Essays / Driving in winter versus summer - compare and contrast essay [3]

Good morning.

I suggest you start with a list of similarities and differences.

What are the differences in road conditions between the two seasons? Do you need different tires on your automobile? What kind of driving skills do you need for the two seasons? What about avoiding roads you know will have bad driving conditions in the winter?

What things are the same? Should drivers have sunglasses in both seasons in order to be safe? What about the maintenance your automobile needs? Do you need the same engine lubricants (i.e. lighter oil in the winter, lighter in the summer; antifreeze, radiator maintenance, etc.)

Once you have your list of similarities and differences, you can begin to work on your outline, and then your first and subsequent rough drafts. When you have your content, I can help you will all of those steps.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / help with an esay on "Youth Perceptions of Human Security in Africa" [16]

Good morning.

Again, this is another question that should be directed to your instructor. I am not sure what his or her requirements for the assignment are, therefore I am not sure what he/she requires for the abstract.

Generally, an abstract is a brief overview of what you are going to talk about in your paper. It is usually a paragraph or two long (your specificiations may require a different length), and is a "trailer" to what you will discuss in your paper.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Interpretation of "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost [2]

Right off, my advice to you is do not compare your work to texts you find online. It is very difficult to find worthy comparisons for these types of interpretations; either the stuff you find is of a very low quality or it is of a very high quality. Either way, it's probably not where you should be, academically speaking. So, don't do this. :)

You have a good explanatory introduction; you skim over the top of what the gist of the poem is about and your vague interpretation. This is good; your reader is given the highlights of what you are going to write about, and can decide whether or not they want to continue to read on.

Your second paragraph has a pretty good basis of analysis. Do you have any personal experiences with decisions such as this, or with not being able to make an informed or confident decision? If so, this would be a good time to use one as an example of your interpretation.

Your third paragraph needs more analysis. What would motivate an individual to take a path where others had not already tested it out and valued its merits? What would lead an individual to be unsure of his or her decision making abilities?

In your fourth paragraph, you speak of regret and the impossibility of redemption. How can these concepts be dealt with? Is it just human nature to think that "the grass is greener on the other side"? Is there any way to quell that curiosity?

Instead of telling your readers about the "common interpretation" of this poem, what is your understanding of it? How do you view the old man's sigh? If the roads were the same, is it possible that he is just an old man that paused to sigh in his story telling to another? Can this sigh be cautionary sigh to warn the listener/reader? Your line, "...an inflated story used by himself as an old man" is very interesting to me. Why is the sigh inflated? Expound upon this.

I hope my suggestions and questions can help you further. When you are ready to proofread and edit, feel free to post again and I can assist you.

Writing Feedback / should Korean teachers of English be required to pass on speaking test? [2]

Good job! You've got some mechanical errors, and I have made a few word choice changes. Otherwise, you've got a good, clear position in this essay, and you use good reasoning and justification to support it.

Writing Feedback / Gendered Communications Essay [5]

Good morning!

You are very welcom! In regards to the (First Female) article reference, since there is no author name, it should be cited inline as ("First Female"); this lets the reader know that it is the name of an essay, article, or book, and that if we want to look it up for further information we should be looking for that kind of literature.

In regards to the rest of the works cited entries, there are some corrections, which I have made for you here:

Acker, Joan. " Hierarchies, Jobs, Bodies: A Theory of Gendered Organizations." Oregon and Stockholm, Gender & Society, 1990. Is this a published book? If so, you need publishing city and state. If it is some other kind of publication, it should be listed as:

Author Last Name, First. "Title of the Book." Title of the publication it was found in day month abbreviation and year: page numbers to be found on.

"First F emale F our-S tar U.S. Army G eneral N ominated." June 2008 .

Gill, Rebecca. "Comm 3070 Lectures." Lecture. OSH Building. University of Utah, Name of city where lecture was held, State. Day Month Year.

Noer, Michael. "Careers and Marriage." Forbes (Should be underlined) Day it was published online (if you can find it; i.e. 22 Nov. 2005). Date you found it (i.e. 19 Dec. 2005) <forbes.com>.

Valenti, Joann Myer. " Women in God's Country: When Students are Elders, the President's a Prophet, and Everyone's a Saint."Journal of Media and Religion(Should be underlined)Month and year of journal publication: Page numbers article can be found on.

Wood, Julia T. Gendered Lives: Communication, Gender, and CultureSince this is a book it needs to be underlined 7th ed. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 2007.

Your inline citations for all of the references to in-class notes should be as follows:

"...related (Gill)."
"...settings (Gill)."

Some instructors request that the citation page be double spaced, but it should always have hanging indentation (the second and all subsequent lines of any one entry are indented, thus leaving the first line of the citation "hanging"). The title of the page, "Works Cited" should also be centered but again, check with your specific instructor's requirements for the page as they may be different.

For examples of the various specifics of MLA citation, I suggest you conduct and internet keyword search for "examples of MLA citations." That will bring up examples of everything MLA; you can also check with your campus media center for further MLA resources.

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / I'm working on an admissions Essay to University of Florida [2]

Good evening.

I think your idea of using the quote as an introduction is a good one. Introductions need to be attention grabbing yet at the same time be appropritate for the content of your essay. It seems to me, without having read your essay, that this is probably a something that fits these two requirements. Make sure that you use a smooth transition from this quote to your first paragraph, and all should be well.

When you are ready, go ahead and post the essay here and I can help you further.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Gendered Communications Essay [5]

It seems you have presented both sides of your argument fairly. Your introduction is effective because it is a good lead in to this explanation and illustration of both points of view. You have good research to support your assertions, and your organization is clear and easy to follow. Your use of transitions and paragraph structure looks good, and it seems that you touched on everything your instructor assigned. Overall, you've got a good draft here.

It seems that your main weaknesses in this essay are the overuse/misuse of commas and semi colons; watch out for this. Also, your use of inapropriate contractions is a concern. In academic writing, we stay away from casual contractions such as "don't" and "can't"; write out these words in their full and proper forms.

There are a couple spots where you could use a little more information and clarification; adding details or documented facts will help clear this up. Also, check your citation format for inline and works cited references; I am not sure what format you are supposed to be using, so I cannot tell if you are correct in form on this or not.

Again, you've got a good draft here. Keep up the good work!

Undergraduate / Your contribution to the UF campus community, admission essay [6]

You have a very moving essay here; just a couple mechanical errors, but overall very well written. You have had a very tough time it sounds like, and you deserve all of the good that comes your way. Is there a word count restriction on this essay?

Essays / Spring and Fall weather season - comparison essay [5]

Good afternoon.

I think the first place to start would be to make a list of the ways in which the two seasons are the same. Is there something in your life that happens in the spring as well as the fall? What do these two seasons symbolize? Think about what occurs in the spring and the fall in regards to the life cycle; are there any similarities?

Differences are probably going to be a great deal easier than the things they have in common, so I would start with similarities first.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / vision 2020:A Mirage [2]

Good afternoon.

What are the requirements for this assignment? The more information I have about what your instructor wants, the more accurately I can assist you.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / The Warrior Hero: Help with a thesis statement [2]

Good morning!

OK--thesis statements are tricky, because you are asked to sum up your entire paper before you write it. I've always found this a catch-22; how am I supposed to tell a reader what it's about when I haven't written it yet?!?! Anyway, it looks like you've got a good brainstorming session started here. Just as an off-topic question, have you seen "300"? If not, it may be something useful for this paper. I think the thesis is a good one; which character(s) from the Iliad are you thinking about using? Which one do you understand or relate to the easiest?

Try and create a working outline for the paper, and then we can come back to the thesis statement; at this point everything is flexible, so once we have an idea about what you want to have in your content, we can do the quick outline and then the thesis will come easier and stronger.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Are rich children always happier than those who come from poorer families? [6]

You are very welcome. You will know if you can answer these questions by the "feel" of them; trust your instincts and go with what comes naturally! And remember, we're here when you need us!

Writing Feedback / Pain at the pump. An electric vehicle should be your next car [4]

Hello!

You are very welcome! I enjoy watching as your writing improves, and improving it is! I applaud you for your bravery, strength, and determination towards becoming a better writer. Many individuals just say, "I'm a bad writer; I'll just do what I have to in order to get by, and that's it" and that's a shame. You are taking control of your weakness, which is the only way to turn that into strength. As you write more, remember to read more; if you don't have time to read, you don't have the tools to write, and that's something I strongly believe. Listen to other student's writings, and take what you can from them. Work with others in your class as much as you can; you will learn just as much from your classmates as you will from your instructors. Keep it up, you are absolutely making progress!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Are rich children always happier than those who come from poorer families? [6]

I think present tense would be very powerful here, especially with the flashbacks; keeping those in the past tense is very effective, and you do it very well. It pretty much depends on what is occurring in your essay and how comfortable you are with writing in a specific tense; there really isn't a "right" or "wrong" tense to use, you just use what works best.

Everyone writes better when it is something that they are passionate about or have first hand experience with-we are more descriptive because it's a very vivid subject.

Your essay about Vietnam was very powerful; again, it is something that you are familiar with and is important to you. You can speak more confidently and with conviction because you are sure of your topic and how you feel about it. It seems that the literary essays you have written in the past are a bit more challenging for you because you are not very familiar or comfortable with the piece you are asked to write about. The only way to get more comfortable with them is to read the pieces over and over again, and then search out what others have written about them; i.e. peer reviewed journals and/or critical essays; that can shine a light on other perspectives that you may not have seen on your own. There's nothing wrong with that, that's how we learn!

Writing Feedback / My grandfather is my hero; 'he was kind to his neighbors and homeless people' [3]

You were very lucky to have such a loving grandfather; he was also very lucky to have you. Your essay is very good; just a couple of mechanical errors, but it is very organized and you transition from one point to the next very fluidly. You've done a good job here.

Essays / Introduction - What will you do with your one wild and precious life? Turning Point. [5]

Good afternoon :)

Well, since it's your essay about your life, what do you want to do with it? What career do you want to have? Do you want to travel? What is it that you've always wanted to do? What are your dreams? Your wishes? Start with your most outlandish, most far-fetched dreams and brainstorm from there.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Are rich children always happier than those who come from poorer families? [6]

A few mechanical errors; make sure you choose a tense and stay with it, you switch to and fro here and it is confusing. You are becoming a better writer each time I read a piece of yours. Keep up the hard work, it's paying off.

Writing Feedback / Pain at the pump. An electric vehicle should be your next car [4]

Good morning :)

You've got a good rough draft here. Watch your tense; otherwise, just a few mechanical errors. You are well organized and give good facts to back up your assertions. Depending on what your teacher requires, if you need to cite the studies you use in this essay, make sure you are doing so. Your paragraphs are structured well and the essay flows nicely. Good work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / hiv disease its causes effects and way forward [4]

Good evening.

First, what are the statistics you are having trouble with? In regards to your writing ability, you certainly can post your writings on this site, and I will do my best to edit and help you with proofreading your work. In regards to your citation question, the referencing style and requirements will vary depending on your citation style. What style are you using?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Death Penalty Research Question and Statistics of Crime [6]

Sheila,

I suggest you begin your research by conducting an internet search using keywords like "death penalty statistics" and then the country that you are researching them in; for example, "death penalty statistics" and "United States". You could also search using the state keyword or crime keywords such as "death penalty statistics" and "murder". This should begin to get you some foundation information, to get started with. You can also contact your academic advisor or campus media center for other research resources your university can provide.

Once you get your content together, I can assist you in making an outline and creating a rough draft, then editing and proofreading further on down the road.

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / European Championship - football essay [4]

Good morning.

It's like that too in America, but we have to be careful when we are writing academically because it is formal and everything has to be "just so"; when we are speaking it is a completely different "venue" if you will than when we write, so just because it works when we are talking doesn't necessarily work when we write. :) For instance, when we write we need to take into account our audience; if you are writing this for someone who will read it that does not necessarily know what "three in a row" means athletically, you need to put in a short phrase that explains it so that they are not confused. If you are writing this essay for a team of sports writers who already know the background on everything you're writing about, elusive and vague references will work just fine.

"The tournament took place in Austria and in Switzerland. These countries had been (correct tense?) the two host cities." Your tense is correct, but how can one tournament be held in two cities simultaneously? Or is that not how it happened? Clarification here is important.

"I tried to express that the Netherland played that good this day that everyone thought they would win the whole tournament. At one blow everyone thought it but before the tournament had started there counted other countries to the top favourites (for example Italy)."

How about "Netherland played so well that day, in spite of everyone at the beginning of the tournament thinking that other teams, such as Italy, would easily dominate" and then continue from there.

This is a little trickier: "After the qualification round the Netherlands were stopped by the Russians, which made me really sad because the Russians had been playing better by far and I did not recognize my team, which had been playing incredibly until that day, anymore." This has to do with sequential reasoning. One thing happened causing another thing, causing another thing, causing the last thing. Russia stopped the Netherlands, causing you to be sad because the Russians were playing better, so the Russian's blinding superiority caused you to forget about your old team because Russia was playing so much better. "Which" is normally a conjunction that is used in "cause and effect" reasoning.

I'm glad you took the sentences one at a time and looked at them closely independently; when we do that it helps us recognize what we really meant to say and if we said it or not, which, in the end, is the whole purpose of writing. Close analysis such as what you have done here makes great writers.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Television essay - "It is all about TV" [3]

Good morning! You are very welcome.

OK, if that sounds good to you and it is what you meant, you can go ahead and use that line in your essay. Sometimes it is difficult to get our meaning into words, but we always do our best!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / How far should I describe my experience for MFA Broadcast design? [8]

Good morning :)

Many times these essays will have pretty strict guidelines; what they want you to write about, and how many words. Does your application have requirements such as this? These guidelines can help us decide where to start and what to include, so that we don't go on all day about all sorts of things :)

Knowing this information will help us get started.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / help with an esay on "Youth Perceptions of Human Security in Africa" [16]

Good morning.

Again, this is another question that should be directed to your instructor. I am not sure what his or her requirements for the assignment are, therefore I am not sure what he/she requires for the abstract.

Generally, an abstract is a brief overview of what you are going to talk about in your paper. It is usually a paragraph or two long (your specificiations may require a different length), and is a "trailer" to what you will discuss in your paper.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Youth and Technology combined no doubt will bring a very aspiring future [4]

You are very welcome.

Tense is something that all writers, no matter what their level, have to be mindful of. Some find it easier to write in the past tense than the present tense, but not everyone is like this. Pick a tense that is comfortable to you; it will probably be the one you find yourself talking mostly in. As for "rules", the best way I can suggest is that if it happened in the past, stick "ed " on the e nd . If you are going to write in the present tense, there should be no "ed "s.

The best rule of thumb is just to read through your work (maybe try it out loud) and see if it makes sense; this can be very difficult, especially when you have read through something so many times you can recite it in your sleep. If you can afford to, put your essay away for a day or two and don't read it; when you go through it after being away for awhile, things like conflicts in tense jump out at you. Otherwise, there's always the old standby of having someone else read it for you, which I am always very happy to do. :)

The more you practice, the better you will become. Keep up your hard work.

Writing Feedback / Youth and Technology combined no doubt will bring a very aspiring future [4]

"The greatest breakthrough in technology was started during the mid 20th century and we,Generation Y, and even younger of the late 20th century have fallen victim to the rise of gadgets. Technology like cell phones, mp3 players, computers, TV, video games, and so forth are some of the gadgets that most of the kids in North America own or have experienced. It has been noted that technologies have been more integrated in our lives effectively than those olderthan 27; for example Generation X. Technology, although distracting for youth does however bring a lot of positives to the table! A cell phone for example can be used to help parents check on up theirkids outside at night; for the kid it is a great social connectivity tool allowing him or her to talk to his or her friend, to even ask questions about the latest homework assignment. Youth and technology combined no doubt will bring a very aspiring future for our generation. (JEREMY Remier and WARREN BUCKLEITNER)"

Essays / Literary tools analysis MLK "I Have a Dream." - great speeches [7]

Good evening.

I suggest conducting an internet search using the keywords "Martin Luther King, Jr." and "I Have a Dream speech"; that should get you the information you are seeking. Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Online plagiarism" - read my paraphrased paragraph! [2]

"A study regarding online plagiarism implied that the acts being committed may be big in number, but not actually a devastating number . Online plagiarism is also comparable to c onventional plagiarism and that the numbers are quite close to each other; 24.5% and 27.6% respectively . It was also found that o nline p lagiarism is done by ignorant students that were not taught about what? or either do not understand the fact that much of the online information is not public domain! This survey was able to conclude that o nline plagiarism is not that much of a widespread problem of literature theft as feared to be, but others disagreed with the statement. (KELLOGG, Alex P.)"

Just a few mechanical errors; be careful of random capitalization and punctuation.

Writing Feedback / Establish a duty of care- Tort Law [8]

If you are going to post your essay with the corrections made, I can edit it again for organization and mechanics. If you need assistance with content, I will not be able to assist.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / help with an esay on "Youth Perceptions of Human Security in Africa" [16]

Good morning.

Again, this is a question that is specific to your assignment and should be directed to your instructor; I am afraid I cannot tell you one way or another since it is specific to your academic course.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Establish a duty of care- Tort Law [8]

Good morning.

Well, as it seems that you need assistance with content, which is specific to your academic course, I again suggest you contact your academic advisor. He or she may be able to connect you with study groups or something of the like that can assist you with the course content. This forum is to assist students with organization and/or proofreading and editing essays, so all I can really help you with are those kinds of things. As far as writing the content, there's not a lot I can assist you with. If you are looking for ways to get the essay you already have fit together, or flow more easily, that is something that I can assist with; if you need help applying case law or applying it, that's not something I can help you with.

Essays / help with an esay on "Youth Perceptions of Human Security in Africa" [16]

Good evening.

It seems that this is a question best answered by your instructor. As I did not assign the topic/project, so I am not sure whether or not you can break down the topic. I suggest you contact your instructor with this question.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / References for a research paper on Virginia Woolf's A Mark on the Wall [2]

Good evening.

There are many free research databases on the internet, they just take a little bit of time to search them out. I suggest you begin with an internet search using the keywords of your text's title, "A Mark on the Wall" and then the author's name, "Woolf". You can then begin to search from those sites and see what information is useful to you. You can also search for "free study guides" or "free literature assistance". Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Unnecessary classes - Need help with argumentive essay [2]

Good evening.

Unfortunately, I cannot help you with the content of your essay. As I do not know what the specifics of your assignment are, I am not sure as to what kind of information you need. If it is an opinion piece, what classes do you think are not necessary for a major? If it is a research paper, I suggest you begin with an internet search using keywords such as "unnecessary classes" and "college majors"; otherwise, you can contact your academic advisor or campus library for research materials that may be able to assist you.

Once you have your content together and have written a rough draft, I can help you with organization and editing. Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / European Championship - football essay [4]

You've got a good rough draft here. Mainly, watch your tense; you slip from present tense to past tense frequently. Pick one tense and stick with it throughout the piece. Otherwise, you stick to your topic and have good paragraphs that flow together well. Nice job.

Writing Feedback / Establish a duty of care- Tort Law [8]

I am not sure as to what you need. I do not know what your assignment is, and I am not familiar with your content. If it is content assistance you require, I suggest you contact your academic advisor. I do not know what you mean by "more extreme stuff"; I can only help you organize and edit your work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Establish a duty of care- Tort Law [8]

You've got a pretty good draft here. Watch your use of quotation marks; only very rarely are single quotation marks used. In this essay, there are no circumstances in which singular quotes should have been used. Also, watch your tense; you slip from past to present tense often; choose one and stick with it throughout your entire essay. Check your reference/citation style. There are many cases and parts of cases that are cited word-for-word, but that do not have adequate referencing and/or citation. How formal is this text to be? If it is going to be turned in for a grade, make sure you are not using casual contractions such as "aren't", "don't", and "doesn't". We do not use informal syntax in formal academic writing.

Keep up your good work; you've obviously put a lot into this essay.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / The three traits of a good essay(Is this essay any good?) [2]

Good morning :)

This is a good essay; you give clear, concise information. Just a few suggestions:

"A good essay should clearly define its subject. The reader shouldn't have to guess what you're talking about, because it should be obvious. Your essay should come out of the gate with it's mission in hand. It's purpose being easily understood by your reader.

A good essay should make an assertion. It must put forth an idea or opinion. Your reader should be able to agree or disagree with your assertion because it is not a fact, but a supposition, a view, or judgment on a matter.

L ast of all, a good essay should be written well. Even a good opinion or judgment can make a bad essay if written poorly. How can your readers follow your reasons if they become befuddled with bad grammar, spelling, or punctuation? Therefore, three traits make a good essay--a definite subject, a workable assertion, and a well written work."

Make sure you are leaving spaces between your words and after your punctuation. Other than that, it look's pretty good.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Admission Essay for MA (Instructional Design and Technology) [8]

I really like your additions; it defines your goals for the future clearly and shows you have a defined direction. Can you think of a specific instance in your daily work where you really could have used one of the procedures you describe above? For instance, perhaps there is a new piece of equipment that you are required to use and you were only trained with a manual, where getting some "hands-on" experience would have been much more beneficial? Or, perhaps do you see others in your field advancing individually and as a team that have these other training structures and strategies, and you can see your organization falling behind because you do not utilize these same or like tools? Try and find the places in your current life/job where these specific items would be of use, and you can use them as your examples, which will enhance your essay and make it clearly more personable, which is what it seems you are searching for.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Admission Essay for MA (Instructional Design and Technology) [8]

Good morning :)

You've done quite a bit of hard work on this!

I was one eager chap who wasted no time testing it out; I thought it was engaging and I enjoyed trying out the quizzes, which provided instant responses. However, I fretted. How I wished the previously developed courseware which I had seen in other contexts, was of the same standard as this 'gem'.

CROPPED