Undergraduate / Lost in Musical Translation-CommonApp Essay on Risk and Experience [8]

Hey! Thanks for stopping by here. This is my essay in response to the CommonApp prompt on a significant risk I have taken, or experience I've had.

Don't hesitate to be harsh in critiquing it! I'd also greatly appreciate if you could write a brief takeaway from this; if you had to describe what you learned of me to someone, how would you do it in a sentence or two?

Thanks a lot in advance!

Lost in Musical Translation(831 words)

At the time, I just wanted to see Drew Barrymore. She and the music producers of the movie "Music and Lyrics" were visiting New York City public schools to observe and sponsor music classes. My class-divided into pairs of a keyboardist and vocalist each-had practiced playing the movie's theme, "Way Back Into Love," for weeks, in anticipation of the event.

On the big day, I was disappointed to discover that Drew Barrymore was not in attendance. Even worse, neither was my vocalist partner. I considered just playing the piano part of the song. After hearing the same keys and singing styles during the other performances, though, I feared that a solo piano piece would just prolong the monotony. For years as an avid keyboardist, I had been substituting other instruments for the vocal parts of pieces I practiced, by recording background music and playing over it. The sounds and beats I combined made me a one-man-band, and my improvisations made each sit-down a unique venture.

Prior to the performance, I had not really imagined that these musings would escape my bedroom walls to be exposed to the world; I had played for visiting relatives once when the instruments clashed, the tempo was thrown off, and the song was ruined. Ashamed at that debacle, I consequently kept my songs to myself.

Now, however, I was faced with a choice between playing yet another mundane piano piece or doing something vastly different at the risk of messing up in front of the music producers and being ridiculed by my classmates. As the act before mine wrapped up, I glimpsed an audio director suppress a yawn. In an effort to hide it, he flashed a smile reminiscent of the one a mother gives to a toddler who's shown her his hundredth drawing of a house. For my audience and myself, I made my decision.

I poked around on the keyboard's settings to create background music, a violin chord progression for my left hand, and a mellow but distinct electric piano melody for my right. I'm not supposed to be doing this, I thought to myself. This hasn't been rehearsed. But I'd already begun.

I opened with a poignant piano solo, reflecting the solitude of Hugh Grant's character in the movie. Analogous to the movie's characters, the piano and strings welcomed each other's comfort and company. While practicing with beats and backing tracks at home, I believed that I was translating the movie into the language of music, a language that everyone can comprehend. How can I help the blind man understand the movie as well as anyone else? When I reached the first chorus, a duet of the film's lovers, I reflected their budding chemistry by summoning the heartbeat of the drums and the soul of the guitars. With each measure, I deviated further and further from what was intended for this small performance, like a child who knew no restraint. I felt a sense of overexerted power, the power to create anything I wanted to. Yet, I simultaneously felt powerless, as the song pulsated through the speakers of the keyboard and my fingers went on autopilot.

I became enraptured in my song. I forgot that an audience was listening. I felt a freedom of innovation, no longer confined to the precise staccatos of Bach or the formulaic crescendos of Beethoven that I usually played in school and for my piano teacher. After several minutes, I experienced the satisfying exhaustion of a free hound after bounding as he pleases on an open field. My senses regained focus on my surrounding. As the song ended with a closing drum phrase, I saw the quasi-bewildered faces of my classmates and the music producers. What have I done? I started fearing the worst. I've gone too far. I should've stuck with the script.

But my thoughts were cut off by cheers.

Afterward, the chief music editor pulled me aside, wanting to interview me for his radio show. He put what I felt into words, saying that I played for the audience by evoking energy and being different. My friends described my song as "awesome," while other classmates scoffed at it, saying that it mocked classical music. To me, the best review of all was, "I wish it lasted longer." I did, too.

For the first time as a musician, I had performed and been lauded for a piece I had redefined, having taken the liberty to convey my reinterpretation in the way I wished. Even today, whether I am playing at a birthday party, fashion show, or recording with a record-label reggae artist, I try to grow by learning and innovating, based on my own feel for the songs and the audience's response. Unlike my classical piano concerts, these venues offer me something different from the opportunity to simply reprise Mozart's immortal music. In these other performances, I create my own songs. Maybe one day, I will play an original piece for Ms. Barrymore herself.

Undergraduate / "A Progressive Environment" - What I find most appealing about Columbia [4]

I'm probably going to be adding more to this or changing it quite a bit. How is it for starters?
Thanks!

Sitting in Lerner Hall, I take another bite of my New York style pizza. As I look into the main campus, I can barely make out the top floors of the Northwest Corner Building as its construction nears ever-so-closely to completion. During my internship at Columbia University Facilities, I became cognizant of the fact that Columbia had commissioned the construction of several new buildings, not only on its Morningside campus, but in Lamont as well. Even as a high school student, I had become familiar with-and grown to admire-Columbia's devotion to expanding its academic horizons by eagerly embracing and supporting new ideas.

Columbia's unyielding pursuit of advancement in science is evident in its recent endeavors to construct a Geosciences Laboratory in Lamont as well as the first metal-clean lab on the East Coast. As a prospective chemical engineer, I wouldn't be able to find such resources and facilities anywhere else. Nor would I have the opportunity to study at a college with an intrinsic dedication to providing students with up-to-date science and engineering libraries, labs, and facilities.

The College's encouragement of the often controversial political activism demonstrated by its students further depicts its stimulation of progress. An avid environmental activist myself, I would thrive in the pioneering environment Columbia fosters.

Undergraduate / "The Pursuit of Advancement"-Columbia supplemental essay [6]

I'd greatly appreciate criticism and revision of any kind! I need to submit this soon.
Thanks!

After interning with the facilities department and experiencing life on campus for several weeks, I've come to admire Columbia's unyielding pursuit of excellence in science and engineering. With the Northwest Corner Building nearly completed, a Geosciences Lab in Lamont commissioned for construction, and the first metal-clean lab on the East Coast designed, Columbia's dedication to modernize science and engineering facilities is evident. A prospective chemical engineer, I wouldn't be able to find so many cutting-edge resources anywhere else. The Courseworks in Columbia chatroom would let me take my learning experience outside the lecture hall. Demonstrate's Columbia's willingness to adopt new technologies to enhance the learning experience through interaction and communication outside the classroom.

I equally esteem Columbia's position at the forefront of internationalization, as could be evidenced by its employment of a German engineer for the metal-clean lab. The four global centers that the College has established depict its path to becoming a global university. Being an aficionado of the economic and technological implications of going global, I find the opportunity to study at a college so entrenched in globalization irresistible.

Also irresistible to me is the progressive environment that the College fosters. The invitation of President Ahmadinejad to speak at Columbia epitomizes the college's commitment to free speech and stimulating debate, no matter how controversial. As a budding advocate for environmental sustainability, I hope to participate in progressive undertakings myself, be they on Hamilton Lawn or through contributions to the AdHoc magazine.

Undergraduate / "Ringing in a Career in Management and Technology"-Penn supplement [2]

This is my essay for the Fisher Program in management and Technology at Penn.
The prompt asks why I want to study Management and Technology.

Any level of criticism and revision is welcome! Thanks!

Summer Learning - Business and Engineering

This summer, I had my three seconds of fame. I and other interns of [withdrawn] were invited to a NASDAQ bell ringing ceremony where we had a group picture taken and displayed in Times Square. But the real stars of the day were six graduate school students who won the Wharton Business Plan Competition for founding Cortical Concepts, a biotechnology company that developed and commercialized innovative spinal surgery technology. As the budding entrepreneurs prepared to ring the closing bell, they were asked to share the greatest challenge on their path to success. They responded with three words: "customer, customer, customer".

I remember facing a challenging customer once. For my sixth grade science fair, I had designed and constructed a solar powered water heater. Enthralled with my first feat of engineering, I stayed up all night to literally watch its paint dry. At the fair, as I was explaining my prized project's engineering, a parent asked me indulgently, "why should I buy this? What benefit will I get?" I was stumped. I could talk about the technology for hours but had no clue about any economic aspect of the 'product'. Though I was interested in alternative energy, I did not understand the linkage between technology and its commercial viability.

I've come a long way since then, with a growing desire to learn how management and technology interact. While interning at [withdrawn], a solar technology start-up company, I wondered why the company hadn't already become highly successful; its technology was fully developed, blueprinted, and ready for production and installation. So why couldn't I find its solar panels available at the local Home Depot? By sitting in board meetings to help me develop presentation materials, I gradually became exposed to the challenges a technology company like Solaire faces. Surely, the meetings involved technical deliberations on increasing snow load capacity to improve functionality and changing cell contours to maximize solar ray absorption. However, the majority of the time was spent discussing immediate business issues such as attracting customers, generating revenue, and competing with other firms. The animated conversations about competitive positioning, pricing, and cost/benefit analysis intrigued me. It became clear that though the company excelled in developing its technology, strong business management would play a key role in its growth.

I recognize the importance of learning the fundamentals of both business and engineering. The Jerome Fisher program in Management and Technology would provide me with a solid foundation in the skills I'd need to be a successful entrepreneur. As an aspiring pioneer in fuel cell technology, I hope to be at the forefront of ushering in an era of commercially viable alternative energy. To do so, I would seize the opportunities at Penn-from the incubator of innovation that is the Weiss Tech House to Wharton's Venture Initiative Program-to learn and experience all there is about the synthesis of business and technology. Hopefully, I'll form my own venture and someday get my turn to ring NASDAQ's bell.

Undergraduate / "Engineering for Energy"-Columbia Engineering Supplement [17]

Here's my response to the engineering supplement for Columbia. The prompt asks why I'm interested in engineering and how the Fu Foundation would help me pursue my engineering aspirations. Any level of feedback is welcome, though harsh feedback is great! Thanks!

Plasma cells. Fuel rods. Convection chambers akin to massive lava lamps. As a volunteer at the Liberty Science Center, I would marvel at the Energy Quest exhibit and try to grasp the engineering behind tidal energy technology, solar panels, and hydroelectric dams. My interest in engineering was kindled by the heated debate over the energy crisis and the need for renewable energy.

Visiting India the following year, I noticed that energy for even the most basic needs was scarce. If someone sought fuel to cook a meal, environmental friendliness would be of no concern. My interest in affordable green technology led me to build my first contraption: a solar-powered water heater. I remember sitting with my contraption on my apartment balcony at 4am in the winter night, literally watching its paint dry.

Looking forward as a prospective engineer, I aspire to pioneer an era of affordable and accessible alternative energy. Studying under Professors Billinge and Osgood-fuel cell experts-would help me develop commercially-viable energy solutions. The Earth Institute's endeavors in energy, coupled with Columbia's global initiative, would propel my experiments to a world-wide scale.

Engineers also have the privilege to witness the fruit of their labor. I can imagine a wind-farm juxtaposed with expansive rice fields. Many would see it as an eyesore, a clash of modern technology and traditional rusticity. But to me, it would be an elegant testament to the success of modern engineering.

Undergraduate / "an energy aficionado and intern + business and industrialization" - NYU Stern Supp [3]

Here's what I have for the first two questions. Thorough help is greatly appreciated and will be reciprocated!

1) Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

As an energy aficionado and intern at Solaire Generation, I've come to understand the significance of effective business management in a green technology company; cost-efficiency, innovative marketing, and a unique niche in the industry are key to success. I aspire to run a business that develops and distributes commercially-viable energy technology. A focused education in business management and my participation in the specialized Stern Energy Club would be invaluable for me to achieve my goal.

2) NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

I've fostered a belief that the energy crisis can only be solved if businesses go global, implementing solutions in every corner of the world. NYU's status as a global university would assist me in pioneering an era of globalized alternative energy. Studying in Shanghai, I would be propelled in my quest to learn about business and industrialization. I would cultivate the seeds of this knowledge in the Big Apple, where opportunities abound, allowing me to take risks and grow as an entrepreneur.

Undergraduate / A Summer Traveller's Log-Princeton Summers Essay [NEW]

Here's my take on the Summers Essay. Please let me know any edits!
It's 4 characters under the max, so...

We apologize for the delay. As the 1 subway train grinds to a halt in a labyrinth of tunnels, my hectic day amid the New York City rush meets with stillness and silence. Juggling three management and technology internships throughout most of this past summer, I haven't had much time to collect my thoughts. I pull out my journal to take stock of yesterday's activities. Each one of my train stops could reflect a different part of my quest to study engineering and business.

8/24/10

231st St.
7:13-A busy day is ahead of me; I'll wake my mind up by trying to finish the daily crossword before my stop.

8:09-I need to get off soon, but two clues remain. I have no idea what the answers are...

116th St., Columbia University
10:56-I went to the field, touring a boiler room. I need to find the most cost-efficient way to replace parts that are worn. It's the closest I've been to merging engineering and business so far.

4:45-I submitted a 12 page proposal on how to employ the German engineer and bypass restrictive wage determination.I was asked to talk in a meeting between the people involved in the project.

42nd St., Times Square
5:37-We've made the Facebook and LinkedIn profiles for the club and drafted an email to send to affiliate marketing directors of companies using LinkShare.

28th St.
7:31-The movie that will be displayed on the Solaire Generation website and presented at San Francisco is almost done! I exhibited the movie in a board meeting and will finish the revisions in the coming days.

It dawned on me how this summer has been much more intense than last year's. In 2009, I took a train that led me to the Debate Institute at Northwestern University. There, I worked with debaters from around the nation to compile evidence for the 2009-10 policy debate topic.

At home, my summer was bereft of any train rides. I played keyboards and bought a guitar, teaching myself songs and gaining dexterity on the fretboard. I would play music by day and retreat to my desk by night to work on a few independent projects. One was a research paper on alternative energy. Another was Charity360, which I was drafting an interview template for. It was a comfortable summer, and I explored whatever piqued my interest.

The 1 train resumed from its brief rest. The motion jerked me out of my recollections. Each of my subway stop this summer led me closer to my career aspirations. On the path to being an entrepreneur involved with globalized, affordable green technology, my next stop is college.

Undergraduate / To Infinity and Beyond, green technology-Princeton Engineering [2]

I'm still adding a lot to this. I know it might need to include more on engineering itself and Princeton in specific. But could you tell me what I should do to make this cohesive and interesting?

Thanks!

He launches himself like a projectile from a catapult, grabs hold of a rope taut between two walls of the room, and hurtles down a make-shift zip-line. He repositions his body and juts out his legs to gain forward momentum before leaping onto paper sculptures hanging from the ceiling. He swings like a lemur through tree canopies as the exit draws nigh. With a final jump, he steps onto the tip of the shaft of an upright broomstick, ever-so-delicately in balance with its center of gravity, and lands safely on the windowsill. Buzz Lightyear had done it again. Employing every resource available, the toy space ranger constructed a system that would let him take flight despite his inutile plastic wings.

To me, this encapsulates the beauty of engineering, with which one can achieve the seemingly impossible. By reading Popular Science and Popular Mechanics magazines, I've become accustomed to engineers turning science fiction into reality. As a 10-year-old, I would flip through my dad's issues of WIRED magazine, marveling at pictures of tomorrow's technologies in the hands of today's engineers. Once, I was on my schoolbus reading an article about the XOS 2 exoskeleton, a full-body suit that would give the wearer-an American soldier, ideally-super-human strength reminiscent of Iron Man. My friend pointed at the design and scoffed, "That's not happening for another 100 years. At least." I told him to never underestimate a dedicated engineer.

Surely enough, Raytheon Labs delivered and the suit was named TIME Magazine's "Most Awesomest" Invention of 2010. Unfortunately, the cost of the XOS 2 is exorbitant and the suit remains economically unsuitable. It may go the way of the Segway, a revolution in engineering expected to redefine daily life, which fell flat because of its impracticality; we don't need high-tech, two-wheeled, mobile platforms.

What we do need today is affordable and accessible alternative energy. Plasma cells. Fuel rods. Convection chambers akin to massive lava lamps. Growing up, I've been surrounded by heated debate over global warming and international research in renewable energy. I kindled an interest in green technology and have wanted to play a part in turning alternative energy into the norm. My first attempt at engineering green technology was in middle school, when I built a solar-powered water heater. I remember eagerly sitting with the contraption on my apartment balcony at 4am, literally watching its paint dry so I could run my experiments as soon as possible. As a volunteer at the Liberty Science Center in 2008, I marveled at the Energy Quest exhibit, where the possibilities for clean energy seemed endless. Yet, our nation had still not significantly implemented alternative energy in its power grids. Frustrated by the unrealized potential of renewable energy, I made a decision to pursue engineering in that field.

Interning at Solaire Generation, I was exposed to the synthesis of engineering and business. The management of technology. By sitting in board meetings to help me develop presentation materials, I gradually became exposed to the challenges a technology company like Solaire faces. Surely, the meetings involved technical deliberations on increasing snow load capacity to improve functionality and changing cell contours to maximize solar ray absorption. However, the majority of the time was spent discussing immediate business issues such as attracting customers, generating revenue, and competing with other firms. It became clear that though the company excelled in developing its technology, strong business management would play a key role in its growth.

An education in chemical engineering from Princeton, along with certificates in Sustainable Energy and Engineering and Management Systems would be invaluable for me on my path to developing and distributing commercially viable alternative energy. At Princeton, I would truly be able to go "To infinity and beyond!"

Undergraduate / "A Devil's Bargain"-Duke Engineering Essay [4]

Here's what I have for the Duke Engineering Essay. Any comments are welcome and thorough critiques will be reciprocated! Thanks!

Surrounded by the heated debate over global warming and the challenge of finding clean and affordable energy, I cultivated an interest in renewable energy technology. On a trip to India, though, I noticed that energy for even the most basic needs was scarce; gaunt men and women foraged for wood, coal, and gasoline just to cook food to feed their families. For them, alternative energy would be too rare and expensive to be considered. Through that experience, I set a goal. I wanted to play a part in pioneering an era of globally-integrated green energy.

That night, in my dreams, I met the devil. The blue devil. He promised that, in exchange for my soul, he would provide me with everything I needed to reach my goal. To show me what he had to offer, he transported me to the Gross Chem Lab at Duke. I saw myself intently testing the porousness of a polymer electrolyte membranes of a fuel cell I had been researching for the Wiesner Group and Gendell Center. I planned to gain an understanding of how sustainable energy can save ecological issues world-wide. Studying under experts from both the Pratt and Nicholas Schools, I pursued a certificate in Energy and the Environment.

Yet, I hungered for more. Aspiring to be an entrepreneur in the green technology industry, I wanted to gain a grounding in economics and business, as well. So, the blue devil took me to a lecture hall where I was sitting front and center, taking a course in Enterprising Leadership. To whet my academic appetite for globalization and international implications of green engineering, I would be taking Global Contexts of Science and Technology in a few hours. Each of these classes played an important part on my path towards obtaining a certificate in Markets and Management Studies. But fieldwork would also be of utmost importance, the devil suggested, and he immediately whisked me off to Cusco, Peru. Disoriented by this change of environment, it took me a while to discern myself: I was amidst several DukeEngage students, installing clean-burning stoves for families while they helping us polish up our Spanish. I needed to see no more. Having an undergraduate educational experience like this would be to die for. I couldn't help but smirk, humored by the bargain I was being offered. Even if I sold my soul to the devil, I would be spending four years in heaven.