Essays / Career goals - I really need to know how to start the introduction for scholarship essays [9]

My advice is - study the thousands of similar essays posted here and you will find a good idea about a title ;)

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Government alone cannot defeat the climate change! [3]


You may first mention something about the history of the phrase 'global warming' and how (and why) this phrase has been switched to 'climate change.' I wonder why do you use the phrase 'climate change' in the first sentence and then, in the next sentence, you write about planet being warmer. Logically, the word 'change' refers to both up and down, ie. both warmer and colder. Why is there a general perception that 'change' means 'warmer'? It would be interesting to read at least a paragraph on that.

Another thing; there are four seasons of the year: spring, summer, autumn, winter. Just like there are colder and hotter days. Maybe you'll discuss what the 'weather' actually is and how it is natural for it to constantly change. Changing weather is normal and natural. Take winds, for example. One day it's very calm, another it's windy. Technically, it is 'change.' So why don't we focus on the issue of high and low winds? We could assume that high winds are bad and unnatural, so we need to do something about that. For example, we could raise taxes so that we could study winds and conclude it is not natural and healthy for humans to live on Earth that has high winds. Don't we. Later we could conclude that life on Earth could be dangerous to humans, so we need to raise more money to explore a possibility to go to Mars. Maybe on Mars we'll discover unfriendly aliens that we could fight after we raise enough global income.

What about the temperature of ocean? When it's only 15C then it is not good for humans because they don't feel comfortable swimming in such a cold water. It is not healthy for our population either - just try to go to a cold water and you'll get cold. So we can conclude that cold ocean water is hazardous to human life and we should take action to change it. Maybe it's better to change it to 25C. It can be done, we just need to raise taxes. Once we do, we can advice the population to swim during summer months, for example.


It's not very accurate. How an institution can be human?

Writing Feedback / 'many young people feel tired from studing'; To work or to travel after finishing high school? IELTS [3]

Your essay is quite solid, but i have encountered a few apparent mistakes of yours.

1. The prompt is not asking you to write your opinion, and thus, you failed the task.

There is one way that can help you to not deviate from the prompt next time. Just simply surrogate ;;you'' to ;;I'' in the body paragraphs.

2. Examples are missing. You can improvise them in your essay, no one is going to verify whether it is true or false.

In addition, here are some typos and grammar issues: It makes you more interesting as a person .

The only problem why young people do not traveling is the problem with money. It will take a lot of money, but i guess it is worth it.

The main issue of why young generations do not travel often is that they suffer from some finance issues such as tuition, daily expenses and others.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 : Public transportation still has possibilities to pollute environment [4]

I find it a little bizarre to see no transition from the second paragraph to the third one. In actuality, you could have conflated them both. Let us give it a try, i will do the transition for you.

"The facilitation of public transportation does not provide their need about fast transportation. So, many people choose using their own cars than use public transportation."

This can lead towards a radical pollution in our environment. Not to mention that the population of humankind has been drastically increasing during the past few years, and thus, this phenomenon will also contribute the ongoing pollution.

You justified your reasons well, but i do not feel them to be cogent enough. Maybe, you should have discussed about that type of car a little bit more.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, the environment where people live affects them so much [3]

There are some weaknesses in your writing.

You need to focus on your vocabulary. For pragmatic instance, in lieu of writing the word from the prompt for several times which is a big city, and a small city. You could have written urban area, or suburban area. The studying environment in the city is always (better) than any environment

Do not forget to divide your body paragraphs properly.

Living both in a big city and a small town is good for people. This sentence somehow contradicts your whole essay. If you want to choose big city, then bias about it, it is futile to say they are both good e.t.c

To illustrate, when people are in an emergency situation, their friend has a heart attack.It does not sound coherent. Let us give it a try, To illustrate, it might turn out that their friend all of a sudden suffers a heart attack. I think now you see what does coherence mean.

Good luck! Not bad overall!

Writing Feedback / Who should be responsible for the welfare of poor nations? [4]

1. This essay contains some vocabulary issues, for pragmatic instance,illfare ?assissinations ? Maybe assassinations?neceessities ? necessities.

2. et cetera; if I had been you, I would have exterminated this phrase.

3. Your essay has a unique structure, but i would like you to write it formally which is to have an introduction, 2-4 body paragraphs with some examples, and a proper conclusion.

Next time, try to follow that template, and do not utilize words that you do not possess completely such as the aforementioned ones. And as a rater, I would evaluate its as from 6 -7.

Writing Feedback / It is unlikely nowadays not to get influenced by the trends, including related to fashion as well. [2]

You have an abundance of wonderful ideas in your essay! But anyways, in the formal writing i would personally avoid signs such as !? e.t.c

Another issue I have found out in your essay is your personal examples, they are missing!
Also, you are not being asked to write an opinion. You should have included your reasons in your conclusion as well. Keep up the good work!

Writing Feedback / The House At The End Of The Driveway - iGCSE descriptive coursework. [2]

This essay is undoubtedly a well-written one. Congratulations!
Notwithstanding, here are some of its setbacks.

1. Pure, (comma is necessary here ) albeit upon closer inspection only a few of the weather-beaten tiles were misplaced.

2.Shafts of light burst through gaps in the boarded up windows and then through the once thick heavy velvet curtains that dangled off the remaining rungs on the rusted up curtain pole. dot should be here in lieu of comma ).

Basically, you have quite a number of issues associated with punctuation. Another pragmatic instance,

Now, (comma ) another sound accompanied the drip. Drip. Drip of water: her useless whimpers.

or . In the corner of the room,(comma ) a little chair began to rock slowly.

Hopefully, it was lucrative for you!

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Online learning or real school? Provide your opinion. [5]

Online learning is good for self-motivated students only; otherwise, they are better off sticking to regular class room and professors.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; tuition fees, who are responsible to pay? [5]


There is very weak correlation between a college degree and job prospects. In fact, more and more college degree holders flip burgers at McDonald's (IF they are lucky to get a job there with 12:1 prospective employees ratio). Instead of wasting 4 years in college and be in 80K debt, opening your own business and working hard instead of counting on tax payer's money is a much better idea. If we start with free access to iphones, foods, contraceptives, colleges, then why stop there? How about giving everyone a free car and housing - after all we all deserve it with minimum or no effort on our part, right?


So you want to punish those who actually contribute to the economy (tax payers) and make a sweet deal to the government? I don't see much sense in this reasoning.

Writing Feedback / GRE Issue Essay - Governments should offer a free university education [4]

What about the fact college graduates cannot get a job other than in McDonalds or Walmart these days?

Research Papers / Starting a Global Warming Research Paper. Is it a hoax or the reality? [3]

There should be no doubts that global warming is a hoax to trick tax payers into paying even more taxes for the 'right' to breathe.

Writing Feedback / Toefl : Teachers should not make their social or political view known to students.. [5]


You have problems with logical thinking. By definition, "ideas" or "views" don't have to be "correct."

After reading your essay I conclude you don't need teachers; all you need are thoughtless robots without any personality reading text from textbooks. It must be fun and mind-stimulating. NOT.

Faq, Help / Why is my topic / thread deleted? [78]

You maybe opened the same thread twice?

Research Papers / Survey on whether or not homosexual couples should be allowed to adopt children [9]


If you're black you cannot become a ku klux klan member; if you're gay or lesbian you are not qualified to give the child a NORMAL family. Two men sticking their dic&s in their wholes is not right either, or is it.


But then is it fair to give a child a 'privilege' of having two male or two female parents? Would you like to be raised in such a family, how it would affect your world and psyche.


Exactly, and two males sticking their d&cks into each other is not a loving and healthy environment to live in.


Exactly. So it's not a coincidence people of alcoholic parents are much more likely to have alcohol problems. Same applies to gay parents situation.


A human is only 2% different from a monkey (ie. an animal). If a male monkey tried to copulate with another male, don't you think he would be discriminated and outed by others (ie. the society?). It's natural and normal instinct to defend from unnatural behaviors.


You're not. You just want to manifest at any occasion you are different, that shows how insecure you really are.

--------

Imagine a gay couple adopted a baby girl. She's now 13 and starts menstruating. Whom she should talk about it, who could help her understand what's going on, explain her how and what to do. A male?

Undergraduate / "I love to debate" - personal quality, my Personal statement [4]


So it means you are a liar and your dream job will be to lie and deceive other people? And you are proud of that? I noticed the word 'honesty' in your essay, but why do you use it if you don't really know the meaning of it?

The fact you manage to 'persuade' someone you are right won't change the truth. You should be ashamed of yourself that you are proud of the things that in the normal world should be deplorable.

Undergraduate / "Post 9/11 backlash violence" Local/national concern admissions essay [8]

They DID happen but what you saw on TV was produced in a certain way so that you should "get a certain point that the news media wanted you to get" - in other words the news was directed, not just happened.

The fact you noticed the post 911 backslash shows you can get the clue after you watch these documentaries.

Undergraduate / "Post 9/11 backlash violence" Local/national concern admissions essay [8]

If you watch it, you may get a clue, cannot describe it, there are several parts.

Undergraduate / "Post 9/11 backlash violence" Local/national concern admissions essay [8]


Are you sure you watched the real thing? Watch "September Clues" on Youtube - then you can completely revise your essay if you care about its accuracy:

Writing Feedback / SPACE EXPLORATION IS A WASTEFUL ACTIVITY - AGREE? [4]


Unfortunately, it's a wrong conclusion.

The only reason for space exploration is that the 'Elites' of this world could be saved and escape in case of natural or other disasters (like nuclear attack). So we, the tax payers, waste billions of dollars a year so that the 'Elites' could feel safe. How thoughtful of them. This money could be spent on finding a cure against cancer, AIDS, etc. and it would be much more human and productive.

Ask yourself - what you, a regular man, have in exchange of 'space exploration'? GPS, celluar phones? This is all to spy on you and control you. Soon we'll be paying to breathe air. Most of us are brainwashed, that's all.

Undergraduate / "Google has been one of my closest friends" - Best piece of advice (Brown) [16]


Exactly.

Undergraduate / "Google has been one of my closest friends" - Best piece of advice (Brown) [16]

Zakary, I can only say you are a tool. A lemming. How can you be fascinated with a company that's the only purpose is to find out as much information about you as possible and then sell it to other companies for profit. You are exactly what Google wanted you to be and you perfectly fit their scenario. You may check insidegoogle.com to open your eyes.

Writing Feedback / Is Obama's stimulus package working? [15]

You don't get it..

Assume you are 20 and you've just finished college. You haven't even started working but you already have to pay your college debt. Then you start a job and take a 30-year mortgage (another debt). In the meantime you take a car loan (another debt). So basically until you retire you pay out your debts.

But you probably didn't know that the lobbysts have established the law that the banks have 'the legal right' to lend you 8 times more money than you gave them. So if you have a $1,000 saving account in CityBank (for example) then this bank can lend another client 8*$1,000=$8,000 rightaway! Out of nothing. They can lend money they do not have! On top of that, they *assume* (legally, again) that whoever had a mortgage loan with them has actually paid it to them in full so that they could give more 8-times-multiplied loans rightaway! So if someone had a mortgage for a 1 million dollar home, they could give a loan of 8 million dollars on the same date to another institution. That is the REAL problem and that's what caused the 'crisis' in the first place. Money for banks means nothing because they could virtually print it out of nothing and they are probably surprised what's all the fuss about their 'stimululs' proposal.

Writing Feedback / Is Obama's stimulus package working? [15]


But we have XXI century now. Let's assume all countries started to just print money, would that change anything?

The fact is that capitalism in the dead end now. Capitalism needs DEBT (and slaves to pay back debt throughout their lives) to survive. When the slaves lose their jobs as it's right now then the system gets broken.

Writing Feedback / Is Obama's stimulus package working? [15]

Well, it *still* may make sense for the US to print money because they hold China hostage. They know China - that in fact sponsors the US economy - won't be willing to move away from the dollar quickly because when they do the inflation will sky-rocket and the Chinese economy would go down. China now holds most of their wealth in US dollars so they artificially 'care' for it not to go down too much. But the fact is that the US as a country is a bankrupt because the majority of their business model was providing banking and stock market services (ie. speculation) and there was few who actually did the job (because the real job was done by the Chinese).

Let's hope war will not have to be the only solution to this crisis.

Writing Feedback / Is Obama's stimulus package working? [15]

People need to realize that by the term 'stimulus package' hide the greatest robbery in the human kind.

What exactly is 'stimulus package'? It is PRINTING MONEY out of nothing. The only thing it can and will create is INFLATION. Now you can still buy a loaf of bread for $2, but after the 'stimulus packages' have been completed, the same loaf of bread will cost $5. It applies to each and every product or service. Those who have a job may get a raise of 10 or even 20%, but still if their loaf of bread will cost 250% more then they become poor.

Not to mention that if you plan to go abroad the only option will be Mexico or Cuba because if you plan to go to Europe or Asia you will have to save a few years due to worthless dollar.


That comparison makes you a genius (and there are few genius minds in Obama administration;). You got it exactly right, they will maniuplate the public with their stats but only 5-10% of the population will actually think and realize that what they say is untrue.

Grammar, Usage / Tasteful Thank You [11]

Thanking them for attending the party would be most tasteful imo.

Research Papers / what's a good and easy research topic for and economics that's 5-7 pages [6]

"Bailout is the biggest robbery of tax payers in the history of the world."

Research Papers / Problem and Solution essay- global warming [10]

This is ALL you need to know about the global warming SCAM. Here is a great article actually explaining how the global warming hype was created and why: gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977583038

Research Papers / Thesis Statement with 3 points (global warming) [15]

If you look at the facts, not the popular opinion or stereotypes you will realize the world is more than a popularity contest. You have an opinion shaped by the propaganda machine, movies, ipods, and video games, but when I point you to the messenger you choose to ignore it. Oh well,

If you read this article that presents the global warming media hype you may understand what's going on. Then, you will have to rewrite your whole thesis statement:


heartland.org/policybot/results/20641/Media_Hype_on_Climate_Change_Is_ Nothing_New_Inhofe.html

Research Papers / Thesis Statement with 3 points (global warming) [15]

Global warming is SCAM! The ONLY possible result of this scam will be raised taxes (raising taxes is the major goal of this "global warming" agenda). Another result would be outsourcing jobs to countries who will not sign any agreement in this matter because they are no longer willing to sponsor life on credit of the American system.

Fighting with "global warming" is the same as fighting with "world terrorism" or "weapons of mass distructions" -- there is no actual enemy, but fraud possibilities against the tax payers are endless.

Do not buy what the mainstream media tells you about "global warming" - THEY ARE BEING PAID to brain-wash people about this "issue." "Global warming issue" will be the greatest scam of the XXI century.

Read what the Weather Channel founder has to say about global warming:

newsbusters.org/blogs/noel-sheppard/2007/11/07/weather-channel-founder -global-warming-greatest-scam-history

Writing Feedback / Essay on Obama's Stimulus Plan [8]

The Federal Reserve Banks [The Fed] is a group of PRIVATE CORPORATIONS:


globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=8518

When you understand this fact you should realize what kind of scam and slave system we (the regular tax payers) have to live in.

Writing Feedback / If you can interview any living person, who would it be and why? [6]


Every time you watch a "documentary film" you should ask yourself: WHO and WHY did this film? These days 90% of all "documentary films" have a hidden agenda and they are in fact PROPAGANDA. In this case it is to prepare and persuade thougtless and naive people that a possible US attack on North Korea would be "justified." Such socio-techniques were started by Hitler and from then on they were used widely by many governments.

Your reaction to the "documentary" was EXACTLY what they wanted to achieve.

Whenever you see on TV a 'panel of experts' a RED LIGHT should switch on in your brain; otherwise, you will be hypnotysed by these experts of MANIPULATION.

You should read this article (and I'm surprised they wrote about it in the mainstream media): nytimes.com/2008/04/20/washington/20generals.html ?_r=3

Writing Feedback / "The Right To Have an Abortion" - my argumentative paper [20]


Sure, it's always best to listen to lawyer-style talk (relative, impersonal, and impartial). Those who dare to go over the borders with different ideas should be punished or ignored like in perfect communism.

And from the logical point of view all argumentative subject ARE personal; otherwise there would be nothing to discuss.

Writing Feedback / "The Right To Have an Abortion" - my argumentative paper [20]

My message was strong, but you shouldn't take it personally indeed. I think nowadays most teachers are PU**IES and they are in fact useless! Instead of teaching they just 'listen' and agree with everything a young and inexperienced person says.

Today you go to school and will be praised by your teacher just because you have your own opinion (too many times distorted by the media which only care about their profits, not your psyche). But teacher won't tell you that you are on the wrong track because they are useless humans without guts and their own opinions! That's why more and more anomalous behaviours grow in our societies. Everything is RELATIVE. You kill someone, teacher will tell you 'that's OK, you had the right to do it because you were stressed out' etc. etc. It is NOT normal in my book.

You know what you should do? Go to your teacher and ask him/her straight: "Teacher, will you please tell me what is YOUR OPINION on abortion?" Then report the response you get (if you get any) here.

Writing Feedback / "The Right To Have an Abortion" - my argumentative paper [20]


It seems you are trying to say that pregnancy is a desease? And a woman can just 'catch' pregnancy like a flu? If woman got pregnant and this is an 'unwanted pregnancy' and this was not a rape --->>> that means she CANNOT CONTROL HER OWN BODY! She FAILED to control her body once and that's why she proved she is not capable of making such serious decisions! Do you think a flight traffic controller would be given another chance if by his own mistake he failed to notice two airplanes to crash and warn them ahead of time? Why do you propose to give a woman 'the right' to control her body if she in fact PROVED she cannot control her body?


You sound like adolf hitler and his theory about 'master race'! Let's see, through general testing of the fetus mother is told her baby may have hearing problem. Is this enough to kill the baby? Going further, once genetic testing advance, mother will be told her baby probably won't be a professional basketball player because his bones won't be able to last through a professional athlete training. But mother has always wanted her son to be a great basketball player, just like her grandfather was. Will it be enough reason to kill the baby??? From your way of thinking it will be because mother will get stressed and her life will be ruined because her child won't be able to fulfill her dreams.

Now think what kind of problem YOU have - are you a math genius? Hmm, you aren't..? Then you may want to ask your mother (who is your legal guardian and you are her child, she lives and feeds you so she should have THE RIGHT to do what is BEST for you). Ask her if she doesn't want to kill you because she may be depressed because you are not what she wanted you to be!


"BEST for their babies"? Is woman God to decide what is best for another human being? Read my sentence above - maybe your mother is thinking that you are not good enough and saying goodbye to this world will be best for you?

Also, you talk about 'pregnancy risks'? Give me a break - when mother eats junk food or smokes cigarettes then there are more risks for her health. Why don't you care about woman's health when she is not pregnant?

I'm shocked to hear your opinions on the subject. When you are an adult and will be deciding about the laws of this society.. some people will be glad they didn't have a chance to live long enough to have anything to do with people like you.

Research Papers / Thesis Statement for global warming research paper [17]

You may check my previous responses on the global warming "issue". It has been a big issue in the media only and among the politicians. Other than that, it is NOT POSSIBLE to stop it, like it is not possible to stop wind from blowing. The bigger concern would be to stop the freezing era that will come in about 20K years and then I guess people will only laugh at the statements of their fathers about the 'global warming' issues.

But other than that, if you want to go with the flow of the false mainstream media, your thesis is good.

Graduate / Homeless situation - personal statement [10]

You should definitely describe your homeless situation - that will be a winner, believe me :).

Undergraduate / Immigration reform in the United States during the economic crysis period. Issue of Importance essay [16]


Then that's even worse, your young age might have excused you... Anyway, I didn't want to focus on your age.


Well, so do you believe in the free market and capitalism or do you prefer socialism? Or maybe to combine both (and make everything as relevant as possible - then life becomes as simple as eating in McDonald's).

It appears you suggest the US to become a socialism in the times of the economic crisis (so that the government PROTECTS its workers from free market and competition) and when everything is well, let there be capitalism to spend borrowed money and hire the illegal immigrants to cut your grass or do your construction job? How lawyer-slick style is that? You were in the army and you have probably believed or was told that the US is capitalism and it's the greatest system in the world - but now you try to suggest the Russia was right in the previous century and their system should have prevailed?

You need to understand that without competition and free market there is no progress. Look what has happened to the US auto industry and compare the American cars with the Japanese or European ones. The US auto lobbysts and auto unions made sure people working in the US auto industry are 'protected' and the bad news is they were also protected from introducting advanced technology and improving their skills. These companies existed like in socialism, they were just producing junk in the hopes someone will buy it anyway. You want more job protection to build more junk cars? I thought the point was to build a BETTER product and to promote MORE COMPETITIVE working skills. Not to protect jobs at all costs like in socialism.

So my point is that immigrants (both legal and illegal) actually make the country more competitive and efficient in the long run. And it is a blessing - not a problem - that immigrants actually still want to live in the US (even though the more skillful ones now prefer to go to European Union countries).

Undergraduate / Immigration reform in the United States during the economic crysis period. Issue of Importance essay [16]


Then can you explain why MY TAX MONEY is spent on immigrants who may be eligible to become US citizens once they served in the army? Technically and logically when they serve the US army they are still immigrants and the US citizens pay their money for their training, gear, food, armor.


Would customers be happy to go tomorrow to a store and find out the prices of their foods or services went up overnight (because the employers were forced to hire 'legal' workers and pay them more)? I don't think so. But then there would be nobody to blame (the media won't blame employers for hiring legal workers) except for the government and that would be unacceptable situation for them. So the government plays the devil's advocate and everybody is 'happy' (ie. brain-washed).


The financial departament has nothing to do with the citizenship department. By default people who pay taxes are not being recorded or checked by the citizenship department.

Feel free to read this article:

washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/04/AR20060 60400965.html