Writing Feedback / IELTS - Task 2: Tech has made shopping easier - should costumers be satisfied? [3]

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree.

Discuss both views and give your opinion

Please help me improve my writing skill. Much appreciated!

In the modern days, it is undeniable that advanced technology has made great innovation in the way of shopping. Therefore, the major society prefers to buy items online, while the rest hold the opposite viewpoint. To the best of my knowledge, I am in approval of the first contention. The reasons will be given after discussing both views.

To begin with, the main reason against online shopping is that individuals can easily waste money unworthily. Various items with diverse quantities appear to be overwhelmed on the Internet. Therefore, customers with carelessness face the risk of buying low-quality goods or unsuitable ones. In a more serious case, they can be deceived to lose a massive amount of money because of the lax cybersecurity. That's explaining the offends of using modern automation to buy.

On the contrary, despite having few downsides, shopping online 's merits still overweight. Firstly, it vanishes the geographical distance between customers and sellers. Instead of going to a certain department, citizens nowadays can buy goods just by a virtual click. Consequently, consumers will have a wide range of choices of prices and qualities, while the sellers have more buyers. Secondly, online purchases can create exponential stimulation in the national economy. Since the exchange between retailers and customers become more convenient, the community's purchase will increase. As a result, the country's prosperity will ascend considerably.

In my opinion, while I believe that modern technology has modified shopping to be easier, I admit that there are some valid in the opposing argument. Lax cybersecurity is the main fear of online shopping. Therefore, in order to improve national economy effectively, governments have to reinforce virtual safety to protect individuals who purchase online from online deceivers.

In conclusion, although I greatly support the argument that advanced technology has innovated the approaches of shopping to be more at ease, I believe that cybersecurity should be strengthened so as to guarantee the safety of online shopping for customers. Modern automation can benefit humanity in various field, including purchases, as long as we know how to utilize it approriately.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Task 2: Should young people be encouraged to come to theatre? [7]

In some countries, only a few young people go to classical music concerts or plays and performances in theater. Why?

Should young people be encouraged to attend more classical music plays and performances?

I am going to take an IELTS exam four months later. Please help me improve my writing skill. Thanks a lot!
Total words: 360

Innovation has appeared in every single aspect of the world, and entertainment is not an exception. Therefore, teenagers nowadays are considerably less interested in being audiences in theatre, which results in numerous criticism claiming that the youth should be supported to come to those places. In my opinion, I am in disapproval of this contention. The explanation will be given after discussing some reasons for the decreased number of teenagers attending theatre.

To begin with, the main reason for the descendant of young people coming to classical concerts or plays is that this kind of entertainment is no longer suitable for them. Society has adopted more types of recreations, which can match teenagers' favor. For instance, cinemas, EDM festivals are widely preferred thanks to their energetic intrinsics. Meanwhile, classical performances are so fluty that hardly can they satisfy the crazy nature of the youth. That's why young people nowadays tend to less prefer coming to theatre.

To the best of my knowledge, I believe that encouragement for teenagers attending theatre's performances is not necessary. Firstly, the innovation of recreations throughout different eras is a must. We should not support the millennials to have interest in classical performances because their forebears did. What's more, each century has its own taste of art and that's explaining for the different favourite recreations of teenagers and older generations. In addition, such courage can lead to adverse effects on young people because of their unstable intrinsic and the distaste for classical performances.

There are few arguments saying that the cultural-historic values will disappear if millennials are not supported to attend theatre. Although I agree that this thought has some validity, I think it is exaggerated. The flow of times will gradually make the characteristic of teenagers more suitable for classical concerts or plays as they become mature. Consequently, these historic artistic features will be preserved, then passed down for the offsprings and continue to exist.

Having analysed all things above, I greatly believe that we ought not to make intervention in the millennials' favourite entertainments so as to remaining their distinctive taste. Classical music concerts or plays and performances in theatre will come naturally to the youth as time passes.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Task 2: Should Western countries change their diet? [2]

Please leave some advice on my essay. Much appreciated!
(If my introduction is not good, can you suggest another correct one for me?)

Topic:
Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse.
Critics say that these countries should change their diet.

What is your opinion on this?

Here is my essay:

Convenience food is considered as a specific cultural aspect of numerous Western countries. However, this diet is acknowledged to be unhealthy for citizens. That's why there are unnumbered arguments claiming that an eating habit innovation is vital to Western nations. In my opinion, although I agree that the obesity rates are getting worse among Western civilization, I am in total disapproval of modifying their whole diet due to some reasons. The explanation will be given after discussing the devastating state of obesity.

To begin with, obviously the processed food makes great contributions to various chronic diseases. Take obesity for example, recent research has indicated that 70% residents in Western nations is likely to suffer from stroke, sleeplessness and other dangerous illnesses because of being obese. As a result, this fact has put enormous burden on the government's medical system. Consequently, a massive amount of money will be paid for obesity treatment, which could downgrade the national economy.

Despite the alarmist state above, eating habit innovation intensive disadvantages. Oneunnumbered impact of it is loss of diverse cultures , which can be resulted thanks to the change of cuisine. Cooking aspect represents for its nation. Therefore, eliminating a national cuisine can also mean vanishing heterogenious culture. What's more, not only unumbered money will be spent on changing cooking system, but the fast-paced world of these nations can not suitable to any other cuisines except fast food. That's why Western countries should not innovate their diet.

In order to prevent the devasating effects of obesity, I believe that putting high taxes on fast food instead of changing all the diet will reduce its consumption and improve the health of community.

In conclusion, although the Western countries are indeed facing to the risk of high obesity rates, I highly recommend that they had better put taxes on proccessed food rather than innovating their whole cuisine.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Task 2: international travel and the spread of mass media benefits human beings [2]

Please give me some comments on my essay. Much appreciated!

Topic: The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world have made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries.

Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modern day and ages, the invention of numerous convenient transport and the extensive coverage of networking are two main features that bridge the gap between civilians of different countries. In my opinion, I have a great belief that this development's merits outweigh all its downsides.

To begin with, it is undeniable that international travel makes significant stimulation to the tourism industry around the world. As the worldwide economy improves, the need for traveling increases substantially. Therefore, numerous individuals have made a fortune because of providing various interesting services. Ultimately, the average living conditions in many countries have witnessed massive improvement, which benefits the whole world.

As well as international journalism, mass media also contributes a variety of advantages to the Earth. Firstly, the worldwide cover of media supports spreading cultural diversity. Since the geographical distance vanishes, citizens in different territories can easily gain more knowledge about their favourite culture. Secondly, mass media helps civilians update the newest information quickly. Thanks to this merit, unnumbered communities can make appropriate decisions to benefit themselves as much as possible.

Some arguments are claiming that worldwide journalism and mass media can encourage the equalization of nations, which threatens every country. I admit that there are some valid in this contention. However, loss of cultural diversity can totally be prevented by raising appropriate awareness of individuals. Therefore, this risk is not considerable in comparison to lots of benefits of international travel and extensive media coverage.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that worldwide tourism and mass media are exponentially advantageous to human beings, as long as we acknowledge how to utilize them properly.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Task 2: odinary work of art is now easily be labelled as masterpieces. [3]

Please give me some advice on my essay. Thanks so much!

Topic: To be labelled a 'Work of Art', a painting, sculpture or other art form should display certain qualities that are unique. However, over the past century there has been a decline in the quality of prize-winning artwork and it is now possible for quite ordinary pieces of art to be labelled 'masterpieces ' whilst true works of art pass unnoticed.

Do you agree or disagree?

There has been a deterioration in humanity's awareness of masterpieces since the past century. This has led to numerous detrimental problems that eradicate true talented artists. In my opinion, the statement above is appropriate to the world nowadays.

To begin with, there are some reasons explaining why such ordinary pieces of art can win various precious awards. One of them is that valuable prizes are likely to pay more attention to the general attitude of the society toward an artwork, not of expert people. Therefore, unnumbered pieces of art are easily labeled as masterpieces because of the community's high appreciation, despite not being extraordinary. Meanwhile, many works of art that deserve winning prize is constantly ignored due to their eccentric intrinsic, which is hard to understand if not being a professional. Take Picasso's drawings for instance, his talent was eradicated because no one could welcome the uncanny quality inside his arts. Unfortunately, only after his death was his talent noticed and rewarded. This problem has a tendency to occur again if we keep labelling undeserved artworks as masterpieces.

To the best of my knowledge, it is not a good idea to let this state continue. Not only will it upsets true talented artists, but it also leads to a reduction in average work of art awareness. I believe that in order to win a precious award, an art work must be considered carefully by experts, who have high knowledge in art aspect. By conducting this, special qualities in these pieces of art would be examined with meticulousity, which then deserve the substantial effort of artists and consequently receive their high respect.

Having analyzed everything above, I strongly recommend that meticulous examination must be given to artwork when it comes to being labeled as masterpieces. Proper artwork will only be awarded as long as its unique intrinsic is discovered.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Task 2: Health benefits in countryside and cities [NEW]

Please give me some advice on my writing essay. Thanks a lot!

Topic:
Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in cities.

Discuss both views and give your opinions

total words: 288

A public idea has been emerging, regarding that living in rural areas has more health merits than in urban ones. This essay will discuss both views before drawing out the conclusion.

To begin with, the main reason supporting living in the countryside for a healthy life is that the clean environment provides residents with advantageous living conditions. It is undeniable that the less exposure to contamination, the better well-being of an individual. This is because rural citizens stand little chance of enduring detrimental diseases such as heart attacks, lung cancer,... Therefore, nowadays there is an increasing number of civilians who wish to live a healthy lifestyle settling down in the outskirts.

On the contrary, numerous arguments claiming that metropolises have a higher ability to assure the welfare of the populace. Firstly, the fabrication of health amenities is stimulated exponentially in cities. Facilities supporting health merits such as gym, yoga centre,.. are developing significantly since more urban citizens take precedence of well-being over prosperity. Additionally, health pharmacies also receive massive amount of public money from government so as to treat common illnesses without payment for residents. As a result, this policy has made considerable contribution to the society's welfare.

To the best of my knowledge, I would assume that both countryside and citiy have their incompatible strengths and weaknesses when it comes to keeping healthy lifestyle. However, I will argue that metropolises possess overwhelmed advantages in health assurance in comparison to rural areas, due to the substantially advanced technology of treatment in urban, which could tackle innumerable victious ailments.

Having analysed everything above, although it seems that either rural or urban areas have equal downsides and benefits in staying healthy; I believe the merits of metropolis slightly outweigh those of countryside.