Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY - alternative energy sources are too expensive [3]

Hi guys, I've been absent for a while since I've been studying a little bit more the grammar and vocabulary to improve my writings. Although I think that now I express myself a little bit better, I think that I should still work on some grammar, probably I should use more complex structures. And also, my conclusion is completely dull. I am practicing to do my essays in 30 minutes time so that I will be able to scan through what I've written to check for mistakes, so when it comes to the end I just try to finish it on time and every time I can't manage to find better ideas. What do you think?

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport.

To what extent to you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In these days governments are struggling to find an agreement on financial funding of renewable energy. According to some, fossil fuels are the most convenient choice in terms of settlement and management costs. On the opposite side, green energy will solve many environmental problems connected to pollution, such as overheating and recent greenhouse gases levels raises.

Firstly, and eco-friendly strategy that could cover all the energy requirements of our cities would lead to higher expenses. For instance, there will be the necessity for new implants and the configuration of our cities should change, in order to be the most suited to green energy. Secondly, solar plants require vast spaces, while wind turbines need to be placed far away from the city centre, since they make loud noises. What is more, not only some of these power stations are extremely expensive to manage, but also they need efficient ways of transporting the energy to our cities.

However, governments are already spending huge amounts of money because of the classical methods. Fossil fuels are extremely expensive to extract and they cannot be employed in their original status. To make them usable, they need to be refined and a lot of steps are involved in this process. For this reason, they are not easier than their recyclable alternatives. Moreover, the fumes due to their combustion are responsible for damaging the atmosphere. The increasing levels of carbon dioxide and greenhouse gases in the air are causing the overheating problem, which is definitely pricey to tackle.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the main idea that green energy is too complicated. Although it may need extra expenditures at first, it will save our planet and avoid further complications.

Writing Feedback / Obesity due to high processed wheat [4]

HI guys, what do you think on this Task 2 response? Can it be at least a 7,5 in IELTS academic?

Obesity is now a major global epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?
Nowadays, overweight people are spread all over the world and their number in dramatically increasing. International institutions are financing resources to identify the reasons for this problem, so to develop strategies to avoid it. Interesting results show that authorities should take action in the industry field and improve public awareness.

To begin with, experts showed that the main responsible for obesity is processed wheat. Surprisingly, it was shown that its nutritional information, changed during the refinement process as its nutritive power exceeded many of the recommended standards. As a result, pasta, bread and other baked products turned out to be responsible for weight gain. Moreover, during researches, a lot of massively commercialized snacks were analyzed and it was proved that they contain an extremely high level of non-saturated fats, which are known to be detrimental for the human organism.

As for what could be done to deal with the current situation, institutions are interested in possible ways to control the stages of the wheat production. For example,this would help them in defining new rules and nutritional bounds that each component of the final flour cannot overcome. Furthermore, governments should promote among people the importance of clean eating, encouraging everybody to avoid products that have been excessively refined. Not only this would be beneficial for their general heath, but also this would directly address the obesity issue.

In conclusion, a consistent proportion of the world population is currently facing up with diseases related to obesity. However, scientific research showed that there are ways to tackle this problem, such as monitoring the wheat composition and warning people from certain types of food.

Writing Feedback / Ielts T2 - space programmes. Is funding those activities a wise choice? [4]

I think that this one is good, but it still not score 8. What do you think that I need to improve? Please help me!

Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes. Most recently, Mars is the focus of scientists' attention. Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home.

Do you agree or disagree?

In these days governments are funding several programmes that aim to investigate the universe's laws and its principles. Especially, motivated by the latest discovery of water on Mars, more and more money are being invested on spaceships and space travels. According to some, this is useless with respect to the real problems that people is experiencing everyday in the real world. Although this may seem reasonable, it would be a wast and an impediment to progress to limitate those funds.

Firstly, it is commonly agreed that money spent on research projects contribute to the development of each country by enlarging its knowledge on still unknown and unexplored worlds. Therefore, investing in astrophysics, medicine, biology and in any scientific field is essential to guarantee the wellness of the country. For example, if it had not been for the discoveries made in the treatment of illnesses such as malaria, or cholera, we would have never been able to defeat them and to extinguish them. Similarly, new findings in the space could turn out to be extremely important one day.

On the other side of the problem, sometimes research may be driven too far away and will only cause consisten sums of money to be wasted. The public opinion would agree in these cases that it would have been better to use those sources to tackle down to earth issues such as overpopulation. For instance, many would agree that before looking for another planet where to live and planning spaces travel it would be wiser to solve the concernings of the planet we already have.

However, this seems to be too a narrow view of the possibilities that this universe offers. If higher authorities suspend funding such activities or reduce too much the budget, the we will never know if Mars could have been of any help in fighting overpopulation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS T2 on birth rate and predominance of aging people in the demographics [2]

Hi everybody, here I am again. Please let me know what you think and what to improve to get band 8!
The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged over 65 and over.

What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

According to recent statistics, the number of new born in progressive countries has been reducing over the years and it is even more likely that it will continue decreasing by the future 5 decades. This might encourage the young population to move away, reducing the number of potential workers. Therefore, institutions should consider possible solutions to this situation.

Firstly, if such hypothesis turned out to be true, then society would change dramatically. As a possible consequence, the number of still active people who are looking for a job will be decreasing over the years and the number of workers that industries could hire to do heavy works, which the aging people would not be able to do, will result decreased accordingly. As a result, this would stop the progress of such developed countries. Furthermore, as the young population decreases in size, teenagers will start to look for other countries, where they may find more people of the same age as their. This will end up in a general exodus, reducing even more the young population demographics.

As for possible ways to tackle this problem, governments should encourage families to procreate, together with promoting among the young people reasons for not leaving. For instance, in order to enhance the birth rate central authorities could provide financial aids for large families with more than two children. Not only this would help people with many babies to live without economic disabilities, but also it would encourage new families to become bigger. What is more, certain places can be dedicated only to the young population, so that they will feel more motivated to stay inside the country.

In conclusions, expectations for the future foresee an aging state with less and less workers. However, governments can handle this by financially helping large families and making the country attractive for the youth.

Writing Feedback / IELTS on art and kids - not sure what to check here. It seems the opinion is not so clear, isn't it? [2]

Hi everybody, even if I cannot do that here, please let me say that this website is AMAZING. Btw, I am aiming to Band 8 in writing tasks of IELTS. This is one of my essays. I checked it and to me it seems good, but I think I could do better. Can you help me?

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude.

To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people argue that insisting on children to develop painting and drawing skills, even though they do not manifest an exceptional artistic predominance, is useless. According to them, it would be much more formative do encourage alternative classes that still can stimulate creativity. I do not tendo to completely agree with this idea, because of the possibility that they might see it as a failure.

To begin with, it is a common belief that children should not be forced to do something to which they do not feel comfortable doing. As a matter of fact, forcing them to practice in a subject they absolutely do not like will have several counter effects. Among all of them, it is well known that a too emphasized imposition leads to rejection. As a result, if forced to do painting classes when they would like to avoid them, children might end up with hating arts in all its forms. This would have a detrimental effect on their personality as whole, precluding them to express their artistic view of the world.

However, preventing them to take part to practical activities may have even a more negative impact. Children that are more sensible to other's judgment might start to develop guilty emotions or to feel as they were not good enough to be accepted. What is more, a painting done at school is not supposed to be a work of art, but a way of expressing their emotions. Objective evaluation of kids abilities is mostly impossible, since what may seem poor at someone's eyes could potentially result outstanding to another person.

As a result, either forcing them to participate or not, according only to our beliefs is counterproductive in both cases. In conclusion, I believe that the most important thing for children is to develop confidence in their capacities and a critic sensibility.

Writing Feedback / Task 1, aming to score 8 - sedimentary coastlines forming process [2]

The diagram below show how sedimentary rock is formed in coastal areas. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The images illustrate the stages involved in the creation of sedimentary coastlines under certain conditions, that might be the action of atmospherical agents or of the sea water.

Mountains may present weaker zones, where rocks are mainly unstable. In those cases, heavy rains cause pieces of stone to crack, separating them from the main body of the mountain. They subsequently start to fall because of gravity presence and are led into the sea by natural paths.

Stones are then subject to the levigating effect of sea water masses, which not only transform their initially edgy shape into a smoother one, but also make them more compact and homogeneous. Moreover, the continuous pressure to which they are subject seals them into a unique level. As the time passes, levels of sediments accumulate into higher stratified platforms, which in the end form a single coastline.

Overall, if it hadn't been for a combination of events, such lands would have been extremely unlikely to exist.