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Posts by skyworthy
Joined: Dec 31, 2009
Last Post: Mar 1, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 17  
From: Korea

Displayed posts: 20
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skyworthy   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Cornell Supplement- My love of politics [3]

I am now taking AP Government with Mr. Bellis, and I am fascinated

can do to someone,and I am often confronted

It was always gratifying to see people's faces light up [/quote]
skyworthy   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "I want different and big" - Why is stanford a good place for me? [2]

Stanford is a good place for me because it's everything I've ever dreamed of put into one college; Standford seems to be made for me (and 6,532 other undergraduates).

maybe..??

Stanford is diverse, modern, big, and intellectually simulating

???

Stanford; it is perfect; it has everything I have on my

than 10,000 people in total

a football team, and is situated in California

read: "Big campus, more than 10,000 total people, football team, California, Water polo team, intellectually tough classes, ethnically diverse, residential campus, suburban setting, a research school focused on math and the sciences, and most importantly school spirit"

this makes no sense..

for six years, I really want difference

I want be at a big college with more opportunities

After this sentence, I don't think I should correct anymore.

I will tell you what you should do. First, don't use commas to deperate independent clauses. use . or ;

And don't start listing all the good things are about Stanford. Explain, show feelings, use voice!

And do not use contrations. "it is " is fine

Hope I helped.
skyworthy   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Concealing my culture essay [6]

fluently, but I am able to communicate in neither.

peers converse exclusively in

I wanted to suppress my Indian heritage and be American like everyone else

I think you need to work on transitions.
skyworthy   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / U of Chicago - Supplement Essays - Why Chicago? and Favorite Books. [6]

and in turn blow my mind.

Needless to say, my parents no longer allow me to go to book stores because I usually end up buying half of their supply.

Supply?? money?

why say "Needless to say" when it is needless to say...ironic huh...

can u check mine for cornell?

(skyworthy)
skyworthy   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Essay about the emergence of China - "For when China wakes, it will shake the world" [5]

College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

(Major: China and Asia-Pacific studies)

"Let China sleep. For when China wakes, it will shake the world." -Napoleon Bonaparte

I lived in China for four and half years. When I first came to China, there were houses that seemed to need reconstruction. There were children excreting feces on the streets. I saw men swear in their seedy taxis as they drove around the streets. It was a coarse world, and to a little man in sixth grade, China was repellent. But through the years I noticed the change around me. I saw the streets widen, the cussing attenuate, and the children civilized. It was astounding to witness the consistent and rapid evolution of the Chinese nation. Its booming growth in economy, the awakening of the Chinese to global issues, and its innate Sinocentrism will soon make China one of the leading nations of the world. China's potential was recognized by Napoleon long before its boom. And the potential is wildly expressing itself in the current days. Today China is envied by many for the global attention it draws.

China initially triggered my intellectual interest with the explosion in the number of skyscraper and automobiles around where I lived. At many of the building construction sites, the continuous drilling and clashing of metals seem to harmoniously reflect the nation's roar, the beast waking up from its long repose. The Lion strengthened and advanced as the automobiles gave it velocity and mobility. And my intrigue for China further intensified as I procured more knowledge about the Chinese culture and the history of its people through my friends and courses at a local Chinese school. I peeked into its five thousand year history, sympathizing for its downfalls but applauding on occasions of its victory. Engrossed in its culture, I seemed to become a part of its story as I delved into its history. Whether I would celebrate the Chinese New Year with firecrackers and moon cakes or feel uneasy about the Chinese national soccer team's loss, I acted out from the affection for China. Because China is waking up gradually and will soon fully stretch its paws to extend influence on other nations, I am captivated by the impact the Chinese nation will exert upon the world.

For me, the timing to study about China and its bordering nations is felicitous. The zenith of the influence of China will coincide with the prime years of my research. With the knowledge of China and Asia-Pacific studies acquired from Cornell University, I wish to connect other countries and connoisseurs of China to the Herculean Middle Kingdom(中国). I will help people understand and direct them to the paths where the international community can work with China hand in hand. I also hope to collaborate with the China's native professors at local universities to further understand China in depth. And I will contribute in return, third, objective point of view from the studies I have pursued outside of China for better analysis of direction the nation is heading.

In current times many people, as I once had, look down on China for their lack of international etiquette and civility on the whole. But the time will come which will urge us to be in good relation to China. And I will be there waiting for those who seek assistance. With a heart for China, I will be patiently anticipating to enhance the global cooperation on world matters we will need to deal as one.
skyworthy   
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / Concealing my culture essay [6]

questions, but found that it was empty

shrinking smile? never heard of it?

maybe slowly subsided?

"Why couldn't I think of what to say?" was going through my mind.

"Nungi... Nungi vanum. Is that Kannada or Tamil? Remember, Grandma never went to school. She only understands Kannada" this needs explanation. Even though I understood it because I speak 4 languages and understand what moms say to children when they make mistake, many may not understand.

"I've tried Mom," I said

My mother _don't use ____wistful_______ responded, "I even speak in "it" at home."

The it is what?

Nungi... Nungi vanum. Is that Kannada or Tamil? Remember, Grandma never went to school. She only understands Kannada.
"I've tried, Mom," my mother wistfully responded. "I even speak in it at home."
"She used to speak so well," my grandma replied softly.

who is speaking to who? if mom responds to you, then granda cannot reply.

of the summer, I taught my grandma the English alphabet, smiling from time to time because she pronounced the letter

I had concealed and regretful that I had concealed it so long.

The essay isn't flowing as a whole. The trasitions must be stronger. Your sentence down flow(no idea flow I mean)

Can you look at mine? Thanks
skyworthy   
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / School's name - Rice supplement - what motivated to you to apply? [6]

"Rice".

University, and while my friend Rachael and I were

doesn't this sound like Rachel and I are my friends?

"Two years ago, I was completely unaware of Rice University, and while my friend Rachael and I were researching information for a business project on the agricultural system, I had randomly clicked on a link that guided me to its website."

extremely long sentence. Break'em apart. Don't use commas

I think "had" shouldn't be in there

Because my high school's IB program has the most rigorous course of study, I am used to high quality education

you are going there because the course is familiar? "I am familiar with the high quality study"? this doesn't sound too modest.

to faculty ratio right here in Houston made Rice even more attractive

do u want to assume that they know where you are living?

"makes?" itsn't it still beautiful? still attractive?

how does: A Rice education will allow me to become a well prepared citizen of an ever changing world.

connect to the whole essay?

please rip mine up!
skyworthy   
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / "Especial" - Rice supplement essay. [4]

I love it as a whole !!!

touching. But, it would be nice if there was little catch or humor?

The admin might can tired of reading such a long passage. You know, they got stacks!

hand written essay-form

of the friendly closeness of communal life at Rice?

what is that?
skyworthy   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / JHU essay. Globalization esaay. [3]

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

Thanks guys!!

The emergence of the internet catalyzed the world's inevitable globalization. The life my generation experience is much difference than that of the past. In order for a person to lead in his field of study, not only is he expected to be intelligent, but also someone who is able to cooperate internationally for success. Learning from Johns Hopkins University more about the global culture, I want to be a person who encourages global cooperation.

I choose to pursue international studies because I have come to treasure diversity from experiences that provoked, and challenged my narrow worldview. Having lived in four different countries, and having gone to ten different schools, I have naturally interacted with people from different parts of the world. And they started to broaden my worldview. People from the remotest places of the world taught me that either with chopsticks or a fork, eating could be done. I learned that with Chinese herbal medicine, or an American pill, back pains can be remedied. I realized that slurping during meals, and saying "excuse me" when leaving the dining table are both table manners.

When I experienced other people and their cultures, I saw the immense differences. When differences existed, I was compelled to think about them and examine how I and my culture differed. I observed how others dealt with a situation, and I continually compared and contrasted with the approaches I had taken. I estimated and measured, neglected or accepted the different ways. Diversity helped me to find the best approaches to a problem by thinking flexibly from many different angles. Because diversity provided the opportunity to search for the best approach not just by myself, but with others, I began to even more treasure diversity.

Within the international community, the diversity is abundant. Within international studies, infinite opportunities await. Because studying international studies enhances my understanding of the global community, and its constituents with whom I will work, I passionately anticipate pursuing international studies at Johns Hopkins University.
skyworthy   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / China on the streen - Looking out the window. What do you see?.....Williams essay [6]

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words

It is frosty winter. I draw the curtains in the morning, and this is always a painful procedure. When I open the curtains, the light will shine and brighten my room, but at the same time I must see the pale children outside begging in the cold, a sight that will darken my heart. As I open the curtains I see women on poorly built Chinese tricycles, going back and forth collecting recyclable boxes and bottles. They earn about two to three dollars by working all day. They are blowing on their hands consistently, helplessly trying to resist the cold. Sitting in my warm room, I ponder about the injustice of the world.

Here in Kunming, China, the poor begging on the street is not an uncommon sight. And I have been questioning what I must do for these people outside. As the years passed and I grew more mature in my thinking, my determination to work for the poor around the world has also grown firm.

I will not pretend that I don't see the deep grief of the poverty-stricken people. I will use my education for the indigent.

Thanks for your feedback
skyworthy   
Jan 3, 2010
Faq, Help / How do I ask a moderator to read and edit my essay? [11]

I don't think he/she will read it cause you said, "get a moderator to do it."

Maybe if you asked, "How do I ask a moderator to read my essay," he/she might have..

just saying...

I havn't had anyone read mine either. Quite frustrating. -_-
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