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Posts by rizaldohabibie [Suspended]
Name: Rizaldo Maulana Habibie
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Sep 29, 2016
Threads: 19
Posts: 35  
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From: Indonesia
School: English Studio

Displayed posts: 54 / page 2 of 2
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rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ways of Bird Migration - it has fascinated many observers for centuries. [4]

hi..
is quite understanable essay..
however, i would give some suggestions..

Many tipes[types] and ways of animals for[to] migrate,
>> 'tipes' perhaps you were not aware about it
>> migrate is verb so the word before it should be to infinitive

I hope it helps
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / I'm industrious person who'll achieve 6.5 Band,EILTS Writing 3 - First Headlamps [3]

hi..
I want to thank you about your suggestion before.
as well as your advice, I would like to give some inputs into your essay.

Even thought, there are[were] several imperfectionsnamely: [which are] easily extinguished and ...
>> it is a past tense, isn't it? so you should use 'were'
>> several, in your sentence, shows the total of the noun more than one, then you should give 's'
>> the word 'namely' can be changed into adjective clause

I hope we both will give more feedback in our next essays..
thanks..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Casting a light was a tricky business - utilized flames had to be applied into moving vehicles [3]

IELTS writing summary: First Headlamps

Before electricity was found, casting a light was a tricky business in which it just utilised flames to be applied into moving vehicles and the early trains travelled during the day due to the risk of the night.

The condition of the high railroad traffic in the late 1830s puzzled the schedule of train departures. Hence, the invention of headlamp was running after the "Track illuminator", in 1831, was invented. This invention was continued by many inventors until in 1851, the first electric headlamp was developed yet those were still with some drawbacks.

Train first became perfectly equipped with a battery-powered electric headlamp by Russia. French, afterwards, was the first which used steam generators to power the electric headlamps and it was followed by United States whose headlamps developed in 1897 and federal law required trains to have electric headlamps in 1916.

Automobiles, at the time, needed headlamps as well that the requirements were more stringent than those for trains and the Columbia Electric Car was equipped by headlamps in 1898. In almost all, despite all of difficulties in the invention, we just take it for granted today.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people believe, that drink milk and eat chicken soup can heal the cold. [3]

hi..
it is a good essay.
then, I want to give some advice.

Some people believe[,] that drink
common in cold weather[,] where human's
>> you do not need any comma there

The wrong way of people's thinkingthat people think to avoid this ill, is stick together
>> you have to make it short but it is still constructed by a good complex sentence

thank you..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Home-schooling: A Way to Educate Children or Seclude Them? [3]

hay.
your essay is good.
however, I would like to give some suggestion for it.

Education is a crucial key for getting[to get] better lives[life] and giving[to give] people to broaden their [broad] horizon and skills.
>> the using of ' for' is better replaced by 'to' and it is automatically followed by to infinitive after compound sentence (and)
>> the using of 'to broaden' seems a bit strange, so I suggest it to become a noun phrase together with horizon and skills.

I hope it helps.. thanks..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The leisure time in some outdoor activities is the most favourable method to relax the body and mind [2]

IELTS writing task 1: Uses of Leisure Time

Researches show that the accumulation of leisure time and the total of the stress and obesity are imbalance and it reveals that the time spending for restoring body and mind is ineffective as it must.

The most favourable method to relax the body is spending time in nature to enjoy the freshness but the condition nowadays is a hindrance because the life is centred in to the city which has high degree of emotions and intellectual disturbance. Most of people are trapped into the passive pastimes which they just watch television, use the Internet, and do shopping and it will negatively affected the life of children in the city that they have not had enough time to experience the nature surrounding.

Overall, from the average data of society having day off, many countries addressed to engage in much vacation time but only some of them get a satisfied leisure time in the outdoor activities.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Go a head, make up new words (Erin McKean) - Summary from TED [3]

your essay is brief enough to understand. here some thoughts for you.

Mean while >> meanwhile
Some group of people was agreed the communication >> it should be active sentence

I hope it helps.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / As we attempt to focus, the whole other areas has less brightness and we tolerate the blur [2]

IELTS writing 3: Peripheral vision in Sports

When we carefully notice that as we attempt to focus, the whole other areas of sight is indistinct and we unconsciously tolerate the blur. This peripheral vision, for athletes, is such an imperative aspect to keep track while performing physical manoeuvres and to detect all kinds of motions from every angle.

As professional athletes, their body must response the surroundings while the head motion must coordinate eye movement in balance with rapid scanning whose focus changes rapidly. The environment, furthermore, contributes to athletes' sense of peripheral concentration such as the visual contrast of facilities and non-confusing colour combination of the uniforms. The visual tracking errors can occur when the athlete's attention is distracted causing the indiscernible pause which makes the period accumulation of blinking to be out from the normal time of every minutes that had been calculated. These non-visual moments can be rather compensated if athletes thoroughly tune into the game, and in additional time, they can learn and practice art to serve them better.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / White Gulls Dependent On Ice Are Disappearing From The Arctic [4]

your essay is quite good with easy understandable structures. I have some suggestions for you in order to enhance it.

gull populationshas decreasing six times
>> the noun phrase of populations is plural so it should be followed by have and the verb decreasing should be past participle [decreased]

Factors affecting the birds can survived [survive]
>> pay attention to the modal which ...

I hope it will encourage your next essays, thank you.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Birds generally travel to higher latitudes of the Northern Hemisphere to breed during a warm seasons [2]

essay writing Task 2: Bird Migration

Various species of animals migrate in order to inhabit areas which are suitable for their biological imperative but the renowned type for observers for centuries is bird migrations.

Birds generally travel to higher latitudes of the Northern Hemisphere to breed during the warm season continued to the lower latitudes during the non-breeding period. However, the species of seabirds migrate to the Southern Hemisphere to reproduce and some other species are trans-equatorial which live in the Northern Hemisphere during the breeding then spending the rest of the year in Southern Hemisphere. Many grouse species such as ptarmigan, in addition, exhibit altitudinal migration because their breeding areas are in higher elevations while their non-breeding area is nearby low country. Birds have methods practiced in order to migrate -flying for a limited period each day and undertaking much longer flights- which need a perfect measurement for their body weight to fuel the journey and they have navigation ability which is usually separated relying on the innate drive that involves nocturnal and diurnal migrants.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Police and Crime Prevention, a perspective opinion [2]

I found this essay easy to understand. here is my suggestion:

in their cities[.]because the job of polices are to catch criminals -> too much explanation
AndBesides , polices must also... -> avoid and for the beginning of the sentence

I hope it quiet helps.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / The untold harm of logging to the environment by distracting both terrestrial and aquatic life forms [NEW]

The logging industry, which supplies the raw materials for a large number of products, potentially has untold harm to the environment enormously distracting both terrestrial and aquatic life forms.

Trees protect the soil beneath used by an array of habitats, defend surface run-off by intercepting heavy rainfall to drip down, and stabilize the soil to prevent erosion.

The logging-related soil damage, such as furrows created by heavy equipment compressing the spongy soil, disrupts the underground water flow leaving an infertile layer. Furthermore, logging also damage aquatic life in which it obliterates the function of vegetation to maintain a steady water flow along the rivers leading to the oxygen depletion in the water killing fish and others. Trees fells keep the pollutants airborne as they cut the circle of plant respiration so that these mix with water vapor and form acid rain. Deforestation affects rainfall patterns resulting in flooding as well as drought and forest fires.

Forest is a vital natural resource containing wildlife habitats and biodiversity that shall be protected from disrupting logging practice.

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