Letters / Motivation letter for admission to bussiness technology master program in University of Twente [2]

You have some pretty good ideas presented in this essay. However, the way it is presented could be better. It is always best to allow yourself to first, discuss the future you envision and the skills that you need to accomplish that, what foundation you have based on your previous academic learning that built your skills, so that you can better connect those to the offerings of the university. It is not enough to have an idea of what you will learn from them, it is important to first prove that you are capable of learning from the course based on your previous experiences.

As far as your after school idea, the work that you will be doing may not be entrepreneurship based at the start. So your idea of contributing to the system and bringing these experts to Malaysia may be a problem. Lower the aim first. Aim to get work experience from the country and its business people first. That way you can properly build the channel. The network should be build on partnerships and the strength of your contribution to the Netherlands business landscape as a foreign student then as a member of the business community.

Scholarship / To work as a policy analyst - ERAMUS MUNDUS MAPP ISS-TRACK APPLICATION [2]

I find the start of the motivational letter a bit confusing. There is something missing in the middle. I would rather that you discuss your college thesis in a manner that shows a connection to your current work and the reasons why you would want to undertake continuous studies. Focus on delivering the idea that your next thesis will be a continuation of your college research.

As for the alignment of your studies with your interests and career focus, you need to be more specific about how that works. How would you apply what you will be learning once you return to the workplace? Why do you believe you need to study these aspects at the moment ? How would these added learning help you modernize your workplace? Those are the sorts of knowledge transfer information that would be helpful to your application.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that online learning will replace traditional classroom in near future. [2]


This entry will not be considered a prompt restatement. Rather it will be read as the opinion of the writer, which means this is a thesis statement rather than a paraphrase of the original topic. This is unacceptable and will not be scored as a part of the Task Accuracy score. The writer's opinion is difficult to find since it should only be reflected as an agree or disagree statement, with a summarized line of reasoning along with it. As such, the examiner could view this as a non compliant introduction paragraph and give it a non passing score. Then on compliant summary conclusion will also contribute to the non passing score of this essay.

Now, the reasoning paragraphs align with a single opinion representation so you will get points for a clear and connected discussion. It is cohesive and coherent. The problem is really at the start and end of the presentation.

I cannot tell you with specificity what your final score may be for this essay. Will you reach your target score? Maybe not due to the problems I indicated above. These are not hard to overcome problems. It will be easy for you overcome this if you remember to restate the prompt based on the given discussion points and do the reverse paraphrase at the end within 2 sentences of at least 40 words.

Letters / TU Delft - Motivation Letter for MSc Geomatics for the Built Environment [4]

I would revise this essay to create more of a relationship between my current professional experience and my career vision for the next 5 years. That way the academic need and discussion will be highly relevant to the motivation for study. Additionally, I would opt for only 1 potential thesis presentation instead of 2. Since the thesis choice is not final, you can opt for the one that proves a relationship to your undergraduate thesis. They are looking for students who are seeking a continuing study porgram. One that shows a relevant academic foundation in the undergraduate era, that will continue to be developed or improved upon by your masters thesis. That shows a clear direction for your studies, how you plan to use the program, the training system they offer, and other things. An MSc is all about continuous learning. That is what you should be focused on in the pressentation. Do not spend too much time discussing your academic biography. That is irrelevant to the current considerations.

Student Talk / Requirements for Germany Scholarship [3]

Each scholarship has a different set of requirements that you have to provide or qualify for. I cannot specifically tell you what these are without knowing what scholarships you will be applying to. Those requirements are easily searchable and the forms are downloadable from the official scholarship websites. Yes, there is an opportunity for 12th graders to apply for undergraduate scholarships. You have a fair chance of qualifying along with the other applicants. What do you need to prepare? Well, they normally look for academic accomplishments, student community memberships and participation, as well as community contributions. It would also help if you can provide a degree of measurable language proficiency in German. It allows you to show that you have prepared to study in Germany to the best of your abilities.

Writing Feedback / It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. [2]

Kindly stay within suggested 300 word limitation for the Task 2 essay to ensure that you will be focusing more on the quality of your opinion rather than the length. Writing more than 300 words tends to risk getting an automatic failing score for the task because you may not be able to completely write the paper within the 4 minute allowance. Please pay attention the formatting as well as you are scored on your response format adherence as well. Clearly separate the paragraphs in the presentation so that the essay will be easier to read and follow on the part of the proctor.

The reasoning paragraphs are well developed and sticks to the defense of your personal opinion. While the grammar is not perfect, you did manage to explain yourself in a manner that the examiner will be able to understand. You have to make sure to separate the reasoning paragraphs though. The Task 2 essay should be composed of 4 paragraphs at all times.

As for the summary conclusion, you need to provide at least 2 sentences in the presentation. These sentences should comprise 40 words for it to be given the proper scoring consideration.

Writing Feedback / A culmination of nihilism and existentialism. [2]

The essay was difficult for me to read because of the lack of pauses between the ideas presented. There should have been at least 3 paragraphs in this presentation. There is also a lack of clarity when it comes to the required opinion. Are these all your personal opinion? Or does it include a public perception that was not properly identified in the presentation? The train of thought is difficult to follow due to the lack of proper idea separations.

The final line should not be a single presentation. That does not meet academic writing requirements. Instead, you should be writing at least 3 sentences to meet the formatting requirement. While the ideas presented are sound, It is a bit boring to read and loses the reader's interest due to the writer's disregard of formatting requirements.

Undergraduate / GKS U 2026 SOP for Business administration + finance [2]

The essay is too creative in presentation. It focused too much on the telling of a story that it already failed to capture the interest of the reviewer, in relation to the prompt requirements, and actually spent most of the word count on setting up unnecessary details. The essay does not have to be this long since you do not have to to an academic biography. You should only be responding the the specific prompt requirements:

1. You clear personal and academic motivations for applying to the program
2. Your family and educational background. Focus on the accomplishments of your parents and how these influenced your own academic accomplishments
3. Your significant and relevant experiences. You do not have to tell the story of your country. Tell your story instead. You may relate it to these events but the events should not be the focus of the narration.
4, The list of your awards, publications, and notable skills.

Number 4 should be directly related to the explanation about your choice of university so that the university reviewers will understand what makes you a viable and qualified candidate for the scholarship at their university. It will be best if you come up with a 2nd version that is more simplified and focused in content.

Writing Feedback / International Aid - yes or no? [3]

You have over discussed the essay at 370 words. If you end up with an open ended essay during the actual test, meaning you ran out of time to provide a completed discussion before time ran out, then you will receive an automatic failing score. Keep the discussion to 300 words and make sure your thought process is clear and concise in each of the 2 body paragraphs.

Do not exaggerate your statements such as since such a reference is not being made in the original prompt. Provide only a calm and logical restatement of the facts to avoid these score reducing errors.


Your TA score will be further reduced due to your lack of a proper thesis statement in the presentation. You must cite your support for one of the two opinions provided. Failure to do so will mean that you did not provide the contents of the introduction paragraph as expected. The TA score will receive additional deductions.


There are 2 problems with this paragraph:

1. You cannot refer to your personal opinion in the concluding paragraph. That section is meant to only provide a reverse paraphrase of the writer's discussion.
2. You should not say "I think" because this will contradict your support for a given statement, aside from the discussion being placed in the wrong section of the opinion paper.

You are expected to provide an opinion for the pro and con public opinions. Provide heavy support for the opinion you agree with Use first and second person pronouns in the discussion paragraphs so that there will be a clarity regarding who is speaking. The lack of pronoun usage will affect your final C+C and GRA scores.

Undergraduate / Nigeria and Economic Constraints - Statements of Purpose (S.O.P) [2]

You should not open the statement of purpose with a reference to the thoughts of someone else. The reviewer is not interested in what that person has to say. He is interested in your thoughts, principles, and direction. The content of the paper is not related to a statement of purpose. It is a personal statement for the most part so the reviewer will disregard most of the information you have presented here. Since you are applying for acceptance into a masters degree course, your SOP should focus on the following:

1. Your professional career needs at the moment.
2. Your undergraduate studies and thesis (as it relates) that have prepared you for this new academic undertaking.
3. Based on your undergraduate studies, what skills you need to develop and theories that you need to understand to become better at your job.
4. Related training and seminars you have attended in summary form.
5. Why you chose the university. Align these with specifics from your professional and academic needs
6. Your 5 year career plan as it relates to your career path upon graduation.

Do not submit an academic biography to the reviewer. That does not provide statement of purpose specific information as required for your evaluation.

Undergraduate / Being Excluded in a project - Waterloo AIF Question #3 - Experience Reflection [2]

The reason why you were sidelined by the group in meetings should be clearly explained in the statement. You cannot make the claim without a basis for it. Revise the content to tell the whole story leading up to your taking charge of the group. What made you realize the group was failing? How was sidelining you on the causes for the potential failure? I do not really see a lesson being learned here. What you are speaking of in the statement does not show character progression and the development of your team work skills, which is vital to the sidelining discussion. Try to explain everything better so that the lessons you learned and skills developed becomes more appreciated by the reviewer.

Undergraduate / Starting a music club at my school - Waterloo AIF question #2 - Community Involvement [2]

This leadership statement is too self focused. There is a lack of teamwork, consideration of the needs of the team, resolving situations that affect the team, and engaging the team in a group effort to resolve any issues. These are all considerations and situations where you would have been able to show several facets of your leadership skills and how you practice inclusiveness as a leader. The events and abilities you describe above would have been more effective, had you been able to establish more of the groundwork of the group. How and why were you chosen as the leader? Did you have assistants? How did you inspire the team towards specific shared goals? What skills did the obstacles help you develop as a leader?

Undergraduate / My Passion for Music - Waterloo AIF question #1 [2]

The passion aspect is a bit thin in this presentation. It started off on the wrong foot as well. When something is your passion, it should not begin with a rejection of anything. You cannot remove the first impression that the negative statement will make on the reviewer. It makes your passion for music questionable. A passion is something that you spend a lifetime pursuing because of something good that you get out of it. Not because you function well when inspired. What happens when you lose the inspiration? Exactly, you will end up quitting again. Do not mistake inspiration for passion. Those are not the same thing. Inspiration is fleeting while passion, is a lifelong mission (for some).

Undergraduate / Undervalued at a hackathon - Waterloo AIF Question #3 - Experience Reflection [2]

While your story shows how you eventually recovered from being undervalued by your teammates, it took time for you to establish that outcome. The essay requires you to explain what you did to correct the situation at that moment in time, not at a later date. Therefore, the time line of your response is unacceptable. You may want to change the time line for that event or, opt for a different response altogether.

The reviewers use these questions to develop an idea of the kind of person you are. In this case, the second option allows you show how you function as a member of a community where someone is seen as different from the rest. I would rather learn about your personality and what you stand for in a community of peers. That way you can show the reviewer the person that you are beyond the academic setting. It is important that he sees you as a well rounded person in this presentation.

Undergraduate / Data analytics - KUAS enrollment essay - Why KUAS ties in with my future goals [2]

The second paragraph does not justify what will make you a good candidate for a student slot at KUAS. The reviewer will be looking for academic achievement, professional exposure, an interest in improving the field, your actions that show your participation in the Data Analysis community, among other things. All I read was a repetition of publicly known information about the school which does not really help the reviewer decide if you are a good fit for the school or not. In all honesty, I do not get a sense that you have properly responded to the last 2 questions of the writing guide at this point. In my opinion, you need to rewrite the last 2 paragraphs of this essay to make it more information relevant and compliant.

Undergraduate / The Sound of His Steps - Common App Essay [2]

Please do not ask me which aspects you should cut from this essay because it is a personal decision on your part. Only you know which aspects of this essay can be removed or reduced in presentation size without affecting the overall message that you hope to present to the reviewer. You will have to decide which paragraphs to remove in this case.

I feel that too much attention has been paid to the fear that you felt for your father with regards to grades and not enough attention was paid to the development of your relationship with him. You should show the negative relationship at the start, but use that as the driving force towards a a positive relationship between the two of you at the end that made you fear him and your grades less because the two of you began to understand each other more than you did before.

Writing Feedback / It is popular in many parts of the world that young people are doing research on their ancestry [2]


Do not make any reference to age in your restatement as the original prompt did not do this. You can only refer to the general population in your presentation, the same as the original representation.


Incorrect writer's opinion presentation. You must respond to the question provided with a given reason. Provide insight into what you will be discussing in your paragraphs. This should be the foundation of your negative opinion of the given topic.


Incorrect word usage. This will result in an LR deduction. A roof is a covering. You mean to use the word "roots" which is a reference to a beginning or foundation of something. Be careful with your vocabulary usage. Most test takers end up failing their test because they do not know how to use English words correctly. Since you are still practicing, use a dictionary to make sure that the meaning of the word you want to use references the intention that you have.


Incorrect phrase usage. This will cause an even bigger deduction in your final score due to the deductions that will be applied to the LR, C+C, and GRA scores of your essay. At this rate, you may not receive a passing mark even though you have provided a long discussion essay. Remember that the score comes from proof of your ability to correctly use the language, not the number of words that you have written.

Writing Feedback / VIDEO RECORDS ARE A BETTER WAY TO LEARN ABOUT THE WAY OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD LIVE THAN DOCUMENTS [2]

The prompt restatement is thoroughly incorrect and does not reflect the idea behind the original prompt correctly. There is no reference to conflict among various communities. There was only a general statement made based on a single point of view. It is from that point of view that the writer's opinion and thesis statement should be based. Due to incorrect prompt restatement, this will be considered a failing Task Accuracy restatement because it does not reflect the original prompt. It will receive a failing score. While the writer did represent a partial agreement with his given discussion topic, he did not give any summarized supporting evidence. No points are awarded for saying that the reasons will be discussed later on. However, since the prompt restatement is already incorrect, then this essay will have already received a failing score due to the incorrect response format.

The writer also included a discussion about written documentation, which is not a part of the original discussion. He also came to a conclusion for the reader instead of allowing the reader to come to his own decision regarding the given topic. Therefore, this essay will not receive a passing score as the writer has proven that although he can write in English, he has comprehension problems when it comes to the topic and discussion format.

Graduate / From Bangladesh to the US - personal statement for Hunter College TESOL grad school program [2]

You should not be referencing other languages in the personal statement. While you are using this to prove your ability to learn, you are deviating from the learning experience that you had for the English language, which should be the focal point of this personal statement. So it would be best to remove the references to your struggles in learning other languages. Yes, you also have to remove your reference to traveling abroad to learn languages. You are already in an English speaking country, there is no need for that reference. Unless you will be traveling to the UK to learn about British English. However, that will not make a difference in this personal statement. Do not confuse the reviewer. If he feels that any part of this statement is not applicable to your abilities as an English teacher, he will disregard the application.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Essay on unwinding mind with video games or outdoor activity. [2]

The prompt restatement is incorrect. As the writer you are supposed to reframe the original topic, without changing the objective of the given points. So your first sentence altered the whole discussion because it did not represent the first presentation. As such, a prompt deviation has occurred, which will result in an automatic failing score for this paragraph. While a positive score will be applied to the writer's response, the early mistake in the topic representation will be the thing that prevents a passing score from being given to this paragraph in the preliminary aspect.

You are redundant in your anchor sentence presentations Try to vary the anchor sentences from "video games". Since you are discussing video games and outdoor activities, you can start one paragraph with video games and the next one with an outdoor games reference to vary the sentence presentation. That way you prevent an over focus on the video game topic.

There are no pronoun references used in this essay. The lack of pronoun usage in first and second reference format will significantly lower the GRA and C+C score for this overall presentation. The variation in sentence format presentation was affected by the lack of speaker reference, which means the GRA score could come in at the failing mark as well.

Undergraduate / NATIONAL TAIWAN UNIVERSITY AUTOBIOGRAPHY 'Ten fingers will all have different lengths' [2]

A personal statement should, in my opinion, not be more than 300 words in length. That is because the reviewer tends to have an assignment to accomplish at least 100 applicant essays read per day so he tends to skim over the statements rather than reading it in-depth. By keeping it short and easy to peruse, you will be able to get more of his attention and hopefully, allow him to remember more of what you wrote. Your essay is a bit long and frankly, tends to get boring due to its length. I remembered the UN part but only because I read the essay paragraph by paragraph, which may not be case once this is submitted. You have to say everything within 3 paragraphs at the most.

I would suggest that you redraft this essay. This time, brainstorm before you write. What are your notable personal accomplishments? Who were the people who influenced you and why? How did you perform academically? What about your community involvement? These are the things that the reviewer is trained to automatically look for when reading an essay. Calling his attention immediately to these instead of presenting a wordy but slightly empty essay would be best in this case.

Writing Feedback / Younger or Older Leaders in Corporations? IELTS Writing Task 2 [2]

There are 2 immediate errors that will fail this essay in terms of preliminary Task Accuracy requirements. The first, is that you are claiming that a debate is ongoing regarding the topic. Since a review of the original prompt will show that there is no such reference being made, then the essay will receive a response percentage markdown in terms of topic restatement. Then, you provided a measured response as your opinion when only a simple agree or disagree statement was required. The lack of reasoning summary in this area will also further reduce the scoring for the TA section. Therefore, these mistakes will result in a failing preliminary score. As such, the essay will have already failed the test overall since the preliminary TA score makes up 50% of the final score.

As this is a single opinion essay rather than a compare and contrast response essay, your TA score will be marked the lowest possible score as you have not provided a response in the correct or expected format. Therefore, this is not going to be considered a passing essay presentation during an actual test.

Undergraduate / Standing Behind, Seeing Beyond (COMMON APP PERSONAL STATEMENT) [2]

One thing that the applicants always make a mistake with when writing the common app essay is that they are still focused on introducing aspects of their lives and experiences in relation to their chosen major. That is when reading exhaustion sets in for the reviewer. They always want to get to know the students beyond their focus on academics through the common app essays. There are several other essay prompts that already focus on the development of your interest in your major. Discuss the development there. The reviewer prefers to learn about your character as a member of the community, as a sibling, as a child to your parents, even as a friend to your classmates and others. The reason is that you will become a member of the student community so you need to enhance the system that you will be joining. Truth be told, I did not learn anything about you as a person in this essay because towards the end, you pivoted back to your chosen major when you could have developed the essay in some other way. I would have used this presentation to show how I silently contribute to the betterment of my community using my other talents and skills. Show how these are appreciated by the people involved. Show a different aspect of who you are that was not portrayed in the other essay prompts.

Undergraduate / Passion for Game Development - Waterloo AIF Question 4 - Goals for Waterloo [2]

I reviewed your statement response several times and came to the same conclusion each time. The provided information responds only to the first question provided in the prompts. If you combine the first sentence and the first and fourth sentences of this version, you end up with the best response to the first question in relation to your goal for attending Waterloo. You have not shown any recent interest in gaming and coding that would justify this interest though. Additionally, you did not show your previous work to any professional or alumni of Waterloo who could have advised you regarding your career ambition. What if you do not get accepted into this course? Do you have an alternative course in line? That was not reflected in your statement which means your response is either incomplete or, incorrect. The way I see it, the response is incorrect when considering the basis of the questions in the writing guide.

Scholarship / GKS-U 2026 Personal Statement - Food Science and Food Engineering [2]

Your realization comes across as a plagiarized version of the John Stewart Mills ethical theory related to Ulitarianism. Yes, reviewers will double check for plagiarism anytime you have a personal insight that is served to them as an in-text citation. It would be better not to portray any realizations in this manner and instead, allow the events, as you narrate them, to reveal itself to the reviewer.

The overall essay is certainly insightful in a manner that portrays the information that you wish to relay to the reviewers. However, it does not answer all of the requirements of the prompts. I do not see any stand out accomplishments both academically, within the community, or within a semi-professional scope that could make you stand out as a candidate. Seeing how you are applying using the university track, you must have some academic highlights to help your application as the universities have limited slots available for scholars, even more limited allowances for students depending upon the country of origin. While this essay would work for an ordinary college application, it does not fully meet the rigid standards of the GKS application process for undergraduate students.

Writing Feedback / TOPIC: Technology in education [2]


You will not gain any points for this statement because all you did was repeat the writing instructions. Review the prompt, you have to present your opinion based upon the pov that you support. This is even as you should be offering an opinion for each public reason that will be discussed in the succeeding paragraphs.


You are stating a personal opinion in this sentence. It is not supported by any information from the original prompt. You have altered the original topic in the process and will therefore receive a failing mark for your prompt restatement. It is important that you restate the facts only as provided in the original or risk receiving a failing preliminary TA score, which means you will already have failed the test, regardless of how well you performed in relation to the other scoring aspects.

Your discussion format is incorrect as you did not use the compare and contrast discussion format in the paragraphs. It is not clear to the examiner if these are all personal opinions or if these are public discussion points. You failed to properly use the first and second person pronouns that would have helped bring clarity to the discussion and improved your GRA score. This is a non passing essay presentation when one considers the major scoring considerations that you did not meet.

Scholarship / Undergraduate dental education in Sudan - Chevening Leadership [2]

You discussed your teaching experience. A teacher is not the same as a leader. Yes, you seem to be a leader because you are imparting knowledge. However, the knowledge being imparted is not for the benefit of a team, it is for the benefit of learners. They have no choice but to follow your instructions. There is no teamwork involved, no collaborative effort, no sense of unity towards a common goal. There was no real team challenge faced that required a leader to emerge to solve the situation. You were educating them rather than leading them. Therefore, this is not a leadership essay in the context of the prompt requirements. This is an educational work experience essay. The two roles are not related.

Undergraduate / GLOCAL PROGRAMME - CREATIVE INDUSTRY POLICY AND ECOSYSTEM [2]

The main problem that I see with this essay is that it does not address your educational background. How does your foundation, which should relate to your chosen tracks, prepare you for these studies? How can you build upon specific learning, experiences, and influences from that time that will assist your academic and professional development based on the dual tracks? How will your exposure to different countries effectively develop your skills? While you bring a lot of professional experience to the program, you have not really related these to your academic foundation. That is what you should develop in the essay by editing the beginning. Revise the first 2 or 3 paragraphs to explain your foundation and its relation to your chosen tracks, then revise the later paragraphs as well (as needed or if necessary).

Undergraduate / My Relationship with Glasses - Common App Essay [3]

Using a childhood story that dates all the way back to Pre-K isn't exactly the kind of story that the reviewer would have expected from you. I can understand the love-hate relationship you have with your glasses and yes, the way it is portrayed here isn't exactly in a manner that would have the reviewer admiring you as a person. Your character depiction is a bit of a problem. However, it is reversible.

If you can manage to revise your last paragraph to become the opening paragraph instead, reframe the discussion to focus on the hereditary close sightedness of the family, totally skip the Pre-K reference, and allow your positive character development to become the focus of the relationship you have with your glasses, then this narrative should begin to take shape as a positive depiction of who you are because of the help of the eyeglasses.

Scholarship / Diverse social networks - Chevening Relationship building and influence [2]

Focus on your relationship with iRise Hub. Expand on the background of the meeting. What was the importance of the conference you attended? How was the connection established? How have you helped iRise and vice versa? Show an ongoing and working relationship to prove that the connection is being nurtured, developed, and diversified (when necessary for both parties). The first paragraph of the essay is not effective. It lacks the proper focus that the prompt requires you to have. There is also a missing aspect to your response. You have not explained why your connection with iRise will be important and beneficial to Chevening. What will you bring to Chevening that other scholars cannot with this relationship with iRise? Complete your response.

Scholarship / Many educational obstacles - Chevening leadership essay [2]

Kindly review the prompts again. You should focus on a single leadership problem that best highlights your leadership skills, ability to lead a team, resolve situations, and helped you to create a leadership approach within your company or community. Narrate the professional aspect as best as you can. Discuss one of the major difficulties that you handled which showed your workplace skills and ability to meet the needs of your stakeholders and employees which led to your developing your leadership abilities. This situation should help you define who you are as a leader and in the process, help the reviewer understand the type of future leader you can be in your professional field.

Scholarship / Essay for bachelor degree in a German university - data analyst [3]

As you have chosen not to share the name of the scholarship program you are applying for, I am unable to give you a scholarship program specific review. Without knowing what scholarship you are applying to, I cannot help you improve the overall content of the essay. That is because each scholarship program has specific information focus for their applicants. In this case, I cannot refer to this specifics to help you improve.

While the essay does contain information that responds to the prompts provided, it does not feel informative in the manner that it should be. The information you are sharing feels generic, specially when it comes to the professional aspect of your career, after studies. Even the academic path that you hope to take enumerates the courses you will be taking, but does not fully indicate how you plan to integrate this into a solid career path. While there is an overview of your academic possibility, the professional application, the internships, and other information do not help to inform the reviewer in the proper manner.

Undergraduate / Before humans die - (GKS_U) 2026 Media essay [2]

The essay is too imaginative in approach when it should be more direct and informative. I understand that you wish to show the reviewer your communicative skills but the fact that you do not have enough personal information, of relevance to the reviewer, to fill the pages of this essay is what created a problem for your essay. Try to revise the essay. Be more direct to the point. Allow your imagination to run free in one paragraph alone. Pretend you are doing an elevator pitch. Say what you have do before you lose the attention of the reviewer. You will not be able to hold his attention beyond the first paragraph of this essay, if he reads all the way to the end because your presentation does not kick off in a matter that offers personal information that would be of interest to him. Kick off with your personal information immediately. You do not have to provide a screenplay. You have to provide direct information. Yes, the essay is wordy, because you are not controlling your imagination. Rein that in and the essay should be more informative.

Writing Feedback / Playing freely after school or doing more organised - IELTS WARRIOR [2]


You are missing a verb here. What is it that the students should follow? More organized what? The word you are looking for to complete the sentence is "activities".


There is no need to say this. The minute you use the pronoun I, it is clear to the examiner that you are providing a personal opinion or point of view.


Since this is an opposing POV, you need to have this presented in your writer's opinion as the "but" sentence. It comes after the "partly agree" opinion. So the extent comes full circle.


Is this a public or personal opinion? Where is the pronoun that represents the POV? This paragraph lacks clarity and will lose C+C and GRA points.

Good luck with your test. You have prepared for it as best as you can. Please let us know how things worked out for you during the test. Sending you positive vibes so you can pass the test without worries.

Scholarship / Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship Motivation Letter in Environmental Engineering [2]

The problem with this application essay is that your high school education does not support your choice of college major. It will be difficult for the reviewer to reconcile your studies in computers with your desire to have a degree in Environmental Engineering. You have to consider that your actual written interview does not reflect any skills or academic learning that you have built in this area. Therefore you will struggle as a student of this course in college. Unless you can convince the reviewer that you have taken some courses relevant to developing an environment engineering process, which you plan to be the pioneer of, I do not see how you will be considered for this scholarship. Bear in mind that the scholarship candidates will have far stronger credentials than you, and all relevant to their chosen major, so the reviewer will not spend too much time considering an irrelevant application such as yours.

Undergraduate / curly hair main common app essay [2]

I am not sure what common app prompt you are responding to with this essay so I can give a specific review in relation to the prompt expectations. I cna however, say that the essay is developed in a manner that shows how your hair signifies the conflict you have experience in life in relation to your identity. Being of mixed heritage can always be confusing so I am pleased to know that you at least understand half of your heritage. I feel like the essay is not complete because you are focused on how well you fit into your Purto Rican heritage, but you did not touch on trying to connect with your Jamaican heritage on your father's side. So the acceptance of who you are and your strengths cannot be considered as completely developed on this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Topic: Television's relevence [2]

The task 2 essays do not and will not ask you to come to a conclusion in your presentation. The job of the essay is to inform the reader rather than make a decision for them. It is up to the reader to come away from your essay with acceptable information for them to make an educated decision on their own. Never say you will make a conclusion for the reader.

You need to learn to brainstorm and draft ideas before actually writing your essay. Before you write your draft, break the prompt down into parts such as the following:

Topic: watching television is a waste of time.

Pro: it has educational value
Con: a waste of time

Develop:
Pro: Reason for public support ? Example My opinion? Example. (10 minutes)
Con: Why is it supported? Example. My opinion? Example. (10 minutes)

Write the draft (10 minutes) then check the quality and clarity of the presentation (10 minutes)

Total time usage: 40 minutes.

If you notice, you end up simplifying your discussion paragraphs when you first, outline your discussion. You immediately end up with 3 -4 sentences per paragraph, keeping you within the safe word count. You should always use the correct pronouns such as "they" and then "I" when writing your POV. These pronouns will add clarity to your discussion and avoid GRA and C+C deductions due to lack of clarity in your discussion. Using this format will allow you to focus on the writing of the essay itself within 40 minutes.

Writing Feedback / Topic: Freedom of speech on social media [2]

Please do not post essays that are collaborative in presentation at this forum. That is because I will be unable to truthfully judge your abilities when it comes to the scoring rubics. The collaboration will not work because you will not have anybody to work with during the actual test. You must work within the actual test setting at all times in order to properly prepare yourself for this test. Even with the help of your mentor, it took 45 minutes for you to complete this essay, which, in all honesty, means that you are not prepared to take this test and, you are not going to pass the test in an actual setting. I am not going to review this essay because of the writing violation that you committed. I will however, review your next essay, should you decide to post one, provided you wrote it without help, regardless of how long it took you to write it. Do not cheat yourself. Provide an accurate example of your writing skills so that I can properly guide you. However, since you already have a mentor helping you to prepare for this test, I think I will not be able to help you. My advice could confuse you since you will receive advice from your mentor regarding your test preparations already. I can only help you if I will be your main writing tutor instead of the 2nd opinion.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that genetically modified crops are a positive development. [2]

The first reason that you will receive a failing score with this sort of writing is because you have overwritten the essay. You have almost 500 words written for an essay that should be completed in 40 minutes. If you fail to write a complete essay within that time frame, you will receive an automatic failing score for having a non-concluded essay presentation.

You need to keep the essay short. Stay within 5 sentences maximum per paragraph. You need not write a long essay, you need to write a quick, informative, and concise essay. Keep it short and conversational. Refer to the external opinions first, then give your opinion of the public perception. That is how to gain maximum scoring in this case. Do not turn it into a vocabulary exercise because you have already used several words out of context in this essay, which would result in a failing LR score for you, further diminishing your chances of passing this test.

Scholarship / A plastic sheet - Chevening leadership essay [2]

When Chevening speaks of leaders in their home country, they refer to people who are contributing to the development of their country through various leadership activities that relates to their profession. While the intention of this essay somewhat relates to what the committee will be looking for, it does not follow through on several aspects.

Let's start with the lack of clarity in the essay. You need to provide your background as a professional and how this relates to the activity that you decided to spearhead. Who were the other people involved in the project? How did you build and manage the team? How did you handle conflicts that arose or problems related to the task on hand? These should help prove your leadership skills and also highlight the national importance of your activity.

There is no reference to group work in the essay. You see to have undertaken this project alone and did not require help from anyone. This could pose a problem because there was no leadership involved in your activity. Reporting the outcome after having done everything yourself does not prove leadership. That is why I am questioning if this is a real professional activity or it was a community activity that you are trying to portray as otherwise. There are conflicts in your narration that will have the reviewer questioning the validity of your leadership claim.