Undergraduate / 'I was the leading dancer' - Pratt application assignment [2]

Good afternoon.

Was there a word count limitation for this essay?

Since they actually use the noun "list" I expect they want a list with brief descriptions of each item. Otherwise they would use a word like "describe" or "tell."

I think I would keep the base information the same, but rearrange it to more of a bulleted list, much like the ones found in CVs or resumes. The name of the activity and a very brief description of it, along with any honors or offices held in the organization.

I hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Can you decipher this College App. question? [2]

Good afternoon.

It sounds like the prompt is asking you to write about a time when you went into a situation thinking you knew how it was going to go and then it went differently than you expected, or how you found yourself in a situation where you were uncomfortable because of a prejudice and dealt with it.

An example could be that of the new American president; some people are uncomfortable with the idea of having an African American president, but overcame that prejudice and voted for him anyway because they agreed with his policies. They put their politics before their prejudices.

I hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Jackie essay - Demolish my essay or work with it. [3]

Good afternoon.

I'm not sure what the beginning paragraph really has to do with the rest of your piece. If you plan to keep it, make sure you relate it quickly (in the same paragraph or right off in the next one) to the rest of your piece. You should also acknowledge it in your conclusion. In the second piece you could emphasize how the understanding of his speech issues was an indicator of the depth of the two of yours' relationship.

The third paragraph definitely needs more expansion. You could tack on that last paragraph right onto the back of the third one and go from there.

Keep on brainstorming with this piece, I think it will work out for you.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Character Analysis of "Lust": how the author creates a helpless character. [3]

Good afternoon.

You've got a great essay here; I've only got a few comments.

Who is the "we" you refer to? How many people are writing the paper? If you are talking about readers, you should call them "readers" or the "audience."

Make sure that the beginning of your sentences (including those in quotations) are capitalized. For instance, "harmless creature: "Y ou'd put your nose to his neck and feel like a squirrel" (PD)..." Unless, of course, it was written originally in lower case in the quote.

Avoid using contractions in formal academic writing.

The piece seems well organized and it flows well. The citations are supported by your content, and the two meld together easily. The sentences look good, as do your paragraph structures. Once you've got your conclusion tacked on, you'll have a very good piece. Nice work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Distance learning and online computer classes - rate my essay. [2]

Good afternoon.

Make sure you are including linking verbs in your sentences to make them structurally sound. Linking verbs are words such as "be," "can," and "am." Also, make sure you are including article adjectives such as "a" and "the" to keep the sentence structure intact.

Make sure you are using capital letters for proper nouns and the first words of sentences. Also, I suggest running the piece through a spell-checking program to ensure correct spelling; Word or the Mozilla web browser are good programs for this.

Ensure your subjects and your verbs agree. For instance, "Sometimes what happens is that some people are not able to go to college and attain the classes because of some circumstances or chances; in these situations distance learning and online classes help them to complete their education and fulfill their dream of a better career ."

One space should separate each word or punctuation mark and the word following it. For example, "One can not replace another. Distance learning and online classes..."

"In direct" is one word: "indirect."

"In my opinion,both ways of education have their own place and importance. One cannot replace another. Distance learning and online classes should supplementphysical classroom learning, not replace it. It could be an effective solution to get every one educated."

With these suggestions, go back through the piece and correct other instances such as these that you find. Keep up your hard work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Personal experiences with prejudice? [2]

Good afternoon.

I think if you place the emphasis on how these experiences have helped you become a stronger person able to empathize with others rather than on the details of the relationships and events themselves, the essay will be much more appropriate, thus removing the worry about too much controversy. It has more potential if you can associate this strength with your piano talent, thus including other topics in the piece. Try a rough draft, see how it works out; you'll know right away if it's something you want to continue on with or not.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / FSU Admission Essay - the prompt tells me what to do but how to start? [3]

Good afternoon.

I suggest you begin with a rough outline, not right off with the introduction. After all, how are you to write an in introduction to a paper that you haven't written yet?

List all of the main topics you absolutely want to discuss in the paper, followed by one interesting fact, detail, or other supporting information for each point. Once you have the content you want, then you can write a rough conclusion reiterating the main points you discussed in the body.

Once you have all of that completed, the introduction will be much easier. You can find a catchy way to lead your readers into the paper you have already written.

I hope this helps you get started.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Repeated Reflections in "To Kill a Mockingbird" [5]

:) You're welcome. Sometimes the obvious is just the hardest to see! :)

Regards,
Gloria

Book Reports / Repeated Reflections in "To Kill a Mockingbird" [5]

Well, let's see. Are there any topics that could possibly have two answers? If so, you could answer the question with one answer or example, and then save the next idea for the second go around. Do that a couple times, and you've "magically" turned 7 topics into 10! :)

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Trouble narrowing down research topic about sport hiring process [6]

Good afternoon.

Depending on the required length of this paper, gender and attractiveness bias should be a pretty good topic. It seems to be flexible enough so that if you need more length to the paper you can add more details to it, but if you need a shorter paper you can overlook some of the aspects of the bias without negating the paper. You could also examine just one facet of the gender and attractiveness bias, such as the extent of the bias in hiring decisions, if you want a more specific and shorter paper.

I wish you luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / The relevancy or realism of characterization on "To Kill a Mockinbird" [2]

Good afternoon.

Realism of characterization basically refers to how real the author makes his/her characters, or the various methods authors use to create effective characters. It sounds like your instructor wants you to look closely and analyze what makes the characters in this book seem real. For instance, do they react differently to different people or situations much as real people do? Does Atticus treat his children the same way he treats his clients? Is it important that the characters in this piece seem realistic?

I hope this helps you get started.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / The seasons of sunshine summer and winter paradise - comparison essay [2]

Good afternoon.

As I'm not sure what the specifics of this assignment are, I have commented on grammar and mechanics only. This is a good piece, but I do have a few comments.

First, watch your tense. You switch from past to present tense intermittently throughout the piece, which is confusing to your readers. Make sure you choose one tense and stick with it throughout the entire piece. Second, make sure you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences.

You have incredible description in this piece; nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Compare/Contrast Essay, two poems. Which to choose? [2]

Good morning.

How about using two poems from the same poet? Dylan Thomas has some great pieces that would work well, as do Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Dickinson, and Walt Whitman. Or, how about contemporaries rather than classics; Maya Angelou or Shel Silverstein?

You could discuss themes, structure, tempo, subject matter...just about anything you could think of. Or, you could take two poets from the same time period, such as William Butler Yeats and Oscar Wilde and compare/contrast their works according to the same criteria.

There are countless poets out there, so pick two pieces that you find interesting, and take your time; there will be plenty of material once you get started.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / King Lear - main points of my Essay [4]

Good morning.

What kind of "changes made?" Do you mean in the characters, in the setting, etc?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Family history & culture + why applying to UCF - UCF ESSAYS [2]

Good morning.

I'm not sure what kind of assistance you were looking for, so I've just made some general comments.

"...their values." W hat Peter is saying took me a long time to figure out. W hat I didn't realize before was the truth and..."

Avoid contractions in formal academic writing.
Also, make sure that your punctuation is always included inside your quotation marks when you are using them; no punctuation on the outside of the quotation marks. There should always be punctuation after the word in front of the first quotation mark though.

"I can't say I come from the most wealthy, most successful family the media portrays, but I can say I come from the most richly cultured, caring, and hard working family."

Make sure you have enough linking verbs to make your sentence structurally sound, and that you place commas after each item in your series.

"Living in a country of poverty can scar you with strength,..."
Avoid using the pronoun "you" as it is inappropriate in formal academic writing. Try using "me," "I," or "one" instead.

"...common: imperfection."

Your subject is an appropriate fit for this prompt; you have really good content here.

Keeping my suggestions from above in mind (in application to this new piece) here are some other comments:

Make sure you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. As such, "University" should not be capitalized.

"medicine" should be "medical," and it shouldn't be capitalized.

Should "knight" be capitalized? Is it a proper noun?

I'm not sure what your word count constraints are, but you could add some substance to this piece. Why do you want to express UCF pride? How can UCF prepare you to become a dentist? "The people are very nice and that is something that can be beneficial to the academic and social life" is a little redundant, as you've discussed this previously. The content on this one could use a little more in-depth evaluation to make it stronger.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / THE JUNGLE ESSAY #2 - how Sinclair demonizes capitalism? [6]

Yes.:)

Undergraduate / Lehigh Essay - Undergraduate Education is the Foundation [3]

Good afternoon.

This is a beautiful essay. If you don't count spaces, this takes you down to 995:

Undergraduate education is the foundation on which one's career stands; choosing the right school is a very important task. After much research, I chose to apply to Lehigh because it suits my needs.

I am impressed by the small class size and the student to faculty ratio; this intimate setting is an ideal learning atmosphere for me. The Accelerated Medical program caught my interest; since this program allows students to pursue undergraduate degrees in any field, I would be able to choose classes that best fit my goals and interests and also make me a well rounded candidate for medical school. The Roy Eckardt College Scholar program would allow me to explore more advanced curriculum and engage in exceptional extra curricular activities. The Lehigh Pool Scholars Premedical Education would also be a great advantage.

Lehigh offers extraordinary facilities but a positive outcome arises only when the students maximize these resources for their development. I would be a responsible student, would always uphold the ideals and principles of Lehigh, and do my part to keep up the name of the university and contribute everything possible to create an excellent campus community.

I hope this helps.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Change. It has been part of my life since I was young - College Essay [3]

Good afternoon.

If you are concerned about too many details, how about combining or condensing some of the background info in the beginning and letting in a little bit more of your feelings in regards to all of this shuffling around? That will shift the emphasis from the physical movements to your emotions regarding the situation. I don't think it's too dramatic; in fact, it is a little the opposite. Adding in some details should help with that though.

As to the "granola" term, I don't think it's very appropriate to use in an entrance essay (if, in fact, that is what this is for). Instead of using a term that, perhaps, not everyone reading the piece will be familiar with, you could include a few adjectives to describe these individuals. That would also give some character to the piece.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Love experience - Narrative essay [2]

Good afternoon.

Since the prompt was not included in this posting, I have given suggestions for grammar and mechanics only. I have edited the first section and followed up with some pointers to get you started on the rest:

"Love; how much is hiding in these four letters, people all over the world love each other finding their couples. Love is a great power which makes our life so important. I think that without love people can'tAvoid contractions in formal academic writing. live in this world. Some people have already met their love, but somebody hasn't found his happiness yet. Three weeks ago I met "somebody" who I thought would be my "couple". Unfortunately I was wrong!!!

I met her when I had composition class-she was in my group, and when I first saw her she didn't impressed me. S he seemed to me a simple girl, like others, who were in my group of composition class. But soon she attracted me; I liked her soft voice and her accent when she spoke in the Russian language, her character, her behavior, her appearance, how she thought, how she smiled. Ididn't want to say to her my feelings because I didn't know how she wouldreact if I told her about them.

Make sure that you stay in one tense throughout the whole piece. You switch intermittently throughout the piece from past to present tense, and this is very confusing for your readers. Choose one tense and then stay there throughout the whole piece.

Make sure that you include helping verbs in your sentences such as "am" and "be." These make your sentences structurally correct and more coherent.

I am not sure what ">>" and "<<" mean, but if you are trying to interject thoughts into your sentences, try parenthesis (_).

When you include dialogue make sure that you place double quotation marks (") at the beginning and also the end of it. This will let your reader know when the speaking starts and ends. If you are including the dialogue inside of another sentence, place a comma after the last word before your first quotation mark. Also, make sure you include your punctuation inside the last quotation mark, not outside of it.

Avoid starting sentences with "and," "but," and "so."

Avoid using the pronoun "you." Try using "me," "I," or "one" instead.

Make sure that your subjects and verbs agree. For instance, if you are speaking of a singular subject (He, she, etc.) make sure your verbs are singular as well (spoke, said, coughed).

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / To share the abundance of knowledge that I had learned - Essay Check [5]

Good morning.

1. I addressed that and corrected it in the essay; I may not have changed all instances of it, so you need to double check your work.

2. "lacked."

3. "That" shouldn't be capitalized; it's in the middle of the sentence.

4. No, but I would add something like "tradition" after "International Day."

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / UC ESSAY- I aim hard to become a pediatrician [3]

Good evening.

What kind of assistance are you seeking? This website provides assistance to students who have written, or are in the process of writing, academic papers. If you need assistance editing or proofreading, you can post your paper here and I can assist you. If you are looking for more extensive writing assistance than that provided by this free service, I suggest you contact paid professional writing assistance.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / To share the abundance of knowledge that I had learned - Essay Check [5]

I think this is a very good essay. It is descriptive and ties your past in very well with your present. The topic is also a very good subject to write about. Nice work.

Writing Feedback / a comparison and contrast from two tales from the canterbury tales [4]

Good evening.

Make sure you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. Your bib, if using MLA citation, should be a "Works Cited" page, and doesn't quite conform to all of the MLA requirements. For examples, search for "MLA examples" in your internet search engine. There are many great guides out there that can help you fine tune this page.

Best of luck!

Undergraduate / how do i make my narrative essay into a descriptive essay? [2]

Good afternoon.

The main difference between a descriptive essay and a narrative essay is to make sure you show, not tell. The use of various adjectives and adverbs along with more detailed descriptions of the events you are writing about will make all of the difference. One famous example of this is:

"I was tired after dinner." (Narrative)

"As I leaned back from the table and rested my head on the top of the chair, my eyelids began to feel heavy, and the rim of the empty plate in front of me blurred with the lace tablecloth." (Descriptive)

In your piece, you could add more description as to how she taught you to be strong and wise. What was it about her that was so special? Her mannerisms, her tone, her caring nature? What made her "remarkable?"

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / An education can be defined a million different ways [4]

Good afternoon.

Thank you for clarifying about the quotation; you are right to write it exactly as how you found it, and make sure to include the proper citation.

As to the thesis, without knowing the prompt for the essay it is difficult for me to ascertain whether or not the thesis is appropriate. So far your thesis fits the rest of the essay, but I don't know if it answers the prompt or not.

Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Intro and Thesis statement on Globalization [3]

This is an excellent thesis statement. You are broad in the beginning with an interesting and credible opening, and narrow down at the end to the exact statement of what you will be writing. Very nice work.

Undergraduate / The elite annual inter colleges soccer competion -extracurriculum. 150 word [2]

Good afternoon.

Mechanically, many things do need corrected in this piece.

First, whenever you use the pronoun "I" it should be capitalized, regardless of its location in a sentence.

Second, make sure that you always use some kind of punctuation at the end of your sentences; a period, an exclamation mark, or a question mark, and that the first word in each sentence is capitalized. Also, proper nouns (specific people, places, things, or ideas) should always be capitalized.

Make sure you run this piece through a spell checking program such as Word or the Mozilla web browser to check for misspelled words, as there are a few.

You are missing many helping verbs, required in standard American English. For example, "...great potential in me and proud to say..." should be, "...great potential in me and am proud to say..." and "...has given me certain pedigree in life" should be "...has given me a certain pedigree in life."

Also, there are a couple of instances where the wrong word form is used. For instance, "honorship" should be "honor."

I am also confused at many of your sentences here. For instance, what exactly does "...of questions posed on the mouth of connoisseurs as to who annexes the ultimate diadem, the tension packed in the game bore semblance..." mean? This piece has the feeling that you are trying to use "fancy" words (excessive synonyms) in order to sound more astute or academic; instead, it is very confusing and discombobulated. Stick with discourse that you normally would use and that is familiar to you; it will work much better.

I am not sure whether or not the piece flows well as it is very difficult to comprehend, and I am not sure what your meaning truly is. I'm also not sure if it would answer the prompt or not, as I am not completely sure as to the content of the piece.

If writing is an area that causes you great distress and you seek comprehensive assistance beyond the suggestions of my free assistance, I suggest you contact a paid writing service for further help.

I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Rocky Balboa: The American Dream Personified [2]

Good afternoon.

A few mechanical suggestions. First, make sure that your quote at the beginning is correct; "ain't" should have an apostrophe in it.

Second, avoid starting your sentences with "but." Make sure you are using commas correctly; there are instances in this piece where they are used inappropriately; namely, use commas to separate independent clauses when they are joined by any of the seven coordinating conjunctions: and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet. Otherwise, don't use a comma at all, or better yet, split the sentence into two independent clauses with a period.

As I stated in your previous posts, avoid contractions.
Make sure you are only capitalizing proper nouns and the first words of sentences; for example, "American Dream" should not be capitalized.
Make sure you are properly using semi colons. Namely, when linking independent clauses not joined by a coordinating conjunction. Make sure not to use it like a comma in a series or list.

I think your content is excellent, and your conclusion ties everything up nicely. I think it is sufficient. You use great citation in the piece, and your organization is good. The paragraphs are structured nicely and the piece flows well between paragraphs. Once you make the mechanical corrections, I think you will have a very nice piece. Good work.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / How to write essay to describe myself? [22]

Good afternoon.

What kind of assistance are you seeking for this list?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Starting essay on Barry Glasser fear in Culture of Fear [2]

Good afternoon.

I suggest you begin with a rough outline, not right off with the introduction. After all, how are you to write an in introduction to a paper that you haven't written yet?

List all of the main topics you absolutely want to discuss in the paper, followed by one interesting fact, detail, or other supporting information for each point. Once you have the content you want, then you can write a rough conclusion reiterating the main points you discussed in the body.

Once you have all of that completed, the introduction will be much easier. You can find a catchy way to lead your readers into the paper you have already written.

I hope this helps you get started.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / How do you write a personal response essay? [8]

Good afternoon.

A personal response is your personal interpretation and analysis of this movie. What did you find intriguing in it, what did it mean to you? How did you relate it to yourself, if at all? This prompt sounds like it is asking for your own personal answer to this question. Think hard, and you will do just fine.

Best of luck.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / a comparison and contrast from two tales from the canterbury tales [4]

I suggest you run the piece through a spell check program such as Word or the Mozilla web browser, and run through the piece one more time to check for other errors. I made comments on some instances of errors, but put in bold other instances of them for you to correct. Your content is very good, and once you make these mechanical corrections, you will have a very good piece. Nice work.

Grammar, Usage / Quote "we get older.." - how to cite it? Correct usage of "we." [5]

Good morning.

I am not sure where you found this quote. You could try placing the quote in quotation marks in your internet search browser and see where it comes up. Once you have that address, you can use that location in your reference section.

If you wish to use it in complete, you will need to use quotation marks to enclose the entire phrase, and then cite it according to your required referencing style.

Best of luck.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / An education can be defined a million different ways [4]

Make sure that you start a new paragraph every time you change subjects; this will help your essay stay organized.

Writing Feedback / Oates and Stone- A comparative research essay- I need a grammar review! [3]

To help organize your essay more, make sure you start a new paragraph each time you introduce a new idea.

I hope this helps.

Essays / How to start my essay about a criminal? [3]

Good afternoon.

I suggest you begin with a rough outline, not right off with the introduction. After all, how are you to write an in introduction to a paper that you haven't written yet?

List all of the main topics you absolutely want to discuss in the paper, followed by one interesting fact, detail, or other supporting information for each point. Once you have the content you want, then you can write a rough conclusion reiterating the main points you discussed in the body.

Once you have all of that completed, the introduction will be much easier. You can find a catchy way to lead your readers into the paper you have already written.

I hope this helps you get started.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / the best aspects of an education - Personal Statement [7]

Perhaps you should discuss what evaluative standards you think are necessary. What ideas do you have as to how to find the patterns you are seeking?

You could start off with just a rough outline; make sure you include each major point you want to discuss, with rough statistics, facts, or details for each point. Once you know what it is exactly you want to talk about, you can attach the main topics with transitions and other "fillers" to make it flow easier.

Book Reports / Critique - what is meant by analysis of sources [4]

Good afternoon.

Please see my comments in your other post.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Critique (not a review) on Translations; any help would be fantastic :) [4]

Good afternoon.

There are many possible critical theories to follow when analyzing a literary text. If you are to choose a critical theory and apply it, then it will depend on the type of theory you choose. If it is just your opinion on various aspects of the book, then it sounds like she wants an opinion piece. If you are unsure, I suggest you again speak with your instructor to see exactly what she expects from you.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / To enrich Howard University - Help with law school personal statement. [9]

You're very welcome.

I can't wait to read it!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com