Research Papers / Antidepressants: A physiological, behavioural, theoretical, and clinical review [5]

Not a single occurrence of the word "nowadays" :-D

Your APA looks great...

Here is a word you can cut:
...discussed in detail, with an emphasis on their history, pharmacokinetics, mechanisms of action, and side effects.

The paper ends by evaluating the overall effectiveness of antidepressants in treating depression and concluding that ________.--- In this spot, I would mention and significant conclusions. Usually, an abstract will mention any notable findings. I don't know if that is feasible for you in this case, but it's just something to think about.

Oh, as I continue to read I see that you do take a firm stance.
I like the discussion you give, which culminates with this:
True, but therapy does not have an inordinate amount of unpleasant and potentially lethal side effects. Drugs do. ---- the change I made causes it to be grammatically correct and alo more poignant.

Moreover, the continued use of antidepressants is based on the assumption that depression is caused by depleted MAs levels-an assumption of which many researchers have become increasingly skeptical , and rightly so. ---- yes, but there is still the question of whether to use antidepressants or not. Even if depression is not CAUSED BY depleted MA levels, that does not mean we cannot treat it by chemically raising them.

Do you really mean to suggest that they should not be used at all? Based on your conclusion, it seems to be an argument that they should be banned. This is obviously an impressive essay, but you should come to a solid conclusion about what you are saying. Maybe you mean to say something a little more complex instead of just condemning their use. Something about the importance of patient education, maybe.

:-)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: People have too much free time nowadays. Do you agree or disagree? [4]


Me too! what an awful word. I use it sometimes though. and I hate myself for it.

:-)

This is a long sentence:
Nowadays, the amount of information available to people is rapidly growing, and in order to stay beyond the progress current and to raise further their knowledge and background, and as well as be stay aware of recent developments and achievements in particular fields of science or art, people have to work on themselves by constantly reading and analyzing the available data.---- wow, it is such a long sentence, but it is correct.

You can use further as a verb. I further my knowledge (above).

Also, you can do this instead of writing "constantly":
have to work on themselves through the use of constant reading and analyzing.

For example, a woman home owner is able to complete her household faster with the aim of automats use of domestic automatic machines and devote the rest of her time to her children or herself. ------ You should be careful to avoid writing things that make you seem like someone who thinks women should be home makers while men have careers. When you talk about home making or raising children, in the 21st century it is important to talk about men or women doing this. Otherwise, we might accidentally contribute to the oppression of women with the way we write. However, I do not actually think that you have old fashioned views about women; I just want to make sure you don't accidentally seem that way through your writing, :-D

Book Reports / "A Jurry of Her Peers" and "Hills Like White Elephants", compare/contrast essay [5]

It is sometimes hard to come up with a thesis statement for a compare/contrast essay, because the thesis statement has to say something about both things. I usually try to write a thesis argument about something I observe in the relationship between the two.

You are comparing the aspect of the authors' themes that is associated with male/female relationships.

google this: Compare contrast alternating opposing.
Choose a style, either alternating or opposing.

Then, do some reading. It is like a scavenger hunt. Find interesting scenes that show male/female relationships, and write about what the author "shows."

google this:
Hills Like White Elephants themes analysis
A Jurry of Her Peers themes analysis

This will get you started. Get sme ideas, and do some writing. Enjoy it!! Writing is like a good conversation.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Topic:The differences between Vietnamese and English culture. [7]

The intro is great, but add a thesis statement:
...think of many things, namely Literature, Style of Music, Arts, Religion, Language... And I will tell you some dissimilarities of the two cultures. (now add a thesis statement before you end paragraph one.)

In paragraph 2, name some more similarities in addition to the 3 meals per day. Near the end of that paragraph you can say, "Both cultures have rituals that occur at mealtime. In addition, b Before having meal, people in England normally pray for the God because of providing them with food, however, in Vietnam, everybody (especially young people) have to invite other members having meal. ---- This way, you will be showing enough similarities and enough differences.

Dislike Unlike Vietnam, people in Britain place considerable value on punctuality. For instance, if you agree to meet British friends at three o'clock, you can bet that they'll be there just after three, as opposed to Vietnamese ones, who can be late for about a quarter or a half hour.---- very good sentence!!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: government should spend as much money as possible on social issues [7]


Oh, I see! Well, you create a problem when you refer in general to social issues. Social issues refer to a lot of different things.

IMPORTANT: you must mention space exploration in that first paragraph before you give your thesis statement.

If you don't, you are not exactly answering the question.
A good strategy is to challenge yourself to answer their question in a single sentence: It is wonderful to spend money on exploring space, but it is not wonderful to spend money this way before society's more urgent problems are solved.

You can make "urgency" a theme for the essay. Every essay should have a theme. Also, when you argue with friends and teachers, use a theme to drive your points home. A theme is like concentrated orange juice -- it is information concentrated into a small packet... powerful stuff.

About the book! Google this: strunk and white elements of style
you can read much of it online. It will help you as you collaborate with people here.. thanks for helping so many people.
Please check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Topic about dependence on computers [15]


Nice expression...


This question would not be necessary if the essay had a clear thesis sentence at the end of the first paragraph. This essay will focus on to what extent computers may affect our lives, and after careful reflection I conclude that the benefits of computers outweigh the drawbacks.


This implies that the advantages are to be taken seriously. So, add some more sentences to the conclusion and explain with confidence what you mean. Make an argument like the one you would make if I was disagreeing, saying the world would be better off if computers did not exist. :-)

Shark on a diet, I love your username! It makes me feel safer when I swim.

Graduate / Admission Interview Q: the inevitable Why Do you want to be a doctor :-) [2]


Interesting insight, Ellen! Over here in the U.S. it makes people uncomfortable, too, sometimes. I think it varies a lot from one region to the next, too.


the second "which is" can be replaced:
and learning with extensive human interaction -- and this appeals to me.

I also spent some time ...

So That experience gave me an really exciting insight into the role of a physician and very much reaffirmed to me my desire to _____ (say something very specific here. A specific vision is important).

You came up with a nice ending to this part... I like it!

Writing Feedback / Mercy & Grace - eternal life, eternal punishment [7]

Seck, this is good stuff. I wish all essayforum members were willing to give such thoughtful feedback! Thanks for making this a great thread.

Here is a tough sentence... one that is difficult to write correctly:
A common adage says that grace gives what people do not deserve -- eternal life -- while mercy withholds what people do deserve: eternal punishment. ---- I would do it this way, with a set of dashes and a colon.

Here is another tough one:
Mercy strengthens the relationship between mankind .
Mercy strengthens the relationships among people, acting as the glue holding humankind together.

However, it is rather when one comes to a beggar, puts some coins in the box, and asks if what he has given is enough for the needy family.

By demonstrating mercy, people show their most treasured characteristic , kindness, to people in need.

However, a question which raises so much concern among people is that question of whether our motivation in showing mercy is merely a ploy to receive mercy from God.

It is definitely shallow if people showing mercy based upon the fear of punishment and hope of reward. ----- This reminds me of something I read about: "God giving" by Shunryu Suzuki. I also remember reading about a "deed of no merit," which refers to a deed that is done for its own sake, not for a reward.

:-) I really like this essay!! You chose a difficult subject, and some sentences are hard to write correctly.

Graduate / Personal Statement for Msc Financial Economics (an investment bank) [5]

Also, as I look at the essay, you say so many things that it is like a thick forest of idea trees. (?) Well, maybe that is a bad metaphor. But the thing is, the essay should be about something in particular. It must include many ideas, but if you had to sum up your "Purpose" in a single sentence, what would it be?

Every applicant will write about accomplishments and interests, etc., but not every applicant will have a theme that makes the essay memorable.

Writing Feedback / View and your opinion on traditional culture protect/destroy by tourists [4]

I see what Azeri means about supporting your assertion. Tourism does indeed destroy culture, but you should give an example of how this happens. Much has been written about the "commodification" of culture through the tourist industry.

Cathy, you should feel confident, because you write very well! Just use some techniques for making it "sharp" with meaning:
1.) End the first paragraph with a thesis statement that tells the main idea you want to explain in the essay: Personally, I believe moderate opening of traditional culture sites to tourists is an effective way to protect the local culture. --- I see that you know this rule already! Now, I think you should rephrase this sentence to be more specific: Personally, I believe moderate opening of traditional cultural sites to tourists is an effective way to protect the local culture, as long as governments regulate the activities of businesses accommodating tourist's interests.

2.) Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that tells the main idea of the paragraph.
Admittedly, taking the traditional culture sites as money-earning machine would absolutely destroy the traditional culture to some extent.

However, we can not deny the functions and effects of opening them to the public.

Personally, I think it is wise to more effective way to allow the tradition culture to be open to the public, but what I think is the most important is that the aim of opening it to the public should be spread and protect culture while not to earn money.

These are good, clear topic sentences! So, just make sure you spport each of them with enough evidence. Write some more sentences for each paragraph.

You can talk about how the tourist industry benefits some stakeholders while hurting others. Also, the very culture that attracts tourists might be altered, so tourists will no longer visit as often. The government must regulate.

:-)

Writing Feedback / "The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare." GRE issue [3]

Human beings, no matter how strong and unconquerable, yet must nevertheless yield to destiny.
Your way was not wrong; this is just an idea I had.

Though people are offered free will to choose in most cases, there are times, however reluctant people might to concede, when they can do nothing but accept their situation.

making rather than following:
Moreover, being confined within a limited view and knowledge, people are indeed ma king compromises rather than truly following their free will when facing the reality.

I like your ideas. Complex ideas must be expressed as simply as possible, so that there is a chance the reader will understand the way you mean them. I think you should indeed try the agressive approach recommended by Waqas -- and the essay is not too pessimistic. I also think you should try to make the sentences shorter and simpler when you can. You have a beautiful, flowing kind of writing style, but it ca be complex, too.

You can direct the focus of this essay by adding a powerful, brief thesis statement right after this line: ...when they can do nothing but accept their situation. (add a thesis statement that sums up the whole theme of the essay.)

if you end that first para with a good thesis sentence, the reader will say, "Oh, I see what she is saying..."

:-)

Essays / Do I need to use quotes or anything in a college essay? [9]


Yes, that is the big point. Students often weaken their essays by including a quote that is not really related.

Sometimes it is a quote that inspires the essay itself. For example, a famous quote by James Mitose is, "When seeking wisdom, look for the similarities." That quote has inspired me to write some things. So, naturally, it is appropriate to include the quote. The writing started with it.

But if you write something and then search for a quote to go with it, you might not get the same effect.

Writing Feedback / 'teacher is a challenging career' - What makes a good teacher? [10]

Well, this part has some room for improvement:

There is no point giving students tons of homework if the teachers refuse to mark them. Is it fair when students do their jobs but teachers , on the other hand, have not done do not do theirs? It is not what a responsible teacher should have done do. ---I changed the verbs so they all have the same verb tense.

(start a new paragraph)
Moreover, what determines a good teacher is the way they face their mistakes.

The organization of this is great -- great topic sentences, and no big mistakes.

Not only a A good teacher has to be not only knowledgeable in her work but also responsible and caring at the same time.

Faq, Help / Essay Forum Appreciation Thread [14]


What do you like to do on an ordinary day. You should think about what you enjoy doing. Your degree makes you a valuable employee, so you can get a job doing something you enjoy. That is the best any of us can hope for.

Research Papers / How do I make a general outline for a 12-15 pages paper. [3]

Good ideas here.

I HATE trying to write an outline before doing the research. If it is a subject I know well, I can, but if I do not know the subject well I must do the research first and write some paragraphs, citing writers as I go along. THEN, I will be qualified to write an outline.

If you have not done the research yet, you can make a general outline, like this:

I. Overview of the Central Issue
II. Secondary Issues Related to the central Issue
III. Opposing Views about this Issue
IV. Insights from [name of novel]
V. Conclusion

really, though, the best thing to do is write several sections and build an outline around it.

:-)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:plan activities for the free time [3]

But what differentiates people from each other is the way to prepare for their free time.

Differ and differentiate mean different things. The meanings differentiate them.
People differ. What they do with their time differentiates them.

They do not want to waste any seconds in trying and swapping activities.

I agree with Waqas: you should tell the reader at the end of the 1st paragraph which side you will choose. That way, the whole essay will support that idea: Comparing both approaches, I prefer to make plan for my free time. (I agree!)

:-)

Writing Feedback / What Is Common Sense? [5]

Well, I disagree, because during my past fifteen years of life , I heard of many geniuses, but never heard how did they used their common sense to stop war, destruction , or even anything else that is senseless.

Even a great king cannot think in common sense. For example, Creon, the king of Thebs, he killed his niece so no one would think is he was weak. But as a result, he ...

It is more like a legend, like Zoro, which people hoped it existed, but it just doesn't exist. --- I love this line! Very clever.

I don't know how to grade it, because I don't know what criteria is used in your class. There were errors, but the thought is extremely original.

Undergraduate / "support and guidance" family history, culture or environment influenced who you are? [4]

My mother and father both have there masters degrees and want nothing more than for their children to succeed in life and earn a degree like they did. I was raised to never quit, no matter how hard an exam or class is; with effort and patience you will always be able to pull through it and succeed. My parents have brought me up in a well-rou nded environment, having me participate in sports to learn sportsmanship , and also having me in groups ...

It will be better if you write about how they influenced your decision to enter the field of ________ (because this will show that you have a clear plan and that you are purposeful and motivated.)

Writing Feedback / "A neighbor riding with a drunk guy and letting go" - Discription Essay [6]

Good! The thing that can help is to know how to express it all in a succinct way, because that is how to identify your theme. What is your theme? The purpose of good descriptive writing is to support your theme, which is like a "moral of the story." In an intro paragraph, you can introduce the theme.

I see that you have no intro paragraph. You just start with description right away. How about writing a paragraph about what it all means and then starting the story in paragraph 2?

As you revise, think of it like a slide show for the reader. You have some great imagery, but do this:
One paragraph = one slide.

Let the reader SEE something, and then start a new paragraph. Use paragraph breaks to control the reader's experience. This is good writing!!

We parked near the rode road and sat for a moment, discussing how happy we were. Nick and I got out of the car. Will was walking up.

Undergraduate / the game art and design degree - Need a little help with an Entry essay [5]

How long is this essay supposed to be? I think each of your sentences should be the topic sentence for a paragraph. You CAN be good at writing essays if you learn a good strategy.

Recipe for a Paragraph
Every paragraph is expressed in just one sentence: the first sentences, called a topic sentence. Follow that sentence with a sentence that explains what you mean. Then, give a sentence that shows an EXAMPLE of what you mean. Finally, conclude the paragraph with a sentence that REFLECTS thoughtfully on the implications of that topic sentence.

Do that, and this essay will become very impressive. You might need to google around for examples. Do you understand my recipe for good paragraphs rooted in topic sentences? If you are allowed to write a few paragraphs, use each of your sentences as a topic sentence for a paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Many people think being single equals freedom; Disadvantages of Being Single [6]

They all agree that yes it is.

or

They all agree: Yes, it is.

When you are single you are always looking for something to catch everybody's eye -- eye catching car, sport chrome rings, sexy dress, cool haircut, and so on. comes from this feeling.

Instead when you are washing your car, or when you are brushing your shoes, you may wash your wife's car or you can also brush her shoes.--- very good! Even though you make some mistakes, your writing is clear and enjoyable to read.

Thanks, everyone, for making this a great thread.

Undergraduate / "my abilities and talents" - UT Austin statement of purpose. [4]

Use hyphens:
well-deserved
eighteen-hour days

Imagine that, a perfectly healthy kid being encouraged by his seemingly disadvantaged father. That is what type of person my father was, and the heart my father had. ---beautiful. this is a great story. I think you succeeded. This essay could win a contest.

Oh... I wrote that after only the first 2 paragraphs. I see now that your father passed away. That makes the essay even more poignant, but I'm so sorry for your loss. You really did a superb job of capturing that sense of having just gotten to know him. The reader will understand this. I hope one day to see it published in a magazine or book.

Hakim, I am confident that you will be given this scholarship because of the excellent writing and because of your selfless work. I think your father must be proud of you as he reads this from whatever vantage point we beings get to enjoy after we are no longer confined to the body.

Speeches / Persuasive Essay/Speech - Global Warming [6]

...I'll be taking part on the "no" side of this debate.
" " marks to help your clarity.

When people think of global warming, they would picture a giant hole in the ozone layer and blinding sunlight ...

Well, about Gore... no, you are not attacking his character. You are pointing out the fact that Discovery debunked his claims. It is okay, I think!

About rhetorical devices... google this: rhetorical devices list
Your teacher probably taught about them in class. I am not sure how to help, because I don't know what was covered in class. Did you talk about logos, ethos, and pathos? Try this: virtualsalt.com/rhetoric.htm.

I'm not arguing that Global Warming isn't real. --- this is a rhetorical device called "concession." You concede a point.

Global climate changes have been occurring for centuries, and Global warming is most likely to be occurring now. But there are many evidences that suggest that temperature fluctuations are part of a natural cycle of climate change, not man-made causes. ---- this should appear near the beginning of your essay, not at the end.

What are the rhetorical devices covered in class?
You can easily use these: allusion, aphorism, appeal to authority, correction of erroneous views, concession, flattery, imagery, irony, logical reasoning.

google this: List of Rhetorical Devices

Graduate / Statement of Purpose for MS admission in USA (Electrical Engineering) [6]


Well, that is true for all of us, but when the reader gets through your first paragraph she will already know that she has an inspired scholar on her hands!

Since you write without errors, I'll give ideas based on the way it affects me as a reader....
Too much use of the word "man" in the first paragraph. It is almost inappropriate in modern times to say "man of science," as if it makes a difference that you are man rather than woman. If it was my essay I would write "person of science." However, this may be my own hangup and not actually good advice!!

Put a comma after every item on a list, including the item right before the conjunction:
Speech Controlled R obot, Magnetic Levitation, and more.

You can use a set of commas or dashes to help manage this sentence;
The thought of an impending energy crisis -- with no means of backup energy to sustain in case of a natural or forced calamity -- continuously nagged me.

I returned from the trip feeling troubled.--- again, just an idea. "trip troubled" is awkward. :-)

...in finalizing energy systems as my future focus of study - a decision that took me almost three years to make, but one about which I am now confident. about . The existing energy crisis in Pakistan due to deficient generation capability and poor transmission infrastructure - to distribute adequate power - has have also contributed to my decision ...

Everything connects to everything else. ---- excellent

Why capitalize Energy and not Systems? I am not sure about what is correct, actually. Like this, maybe:
It is interesting that Energy S ystems have become my core interest. From Virtuvian M an to alternate energy, this is one connection I aspire to live up to.

Again, thanks for helping so many people here at EF!!!!!!!!!!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: government should spend as much money as possible on social issues [7]


Try thinking of it not as finding ideas, but instead as finding the "center" of your ideas as they arise naturally.

As you read through this essay, can you express the main idea in a single sentence? If so, put that sentence at the end of the first paragraph.

With this essay, the biggest problem is that "social issues" is so ambiguous. It is not very specific. Social issues include everything from education to immigration to religion. Is this really the prompt they gave you for the essay?

Anyway, I think the important thing to work on is grammar, because your TOEFL score will be based on that. As for style, I recommend a book by Strunk & White called the Elements of Style.

Undergraduate / Career Goals and personality (IT field) [4]

Claire/Lee, I see you giving some very kind and careful advice to lots of people! Thanks for giving such an honest effort to help people here at EF.

Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [175]


Well, I tend to think this way now. Online collaboration is the modern paradigm. However, I understand Waqas' concern!

If Waqas Idrees is your real name, then your essay will appear here next to it with the date you posted it, so that should put your mind at ease. Also, express your unique plans and ideas in the essay -- so that it is as unique as you are. A good essay expressed a detailed plan, and a detailed plan is particular to you.

Aside from these ideas, the truth is that you can't be sure no one will copy parts of your essay if you let people see it. So... it is what it is.

See the TOS for other useful info.

:-)

Student Talk / Strategy for Impressing Admissions Readers: Make up a new term or concept [15]


It can be 2 or 3 words... a memorable phrase. Readers also like it when you do a "play on words" and use common phrases in uncommon ways.


I don't know, it seems that they are inseparable. Show me an engineer that is not an artist, and ... well... she or he is probably not a very good engineer! :-)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: The automobile is destroying our quality of life. [9]

From the very moment of construction and release to the masses, the automobile became has been one of the most popular and demanded inventions of twentieth century and acquired wide use all over the world. Although it has a few advantages, such as the ability to deliver people and cargo to the point of destination for in a relatively little amount of time, disadvantages outnumber ...

For example, very often I was late to lectures and once to very important meeting, because of traffic jams, which have become frequent in my city during the last ten years. Many of world's largest ...

Gases that exhaust Emissions from automobiles' engines spread over big territories and come into reaction with other gases in the air, the result of which is the formation of smog, which is poisonous to human health. ---- very good sentence!!

Therefore, I thing that negative impacts of automobiles far more exceed positive ones and surely decrease the quality of life of for much of the population, especially those people living in cities.

Undergraduate / (Leadership experiences) University of Washington Undergraduate Business school [4]


This sounds like a teaching concept called "diversified instruction," which presents lessons in various ways to accommodate different learning styles and ability levels. I see that you could make a great theme:

The similarities between leadership strategies and instructional strategies.

Google these:
transformational leader
instructional strategies
diversified instruction

I think they will give you good ideas!! You write very well.

I agree with both of Azeri's suggestions.

:-)

Essays / How to start an admission essay about myself? [67]

I'm impressed with the great advice here. When you look at biographies written about people, you usually see a theme expressed in the title. Conservative talk show host Bill O'Reilly wrote a book he called "Culture Warrior," for example. President Obama wrote about the "audacity" of "hope," so audacity and hope are two themes he uses.

What is your theme?

If you had to sum up your life in a theme, what would it be? That is how to narrow it and make it memorable.

Graduate / Personal Statement for Msc Financial Economics (an investment bank) [5]

However, the lack of leadership shown by financial institutions disappointed me the most especially considering the innovations in the derivatives world over the last decade.


When I read this, it makes me wonder about the experiences you are having -- whether you really are frusterated or it is just something you write on the Pers. Statement. I think it would be excellent to start paragraph 2 with a little anecdote about a time you tried to initiate some environmentally minded financial project and could not find support. You don't have to spend a long time talking about it... just give a sentence or two to substantiate the claim you made about enduring frustration.

In 5 five years, I see myself ...

I think you should choose a memorable theme and mention it in both the first and last paragraph -- something that the reader will remember about this essay.

:-)

Book Reports / The Novel Family Matters [3]

Christina, thanks so much! Great job.

Ramaine, I look forward to seeing a draft with the corrections suggested by Christina.

Also... let's add a thesis statement:
...people rush to the mall to get clothes that is worth $3,000 as per Chapter 9 in "Class Matters". (Right after this sentence, add a THESIS STATEMENT that tells the main idea of your whole essay.)

Then start paragraph 2:
Sak's 5th Ave has customers coming in there purchasing clothes worth over $500 and above, but on the...

Writing Feedback / 'teacher is a challenging career' - What makes a good teacher? [10]

It will be helpful if you post the final draft of the essay, and we can talk about what points were taken off for.

Will you post your most recent draft so we can talk about it?

:-)

Dissertations / Suggest topics: HR Doctorate in Human Resource Management [25]

create competitive advantage by managing diversity-----good!

Search the database for organizational culture and multicultural.

I found this one for you:
A Double-edged Sword: Organizational Culture in Multicultural Organizations by Trefry

:-)

Sometimes one good article can get your brain to start generating all kinds of ideas.

Essays / Do I need to use quotes or anything in a college essay? [9]

In any kind of writing, quotes serve as examples. A paragraph with good structure might hav a topic sentence, some explaining sentences, an example of what you are talking about, and then a thoughtful conclusion/transition sentence.

Sometimes an example is a statistic, and other times it is something that happened. Sometimes, though, it is something someone said, so use a quote.

Some people begin their college essay with a quote, but this is not always necessary. However, if a quote expresses an idea that is important for your essay, it might help you to make the essay memorable.

Writing Feedback / Should government funds be used for space exploration? [3]

have been passionate predators explorers of the unknown.

...

"One tiny step forward by man and a giant leap for mankind." The day Neil Armstrong landed ...

...every human breathed a sigh of success. ---- This is a great sentence.

This sentence is incomplete:
From Aristotle and Aryabhatta to Neil Armstrong and today's common people.

From Aristotle and Aryabhatta to Neil Armstrong and today's common people, people have always found space to be an important part of life. and history.

Our passion for learning about space and dreams of reaching the stars and moon can never be vanquished.--- good ending!

Writing Feedback / Essay about "My weekend". [2]

In On the weekends, some people go to visit their relatives or shopping or even go to on trips, but some other people don't do anything. This weekend was different from any other ...

Firstly, we prepared the food and drinks we needed. Because it was in winter, we took our umbrellas and jackets. After that, we got dressed and went to the mountain. When we arrived to at our small house ...

On the other hand, my little brother, my sister, and I went for ...

This weekend was exiting for our family, and we enjoyed it. I hope I can go there again.

Writing Feedback / GRE AW Issue 69. "Government should place few, if any, restrictions... [6]


Yes, differences are subtle!! That is why I tell people to practice by reading aloud. You have to get in the correct habits with your use of the language, so it helps to read aloud, because that makes your whole mind focus on the sight and sound of the words used correctly.

Be glad you are bilingual!! I wish I was. :-)

Writing Feedback / Positive steps that you and I can take to tackle climate change [4]

What is the first thing ... in other words, becomes worse? This will impact the environment in the world. All this stuff should be removed. It is not necessary to talk so much about what it is.

Start like this:
Rising sea levels, increasing temperature, floods and droughts are the impacts of the climate change. Humans and natures are the victims from this climate change. Sadly, this climate change occurs because of the human influences. Humans are responsible to reduce for reducing this climate change. Do not think that ...

Every second, 1 hectare of forest, which is equivalent to 2 US football fields, is cut down. This means...

If necessary, they can go traveling by cycling or public transport. Some people might feel uncomfortable if they travel by public transport. These people they can use hybrid cars, which is are very eco-friendly cars, or they can use ...

The third thing that people should do in order to reduce the climate change is to reduce the use of electricity. Electricity is ...

This is a good essay!! You made a few mistakes, but the structure is very good.