statement that it would be preferable if they come directly to the location. It is caused because many persons consider to go to other country. They are sick on arriving to the spot to train with the local. For instance, any citizens go to Republic of Korea, then they make a conversation with the native to ask about everything that they can get in there. Finally, they know all of their mate's country by good discussion. This is no doubt that this can improve their knowledge about other nations with simple method.

To conclude, even though some argue that it is better way to know about another countries by watching their television, other think that it can be sense more if they visit it directly. I agree that both ways may be used to copy everything in different places but I extremely choose by coming it.
Kimbong93   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / A thing that you can learn about another country by visiting it and impossible to know just from TV? [2]

Dear Sista, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you some suggetions.

... just watching partially on television programmes and filmfilms . >>> if you use plural (plus and) after that you must use plural to...

Every society has different habit and customs , which is affected by the history. >>> the same suggestion with previous advice...

Travelling and living in other country means beingmean to be involved in native society and ...

Please, be careful to write something such as i told before in first suggestion...

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Rapid developement of internet technology influence people in numerous areas for the better [2]

Dear writer "Ana", I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you some suggetions.

Opponents of the appearance of internet argue against that technology for several reasons. >>> please, you have to always use article "the" for Internet...

Since it provides application such as Facebook and Skype that ... >>> if you use "since", please, you must use "simple past"

Please, do not make some repetition such as "people"

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children... May they work at certain age or no? "IELTS 2" [2]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.


Teenagers are getting in certain types of paid work in several advanced countries. Even though many societies think that matter as wrong choice, others assume that as great notion. Today, it is a controversial and sensitive topic which everyone is choosing for yes or no. but, I personally concur that at particular age, young generations must have many expertise to face the future.

With regard to people contend that worked children as really false option. It is caused by opinion that it is helpful for them for their destiny. This can be the most necessary thing and has to be done to ensure that they become to prolific one. For example, most children now are suggesting by their family to study until bachelor program, they are only being focus students to learn something. Therefore, teenagers could get certificate from their school to help them to find decent work. There is no doubt that for getting a job, they must have any qualification papers about their educational background. If they do not have it, they would be paid under the standard.

On the other hand, others argue that children who have job to get money are important because they can obtain many expertness in their life. This is because they have experienced in several time. Teenagers who involved in some sort of paid work would be better than fresh graduated students who never have job practice. As a result, experienced children are better prepared for work than someone else. Finally, it can make any young generations to be men who are looked for a job.

All in all, although some people consider that children are engaged in some part of paid work are completely wrong, I believe that having a job at certain age could make someone has brilliant expertness to face workforce. Lastly, I would suggest to young generations to balance between working and studying.
Kimbong93   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Children should not go to work. They must instead to educate themselves at schools. [2]

Dear Sista, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you some suggetions.

Child worker isWorked children are a global problems in certain countries.

... hard to be accepted as this makemake them become an illiterated person.

Please, change "an illiterated generation " to "uneducated person " or something like that...

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The primary commodities import will make small local business broke. Higher global trade - pros/cons [2]

As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?


Currently, international trade has increased. Many primary needs that people require are imported from other countries. Even though this will make small local business bankrupt, its benefits like the availability of citizen's needs which are not found in their countries for eclipse any drawbacks.

There is a disadvantage because of the growth of global trade. This is because people are keen on to choose commodities from another countries which those are better and cheaper than local products. For example, most citizens now are using products that made in China, Thailand, also Canada, and those are available in every modern and traditional markets. As a result, people are able to buy that stuffs. So that, home-grown goods may be too hard and then it becomes lost in sales. There is no doubt that this can make a demerit to the small local business that have a job as a businessman would lose their store and afterwards continue to their livelihood.

On the other hand, there are so many benefits because of that things. It is caused by various items enter into domestic trade. It is always available every time. For instance, too many rare luggage can be seen in supermarket such as China's garments, Thailand's vehicle, and Canada's cell phone. Therefore, it is very easy to select something that they want to purchase. It is evident that the increasing of global trade has made too many merits for everyone.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that importing of primary commodities will make small local business broke. But, I really believe that it also brings a lot of good points. For these problems, I would suggest to pick something wisely and keep to make home-grown items do not lose in market competition.
Kimbong93   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / During the last three decades, one of the most crucial inventions changing societies' is internet [2]

Dear Baso, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you some suggetions.

First of all, the internet has made time more efficient in communicatingcommunication such as emailemails and many social networking sites ...

Change your words : Communicating to communication .

Therefore, people today cannot imagine today if it is not used to.

Without it, people lookingpeople are looking for some information need to take a ...

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Happiness is a part of human beings, meaning to feel that something is better. A job for example. [2]

Dear Baso, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you a suggestion.

.. you must have a job that you love doingto do .

Others say that othersother factors are more importantcrucial .

... is having job that we favour doingto do .

With regardsregard to have job that people like, some ...

On the other hand, however, I believe many factors that ...

Giving support and looking after each other make someone feelfeels better to begin ...

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Apr 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The internet... More useful or more useless? IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [5]

The Internet is probably the most significant invention of the last 30 years. Without it, our lives would be completely different.
To what extent do you agree or disagree!


One of the crucial invention of the last 3 decades in the world is the Internet. It has improved people's life easier. This has made a lot of advances until these days. I agree with this notion, because of the Internet, it has helped everyone to do something that is faster and much more convenient. This is the most invention ever. Yet, it has increased dangerous effect such as the one's laziness and many more.

The emergence of the Internet brings a lot of advancement that increased public's life. It is caused by many technology have appeared that produce useful applications. For example, when someone wanted to reserve something, they did not need to go to shops. They could book it wherever they were. Even though they were being at home or office, they could do it. And so that is way, societies are able to commit another activities. Finally, they have more free time. They may continue more important things that they have to work. Living to be more effective than before. There is no doubt that this has simplified society's life in many ways and this would not have been possible without discovery of the Internet.

Apart from these benefits, the Internet also has improved the citizen's laziness. This has similarity thing with those advantages, it is a easiness. Because of that, people sometimes to be lazy one. Consequently, it affected them to be unhealthy person. Afterwards, obesity man can be seen everywhere and for the number, it has rose than before. So that, the person's laziness becomes usual things if they could have facility in their activities.

All in all, the Internet indeed has taken a lot of convenience for better life. However, it also can bring dire effect for health. So, citizens must use the internet wisely. Because it is extremely many merits if they properly apply it.
Kimbong93   
Apr 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Governments must consider the most important aspects to develop their city, due to limited fundings. [3]

Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you a suggetion.

The existence of magnificent structures in metropolis can reform the aesthetics and becamebecome as city's identity.

The other handOn the other hand , I believe that funding for school ...

High technology building establishment needs a good architect and engineer, who must have consummate skill ...

getting sick can postponespostpone the target.

So, schools and hospitals development isare more important to do.

Therefore, the Governments should spentspend more budget to reform in ...

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Apr 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is the happiness of people life depend on their job or others factors? [3]

Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you a suggetion.

Occupation areis important for people life.

Although, it is true that people will happy if they enjoy theirare enjoy .

This is because many people spend their lives for workworking to increase their quality of life and to get the good yield.

although they have to go in any places and capturingcapture moment in many situtions,

Job areis important to be role playing to people's lives.

People need close peopleother to make they motivated to under take their activity.

They lifelive in country which has a friendly people who liaese to another.

although job areis important to determine the happiness of people's lives,

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Apr 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / To be happy, you must have the best profession or other points are crucial? IELTS WR Task 2 [3]

Some argue that the most important thing to be happy is had a decent work that they enjoy to do. Another people say otherwise, there are many other crucial points. This becomes a problem that may be debated by everyone. I really believe that so much satisfaction in this world. It depends on their way to think what is that, it cannot be measured by everything.

For some societies, their job becomes the part of their life. They may spend much time in their office. They have so many duties and it can make they extremely busy. For instance, citizens would be satisfied if they have finished their responsibility. Moreover if they feel it such as their hobby, they also would be relish comfortably. As a result, they can sense relax to working in their work place. There is no doubt that happiness in doing a job is necessary thing which can cause life to be more attractive.

In the other hand, not only the best profession but also other factors. Society want something that love them too much. Therefore, they also need quality time to meet their family, making joke together, and many more. It could give them calmness and it would affect to their future lives. When they can share satisfaction each other with their mates, it becomes to additional reason to get contentment. Finally, life is never flat and it can be more colorful. It is evident that many ways to catch something. It depends on someone who wants it.

Accordingly, I believe that although many contend that crucial thing to be enjoy the work, they have to obtain lovely profession, others trust that many manners are more vital. For all, it hinges on people's mindset.
Kimbong93   
Apr 1, 2016
Graduate / 'hope to achieve something in life' - SOP for M.Sc./Ph. D. in Geoscience 4/4/2016 [2]

Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you any suggetions.

In the first paragraph, better if you change word "Hope " to "Hoping or To hope ", and "For me, Earth science and specifically Petroleum Science " change to "For me, Earth Science, especially Petroleum Science "

Hoping to achieve immortality with his contribution to society, science and future. For me, Earth science, especially Petroleum Science has a great impact on ...

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Apr 1, 2016
Undergraduate / "Short term," "Five years," "Ten years," and "Thirty years." Undergraduate Transfer Essay [4]

Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you a suggetion.

Many sentences that you abbreviate, better if you do not abbreviate your sentences. For instance, you use "you'd like ". it is better to use "you would like " and etc

Any help would be greatly appreciated, but if you would like to know what I am specifically looking for, I am looking ...

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Mar 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / In the previous years, people lived in same place until the end of their lives. Now this has changed [NEW]

In the previous years, normally, people live in a place until the end of their lives. But, in this time, they always keep moving from place to place. They also often stay in many different locations during their lifetime. Even though living in a place could save their money to buy many household items. In my opinion, if they stay in different places, they could get more benefits that they receive.

Staying only in a place makes everyone many drawbacks except they can save their money to take many housewares. This is because different area will cause different information too. They would get in trouble if they want to go to another places which are located far away from their homes. They must pay more to their transportations. Afterwards, they cannot get some information such as job vacancy, scholarship, technology development, and many more. As a result, so many unemployed, children who stop to go to school, and people who do not know about the internet. Because of that, they become to less educated person.

From this evidence, there are many advantages if someone live in different place. One of them is they can find novel job and scholarship easily because everyone has easy access to an abundance of news. Therefore, someone that want to travel to other place would not spend more their cash. It is caused by they have many houses in the different places. Finally, a lot of convenience that societies have houses in different areas. There is no doubt that this has advantaged people's live in many ways because of it.

To conclude, although living in one area could save their cash to purchase many household appliances, if they stay in different areas, they could get more benefits. It is better choice for all period.
Kimbong93   
Mar 31, 2016
Undergraduate / To get enrolled in school - Personal statement for college admission [2]

Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you any suggetions.

In the second sentences of first paragraph, better if you erase article "the " and change "I " to "me ".

When I first began to consider going back to college to better lives for my son and me

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Mar 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / English teacher at an NGO - Help to Proofread two pharagraphs of my essay [2]

Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you a suggetion.

In the end of first paragraph, better if you do not abbreviate your word. You use "I'll try to ". it is better to use "I will try to"

and I will try to support this hypothesis under the results of my undergraduate ...

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93
Kimbong93   
Mar 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / To build spectacular properties or education and health centers? IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [2]

At the present, many persons contend that spectacular properties are crucial for a town. But, the others trust that the money must be used to the advancement of education and health. Even though this could make the city become looked more advanced, I would believe that it is better if country's income utilize to build educational and medical centers.

With regard to the progress of a country, people think it has to establish many beautiful skyscrapers. It is so crucial for a metropolis. It is caused by the citizens will deem their area seem preferable than the others. Because of that, they would be proud than before. For example, most societies now live in multi-storey buildings that is located in downtown. They did not stay in rural areas that was previously they inhabit. As a result, their appearance are more awesome and better-off. It has given they so many benefits for they lifestyle. There is no doubt that this has improved people's confidence in their life and this would not have been possible without construction progress for their buildings.

However, I do not believe this argument stand up to the real better development. It would cause many problems if government just constructed the tall structure without balanced it by constructing education and health buildings such as school, university, clinic, and hospital. Afterwards, their schooling would be worse and finally many stupid students would appear. In addition, their condition also would be problematic easily. So, death rate would be increased. Therefore, it is bound to happen if they ignored everything.

To sum up, although some citizens assume that establish impressing buildings are vital for their city, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate that this is not enough if just do that. Hence, it must be balanced with build many schools and hospitals.
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