Writing Feedback / The government ought to prioritize railways as the primary sector to receive funds rather than roads [2]

The government should spend money on railways rather than roads.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A growing number of people say that the government ought to prioritize railways as the primary sector to receive funds rather than highway. I completely agree with this statement due to its efficiency in time and environmental reason.

Investing in a modern railways system mean that allowing people to travel in greater dinstances in a shorter amount of time. Because the passanger do not have to deal with the traffic congestion which is mostly faced by the highway users. Thus, people will spend less time commuting and more time in doing something more productive. For instance, the local government of South Sulawesi province in Indonesia has begun to construct a railway for trains to connect its capital city (Makassar City) and Parepare city. As a result, the existence of the future trains will diminish commuting time by half and enable thousands of citizens in Parepare to work in the capital city of South Sulawesi province.

Regarding to the environment effect, the trains tend to be less harmful than road vehicles. This is due to the fact that its wide capacity can carry hundreds of passangers and this obviously will prevent the use of road transportation which is widely known as the most carbon dioxide contributors on earth. Hence, once it is happened, the CO2 emissions will automatically be reduced. In other words, this will slower the global warming impact to our environment. For instance, the British government has now used high speed trains to connect one city to another. As a result, approximately hundreds of tonnes of carbon dioxide has been diminished.

To conclude, the policy maker in this case is the government should invest more public budget on railways systems and less on the highways as this will create a time-efficient and environmentally friendly mode of transportation system.

(299 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - it is good to share as much information, while others think the opposite [3]

Please comment which band i can gain by this essay and give me suggestion related to my writing since i aim for band 7.0

Question
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

KEEPING INFORMATION IN SECRET OR WIDELY SPREAD?

answer

There is a common believe that information is better to be widely spread particularly if it is related to scientific scrutiny, business and academic world due to the need of acquiring references for inventing new advancements. Conversely, some people would refuse to publish it freely. This phenomenon appears as an appraisal for the dedication of scientists and public's safety reason.

Improvement is compulsory to be made by either practitioner or businessman in order to enable them to adept with this modern world, otherwise they will not be capable to compete in today's millennial life. Furthermore, information such as research discoveries is tremendously necessary to become references for those who aim to discover both advancement and theory. For instance, the world has recognised that today the Switzerland government has begun to implement a magnificient system which is turning waste into energy. Prior to that, the scientist were indeed collecting data from a numerous references such as journal articles to create that sophisticated technology.

On the other hand, most of research paper are not freely published. It appears as an appraisal for the researcher hardwork and their amount of time that has been spent for either their invention or theory. Moreover, the importance of it can also be taken into account as one of reason to restrict the access to this kind of information. To be specific, we cannot deny that a number of discoveries can be dangerous if it is used in inappropriate way. For instance, Indonesia experienced bombing incident on june this year and caused massive deaths in three distinct regions. This incident was occurred because those terrorists has made enormous bomb using the scientist's invention such as chemical substance and so on. Hence, by considering this drawback, I tend to believe that the crucial information should be restricted to the public.

In the end, a wide-spread information is needed to be a reference for every researcher in order to discover a brand new invention to the society. However, it can lead to a dangerous drawback if the information is accessed by inappropriate ocnums. Therefore, I believe that it is better for maintaining the information banned for public.

(384 words)

Writing Feedback / The bar graph illustrates the proportion of Australian males and females doing sport exercises IELTS [3]

physical workout among australians in 2010

QUESTION:
The bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

ANSWER:

The given bar graph illustrates the proportion of Australian males and females in doing sport exercises during the period of 2010.

The main fact to emerge from the chart is that the women tend to spare their time to do physical work out rather than men during the time frame. In addition, while the highest interest of males in doing sport exercises shown in the youngest age group (15-24 years old), the females' enthusiasm appeared in adult age group (45-54 years old) instead.

In 2010, the majority of women in Australia frequently did physical work out when they were 45-54 years old with just over a half of the total proportion. Moreover, younger the women were, less interested they allocated their time for a regular physical sport with the proportion was 53%. Meanwhile, the majority of men did physical activities in the youngest age group (15-24 years old) with the proportion nearly 53%.

In addition, the figure in males countered the least percentage in 35-44 years old of age group and continued to rise in the following age groups. On the other hand, the women emerged a rapid decline from 55-64 years old to 65 years old and over age group. Interestingly, althought this trend occurred continuously, it still dominated the figure as a whole with the percentage was between 47-53% for the last two age group.

(227 Words)

Please kindly give band score mark for my essay and suggestions in order to boost my score since i aim for band 7.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - TECHONOLOGY DEVELOPMENT (POSITIVE/NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT) [3]

Please kindly give band score mark for my essay and suggestions in order to boost my score since i aim for band 7.

QUESTION
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

how the advancement of technology affected communication between people?

It is true that the advancement of technology in recent years has altered communication method among people across the world. Moreover, technology has influenced relationships in various ways. In my opinion, this phenomenon is truly a negative development.

The improvement of technology these days has changed the way people interact with each other in either education and social life. Firstly, online learning website creates new possibilities for relationships between students and teachers. For instance, a student can now take video lessons with teachers in different city or county. Another fascinating feature of the technology is that the presence of a teleconference course which provide opportunity for students to attend the lecture given by a professor from another country. Secondly, the majority of people currently are using social networks like facebook to make new friend, find people who share common interests.

However, the aforementioned advantages above can result in isolating people and discouraging real interaction among them. Virtual relationship is the obvious example for this phenomenon. This trend can be seen in our daily life when mostly the youths prefer to broaden their friendship in virtual way rather than in the real world. Consequently, the virtual relationship is becoming a subtitue for real friendship. On the other hand, there is still a shortcoming when the the student conduct a virtual learning is that they need to put a lot of attempts to master the given materials. It is because the online learning typically require a greater amount of reading and assignments than traditional classes.

To conclude, today's sophisticated technology has allowed students to acquire more knowledge from unlimited learning sources as well as build their friendship network with every people in worldwide. However, virtual relationship and the online learning can lead to downsides that detriment for both education and social sector.Thus I stand by my opinion that it is literally a negative development to the human's life.

(316 Words)

Writing Feedback / ielts writing task 2 - ILLEGAL TO REJECT JOB'S APPLICANTS BASED ON THEIR AGE [3]

QUESTION:
In some countries it is illegal for employers to reject applicants due to his/her age.
Positive or negative development?
give your own opinion.

age of an applicant and job's selection

ANSWER

It is true that age is sometimes included as important criteria for determining selected candidates for job in companies. However, it is considered as illegal job requirement procedure in several nations. In my opininon, this phenomenon is a negative development which can bring downsides for both company and the labours themselves.

One serious problem can arise from prohibiting the companies to refuse their job's applicants due to their age is it can lead to serious company loss. It is because some job's positions require adequate experiences which commonly owned by those in productive age (30-35 years old). Therefore, in my opinion when it is restricted to take age into account for selecting new employees, the companies wil be dominated by unqualified staffs. Consequently, the companies will be adversed as they should pay several amount of dollars for those employee do not posess neither skill nor ability to favour the companies' outcomes.

In addition, health and safety of labours are the main priorities over all companies therefore the age should be one factor to be considered otherwise it will damage the labour's health and safety. To illustrates mechanical occupations like petroleum engineers is one of job that physically demanding thus the applicants who apply for this job should have a vigorous body and healthy. This sort of job is not suitable for those in elderly age as the they will not strong enough for doing this job. On this conditions, I believe the age should be legal to be one factor in reviewing job's applicants.

To conclude, several states consider that involving age into prerequisite of job's selection is illegal procedure. However, it confines the company to recruit potential staffs based on their need. In addition, employees's safety and health are the primary priorities of every company. Thus I strongly believe that the aforementioned view is a negative development.

(304 WORDS)

- please kindly give advises related to my writing and give estimated band score since i aim for band 7 for writing-