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Posts by mjellma
Joined: Dec 26, 2009
Last Post: Dec 31, 2009
Threads: 6
Posts: 24  
From: Yugoslavia

Displayed posts: 30
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mjellma   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "attraction towards Mathematics" - MIT admission essay [12]

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it.

1.Music provides my ultimate peace, its allure is irresistible. The captivating black and white piano keys are the voice of freedom in my life.
A timid note tentatively sparks at first, then one by one the others follow. The rhythm changes, the melody becomes more dynamic. All emotions find their voices when poured in the piano. All the grief and joy expressed in notes make the room quake; however I hardly notice for I am now utterly immersed in the beauty of the harmony. An exhilarated soul is what remains of me as the melody calms down, finding its own peace.

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why?

2.My love for math comes mostly because of its intriguing nature, for mathematics epitomizes challenge; the trickier the problem is, the more captivated I am. Sharing my passion with equally enthusiastic and creative individuals has always been a dream, one which now can be accomplished at the Mathematics Department at MIT.

The brilliance and allure of mathematics lies in its explicit laws yet numerous flexible solutions. With math one knows no restraint. Infinite approaches to different problems await to be discovered by bright minds; as does my potential anticipate its full awakening by the many opportunities, especially remarkable research possibilities MIT has to offer.

PLZ comment, I simply don't know if these are good enough, or what I could do to improve them.

Thnx in advance.
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Playing as a goalkeeper" - MIT pleasure essay (100 words) [8]

Playing as a goalkeeper in a soccer game may be boring because I only stand in front of the goalpost during the whole game.
Don't say that, you're trying to stand out of 3000 candidates. Try a more catchy begining. If you could make the essay seen more passionate it would be a great essay, however as it is now :S, I would not send it.
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / My Mother's Words--CommonApp Essay [5]

She said that the letter was something that she wrote to us in case something ever happened to her, we would know how she wanted us to grow up, and support one another.

Try replacing something with (:p) something else. It would sound better if the same word wasn't repeated.

I loved the essay though.
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Macaulay Honors Essay-Discuss some issue of national, or international concern [5]

Try to find a substitute for the word hate because you are using it continuously on the 4th paragraph.

I don't think its weak, actually I quite like it. If you want to sth. to improve, try making it more emotional in the first part of the essay, when you are talking about yourself as a child. Perhaps emphasize your innocence!

Check my essays if you have time and comment on them!
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Alzheimer" QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS - JHU major essay [21]

I am ready to put all myself in this mission but I know that in order to achieve it, I will have to be mentored by a top University in my chosen field.

This sounds weird, just readjust the letters and you'll have it done perfectly.
The essay is really good. I enjoyed it. Shum mir me e gjet eshe mi shqiptar tjeter qe osht me te njejten situat!

Hope you get addmited!
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Alzheimer" QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS - JHU major essay [21]

poisonivy

Could you read the essay I just posted. I't not complete yet but I'm not sure if its good or not :S. I'm really confused about it. It would be helpful if you could shed some light on it.
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Poverty and lack of education in Kosovo - personal, local, international concern [2]

Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

Kosovo, a tiny dot in any geographical map is the country I come from. As the newest country in the world, one that has gotten its independence in 2008, it has an astonishing history and culture which can be traced back for thousands of years. However, the recent war in 1999 has reflected devastating damage to its economy and population. Even today when ten years have passed the marks of the destructive war can still be seen on the faces of more than 1.4 million unemployed people, more than half of Kosovo's whole population.

It was a rainy afternoon. A timid voice I struggled to understand came from the shadow. "Help, please!" it said. From closer up I could see a mud covered face, where a pair of tiny eyes told a story of their own. Agony and misery was what they reflected, accompanied by the knowledge only a cruel life can teach. A tormented soul forced to survive in this hell called Earth lived in the body of the abandoned child. She looked broken; laying sprawled in the cold cement, with no one there to protect her, nothing to shield her from what no child should face. She kept repeating those agonizing words, kept asking for help from a world that had shown her nothing but indifference.

That child is not the only one undergoing what no being should suffer. The streets are filled with mothers holding quivering innocent babies, mothers who know there is no salvation for them, but continue to live with hope of a brighter future for their offspring. Poverty has spread over Kosovo, suppressing any hope there is to thrive.

In a country where developing academically is the obvious solution to poverty, few things are being done to ensure progress. It is becoming increasingly harder for new generations to get proper education, thereby lowering the chances for future development. Even though Kosovo has many gifted students, the financial crisis that has engulfed it becomes the barrier which imprisons them, forcing their survival instincts to shut down any academic aspiration they have. It is lamentable to see potential for greatness fade because of financial struggles and lack of proper education.

However, not all is doomed. Albanians are known for their will to survive, as proved by the continuous 600 years of struggle to surpass assimilation. New gifted generations are returning from abroad, enlightened with new ideas, solutions to many of Kosovo's problems. They are the bastion of a brighter future - I can say future because the hope this youth represents is what keeps so many people alive, what keeps them waking too face another day. By protecting Kosovo, my ancestors provided us with arable soil. All that is needed now is for us to shine, part the storms and show ourselves, our potential, and give Kosovo the light it needs to blossom.

The drive to contribute towards my country's development has been my greatest motivation. The need to shine myself; to be one of those heartening rays has made me seek greatness, for I am human and it is in my nature to do humane things.

its abuot 520 words now! does anyone know if this is enough about the common application essay.

It is not yet finished, but plz comment on the material I have written!!!
Have I overdone it, and is it still understandeble?
Comment please, I beg you!!!!
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Common app Activity essay - international event [9]

December rain, running
ok, I guess if you intentionally want it that way its cool.
Why dont you post the version with the small corrections suggested then I'd be able to be more helpful.
And I just posted my Kosovo essay! Go on be harsh, its what Im expecting.
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Music and sport..." - My common application essay... [17]

Anada it would be very helpfull if you posted the newest version of you essay, since I can see that many have adjused some minor mistakes. Plz post the one you are now working with and then I'll help you polish it.
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Music and sport..." - My common application essay... [17]

For one thing I feel sorry. I can not sing.
There is one thing I do feel sorry about; its my inability to sing.

Just start slowly, since overall the idea is great all you need to do is polish it and voala a great essay will remain. Ill help you as mush as I can.

I feel music is inside me, just probably too inside to ever be able to pop up.
...probably too submerged to ever reach the surface.

But I refuse to surrender.(use this it sounds really good) I have discovered that something becomes truly impossible only when you cease trying to make it possible.

I wanted to be a part of it, I really wanted ...
I really did...
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Music and sport..." - My common application essay... [17]

I know this might sound strange but I dont think you should choose between the too. Just make sure that the deeper connection is established.Dont just say love and then end the essay. Elaborate how you think that hard work is allways rewarded, as in your volleyball example, and reverse the lines where you mention that you play the guitar since that you is too much... if you want to connect sports with music do it in a parallel way, as in volleyball with singing, not volleyball with singing, playing the guitaar and the flute.

Pick your battles, and dont forget this has to be like over 500 words, most people go up to 600. What I mean is you can mention your success in volleybol as proof that you can do anything you choose, even singing, which you suck at(euphorise it) make it sound good, and stick by those point.

Anyway, it is just a suggestion. :D
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Music and sport..." - My common application essay... [17]

hummm
What I would suggest is that you say for example, you have been traning your voice(it sounds wierd but it really can be done). People who cant sing, can do traning on pianos to refine the sounds, even good singers do that. TRY sth of that sort. Otherwise ommit the singing and music, even though I really like the way you wrote, or the passion which you portrayed with music.
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "attraction towards Mathematics" - MIT admission essay [12]

luminousx
do you have any idea how to make my first one well, not akward. I've been thinking about how to change it but with the word limit to 100 words it is very difficult.

Thnx for the intel though.
If you need sth for me to check, all you have to do is ask.
mjellma   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Kosovo, MIT world you come from? [6]

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs,school,community,city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

Kosovo, a tiny speckle in any world map is the star I revolve around. This little country I call home has been the source of inspiration behind my academic achievement.

However much Kosovo has developed in the past ten years since being liberated, it still stumbles on the path to former glory.

I cannot deny the dearth of higher education resources in Kosovo, nor the indifference shown towards it. Albeit Kosovo has many gifted students, the engulfing financial crisis has become a barrier which imprisons them, forcing their survival instincts to suppress any academic aspiration they may have. It is lamentable to see potential for greatness fade because of financial struggle and lack of proper education. Being a witness to the dimming light of bright minds has changed me. I now appreciate the opportunity I have been given, an opportunity to reveal myself to the world, one seen so very rarely by my country's youth.

A motivation that has pushed me to my limits is the need to contribute to my country's educational system. Kosovo currently has one Institution with mathematic and computer science department - you have read correctly, it has only a single one which lacks new generations, and new ideas. The possibility to help my country evolve, especially in computer science, a field which directly impacts Kosovo's economy, has fueled my resolve. I yearn to be one of the restless forces who are contributing to the development of Kosovo. As a teenager, succeeding academically is the best way to respond to my heart's desire.
mjellma   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / UChicago - (Extended Essay) Outgrowing Being Short [7]

As I stood tiptoe to reach the microphone at the ticket booth, I heard my friend chuckle. "Cute," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "Thank you," I replied with a smile, "Thank you for the compliment."

just a minor granmmar error.

"Short" was no longer a vocabulary which I used to describe myself
sounds a bit off.

I think that the idea is very strong, but I agree with the others that you should better expain how you overcame you problem.

Thnx for looking at my essay earlier. I Appreciate it!

Be sure to post a new draft of this essay if you plan on working to improve it. Then Ill help more with the grammatical things.
mjellma   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "Setting Werther Free"--Common App Essay [10]

As for your concern about the essay, it is really strong.
I loved reading it, an amazing connection you found there!

I'm glad I'm the author of my independent Werther.
try sth different for this last part, dont just rearrange the words. I dont have any suggestions now, but if sth comes to my mnind ill tell you. Sorry!

Thnx for taking your time with my essay, I appreciate it.
mjellma   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / it depends on my mood, time & the setting; Activity/ies for the pleasure? [11]

a compendious series
a series :S change the number to both singular op plural

it increases my mental faculty to an enormous degree and concludes me to a new question

These sound akward, Id make them flow more natural if I were you.
Thnx for reading my essay, hope I helped.
mjellma   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Bu essay. 3 words that describe you! comments are welcome! [4]

Bu supplement essay. In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

Lying awake in bed, a 10-year-old girl hears a whimper. With her curiosity coaxed, she sneaks out of the room, trying not to wake her sleeping parents next door. Outside where snow had whitened the horizon, a single creature lay curling on itself for warmth, trying in vain to find shelter. The girl knew she should return to her bedroom and forget about the dog. She had been warned not to touch stray animals because of risks she could no longer recall when facing a quivering puppy.

Later that night, the shouts of a woman could be heard across the neighborhood. It was the young girl's mother who had found her child nestling a stray dog in her bedroom, cuddling it as she did her favorite teddy.

Another winter has arrived. The girl is sitting in front of a piano, eager to let go of reality and turn to her inner world. Sounds flow gracefully while fingers dance blissfully on black and white piano keys. Stunning melodies are created as she lets her inspiration take charge. She is in heaven; her creativity had opened the golden gates. A final delicate note closes the symphony. Applauds erupt from behind her; her family had gathered at the door, allured by the beautiful melody.

The magic is broken when she looks at the clock, she has ten minutes until her Italian course begins. The girl runs down the street, hurrying, refusing to miss even a second of her precious lesson, even though Italian is her fifth foreign language.

Midnight. The girl's mother is looking at her child who had fallen asleep on a chair, with her faces cushioned in a thick book yet another time. She sees her schedule on the desk; Monday: school, math club, charity project, piano lesson, Italian course. She bends and places a kiss on her cheek, "My ambitious, little girl" she says.

The little girl is me.
I have matured during those years, but I have never strayed from my compassion, creativity and ambition. As someone who is compassionate and cares deeply for the well being of others, I have always tried to help those in need; be it sheltering an animal, a planning charity program, or simply being there for moral support. I would bring this quality to BU as a sociable person who is excited to meet everybody, students and professors alike, and eager to use my skills to help in any way I can.

My creativity has broadened; it is a safe blanket I now carry with me, a divine opportunity to brighten the world, as well as the BU community if I were given the chance. I always seek new ways to broaden my horizon and would surely do so in the numerous opportunities BU has to offer. My ambition gives me the drive to improve and develop everything I get involved in, to succeed in any challenge I face; my creativity provides me with ways to do so. These two forces of nature that have led many people to greatness are my way to impact Boston University positively.

Guys this had to be edited bec. I think it is too long, plz help.
mjellma   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Kosovo, MIT world you come from? [6]

DO yOU think this is more personal, more specific or have I yet more work to do on it?
feel free to be harsh.
mjellma   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Carleton short answers - literature teacher, biology, books. [5]

Nature and life perfection have always been objects of observation and amazement to me. In Biology, my imagination found freedom and my innate curiosity led me into infinite series of "why"s, which I couldn't always answer. Yet, this has not held me back, on the contrary, it has motivated me to go the deepest I can , maybe to the depths of life where people haven't arrived yet. I have thirst for knowledge.

this sounds off, try : it has motivated me to broaden my limits, to reach for depths which have not yet been discovered.

As for the other responses, they are pretty good.

ONE thing though:
I want to stroll down the Carleton Arb and lay down in the green of the Lyman Lakes, admiring the nature ---- I know you're probably trying to show that you have thought about Carleton and know things related to it, but this sentence is just vague. Try to put some purpose in i, try to write why you want to stroll down ..., and lay down at... .

It's just my opinion, anyway.
mjellma   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Library, books, socializing - MIT significant challenge, help, comment, correct [2]

MIT - challenge you faced. (200-250)

The library - my shelter through middle school.
Books - my sole companions.
Socializing - ridiculous! Who needs it?!
This was the life I led until the day I was faced with the real world.
A locked door with a "Closed for this week" sign on it stood between me and my dear books. Reluctantly, I returned to my classroom, to pass my break doing... what exactly?, who with?.

For years I had let my curiosity take the upper hand, and had gradually lost myself in the journey to seek knowledge. Now, without my books I was alone, vulnerable, the shell I had created oh so carefully for years was gone. As I stood there thinking of what had become of me, a girl who used to have friends, real breathing ones, I understood my faults. I had isolated myself completely, and that way had lost touch with reality.

For the next years of high school I changed. By simply talking to knew people, sharing my world with others I once again found the real me. I started from scratch to form new relationships, ones which today I can't imagine the world without. I was determined to succeed; even though a bumpy road lay in front of me, I started my journey enthusiastically. The reward was friends, lots of them, who I now appreciate as much as my books.

No day goes by that I don't secretly thank fate for opening my eyes. I am no longer alone.
mjellma   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / my grandmother's death, supplement for princeton [2]

A single tear escaped the corner of my eye, burned its way down my cheek, and dipped onto my hand, which still held the gruesome letter. My only thought was how a piece of paper can hold the power to sink your entire world, but then, I wasn't thinking quite right. The rock that had always been my anchor, my constant in life was no longer alive. I felt robbed, wronged in the most basic way; fate had taken away the one person I trusted blindly, the one human I truly loved, my grandmother.

I have heard that grief is accompanied by five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I have yet to experience them, for my only response was the sweet memory of my grandmother's hand tightening in support on my shoulder, taking me through a memory lane I will willingly share.

"I simply don't understand chemistry!" I muttered, while trying to make sense of a book that could have been written in Latin for all I understood. My grandmother had heard, so she approached calmly, while I angrily scribbled chemistry formulas. "Don't worry," she said, then sat down besides me and picked up my chemistry book.

Reading it aloud, and stopping to explain every couple of minutes, she made the subject feel familiar. The alien lines where sensible when spoken by her reasonable voice. Together we studied chemistry and I finally understood what had been irritating me for weeks. By the end of the hour, chemistry had become one of my favorite subjects.

Running excitedly, I entered my father's office. In one breath I told him of my decision; I wanted to attend MAC, the infamous private high school in Kosovo. As an 8th grader whose greatest concern was whether I had gotten an A+ on my exam, I didn't understand my father's reluctance to meet my eyes. Ignorant of the difficult position I had placed him, I eagerly waited for his confirmation, never thinking of a private school's cost. "Mjellma we can't ..." I didn't wait for the rest; I ran to my room, locked the door and collapsed behind it, crying about my misfortune. One hour had gone by when grandma's soft knock sounded at my door. Wanting to hear comforting words, awaiting a chance to covey my grief I opened the door. She didn't come in, didn't embrace me as she had every time I had been hurt; instead she told me about her childhood. I had always though of my grandmother as an independent woman who had had a life similar to mine, a life surrounded by people who supported and loved her, people who gave her the attention I had received. How wrong had I been. Little had I known that my grandmother had been raised in a family of 25 people; that she had had to walk for one hour to go to school. I wouldn't have believed that she had had to share a loaf of bred (her whole breakfast) with her siblings and cousins, that she had considered meat to be a rare dedicates in her childhood. No, I wouldn't have believed any ones words but hers. My 60-year-old grandmother, the graceful woman who had been my role model since infancy, had undergone such a horrific childhood. But she had never given up, even though her future had looked grim, hopeless to be precise. She had held onto her dreams, had fought her way to success, and now stood before me as a university professor with a PhD and several published books. When she finished her life's story, she laid a kiss on my cheek and left me at the doorstep, standing speechless, lost in her grim story.

Six months from that day, with a paper confirmation of the full, four year scholarship for MAC I embraced my grandmother tightly, thanking her for opening my eyes, showing me that miracles did exist, but it was in our hands to make them happen.

Grandmother Mandy, as I used to call her, has been a beloved mother, supporting friend, and a dedicated teacher to me. She has helped me face life's challenges, has supported me.

Now I stand here thinking of what she would have said. "I am an old woman, you need to shine for both of us." words she had repeated continually finally made sense. She had once again given me purpose, given me guidance. She had wanted me to continue the pursuit of my goals and not dwell on her death, for she had known if was coming.

Her legacy has given me the strength I need to overcome any possible obstacle standing in my way, her lessons have changed my view of the words, her compassion has grown on me. My role model is dead, but I am alive and through me she will live as well.

HELP with suggestions
mjellma   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Brown PLME other interests supplement - music, piano [3]

So long as my eyes can see, and my ears can hear, so long will I be the musician and artist that accompany the aspiring physician I am to the path of success.

As it is now, this sentence doesn't make much sense. But try to change so long as to as long as, but you'll have to alter the rest of the sentence a bit too.

THNX for reading my essay earlier, I can't believe those stupid mistakes escaped me.

Anyway, I really liked your response to the question.
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