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Posts by lily89 [Suspended]
Name: lily hartati
Joined: Apr 1, 2016
Last Post: Apr 5, 2016
Threads: 7
Posts: 6  
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From: Indonesia
School: Stifar

Displayed posts: 13
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lily89   
Apr 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The photograph is automatically created in a short-time using an automatic photo booth [2]

The diagram illustrates the way Automatic Photo Booth worked. Overall, it can be seen that the photograph is automatically created in short-time while there are 2 types on fix photo based on size.

Moving to more detailed analysis, there are buttons to choose the suitable size of photos, large or passport in outside while in the below, there are 2 buttons to select the colour categorized in colourful and black and white. Yet, passport photos are determined in colourful. A hole is available for inserting coin(s) beneath the size buttons.

Adjustable stool is provided as a chair while it helps to sit near by eye level. Then, there is mirror which shows the appearance before taking picture. A lamp lights in the right side allows person to be ready and after pulling the chain of lamp in 3 seconds, the photo is processed in a minute which could be come out in a basin.




lily89   
Apr 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2, Some folks are too afraid to look at around due to a panicky criminal [4]

Let me give you some suggestions, I hope they are overly helpful for you:
1. Be careful with

On the other hand

since you have to put on the one hand previously.
2. Be careful with

Firstly

since you have to put secondly, thirdly, or lastly in the following sentence.
3. Be careful with

All in all

I suggest you to do not use all in all in your essay since it is considered for informal word, but you can practice it in speaking

4. Your essay has too many

can

you are able to change into be able to
5. Your essay has too many

make

you are able to change into another word or put verb directly
For example : Society can also play important part in [...] a regulation or giving more sadistic punishment.
I will make a paraphrase
Secondly, society are able to play a big role widely in hand-made training product. It leads to open possible job field opportunity. Finally, the government should pay more attention in order to minimize the number of criminals with a new regulation or deeply penalty.
lily89   
Apr 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2. The parents work to have the better income but do not support children [7]

Let me give you some suggestions, I hope they are overly helpful for you:
1. Commonly, body on paragraph 2 and 3, you have to insert
a. Main idea
b. Reason
c. Example
d. Result
e. Conclusion
I suggest you to add conclusion in your body since I dis not find your conclusion
I will make a paraphrase
It is true that the majority of parents provide their children by various wealth. Kids who are more likely to have luxurious things may lead to this atmosphere. An article in Theatlantic website published in 2015 revealed that youths in richer families were able to get their favourite item easily. Mostly children needs a mount of money illogically. So, the kids demands intentionally force parents to work hard.

2. Be careful with the types of Noun singular and plural
For example :

the one of benefit

It is incorrect logically, maybe it can be changed into the one of benefits
N singular of N plural
3. It is imperative that you have to use tenses correctly
For example :

A 2012, Professor Rohner say, the childhood will be the good and consistent effect on personality development since the bad situation.

It means the event happen in the past so you have to use past tense.
I will make a paraphrase
Professor Rohner, in 2012, said that personality involvement and atmosphere influenced the childhood.
lily89   
Apr 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: the percentage of public community and prosperity in 8 different areas in the worldwide [2]

The table chart illustrates the percentage of public community and prosperity in 8 different areas in the worldwide. Overall, it can be seen that there is not correlation between the number of society and the level of wealth whilst Chinese individuals are the first-rank of population and North Americans have the highest number of weal compared with other locations in the world.

Moving to the more detailed analysis, China dominates the global community at nearly a quarter of population followed by Other Asia Pacific and India which are of the same proportion at just over 15 percent in the same category. While 15 percent population in whole wide is European, it decreases a-third in African. Moreover, the total group of Latin American and Caribbean, North American, Rich-Asia Pacific's people are seen a gradual decrease respectively.

In addition, the highest number of wealth is seen by North America at almost 35 percent. Mostly European is more prosperous than Rich-Asian Pacific people while the others only have a small proportion in the same group.




lily89   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Increasing a large number of flight is widely known in whole world. What is the effect of this? [2]

The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business, and commercial purpose around the world over recent years.
What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of such flights?
Do you think flights should be taxed more?


Increasing a large number of flight is widely known in whole world. This event is caused by increasing various aims such as holidays, business, and commercial parts for several years following. Traveling by plane in mostly businessman is considered as the best transportation since aircraft is more convenient, effective, and economical than other transportations whilst it leads to harmful consequences, such as air pollution for environment and accidental possibility for human's life. I firmly believe that increasing tax payment is able to reduce serious problems caused by the increasing numerous of flights.

Several communities especially traveler, businessman, and trader are the main roles of the big achievement of flight in this day and age. They dominating global flights since they argue that aircraft is the appropriate travel in term of long trip. Tod Daon in his article launched in 2008 revealed that commercial air planes were often more comfortable when the destination was far away. Then, it is cost-effective if they are able to choose class air ticket based on their own budged. In addition, when traveling to the same destination, a plane describing efficiency will only take fewer hours than train. In turn, the benefits of going by plane leads people to have a nice trip.

In contrast, the dire impacts follow more people respectively. Firstly, fatal risk is one of the disadvantages of flights. An accident Air Asia QZ8501 in route Surabaya-Singapura got accident because of extreme weather. Secondly, a mount of CO2 as the waste of aircraft contributed in global warming . In 2012, researchers found that 2% of all human carbon emissions were result of plane emissions. There are the evidences the high number of flights is of dangerous effect not only for fundamental individuals' lives but also global warming in circumstance.

To conclude, moreover, unpredictable impacts threat people, plane remains a better transportation because of more convenience, low- cost, efficient. In my opinion, it is imperative that the number of trip by plane could be reduced by increasing tax of flight.
lily89   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : Rich vs Poor Nations - income achievement gap has been growing for at least fifty years [2]

The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before.
What do you think are the main cause can be done to reduce the gab?


The heterogeneous in different social-economy family is more clearly seen than in the past. The non-similarity of increasing income is the cause of the distance between high- and low- revenue people. Approaching is the effective way to reduce the gab in society. I totally believe that unbalance salaries which create the different could be decreased by overturning.

The border in community particularly in earning has continued for long time. A mount of money from wages divides virtual people in 2 big groups, rich and poor. A study of Sean F. Reardon from Russell Sage Foundation Press in 2011 experienced the gap between children from high- and low-income. In addition, it appeared that the income achievement gap has been growing for at least fifty years. It means that non equalizing active salary is the main point of social level.

However, the distance of both sides cannot be denied. The personal approachment could come the gap down in term of equivalent atmosphere. Investigated study from Russell Sage Foundation Press in 2011 by Sean F. Reardon revealed that the gab relationship by approaching parental education and children had grown sharply. As result, family income is now not a major problem in children's population. So, creating closer relation among community is needed to avoid human's gap.

To sum up, equilibrium around people which is able destructed by unequal salaries could be decreased by effective approachment in several people. In my view, it is imperative that a wide number of population should conserve in balance.
lily89   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing Task 2 : The media in people's lives and politicians [2]

Recent research has shown that media like the internet and TV have a greater influence over people's lives than politicians.
Which do you consider to be the greater influence?


The impact of media has been widely felt in almost society. The last study presented that the press such as website and television is more influence in human's lifestyle than political community. I firmly believe that media has taken a part in political issue particularly in election which overweight legislator, however, internet and TV also play a massive role in individual's daily life particularly to make decision.

Accessing media on the majority of people has become a part of routinely activities. They enjoy surfing internet and observing television since media gives specific information to make a decision. A 2012 study of Ayda Daiban and Wei Li in the Jönköping International Business University found that advertising in online social networks such Facebook impacted every step of consumer purchasing decision process regarding to food retailer shop. As a result, mass media relates to public's habit. Thus, mostly social life is influenced by journalism in term of deciding an option.

News media is familiar method of manipulating political rumors. The governments aware that the information from organization behavior on mass media creates the public character utilized by politicians. Andrea Prat from the London School of Economics and David Strömberg from the Stockholm University researched the contribution of mass media on political economy. They had evidence that media significantly informed voters in which increased voters participation in elections. It is clear that media coverage drives politics.

To sum up, media is the key of the action and selection of politicians, however, the effect of media like choosing item in individuals' activities is keenly seen by a sizeable number of citizen. In my perspective, the social press is of a wider impact for people's living.
lily89   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many people say that the bliss count on money whilst another say that money is not all in life. [3]

Dear Wiwik, your essay is of appropriate sentences. Yet, let me give you some suggestions, I hope they are overly helpful for you:
1. It is better if you do not use

Even though

since it is informal word , maybe you can change into Although
2. I suggest that you should pay attention in spelling and tenses
3. Your essay is not cohesion among sentences, maybe you need linking word to help.
For example :

For example, rich people, they can get [...] and improve their qualify of life.

I will make a paraphrase
Wealthy community , for instance, are able to reach everything in their lives since they are of excellent facilities and premium services which is paid by their own. Cash brings cheerful leading to improve their quality of life. Money plays a major role in human's life style.
lily89   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Lack of emotional and social education from family as the main cause of crimes among teenagers [3]

Dear Ahkan, your essay is of appropriate sentences. Yet, let me give you some suggestions, I hope they are overly helpful for you:
1. Be careful with

On the other hand

since you have to put on the one hand previously.
2. It is imperative that you have to use tenses correctly
For example :

According to one article on Jakarta post newspaper in late January 2016, around 79% of young generation have tendency to imitate what they watch in media like the internet or TV.

It means the event happen in the past so you have to use past tense .
3. It is better if you use linking word for your conclusion, such as To conclude, In conclusion, In brief,
lily89   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Child labor is a common and dangerous phenomenon in some parts of the world. [2]

Dear Ana, your essay is of smooth flow and understandable. Yet, let me give you some suggestions, I hope they are overly helpful for you:

1. Your essay is not coherence between introduction and body , in this case your introduction only mentions one idea, but your body is multiple idea which is same as body 2.

2. Be careful with

On the other hand

since you have to put on the one hand previously.
3. It is imperative that you have to use tenses correctly
For example :

Some argued it is hard to accept while others say it is highly recommended.

It means the event happen in the past. Yet, the motion uses present .
lily89   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The internet has become a need people, do you agree? [7]

Dear Wiwik, your essay is understandable. Yet, let me give you some suggestions, I hope they are overly helpful for you:
1. Please avoid redundant word
For example :

The inventing of the internet make people change in their life.

You are able to change into
The internet invention change the majority of people's lives.
2. Use the paraphrase and avoid the same vocabularies in order to attract the readers
For example :

For instance, in village, people can do their activity without the internet and they get the same result.

You are able to change into
For pragmatic instance, mostly people are able to act without internet which the result is similar to people in available internet.
3. Commonly, to fully- developed example, you have to choose:
a. Research of Scientific fact
b. Statement in Journal or article or book
c. Personal experience
Since I just found the fact in your body paragraph, I suggest you to add a novel research for your topic in order to emphasize your statements.
lily89   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some argue that printed book would be an ancient object and people are reading them only from habit [2]

With recent development in technology like e-books, some people feel that printed media like books, newspaper, and magazines will soon be a thing of the past. Other feel that these forms of media will never disappear.

What is your opinion?


The advance era has change a half of adapting human for technology particularly hobby in reading. Since the digital media is more convenience for the vast majority of people, they argue that fast and loose printed book would be an ancient object. Yet, the rest of the people consider that the conventional media such as novels, newsletter, and magazine remains exist thanks to the habitually reading paper from early age.

Some people, in this day and age, are more likely to read pre-digital media since reading physical book is the habit. This ritual has been created widely as the childhood experience which relates to familiarity optimal reading environment. A research of Simeone Benedetto in a couple of years ago pointed that the large majority of the population is still trained to use paper since early childhood. This has widely influenced on the preference for paper. In the other word, several individuals are more likely reading traditional book due to the innate cultural on regular activity.

The leading-edge technology has led some communities are more aware of the alternatives in order to help into reading properly. Since e-book has launched, reading on travel has gotten easier for e-reader. The 2008 Springer Survey found that the eBook were more frequent users mostly accessed eBook for research and study purpose The 2008 Springer Survey found that eBooks more frequent was used for reference books and textbook. Mostly users were attracted in comfortably having a sophisticated device. It means that electronic books are popular in whole area of research.

In conclusion, eBook is widely used by e-reader since the modern age, moreover, printed books are not loss supporter. In my point of view, It is imperative that non-digital-book should be survived because it stimulates reading interest.
lily89   
Apr 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Violence is a hot phenomenon in the young generations in this day and age [3]

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Violence is a hot phenomenon in the young generations in this day and age which several communities including psychologist argue that this issue was boosting due to lack of educational stakeholder surveillance. Yet, the advance technology development also has a major part of children crime.

A large number of psychologists consider that parents and teachers are in first rank roles in the children's lives so they have to responsible in the increasing level of criminals by kids. This is because youngster do not get attention and affection condition from both characters. The research of Bradford Wilcox from Institute for American Values several years ago revealed that the percentage of teenagers in step families showed an increasing above ˝ of adolescents in worse emotionally which leads to serious physical abuse. Incomplete family mostly displays delinquent behaviors which relate to criminality. It means that supportive circumstance particularly at home and school is very important to limit children in crime.

The impact of media as a part of technology development also influences on children's attitudes and behaviors. The power of technology such as television and multimedia which presents violence is of a negative effect for teenagers. In the study, Patti M. Valkenburg, PhD, a researcher at the University of Amsterdam PhD, and team reported in the December 2006 Journal of Communication found an abuse of internet use specially on porn which was accessed by youngsters. So, the role model from porn motivates young people on sexual attitude which has a risky crime. The child's abuse and media have a close relation.

To sum this up, although parents and teachers are the main aspect on children development, the huge role of media to influence crime on kids are inevitable. It is imperative that the effective guidance could control and protect in order to against children's abuse.
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