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Posts by temptprovidence
Joined: Feb 22, 2013		 Last Post: Nov 16, 2014
Threads: 8
Posts: 162  
From: pakistan

Displayed posts: 170 / page 4 of 5
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temptprovidence   
Mar 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / "My emotions that I remember on a day in your life"; ARTICLE [7]

please help me with corrections... and suggestions... we are just told to write emotions with no hint about any background... critics most welcomed...!!

The image has literally tilted and existed to tell me. Every thing proved to have an automatic life of its own.. though did work out in manner i would have never guessed about. That was the day when i lost my character. The decisive moment that told me that time was up. I remember how many eyes worked to observe those losses... those losses who stole my lift.. my smile..!!

As i gasped all about the situation, i had formerly known that i have to lose my hold onto something. I knew if i wouldn't, the cruel poses of time awaited me. Before i never knew how intense something could be. I had crushed my disposition to understand it. Those moments gave me nothing of them. All i could do was to gaze at the distant hopes. The only hopes that could assure me something better... are all now.. the harsh memories of the past...!!

The tragic endeavour just could do to innovate the life. That day the feeling of emptiness gripped my heart. The fastened stretch across my chest had not yet loosened its hold on me. It was already contrived... and after that i dont neeed anything to make me remember. All i have to do is to get up in the morning. If i am awake, i remember.

Questions rattled in my head...heart skipped many beats... knots formed in my throat... the blanket of guilt still smothers me. You can say that everything is just fine for me... If you think that..

"A POUNDING HEART AND TOO MANY MEMORIES WERE JUST OKAY!!!"
temptprovidence   
Mar 5, 2013
Essays / Advantages & Disadvantages of COMPUTER GAMES; "foundation English level 2" [9]

The number of people play computer games

a number of people.. "the" if used means the total number of people in observation...

Playing computer games brings about positive effects such as; thinking critically and relaxing for our minds

it should be..."Playing computer games brings about positive effects such as; thinking critically and a source of relaxation for our minds"

they learn how to think plan ahead

they learn to think and plan ahead

playing such games can be a good way to have a relaxation

One of the most popular games that are played in most of the countries is (are) mission games.

to some extent you have made repetitions of points... overall a good essay... good points discussion :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 4, 2013
Graduate / "Success is simple"; Motivation Letter-Strategic Management(MASTERS) [5]

following is always used as singular... reread the first line of the thread... :)
that was good with little or no mistakes but motivation letter must not be too long.. you must look forward to attracting the reader and length matters quite a great deal.. for you have to open your opportunities by this writing so it is necessary... BEST OF LUCK...!!
temptprovidence   
Mar 4, 2013
Book Reports / Being Told you were Switched at Birth is Not Easy; ENGLISH THEME ESSAY [3]

i was really provoked to search wikipedia for the drama... for your expression was an interest developer... the only problem... you used the name of drama very frequently... rather excessively.. avoid that... that was a great attempt from your side... just want to know the purpose of writing...?

BEST OF LUCK... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Task 2 : Competitive Sports are an important part of school curriculum! [5]

regardless competitive ones

this doesnt make any sense, plz try to elaborate for this is polluting the sense of the whole sentence

It is not only train students a determined mind of competition, but it also help them build a team spirit.

it not only trains students a determined mind of competition, but it also helps them to build a team spirit.

Based on those above ideas, I can conclude how beneficial and necessarily useful of sport games, including competitive games in school. Consequently, competitive sports should be remained in school.

Based on these above ideas, I can conclude how beneficial and necessary useful are sport games, including competitive games in school. Consequently, competitive sports should be included in the school curriculum.

reduce potential diseases

what are potential diseases?

I think sport has brought benefits to student's physical and spirit trainings

it must be spiritual training

and also according to the questions you quoted no particular example... plus in the first line of your threads, you have written "make errors for me"... it must be "point out errors for me" :) please dont mind it and dont take it as a critical approach.. just meant to help you... BEST OF LUCK... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / technology raise awareness; Young people are more aware of issues.. [4]

Due to the advancement of the technology and media plays a big role in making aware about these topics

due to their advancement in the fields of technology and media, these both are playing an important role in creting awareness about thes topics

nowadays is a single word...

Like for example, they are more in touch about these issues such as spreading the awareness in the media and on the internet so that they can easily discussed with their friends

like, for example,they are more in touch about these issues due to spreading of awareness through media and through the internet where they can easily discuss the matters with their friends

They are capable to do this because of the relevanceas to what is happening in the surroundings

To illustrate, I totally agree with the idea that young people are more aware of and concerned about issues like polluted environment, poverty and animal welfare than previous generations.
temptprovidence   
Mar 4, 2013
Graduate / "Education is a progressive discovery of one's ignorance";Mechanical Eng(Masters) S [11]

to the extent i can understand, you can first devide your statement in your mind.. devide it into three... achievements, previous success, future plans and aims and reasons to them... correlate all these and try to discuss each one but in a quick survey... lessening the details of each experience you had... then talk about the about the advantages of your chosen profession..in just one paragraph... assign just one or two paras two each component restricting the details... and at such level each one is aware of how to summarise.. the basic lessons of school... :)

i just want to add one more thing that in some places.. complex and indigestible wording is deppriciated... may be you must work in this perspective too about your statement... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 3, 2013
Scholarship / Our childhoods shape our hopes and dreams; Gilman Scholarship [2]

the only problem was length.... but you made a great writing... i am rather sure you will be able to do that...
BEST OF LUCK :) and the only mistakes i found out iwasnt sure that whether they were mistakes or not... may be some one better can help in that perspective... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 Brought up in a village or a city [3]

in stead ... its a single word

student in the countryside are put (subjected to ) less pressure on studying.

that was a good attempt overall... BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 3, 2013
Book Reports / "On the wire", a poem by Robert ; FAMOUS WAR POETRY ESSAY [2]

Wilfred own... its unclear that own is the name that creates a confusion for you wrote it with small letter... such similar mistakes such as use of comma where you dont need and the spelling mistakes which i wont point out as error for that seems to be a tiny mistake.. but it still matters... :)

otherwise your expression was impressive.. and was somehow owing to your perfection in the field...

HOPE I WASNT CRITICAL... just meant to help... for i am rather weaker at english as it seems...
and that was long as well as repels readers.. thats why members couldnt come to your help soon... BEST OF LUCK... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / Had classroom teacher become less important with the increase use of internet? [6]

As in old eras, student and different age group people were unaware about the importance of education and were not conscious about their studies therefore they do not indulged themselves in studies but as time passes (progressed ), different institutes are open (have opened )to educate the people.

"Is classroom teachers become less important with the increase use of internet in education? (is that true that classroom teachers have become less valued with the increasd use of internet in education)

this is also the reason for increase (increased )use of internet in education.
At last, I concluded (conclude ) that, all the above examples show the increased use of internet in education

a nice protection of your opinion... BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 3, 2013
Poetry / "when fate is really so true" (a piece of poetry) [11]

can anyone help me to know if i can do a better deal in the field of poetry or narration... please if anyone who can make a cimparison between my these two threads.."a memory fom my armed past" and this poetry one...???
temptprovidence   
Mar 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / "a memory from my armed past" ; Enormous peaks of Himalayas [5]

please i need to know my mistakes... it seems its a pretty long one... i want corrections for i need to submit it to a local magazine... i want to get rid of mistakes so that the magazine welcomes it... thanks....
temptprovidence   
Mar 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Journey full of obstacles and surprises; TRANSFER-Cornell,U Miami,NYU&American U. [5]

that was rather much better than what you said about your creativity... you have brought to light avery beautiful perspective and made a lovely impression... and the passion that your mother taught was a very breathtaking sensation for me... thats best :) to be precise... i loved that...
temptprovidence   
Mar 1, 2013
Essays / Ideas about Topic sentence; Advantages of small car, living @ home [6]

for yes to education...

you can start as... The length of your life is less important than its bredth... likewise, the length of your education is less important than its width... so i am convinced that education and its worth is... and so on...

for living at home... i have a hint that you can write as...

i wonder why some people value the proverb so much.."home sweet home" and when i come to think about it...

this can be used fo both advantages and disadvantages..

hpe the much i tried was helpful... :)

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