Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: High sales reflect Power of Advertising and not the Real Need [4]

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, we can see advertisements everywhere, from television set to posters on the streets. Some people believe that these various advertisements get people to buy products that are unnecessary and only look good on television. I tend to agree with this view.

To boost their sales and win over customers, companies pour a great amount of money into advertising. Most of the time, it is not about the function or quality of the commodities themselves but really the promotion of the good feeling of possessing the product. By which I mean, huge cooperation hire celebrities as the face of their product. By casting famous singers in their television advertisement, motorcycles or clothes for example, sales increase significantly since youngsters, as the target consumers, love celebrities. Since having these products shows their status, the quality obviously is not relatively important.

However, despite the fact that advertisements can be falseful and exaggerated, it is also true that it plays and important role economically. They introduce new products, and provide various choices, not to mention they are often visually enjoyable, since they aim to grab your attention. Advertising also helps to keep prices at reasonable levels, creates a fair environment for commercial competition. Otherwise the market may be monopolistic, and the price as well as the choice will not be so selective.

The power of advertising maybe over-rated, we can not deny that the final decision is on the hands of us consumers. No matter how appealing the advertisements are, we should be able to make the decision on our own.

(258 words.)
Any feedback helps! Thank you!

Writing Feedback / Gap years between finishing high school and starting university. [8]

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

After nine to twelve years of intense studying, it is reasonable for high school graduate students to take a break before stepping into university. Some people go travelling while some choose working. Taking a gap year has become a popular option among teenagers. However, if not considered thoroughly, the choice can be both positive and negative.

In my country, most students are pressured by their parents to excel in school. They further their education because it is what everyone does. As a result, most of them skip classes and go partying throughout the four years of college without having a purpose of life. It is no doubt a waste of money and resource. Taking a gap year offers an opportunity to figure out their future plans. Furthermore, students can develop a sense of responsibility through working. Travel widens horizon and youngsters can learn to be independent.

However, there are downsides that must be considered. At the delicate age of eighteen, young adults can easily go off track, perhaps by a job of decent salary, and never returning to their studies. Students might not be mature enough to decide what is best for them, and satisfied with the financial fulfillment they already have. Moreover, a year off could lead to the lost of interest in studying, which might lead to increased drop outs.

There is no perfect answer to the question of whether taking a break between one educational phase and another is beneficial or detrimental. The important thing is to realize what the goals are and do anything necessary to achieve them.

I think my conclusion is weak, but I don't know what else to say about this issue...
Please give me some feedbacks, thanks!

Writing Feedback / Should we encourage children to be competitive or cooperative? [4]

I'd love some feedbacks on my IELTS essay. Thanks!

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It seems that we are living in a world full of competitions, from academic competitions since young age to office competitions in adult lives, even singing contests are in fashion these days. It is some people's beliefs that children should be encouraged to be competitive when they were little, while some hold the view that we should teach them the importance of co-operation instead of winning. From my point of view, I tend to believe that a little competition is needed, although it should not be a necessity in lives.

It is said that there is a greater chance of winning if one had a better head start. That is why children need to get used to competition as early as possible, due to the fact that they have to face that eventually. Some people worry that if we do not prepare them for it, they cannot survive that pressure. This might be true.

However, every so often we saw the news about how high school student commit suicide when they did not get an ideal grade. They cannot stand the fact that they lost to someone else or fail to enter a top university. Putting to much pressure on them can only lead to a result that is sympathetic. Learning how to work with people, and develop interpersonal skills sound more promising when debating on how we should teach our offspring.

In conclusion, some competition for youngsters in their school lives might be benevolent for them. Nevertheless, it is more realistic to teach them how to interact and socialize with others. I believe that it is more useful to possess a skill of dealing with people rather than beating them.

(281 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1: Describing data about travel to and from the UK [4]

The charts below give information about travel to and from the UK, and about the most popular countries for UK residents to visit. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins. on this task)

Please tell me if I used the words correctly. (collocations, paraphrase, etc...) Thank you!
I uploaded the graph here:

a.imageshack.us/img714/3616/200810121035176cam44.jpg

The line graph shows data on the number of visits abroad by British people and visits from overseas residents to the UK, while the bar chart provides the figure of the favorite countries travel by UK residents.

It is clear from the graph that the visits made by UK residents are more than the visits made to the UK.

The trend for oversea visitors climbed steadily in the period of 20 years, from 10 million visits in 1979 to over 25 million in 1999. On the other hand, the journeys made by British had a significant increase of 41 million trips in the same period, from 11 million to 52 million.

In 1999, over 12 million UK residents visited France, which was the most popular country of all, while a lesser number of 9 million travelers went to Spain. Other countries such as the USA, Greece, and Turkey totaled(can I use accounted here?) for approximately 9 million visitors.

Are the following sentences correct?
Other countries constituted approximately 9 million visitors.
Other countries comprised approximately 9 million visitors.
Other countries consisted approximately 9 million visitors.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Student behavior, causes and solutions. [5]

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior.
What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Education is essential in modern societies. Students develop various skills and gain knowledge in their school lives. However, many schools are now facing students' lack of discipline, such as disrespectful to the teachers, skipping classes, vandalize public property, to name a few.

I believe that the increasing number of students' misbehaviors is the result of lack of parenting and low fertility rate. In most families, both parents have a job in order to provide for their children. Long hours of work replace the quality time that was cherished few decades ago. Children often feel neglected, and might therefore try to do something mischievous to get the parents' attention. Furthermore, to compensate for the time they spent working, and also due to the fact that they have only one or two children, parents spoil them by agreeing to everything their babies ask. This results in misbehaviors in schools.

To tackle the problem, I believe that the most efficient way is by government funding, which is providing public day-care centers and workshops with volunteered tutors (from local universities) that can provide one-on-one attention where children can complete their assignments and work on extra projects. That way, students have places to go to after school instead of wandering off the streets or watching television at home by themselves. Since there are adults in the centers to supervise them, help them, or listen to them, youngsters can feel a sense of belonging and that there is someone to go to when encountering difficulties.

Children are our future, and it is crucial that we address this issue as early as possible.

(266 words)

This is my first cause/solution essay.
I wanted to write more on the solutions, but found myself running out of time.
Hence the funny one-sentence conclusion. @@!
Please give me some suggestions that I can improve on. Thank you! :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: theoretical knowledge couples with useful skills are not only practical but also necessary [2]

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.

What, in your opinion should be the main function of a university?

As more and more people go to universities, the question about what should we teach our future generations raises several concerns. It is some peoples' belief that it is useless to teach something that students will not need when they enter the workforce. On the other hand, some hold the view that university is the temple of knowledge, which is why we should focus on knowledge itself rather than skills. From my point of view, I believe that universities should provide practical skills that can prepare us for future jobs.

Firstly, the reason most students choose to go on further education is so that they can have better qualifications and capabilities, for instance, computer skills, presentation techniques, negotiation training, to obtain a decent job. If schools only provide theoretical knowledge, students would have to start over because they do not have hand-on experiences, which might be overwhelming. The massive amount of tuition they paid might not be worth it.

Secondly, the employment market is so competitive these days that a degree is no longer a guarantee when job hunting. Certificates such as business, computer languages proficiency certificates are stronger weapons. For example, if two people both have an MBA degree, the one with language skills would more likely to be employed. That is, a diploma is no longer enough, unfortunately, students need to be both academically and physically capable if they are to compete in today's economy.

In conclusion, I believe that theoretical knowledge couples with useful skills are not only practical but also necessary. Universities should provide both as they are what future needs.

(265 words)

Did I answer the question of the topic correctly?
Or were I off topic?
Are the examples I provide acceptable?
I'd love some feedbacks, thank you!

Writing Feedback / IELTS: giving financial aids to the poor countries is not the way to go [3]

Some people say that richer countries are required to help the poor nations financially; others say this kind of help has more disadvantages than advantages. Do you agree or disagree?

It has been discussed fervently that whether or not developed nations are obligated to provide financial aid for the impoverished nations. It is my opinion that it might worsen the current situation in those countries if we do so, for reasons stated below.

To begin with, the previous aids from the UN to Africa have made them so dependent that they have no intension to help themselves on their own feet. The people there might accustom to the food throwing down from the helicopter, therefore forsake the will as well as the ability to grow crops on their own, for instance. Personally, I assert that it is better to teach them how to fish than to give them the fish.

Furthermore, I believe that everyone wants to live with dignity, not with sympathy. Therefore the poor are certainly able to produce and thrive, if provided with the means to do so. Perhaps the rich can offer them loan to help them start. Nevertheless, they should be restricted to loans only and nothing more.

Giving financial aids to the poor countries might be the humane, decent, and righteous thing to do. Nonetheless, there are various methods that can achieve the same effect. Sending doctors or teachers, as an illustration, to help them with education and health seems to be more practical in the long term, because it is evident that these are equally crucial for a nation to prosper.

To sum up, I strongly agree with the assertion that to rescue the poor nations by throwing money at them has more drawbacks than benefits, due to the fact that those people rescuing themselves. If we wish to help them for moral reasons, we could do so through other approaches.

(288 words)

I'd love some feedbacks on my essay. Thanks!

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The increasing business and culture contact between countries. [6]

Some people say that the increasing business and culture contact between countries has the positive effect; others say it would lose the countries' identities. Discuss.

Globalisation has increased the integration between nations in terms of economic, cultural, and social aspects. Some hold the view that the influences are beneficial, while some suggest that it might therefore reduce the identities of nations. In this essay, the advantageous impacts as well as the disadvantageous ones will be presented.

To begin with, the economic activities increased enormously through the process of globalisation. For instance, foreign companies can set their production factories in the areas where human resources are less expensive, such as China and Vietnam, to reduce their costs. This can also improved the local economies in these developing countries. Nevertheless, these industrial activities are often lack of regulations. Worker safety and pollution, as an illustration, are sometimes ignored, which can lead to serious problem like fatality rates in the areas.

Furthermore, the growth of international contacts would reduce the uniqueness of the countries. A good example for this is the phenomenon of Americanisation. The United States of America is so powerful in every field that people in other countries assimilate into American culture, from huge fast food chains to the "English Mania" in countries like China and Japan. It is a fact that the fast food culture has branched into places where there were originally an incredible diversity of cuisines. In addition, the dominant status of English as a lingua franca has resulted in language death.

To sum up, it is no doubt that the influences of globalisation can be both beneficial and detrimental, by means of economy and culture. Nonetheless, we have to keep in mind that it is exactly because of the diversity that makes our planet exceptional, and it is certainly that we do not lose our values as well as identities when making our lives better.

(293 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Paying more money is the only motivation to make employees work harder... [3]

Paying more money is the only possible motivation to make employees work harder and to increase their productivity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The purpose of this essay is to discuss whether or not the only way to motivate employees to be more hard-working and productive is by raising their salaries. In this essay, I would start by analyzing the factors for higher yields and finish by stating my position on this.

A raise or a promotion can no doubt increase the morale in the working places. Workers understand they have to work harder to meet the boss' expectations and to make themselves worthwhile. For instance, junior high school teachers have great responsibility not only for students' private lives as they are going through adolescence but also their school work due to the fact that it is an important phase for them to study hard and get into the high school they want. If the teachers receive higher salaries, they will be willing to spend more extra time mentoring the youngsters rather than hoping they learn in cram schools and so forth, as this is what is happening in Taiwan.

Nevertheless, I believe that creating an enjoyable working environment is more realistic and essential if one wishes an increase in productivity and better employee performances. Take Google for example, the company offers recreation rooms and extra personal leaves for their workers to develop a more relaxing and supportive workforce. By doing this, the employers can make sure the employees can actually focus and concentrate on their projects instead of thinking about their children or feeling pressured.

To sum up, I believe that a higher pay can be one of the incentive if were to encourage harder-working employees. Alternatively, providing a more secured and relaxing environment for workers can fundamentally boost their productivity since they will be feeling more cared for and therefore do their best for their bosses.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: students can learn outside the textbook and classroom with a real working experiences [3]

Some schools send their students to institutions/organizations for a short to do some unpaid work. To what extent is it beneficial to the students and the organizations/institutions?

The purpose of this essay is to discuss what can students and the organizations benefit from the activity that the students sent by their schools to work for companies without salaries. In this essay, I would start by analyzing the advantages for doing this for both students and companies, and then I would draw a conclusion at the end.

To begin with, students can learn invaluable experiences through the period of time working for the institutions they are assigned to. In most school curriculums, the courses are theoretical and often by instructors speaking to students sitting in the classroom. As a result, students might have little idea of the real challenges or the true situation when they enter the workforce after graduation. For this reason, the internship, although without pay, can give them the experiences that money cannot buy.

As for the companies, the unpaid interns can no doubt save some money. In addition, the younger generations can help them generate new ideas as the students are not bound to restricted workload and they tend to have greater imagination, which can be essentially helpful when they are making a new advertisement or slogan. Moreover they can start looking for potential employees and begin the training, therefore save the time and resources for searching new staffs and organizing an orientation.

To sum up, students can learn outside the textbook and classroom with a real working experiences that can be a great opportunity for future job consideration whereas organizations earn much more as they can not only save time and money but also be enlightened by what young people have to say.

Scholarship / How do you plan to fund any remaining tuition fees and your living expenses. [6]

How do you plan to fund any remaining tuition fees and your living expenses. Will you have sufficient funding for your studies and living costs if you are not successful in your scholarship application? Answer in no more than 300 words.

As the eldest child in my family, I have learned to take responsibility for myself and my two little sisters. The decision of studying abroad is not exactly feasible considering my family's financial situation, and it would be a burden on my parents to send their first child abroad. However, furthering my education abroad has always been my dream, and being an exceptional interpreter is my professional goal. It is a commitment to myself and I am sure that I will definitely regret it if I do not follow my heart.

So, I decided to take up a student loan to pursue my dream and passion. Sadly, the amount of loan I can take up is limited, and as a result, I will not have the sufficient funding for my stay in Britain using my student loan. If I do not get this scholarship, I might have to turn to my parents for financial support, and it would no doubt increase their burden since my sisters are also students and in need of money for education.

Furthermore, in traditional Chinese society, girls are not as valuable as boys. And since my mother had three girls, my grandparents do not expect me and my sisters to accomplish better than my other male cousins. This is exactly why I want to achieve my goals on my own, to prove that girls are just as capable as boys, if not more. Also, I hope to set an example for my sisters and show them that despite the odds are against me, I can still find a way to succeed.

I very much hope that I can be granted your scholarship to fulfill my dream, and also as a confirmation of what I a capable of, as a small town girl.