Writing Feedback / About A New Education Essay [8]

When you write, "I do not imply that it is wrong to believe in the power of math, but that, had we another system of explaining natural phenomenon which revealed more of nature, then why would we not want to learn more about that," it helped me to overcome a misconception about your essay. I think you are talking about something that is like the sudden enlightenment that can come from overcoming rational thought.

The enlightenment traditions are based on this. Zen practitioners meditate on a nonsense riddle (koan) in order to get beyond rational thought.

Eco-feminism is also related to this. Some feminists point out that rationality is part of what leads to aggression, destruction, the depletion of resources, and so forth. Men have been rational in their ambition -- because ambition is rational -- but as you implied there is more to life than rationality. There is something to be said for sensitivity in a world being destroyed by ambitious, rational people.

So rather than being trapped in that enclosure you write about, we consider the idea that there is more to life than what is within the scope of mathematics (what is rational).

You write about profound subject matter. I think the way to improve your writing might be to lower your standards for the reader. Use the first sentence of each paragraph to express an idea very simply, and use the whole paragraph for that single idea. This is how you can get the reader to actually receive the meaning you intend when you write about complex subject matter.

Yu start a paragraph talking about memories:
We have memories of places...
And it ends with:
This was the greater force for our lives turning out as they did and where we found ourselves, and also what we took up in our minds to accomplish.

I can understand it now after spending some time and seeing this whole thread, but this material is still difficult reading material to understand.

There is nothing wrong with that, unless you want to really persuade people of something. In order to persuade people, you have to make things easy to follow. It helps if you write each paragraph with the same method used in advertising: say it, explain it, say it again.

Undergraduate / My greatest contribution to Franklin & Marshall would be supporting its mission [9]

Oh, hi! No, it is not cheesy! I did find another small thing though;

...supporting its mission by starting 'with' or 'in' my own country,...

Good luck and have fun in school!

Graduate / Leading: "your greatest talents and/or abilities" Applying for an MBA [3]

When I reflect upon my life's accomplishments and challenges I am able to visualize my greatest talents and abilities that could enhance the experience of my classmates. This is way too wordy. How about something like this;

When I reflect upon my talents and abilities, I think of my communication skills, leadership qualities, and enjoyment of new challenges.

... qualities which consist of being a good decision-maker, assuming mistakes and listening... Should this be, 'avoiding mistakes'?

Challenges in life keep us alive; keep us...

Thus, my classmates can enrich their learning process by having a responsible colleague that will complete assignments on time...

...the capacities to excel in a multicultural environment and to influence UT community in a positive way.

Graduate / My letter of intent for master in education - it is very competitive program; 500 words max essay [3]

Your essay is looking good, but here are a few things that I found;

I'm convinced that teaching is not a job- it is a calling.

...and I see a XXX as the best investment I could make for my future. Attending XXX will allow me to develop the knowledge, ability and personal skills required to fulfill my ambition: to assist ...

My education and career has started in traditional art and animation. ...

...program at XXX, and being exposed to a number of experimental,...

Graduating with honors, I was asked to teach an enthusiastic group of 14 year old students...

It had awakened something in me that I didn't know existed. I learned then, as I still believe now, teaching is not only transferring the knowledge to learners, but it also involves compassion and understanding of the needs and goals of each individual student.

However, it was the XXX XXX Program that sparked my interest in adult education in particular.

After few years of dedicated teaching I was offered a position as the Program head...

...is the significant component and I'm excited about sharing student space with other enthusiastic educators.

Writing Feedback / Experience is the best teacher - THE RELATIVE VALUES OF EXPERIENTIAL AND ACADEMIC LEARNING [3]

You can travel to the most underdeveloped societies, lacking any form of school or academic institution, and you will find that old school teacher - experience - busy at work, as he has been for ages.

Some of the simplest and most important lessons of all can only...I just changed the order of the words because it seems to flow better.

And experience had been a good teacher, in shaping the Soldier Grant into the General Grant. But the shoes of the presidency had some laces which Grant had never thought about, much less experienced. Experience, like any teacher has it's shortcomings.This is great!

Through reading and formal education we can benefit from the experience and views of thousands of contributors. Last year my wife was diagnosed with Lyme Disease.

I had only met three or four people with the disease. They say "Knowledge is power", and I sure lacked the power to even start on the road to helping my wife ...

... but also because by studying and reading I was able to glean information from thousands of people who had knowledge on the subject.

Your last paragraph is especially good!

Scholarship / The internet is today's evolution [3]

The Internet is changing the world every day with newer, faster and better ways to do things online.

For Most people cannotimagine life without the internet, as it is an essential need in their daily lives.

Using college life as an example of how internet has modernized our time, when laptops or computers were not common among students, assignments were to be done in pen and handed in directly to the teacher.

Over the years, the internet has changed social life completely ...

Websites like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace are used daily by all age groups.

Using these sites connects you with friends, family and co-workers.

...looking at how advanced some of these sites are, like uploading a video to Youtube, updating your status on facebook or following...

The internet is a powerful tool for research and getting information for school projects, scientific discoveries, etc. For example, students can use ...

Some Colleges and Universities have some databases which...

Turn it in checks through all...This is unclear. Is Turn It In a website?

Undergraduate / My greatest contribution to Franklin & Marshall would be supporting its mission [9]

Every time I ponder upon the thought of global enhancement, the gap between the developed and the least developed countries

...upheaval in Nepal, I am well aware of, and better able to relate to the issues of my country in a global context.

Likewise, the disparity between the nations of the world today makes...

Throughout, I will be acting for Franklin and Marshall, thus stressing the significance and essence of global education.

Undergraduate / "boot camp for the United States Coast Guard" - Peace Corp Essay #2 [2]

Your essay is coming along fine, but here are a few things I found;
Some would assume I am referring to the yelling done by the company commanders, or the strictly controlled schedule.

This certainly was a shock, but my statement is concerning the experience of being introduced to roughly a hundred new individuals from different...

After getting over my amazement of the different accents that the corners of America had produced, I began to develop friendships with people with whom I had previously held regional stereotypes.

That was the easy part. The more difficult situations were learning to work alongside individuals I did not see eye to eye with.

However, I learned that being thrust into a new situation with different individuals that are working toward a common goal tends to build relationships.This is great!

In some instances these relationships have become more permanent, because they are not based solely upon personal compatibilities, but on mutual respect.

The most important thing that this experience has taught me is that, despite subtle differences, people are generally the same.

Good luck in the Peace Corps!

:)

Writing Feedback / Musqueam and UBC Golf Course Research Paper, Part 2 [3]

This is coming out great, but here are a few things I found;

Another big problem with this deal is how secluded it is. I don't know if secluded is the right word here,...maybe secretive?

...to listen to them as the advisory body of UEL if there are going to be any changes in land use.

...private golf clubs, like the Shaugnessy golf club, in which members are only accepted through invitation.

And Not long after the Agreement was made public, the city of...

... Campbell and his party, despite all the disasters they have led us into, and will probably lead us to again .

This negotiation does not help the process of treaty making nor does it make things any easier for the BC treaty commission.

This is very interesting, made more so by the passion you seem to have for your subject.

Undergraduate / Window watching - common app essay [2]

Gazing through what feels like a portal to another world, but not one amongst or stars, not in that sense, but a different world. One where I exist not as myself, not as the Jamaican teenager held down by gravity on to this slab of oceanic rock, but as something else: something different, something with wings.I love this! You are such a good writer.

It is like an addictive craving ; wanting to be able to see...

... and makes us all slaves to the very reality we have chosen to abide in, and can be easily forgotten.

It was a pleasure to read this, you're such an expressive writer.

Writing Feedback / the defendant's past criminal record - IELTS Writing Task 2. [2]

Crime is one of the most discussed problems in the world, and governments of countries spend lots of time discussing the ways to prevent crime or reduce its rates. How about this?;

...and government officials spend a lot of time discussing ways...

They wayprocess of judging people is also a problem.

Crimes vary from stealing pocket money from a scholar to aThis is confusing. Should it be 'stealing money BY a scholar, (like something completely out of character)?

That's why a criminal's past is an essential thing to know before judging a person. If a person who committed a crime is constantly doing ...

I think it is really important to know whether a defendant has committed crimes in the past .

Therefore the defendant's past definitely should be as one of the things to considered because it can actually show whether person tends to commit crimes or not.

Writing Feedback / Air Pollution in Hong Kong - ( 500-word essay ) [2]

Let's begin with the cause of the problems, which includes three main aspects.
You should add this sentence to the above paragraph, and replace the period with a colon. Then go on to list the three things.

Let's begin with the cause of the problems, which includes three main aspects: ______________, __________, and _________.

Here are a few other things I found;

With the increasing number of private cars,these years and the slow introduction of...

In addition to these, the government should put more effort into controlling the number of private cars on the road.

Besides, in order to keep the air clean with low suspended particles...

This explains why keen and frequent inspection and execution by the government is always needed to match with an ideal city planning.

It explains the significanceimportance of cooperation amongst different regions.

The intolerably terrible air is just what we inhale every day. We cannot protect ourselves from the polluted air. I believe if the problems continue to beworsen , air pollution could be disastrous and tragic. Therefore, from now on, we should be more aware of it and contribute a little every da y to improve the air quality.

Scholarship / a speech on HIV/AIDS - a situation in which you have made a difference [2]

The steps towards the podium were probably the most challenging steps I had ever taken in High school, as I was about to face a boisterous audience of over 1000 people to deliver a speech on HIV/AIDS...

a quasi-government organization mandated to promote awareness of, and advocate for the rights and welfare of people infected by the virus, among other goals.

However as I later learnt one of our schoolmates protested to the organizers who then requested a name.You should elaborate here a little, explain this.

... the competition it was meant for had been canceled , so it got safely tucked away in the deepest...

... it was as if the speech was written for that competition, I was at loss for words I could not believe how I had performed...

I sat with my schoolmates as we listened to the last speaker from a highly respected school, and at that very moment I felt...

... so humble but proud as I was the one who presented the speech, it was a huge achievement.

The victory of my school meant that my school got recognition...

Writing Feedback / Evolution of Federalism [2]

The word federalism is not seen in the constitution; however, throughoutthe many years in history, federalism has gradually...

The founding fathers had no interest in establishing a federalist government, however, the government has increasingly moved towards federalism.

The only problem was finding out who would prevail when disputes between the federal and state governments arise.

... all require the states to corporate with one another to fulfill the duties not don't by the federal government.This sentence needs to be revised.

Writing Feedback / Term Paper: Sailor Mentality [3]


This is a strange way to start, because humans do indeed venture out into it.

Thesis statement: ...the protagonists of each book all share similar qualities of self-determination, self reliance, and a shared attachment to the sea, qualities that together are unique to sailors, separating them from society (no comma necessary here) and making it possible for them to achieve what most people cannot.

This is a good thesis statement, though it is not very "arguable." That is, not many people would disagree with it, so it is not as meaningful as it could be. Obviously this is a well-written paper, but the thesis statement could be more controversial and bolder. :-)

One other criticism I could give is that it might be beter with more comparison and contrast of the works with one another for deep analysis. You give great examples, but examples are superficial compared to deeply analytical comparative analysis.

Great job! Good luck

Undergraduate / Difficulties, challenges and adversities - Personal Statement for USC [2]

Here is an idea:
...with elation that suddenly turned into astonishment.

and let's use a semi-colon to fix this run on sentence:

To my great surprise, everyone was wearing extravagant costumes; every eye was on me, intimidating, despising, with fierce looks penetrated on me.

Silence gave me a chance to reflect on some precious moments in my life.----- this is such a great way to transition into backstory! Great job.

I know that this is tough one to grasp; to be defeated in a competition or even to say good bye to a lover can tear my heart apart, and it could cause anger to myself and to the world, with sadness, depression, resentment and other emotional pain. Then again, I viewed every situation I would be in as an opportunity for my growth and self-mastery.

Poetry / Poem on 5 senses (dream theme) [11]

I don't think you need a comma after crowds.

Ice cream is 2 separate words.

Qimin writes sometimes with lines that get longer, one after another, and I think that is a great style. You have something like that happening when you use these to start lines:

Dream, like the...
Melody, the ...
My best friend, (and what if you had more words in this line? would that be good for building tension?)

I like the way it starts with 1 syllable (dream) and then 3 (melody) and then 3 as separate words (my best friend.)

What is the frie? I like the rhythm of this a lot, but it is hard to understand at the end. I don't think been is the right word.

:-)

Undergraduate / (top 25 law schools) Why did you choose to apply to Franklin and Marshall? [3]

The burden, I believe, is even heavier when it's presented to an international high school graduate who seeks for financial assistance.

However, it was because of a staff member at FandM with a very welcoming attitude, that I was able to regain my initial hope of studying...

Yet, as I explore more, I feel more indebted for what the college has in store for me for the four years of my experience.

It not only embodies the concept of diversity and fusion, but also integrally embraces it in almost every part of the college tradition.

I genuinely accept as true that in order to fully participate in the global society, we must study other languages, literature and cultures...

Most importantly, the fact that 90% of F&M students get admitted to the top 25 law schools in the USA held a strong bearing on my decision as I ...

...to the various, very practical, educational disciplines offered here, it is everything I look for in an institution.

Essays / "250 - 300 word essay on plagiarism in apa format/style" - starting the essay [8]

You should google apa style guide, that will clear this up for you. But all you have to do is have an intro paragraph, a body, and conclusion paragraph. Breaking it up like that will make it easier to deal with than one long paragraph.

As long as you make sure to follow the directions, it'll be fine!

Book Reports / An essay about, the inequality amongst genders, based on 2 narratives-feedback [2]

The novel, "Blindness" also expresses the horrifying sexual exploitation the main character, the doctor's wife experiences by the blind men in the mental asylum.This sentence is unclear. Is the doctors wife the main character?

They imposed force on them and gave them no choice but to visit the blind hoodlums and lose their pride.

In the novel, the blind women were also implied force(does not make sense)... and discriminated against, by the people in the mental asylum, which was similar to the behavior the women in the film experienced.

One of the things that make this comparison meaningful, is the difference between when women spoke up for themselves and when they did not. You should spend a little time discussing this difference in the first and last paragraph.

In conclusion, both narratives have many similarities and differences in the way the protagonist was sexually mistreated, the type of unfair laws that were impliedimposed on the women and the possession of power between the two genders.

Undergraduate / liberal arts education admissions essay [2]

I think you'll do well at Lang, you're a very good writer! Here are a few small things;

Until I discovered Lang, my dreams of studying in Manhattan were always laced with the concern that I (might unwittingly)? compromise the quality or intended nature of my education.

This agenda would enable me to apply myself in ways I hadn't suspected ,...could this word be changed, perhaps to 'anticipated'? or 'imagined'?

As a social and inquisitive individual, I have a lot to benefit from this style of education. This doesn't sound right. Maybe, "could benefit a lot from this ..."?

I am eager to contribute to such a community, and to have the...

Writing Feedback / the Musqueam Reconciliatory Agreement: Part 1 [3]

You're a very good writer and this is interesting reading! As I read though, some things were not clear. You might want to give some background information on who the Musqueam Band is or are, and how the golf course came by the land in the first place.

As the band reported to the Appeal Court, they needed the lands because its current reserves are inadequate for it's members' present or future holdings.

The Musqueam Nation, probably one of the wealthiest bands in Canada, has land holdings worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

Poetry / Shinigami - Death God [9]

How about like this?

You'll be the one to end up dead
And by then I will have fled
Since I really hate the red.

Undergraduate / peace corps essay sharing my knowdelege, my skills, my culture [3]

I knew that at the momentwhen I graduated from col lege, that I was going to pursue getting into a graduate school...

...may choose to take in life, and these are values that I feel I am up to the challenge of instilling into the students.

... and love to get involved in new cultural activities. These are some of the reasons I enrolled in Chinese and French classes.

I want to improve the lives of people with whom I will be living and working, by helping children...

I think one of the hardest things I will face is realizing the level of help needed by the people I will be working with. I don't know yet the hardships that...

... and the Peace Corp group I can make a difference in those peoples lives, by sharing my knowledge , my skills, my culture and most importantly my desire to help.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY:HOW TO USE THE LAND THAT YOU WISH? [2]

Land is a valuable resource, as we can make a lot of money and a lot of other things from it.This is vague and makes an uninteresting first sentence. You want to grab your readers attention with a great first sentence!!

And the wisest thing to do, to take full advantage of land, may be setting up a business on it.

The demand for coffee is growing every day and it becomes an indispensable drink to many people.

Although a lot of coffee shops are opening,but they still don'tseem to meet the needs of customers.

Thus, with a number of customers, some land locatedon a busy street would offer me such an opportunity to open a successful coffee shop.

Locatedon a busy street, my shop has such an advantage to attract customers.

With the money I would be getting from it, I would be able to open...

That actually does sound like a great business! Good luck!

Undergraduate / Smith College supps - I want to mature into a whole person [6]

I am not only amazed by the huge number of successful graduates, but by their massive commitment to Smith.

I picture myself in a both an academically prominent...

More thousands of excellent graduate Smithies will head back to their root and be helpful , ...What does that mean?

Women's lives nowadays aremore of a struggle than ever due to career, domestic and social demands. combined.

She will live in an environment specially designed for females only,...

I believe those precious experiences at a women's college will teach a womanme how to balance my life and achieve...

Writing Feedback / Descriptive essay of a person you know (family first, himself last) [2]

I know that sounds bad becauseit makes you think we used him.

It's not like that at all, he played the lotto all the time and when he would win money he would split...

If you were family or just a friend,your life came before his no matter the situation.

In 1991 my grandpa found out he hat a cyst on his brain.

Instead of telling anybody, he kept it to himself.

He lived every day to the fullest.

After I heard that, I remembered my grandpa telling me he couldn't ride in airplanes, saying, " If I go up in a plane...

What about this?;
Are the visual details engaging? List two that are particularly effective.

Undergraduate / Princeton Supp: An Essay About Life [2]

It started raining last night. What began as a howling storm had diminished to a lazy drizzle. I curiously put my head outside the window with my face aiming at the sky, and secretly enjoyed the gentle massage by the tiny raindrops.

There is this poem from the famous Chinese classical novel, Dream of the Red Chamber, which goes:...

For a moment I was too scared to envision the fate of those tiny

To think that my life may end like the tiny raindrops vanishing in thin air, and that all my glory and achievements are but a fancy facade in life was almost heretical to my ears.Maybe this should say, "to my mind" instead of ears?

IsAre pessimism and fatalism the axioms of life?

I could have landed on the arid soil of Sahara Desert and formed an oasis in the wilderness; or I could have composed a ticking melody on a poet's window and become his new inspiration. Cool!

This needs a transition sentence, as it comes in abruptly and is confusing.
But I landed on an empty studio. A young man entered ...

And if life vanishes into nothing like a silent raindrop, I'll endeavor to create something out of nothing.

Undergraduate / Grandma: a situation where you had to work or closely associate with someone [6]

In your first paragraph, it is unclear whether your friend is a boy or girl, as you sometimes say he or his grandma, and sometimes say her grandma!

...he offered me an opportunity to experience "real Tamil food".
Of how much ever I had heard from him about her grandma's cooking, I now perceived her grandma to be "a specialist in South Indian traditional food".

We left school on a Friday evening and after a 12-hour long hectic train journey, we finally arrived to his Grandma's place...

Her Grandma served...maybe it seems that because 'Grandma' is a female, you are to use 'her', but if your friend is male, you should write, "his" grandma.

I am sure from her point of view I would be like a cave man, moving my hands around infuriatingly with some weird noises.
However, it was not long before we evolved.I LOVE these two sentences together!

Even She thought I was secretive and lazy with my ...
As we left, "our" Grandma bid us farewell with "Bye bye".

Undergraduate / FSU undergraduate admission essay, "My father once..." (vires, artes, mores) [4]

"Vires, Artes, Mores" ...It sounds as if your life reflects all of these, so in your topic sentence, you should say that you believe they are all part of who you are.

From a very young age, I've exhibited qualities and traits those of a strong and independent individual.

... that's just the way I was brought up, not to... I moved the word 'just' in this sentence.

Being the youngest of three brothers can be difficult at times, but overall it has its advantages.

Joseph, who is now twenty two....this looks better if you write the numbers out.

Joseph's and David's mistakes have not only helped them learn but they have also helped me.
...bad influences, my brothers were always ones to make the right decisions and along the way, teaching me

...dedication, and desire to play and actually excel at. it.

can be taken from me in a split second, but having an education and being educated is something that can never be taken away and forever will be with me.

Undergraduate / "My professional experiences vary a lot" - Peace Corps Acceptance Essay #1 [11]

Hi! You can post your revised essay here, but be sure to start a new thread for a different one. I'll be on the lookout for anything you write, but there's a chance that someone else might get to it first. But yes, do post the final draft here!

;^)

Scholarship / Ikea beds = hell (a time when you did something good alone) [3]

After weeks of waking up stiff and weary from sleeping on...

Anyone who has had the experience of building IKEA furniture knows that their directions should not be called directions; they're more similar to a picture book than descriptive instructions.

I began following the cartoon sequence only to find that after step...

Even though most people might find this a simple task, I was struggling.

I began to become more and more frustrated with this bed from hell. So I gave up, I unrolled my sleeping...

That night I had trouble sleeping not only due to back pain from hard flooring but also because I was frustrated that this bed had defeated me.

The next morning I was motivated, and even though my mother offered to help I turned her down.
Even though this was not a significant challenge in my life, I felt accomplished something great .

Undergraduate / "For almost one hundred years, the Latin words" these values will guide me [2]

If you read through this out loud, you can make it much better, I think. Notice how I rounded out some of these sentences?

The values that I have learned throughout my life have made me realize and appreciate how much the world has to offer and that we are benefited by all the knowledge we can gain. How do you feel about this?;

The more knowledge we have, the easier it is to improve our lives and to reach our desired goals.

To start with, Vires for me is the meaning of all the courage, will and power I put into things I want to achieve, for me this value has been put into use through all the events of my life and the important decisions I've had to make.

It also helped me to take actions that added a little more meaning to my life and also helped me to grow up.

Secondly, a value that has always been reflected my life is Mores because for me, coming recently from a different country showed me how...

Undergraduate / Family Experience and How it Affects my Educational Goals - UW Prompt [2]

What a nice essay! I think you should tell what your educational goals are, do you know yet, what your calling is? :)

I sat down next to him on our...

I discovered I liked winter and relished it's bracing cold winds, and found that I loved Literature, but had an absolute...

These new-found facets revealed that my enthusiasm for reading was something that I wanted to pursue and take to the next level.

Looking back on it , it still surprises me how drastically my...

Undergraduate / "Archie's comics" - a horribly written essay for mount holyoke-criticism wanted [4]

That's a cool essay, and funny how you wrote about the love triangle!
You should add another sentence or two to the first one to make a little paragraph.

Imagine an eight year old on the watch for her elder sister before she got caught for running off with the latest 'Archie's.How about, "the latest issue of 'Archie'?

Yes.I am nineteen and standing on the threshold of adult life. But that does not mean I tell myself that I'm too grown up to enjoy a favorite childhood pastime.

Undergraduate / "My professional experiences vary a lot" - Peace Corps Acceptance Essay #1 [11]

You are such a good writer, and your first paragraph grabs the readers attention and says it all, what kind of person you are.

The Peace Corps is an organization with the structure and resources to assist me in accomplishing my goals.

Learning about the function and purpose...I think you should attach this sentence to the above paragraph.

My past experiences in life have been many. I have traveled extensively, lived abroad...

I have traveled to over 20 countries on multiple occasions...

Therefore I will always proudly represent my country and yet remain flexible and accepting of others cultures and ideologies.

Throughout my many travels abroad, there have been many things that I have learned. However, one lesson stands out more so than any other. That is the fact that so many...

Which of the Peace Corps expectations do you find most challenging, and how do you plan to overcome this challenge?
Your essay is just about perfect. I think they might not only accept you, but give you a job at the head of the organization. You sound perfect for them. Good luck! The world needs way more people like you!

Undergraduate / "Swedish language, Facing the challenge" -My college essay, what do you think? [3]

In frustration, I tossed away my Swedish notebooks, but deep down inside, I kept asking myself, 'am I having the right attitude?'

When spring came, I decided to give extra Swedish tuition a shot. What does that mean?

As my second year in high school approached, I had two choices: I could...

Shall I challenge myself or shall I flee from the tough difficulties that faced me?

I sat in front of my computer four nights in row writing and deleting until every sentence was perfect, and it was one of the best...

If practice makes perfection, then tenacity makes success.I like this sentence!

Graduate / MBA: Corporate Finance, professional goals and what to gain from the program [5]

Check for periods, as there are a few places where they are missing. Good essay though, and interesting!

I am only looking for right opportunity to start (me on that path?)

Therefore, my strategic objective now is to make a career shift from Corporate Finance to the Investment Management...

Regardless of my success in securing the necessary job right now,...

...will expand my current website by including a section with it's own market ...

Also, I will have the chance to make my career shift earlier.

(3) I will fill in the gap in my management knowledge...

...process at MBA Program will allow me to not only gain an additional year of experience, but also to travel and see business capitals...

Hardly will I find another the reason to travel to, say, S., in the nearest future.

Concluding, I know that I can comfortably stay within my chosen field of Corporate Finance.

Undergraduate / JHU essay. Globalization esaay. [3]

I choose to pursue international studies because I have come to treasure diversity because of experiences that have provoked and challenged my narrow worldview.

Having lived in four different countries, and having gone to ten different schools, I have naturally interacted...

I observed how others dealt with particular situations , and I continually compared...

Because diversity provided the opportunity to search for the best approach not just by myself, but with others, I began to treasure diversity even more.

Within the international community, the diversity is abundant.

Undergraduate / "S.T.O.P." - Brown University - Best piece of advice you've ever been given? [8]

At this tender age, we te enagers think less with our brains and more with our hearts.

This advice can save us from the punishment and reprimand which we are 'awarded' with after arguing with our parents, teachers or any other elders.

Finally, prepare what you are going to say and make sure you have rehearsed it twice in your head.Great advice!!