vangiespen
Dec 12, 2014
Undergraduate / I strive to balance my identity between iPads and Cow Pies [4]
Tehreem, there is a slight imbalance in the way that you have written this essay. You are trying to draw a comparison between your city and country life. However, the concentration of the essay is solely upon that singular event of note that happened to you in the country. In order to create a proper comparison or balance between the two places that you live in and develop a central identity for yourself, you should work on providing a comparison between your city and country life in a balance way. Use simple examples. After all, you did title this essay "Of Ipads and Cow Pies". Yet the Ipads were a mere mention towards the end of the essay. The comparison of the two worlds must be at a similar length to one another. The final paragraph or so should reflect the central identity that you see yourself as having created because of the merged personalities that you carry from these two worlds. You cannot have 2 separate identities described in a central identity essay. You need to show a merging of those two identities in your personality instead. By merging these two identities, you shall be able to reflect a central identity story for yourself.
Tehreem, there is a slight imbalance in the way that you have written this essay. You are trying to draw a comparison between your city and country life. However, the concentration of the essay is solely upon that singular event of note that happened to you in the country. In order to create a proper comparison or balance between the two places that you live in and develop a central identity for yourself, you should work on providing a comparison between your city and country life in a balance way. Use simple examples. After all, you did title this essay "Of Ipads and Cow Pies". Yet the Ipads were a mere mention towards the end of the essay. The comparison of the two worlds must be at a similar length to one another. The final paragraph or so should reflect the central identity that you see yourself as having created because of the merged personalities that you carry from these two worlds. You cannot have 2 separate identities described in a central identity essay. You need to show a merging of those two identities in your personality instead. By merging these two identities, you shall be able to reflect a central identity story for yourself.