Undergraduate / Stanford Letter To Future Roommate "Never Home" [3]

Please help me make this more interesting! I've been struggling to write this essay and I wanted to try to make it informal but somehow it came out formal. Any advice would be great.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear Roommate,
I'm warning you now; I am bringing my 70 watt speakers and subwoofer because I love music, especially when it's loud enough to drown out my bad singing. I listen to all sorts of music, so I'm sure there is something you'll like. I also like to talk a lot; my roommate at camp told me to be quiet and go to sleep because I was still trying to talk to him at 2 in the morning, so I apologize ahead of time.

But in reality, you won't have to deal with me too much because I get cabin fever really easily and so like to stay out and do things rather than stay at home. I don't like to cook so I'll probably eat most my meals in the dining halls. Of course I'll go to class, but I will do most of my studying in the library in some secluded corner. I enjoy staying fit even if I eat like a fatty so I'll be spending a lot of time either running, in the gym, or at some sports practice. In among all of this, I will certainly be making friends (hopefully you included) and spending time with them because I think that downtime with friends is the best way to relieve stress and have some fun.

If you can't tell, I love doing things, especially ones that are new to me. I would love it if you were a lot different than me so that you could show me new experiences that could develop into hobbies and with a campus as diverse as Stanford's, I'm sure this will happen. With Stanford's laundry list of activates, I know I'll never get bored and will always be experiencing new things.

Because I am out so much, my living space tends to suffer a bit. I hope you don't mind my bed not being made or my clothes not being put away. I'm messy, but not a slob; you'll never find a box full of half-eaten pizza under my bed. One thing you won't have to worry about with me is waking up early because I certainly enjoy my sleep. That doesn't mean I will sleep until noon, but I won't be waking up at 6 if I can help it (I've had twelve years of that, enough is enough!)

Your (busy) roommate,
Daniel Abel

Undergraduate / "Harry Potter" - Stanford Intellectual Vitality [4]

I'm a bit over the word limit on this one, 400 characters or about 70 words. If you could help me trim it down or just give an advice, that would be great!

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

"Okay class, go get one book to check out," declared Mrs. Simpson in her perpetually hoarse voice. I, along with the other second graders, ran straight to the Goosebumps books to try to find one I hadn't read yet. It was a muted mad rush since we were in a library but everyone was pushing and shoving trying to get the most popular books in the school. Once I finally elbowed my way up there I quickly scanned the shelves and my heart sank a bit. I looked again, still no Goosebumps books. I glumly walked away and wandered through the shelves looking for something else. From the end of an aisle, I saw Mrs. Good, the librarian, approaching and I tried to turn around but she called out to me, so I stopped and looked up at her towing form.

She tried to suggest to me a big book that had a boy riding a broom on the front cover. I'm sure I mumbled something about not liking to read and that it was too big anyway but she shoved the book into my hands and told me to try and read it.

And try I did. I still remember sitting on the top step at home, reading the first chapter and thinking how boring it was. But then I started to get into it and suddenly I couldn't put it down. I found myself whisked away to a world full of magic and danger. I found myself gripping the book when he was in peril from Voldemort and laughing, actually laughing at a book, when Dudley was given a pigtail. A month later I returned to the library and asked for the second one. I finished that one in two weeks and so kept going back for more until I had read all the way through the fourth one. But it wasn't just Harry Potter either, after I finished the fourth I didn't want to stop reading so I started perusing the library to find more books to read. I tired quickly of Goosebumps and started reading things above my grade level just for fun.

I attribute not only my love of reading, but also my love of learning to that year and that series. By simply reading books, I was learning new information that the other kids didn't know and that put me into the Gifted and Talented program in third grade which then lead to me taking double advanced math in middle school . All this culminated with me taking IB and AP classes and even considering a school as prestigious as Stanford. All this because of a librarian's suggestion and the exciting wizarding world of Harry Potter.

Undergraduate / "Palmetto Boys State" - Princeton Quote Essay [3]

I really need help cutting from this essay. I'm about 3,000 characters above the 5,000 character limit, so I really need help there. Cut anything that doesn't pertain to the quote. Any grammatical/idea help would be appreciated too!

Option 4 - Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.

"We enter the world as purely physical beings; and leave it the same way. In between, through our lifetimes, we labour pridefully to establish identities, selves distinct from our bodies. Not what we are but who we are. This is the crux of our humanity." -Joyce Carol Oates After Amnesia

"Six days at Palmetto Boys State will change the rest of your life." These words fell dead before a crowd of nine hundred cynical and tired teenage guys. I had no idea what I was getting myself into and I was already waiting for these six days to be over. My first impressions were not exactly good ones. The day had been a rush of pressed bodies in small rooms, shaking hands with strangers, and concentration camp style dorms (We were staying on a college campus and they had told us it would be suite style. They lied). Not to mention the blood in my closet, awkward conversations with more strangers in my "city" (the groups they divided us into), and a five minute long dinner. So now I was sitting here, tired and hungry listening to an array of boring speeches from different people. We eventually went to our rooms and we all attempted conversation with each other but it was awkward since we were strangers. Eventually, we went to bed and fell asleep on our cots. As I laid there I was thinking, what have I got myself into.

Over the next few days, I started to get a hang of what was going on. This camp was some sort of leadership/government camp where we were supposed to run for office while building confidence and teaching us to be future leaders. At least that's what it officially was; in reality it was more about learning your cities chants and yelling them as loudly as possible at the others cities in "battle". Now, normal me would have thought this was incredibly dumb, and at first I did. I am normally loud when I have to be, but I have never been that person who is totally caught up in the moment cheering but here I was on the front line yelling at the top of my lungs at the other cities. Now, most would think this distracted from the "real" intention of Boys State but instead it actually reinforced it. Being one of the leaders in my city in chanting had given me the confidence to run for and win offices at the city and county level. To run for these offices we had to give speeches and normally, I hate public speaking, the first time I did it at Model UN, my knees literally shook, but here at Boys State it was completely different. There was a certain amount of comfort in speaking to strangers because you knew if you embarrassed yourself, you would not see them again. It was this comfort that gave me the confidence to stand in front of my peers and give a coherent, effective speech.

Now, I make it sound like these next few days were amazing, but they did have some drawbacks. For one, all of our meals lasted about five minutes so learning to speed eat was a must. Also, it was still kind of strange being with these strangers but we had all started to get along really well. I still had my doubts from time to time whether I really wanted to be here but I knew I was stuck here and should make the best of it. By Wednesday, the fourth day, all of us in my "suite" had started to talk a lot and me and two others developed a great idea. The cities already had banners that were sanctioned by the administration but we wanted to make other flags. While I was at a dodgeball game, Nathan and Josh went around and found scrap cloth, paint, and wooden rods and snuck them back to Josh's room. That night, we stayed up until two in the morning painting two smaller flags that we were sure would get the city to finally come together. The next morning, despite having to wake up at six, we were pumped to show our city. We came running out of our suite onto the community balcony and our counselors were blown away. They were starting to doubt how much spirit we truly had and we proved to them that we were ready to make a mark on the history of Boys State.

Thursday was one the best and worst day of the whole week. The worst because we had to sit on bleachers for seven hours while over a hundred people made speeches on how they would be best for a state position. This really should be used as a form of torture, it is far more effective than some of the methods they have today because we were all completely broken down after that. But then, that night, they had the joint political rally, basically a huge pep rally where you cheered for your party (either Federalist or Nationalist was assigned to you at the beginning of the week). I was a Federalist and our name was the Fed Storm, so they gave those "thunder" noisemaker sticks. We completely overwhelmed the Nationalist in sound and in the elections because for the first time ever, there was a complete sweep by one party. The Federalist had won the majority of seats in the city, country, and state elections. This caused our side to go wild and the in-house band played songs to celebrate. My favorite and most memorable moment was being an entire mob of guys dancing and singing in hoarse voices to "Forget You" by Cee Lo Green. That was when I realized this was the best week of my life.

Friday was when I realized just how much talent everyone there possessed. We had all been chosen to go there by our guidance counselors but everyone there seemed so normal, I would have never guessed for what. In one conversation with, I learned that all the guys I was talking to were also team captains, top of their class, and possessed incredible abilities. This one boy who was the epitome of the stereotypical skater got an 800 on his Math SAT. Another could memorize complicated symphonies and play them back on the piano. I was blown away and humbled to be in the presence of so many incredible people. That night was also the talent show, where the kids were so good you could not help but feel a little bad about yourself. But the most incredible part of the night? I had entered into the Samsung American Legion Scholarship contest, but so did over a hundred other guys so I kind of just zoned out when they were going to announce the winner. Then they said the winner was from Rock Hill and I thought how strange of a coincidence. Then they started listing the winner's qualifications such as valedictorian and cross country team captain. At this point, Philip punched me in the arm and said "That could be you!" Then they said, "The winner is Daniel Austin Abel!". It took a minute to sink in but my city erupted in cheers and congratulations as I stood and walked to the stage. It was incredible, not only winning but having so many people be that happy for me. I am used to if I win something at school just getting snide remarks from my peers but here we were all equal and they genuinely cared. After everything, we went back to our cities and we all talked as a group for two hours. Our senior counselor had just lost his best friend that week and through a combination of talking about lost loved ones and memories of the week, all forty of us supposedly mature young men, ended up balling our eyes out for two hours. We all exposed secrets and hidden feelings and surprisingly I was the first to talk. Of all the things that happened all week, this surprised me a considerate amount because I was never the first to talk, certainly not to deliver a heart-felt speech. I fell asleep that night thinking how incredible that week had been.

"Six days will change the rest of your life." These words were greeted with an uproar of cheers and applause. It was such a change from before because these words had proven to be true. It had changed my life not because it made me a new person, but because it helped me find the self that had always been there. Not what I was, but who I was. I discovered that I really could be a leader, even in non-academic things. I found out that I could strike up random conversation with strangers and be an outgoing person rather than a borderline introvert. Similarly, I learned that I could be the one to stand up and be the first to do something significant. I realized there are people out there how really care about your successes rather than becoming bitter. Perhaps most importantly, I learned to value this identity that had been hidden inside of me for so long. And so, as we left the auditorium for the last time, there were no chant battles or yelling because every city felt as our city did; that we just wanted to spend these last few precious minutes with our new friends and lifetime brothers, the brothers that had helped me find my identity, the brothers of Keowee.

Undergraduate / "I was fourteen and it was Christmastime" - Common App Expereince Essay [4]

This is the Common App's experience essay. I know it is kind of a depressing essay but keep in mind all of my school's require supplement essays so this isn't the only view they're getting of me. Just any help/suggestions would be great!

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit) At 500 words, so just help editing and stuff.

I was fourteen and it was Christmastime when we lost our house. At the time I don't remember being too sentimental about it; I certainly didn't cry. But now when I look back I wonder how I didn't. After all, I was spending my Christmas break disassembling the house I had called home. It did feel strange when I realized I would never live in that house again. Never again walk down the darkly wood-paneled hallway to my strikingly blue bedroom. Never again mark my height on the door frame we had been using for most of my childhood. Never again would I ride our horses in our round pen. It was all coming to a crashing halt, at Christmas of all times.

That house, 333 Skyview Drive, had been the first one I could call home. We had moved around a lot when I was younger, always following my father's job. But then, when I was eight, my mom left my father because she had finally realized the kind of man he was. So after that, she bought her first house and instantly went to work to make it a home. She pounded in acres of fenceposts and built a barn from scratch, all by hand and all by herself. She painted all the rooms in the house, mine a royal blue, my sister's pink, the kitchen a soft shade of green with sponged on off-white for a distinctively vintage feel. We all planted flowers in the front of the house, red begonias that refused to die despite their occasional neglect.

But now was a time for tearing apart, not building up. We were pulling up the fenceposts, one by one, and taking apart the barn that was built by my mom's own hands. We were copying our height chart from the door frame to a piece of cardboard so that it wouldn't be lost. And all this time, I didn't cry, maybe because it wasn't a shock. We had known it was coming for a while; many factors out of my mom's control contributed to this moment and she had done all she could to fight it, but it just wasn't enough. Through it all, she always told me and my sister what was happening, so reality got a hold of me from a young age and I had to grow up fast.

I was fourteen and it was New Year's Eve. We were leaving our house for the last time and still I didn't cry. I knew my mom would take care of things and that it work out. Even now, I don't cry about. It happened for a reason. I do know I learned about the harsh realities of life, giving me a perspective that not many teenagers have. Or maybe, it was just so I could learn the strength that would be needed to get through the setbacks in life, and with true perseverance, reach the moments I was meant to live for.

Undergraduate / "Functionality vs. Function" - Princeton Enginneering Essay [3]

I'm using this same essay for the Yale and Princeton engineering essays. Any help would be great!

If you are interested in pursuing a B.S.E. (Bachelor of Science in Engineering) degree, please write an essay describing why you are interested in studying engineering, any experiences in or exposure to engineering you have had, and how you think the programs in engineering offered at Princeton suit your particular interests.

It always appears as if there is some war, a constant struggle, between functionality and design. If something is to be truly functional, then it cannot be too aesthetically pleasing. But if something is designed to look good then it's not seen as truly useful. I have noticed this in recent years through different classes I have taken as well as through past experiences outside the classroom. I first noted this looking at the skyscrapers of American cities and any modern ones just looked so boring. They looked like the straight pieces in a game of Tetris, just stuck there. So many things, especially in the nineties were just made for economical purposes and the design was forgotten even all the way down to the ugly, tan phones and the plain, boxy cars. But when I looked into the past I saw the sweeping curves of Art Deco buildings and the sleek lines of a '69 Corvette, flashy diners and park beautification projects. I discovered a time when functionality met design but it would take first-hand experience to truly understand the struggle.

My first experience with actually building something (outside of Lego's) was in my tenth grade physics class. We had three major projects in there where I learned firsthand of the struggle between design and functionality. Our first project was the classic egg drop; build a container to protect the egg, under 4"x4"x4" and with no parachute. My teacher, Mrs. Monteith's, example she showed us was a wooden box. Guess what everyone but me made, a wooden box. Theirs of course all survived because they chose to be boring. I, on the other hand, used a plastic Cashew container packed full of different materials. I am a big dude and it was strong enough for me to stand on and I threw it off the roof and it survived but for some reason when I got to school it cracked like a bad liar under a police interrogation. I had strived to design differently and was met with something that didn't function well at all.

I set out to redeem myself on our next project which was to build a cannon. Once again Mrs. Monteith showed us an example and once again I set out to not copy it. This time I partnered with Michelle and Brian and we wanted to make a cannon with power. The details are boring but the cannon actually ended up not firing the ping pong ball. Eventually I figured out it was because the plug we were using to fire the ball was creating a vacuum in the cannon and trying to pull the ball in. So we drilled holes in the tube to the point where it looked like Swiss cheese, but after that it worked like a charm, and although not beautiful, it looked good in its simplicity.

Our final project was my masterpiece. We had to build a Popsicle stick bridge and this time I only partnered with Brian. We knew we did not want to just to make a bridge with a flat deck and minimal support; it had to be better than that. We modeled our design after the Amygen Helix Bridge in Seattle and I would like to think we created a good representation out of Popsicle sticks and wood glue. We captured the helix nearly perfectly yet I was able to push in it with my full force and it wouldn't even creak. I had finally created a functional yet beautiful structure. However when it came testing day, we had a problem. We had to lay weights on top of the bridge but the top of our bridge was essentially only a cover. So after all of the tedious work of assembling the helix, it has to be disassembled before it could even be tested. That is when I realized that for all the lofty ideals that come with design, you must look ahead for what it will actually be used for before adding extra features.

I've had my struggles in the past combining design and functionality but that is exactly what I want to solve as an engineer. Princeton's joint architecture and engineering program I think would prepare me perfectly to create truly remarkable structures. Over the past decades, America has stagnated as far as its structural design goes while places like Dubai have continued to innovate and create new and incredible buildings. I want to bring some innovation to America so that I can show we haven't lost our American ingenuity. And that means we cannot have more of the same. It is time to innovate for the future and that means going natural. I want to make cities more self-sustainable with more green areas, even within buildings. I want the city not to interrupt the landscape but to blend with it. And that means it not only has to be functional, but also created with good design in mind.

Undergraduate / "More than I expected" - Princeton Summer Essay [3]

Any help would be appreciated. I'm 500 characters over the 2500 character limit, so I need some help cutting out. I feel like I should cut from the first paragraph but let me know.

Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application.

During the summer, I wake up every morning at six o'clock to go run. Every. Single. Morning. If that's not commitment, I do not know what is. This constituted the majority of my summer after 10th grade and I am perfectly fine with that. That summer was one for relaxation and intellectual exploration. In addition to my daily cross-country training, I spent most days reading, researching colleges, or spending time with my friends. The books I read included books on physics all the way to books on the IB reading list. I truly enjoyed reading these books, not only because they were well written but also because of the content of them. It surprised me that I appreciated the IB books because I had heard so many people complain about them. The plot twists of The House of the Spirits absorbed me and the philosophical ideas introduced by Milan Kundera kept me rapt and thoughtful. Michou Kaku's books on the future possible with the expansion of physics and engineering knowledge solidified in me the desire to pursue one of those fields. When I was not reading, I was likely spending time with my friends, going on various "adventures" around town or just simply hanging out in someone's backyard pool. My friends and I became really close that summer, especially those of us on the cross-country team.

This previous summer has been significantly more eventful than the summer after 10th grade year. The first major thing I did was attend Palmetto Boys State, a weeklong leadership and government camp. I only went because my guidance counselor said it looked good for college but it became so much more than that. It was there that I truly found myself and who I am absent of the stereotypes put on me by my peers. It made me a considerably more confident person even though I was not exactly shy before. After Boys State, I had a week back home of running and then I was off to Salkehatchie, which was a mission trip through my church to Pendleton, South Carolina, a small community in the mountains. This was my first year doing it and this had originally been done for reasons that are more selfish as well. Through IB, there are certain service hours that must be fulfilled and I thought this would be a good one but after the week was over, then I realized the true value of community service. My site had built an elderly woman a wheelchair ramp, but this was no ordinary ramp; ours was a three layer, deck and patio ramp. Because of the lay of the land, the ramp had to double back on itself or it would be too steep. Not only did this further encourage my engineering abilities but it also encouraged me to do other service activities, not just to put on a resume, but so that I can actually help someone in need.

This summer was far more rewarding than I had expected. I attended two incredible camps that taught far more about myself than I ever would have expected. I am already signed up for Salkehatchie again next year and cannot wait to help someone else. I continued running this past summer and I landed my first job. The memories from this past summer will last me a lifetime.

Undergraduate / "The people not the sport" - Common App Extracurricular Essay [3]

Hey, this is my extracurricular activity essay for the common App. It seems kind of boring to me and I feel like it doesn't really say much. Any help would be appreciated!

One Saturday meet, I was particually excited because it was my last race ever on my favorite course; therefore it was my last chance to beat my record. While waiting for my race, I goofed off with the team all morning. When it was time to warm up, two teammates and I went exploring in the trails around the course. After 30 minutes, we realized we were lost and then we saw a warning sign for alligators. Despite this, we all remained optimistic and actually joked about being attacked by alligators. We eventually got back just in time for the race. Just before it, we yelled our chant (a tradition I started) and that got everyone pumped up. The race was hard as expected but afterwards there was such a sense of relief and comradely that it was infectious. All of us on the team have our quirks but that is what makes the team such a dynamic place to be. That is really why I do cross country, it's not the running but the people that make it the best sport on campus.

Undergraduate / Princeton Quote Essay - "Palmetto Boys State Redo" [2]

Hey. I posted this up before but then went back and did a lot of editing thanks to some readers critiques. I'm posting it again because I really want to make sure it conveys it's message well since it is the "big" Princeton Essay. Any help would be great! Plus I'm about a 1000 characters over the limit so I need help trimming down.

Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay."We enter the world as purely physical beings; and leave it the same way. In between, through our lifetimes, we labour pridefully to establish identities, selves distinct from our bodies. Not what we are but who we are. This is the crux of our humanity." -Joyce Carol Oates After Amnesia

"Six days at Palmetto Boys State will change the rest of your life." These words fell dead before a crowd of nine hundred cynical and tired teenage guys. I had no idea what I was getting myself into and I was already waiting for these six days to be over. My first impressions were not exactly good ones. The day had been a rush of pressed bodies in small rooms, shaking hands with strangers, and stark, barren dorms. So now, I was sitting here, tired and hungry listening to an array of boring speeches from different people. I started to get a hang of what was going on. This camp was some sort of leadership/government camp where we were supposed to run for office while building confidence and teaching us to be future leaders. They divided us into "cities" of about 40 guys and these would be our family for the next week. Honestly, I knew none of this beforehand and had been told to go by my guidance counselor because it "looked good for college." After the speeches, we eventually went to our rooms and we all attempted conversation with each other but it was awkward since we were strangers. Eventually, we went to bed and fell asleep on our cots. As I laid there I was thinking, what have I got myself into.

Over the next few days, I realized that on top of the government and leadership lessons, the camp was also about learning your cities chants and yelling them as loudly as possible at the others cities in "battle". Now, normally, I would have thought this was incredibly dumb, and at first I did. I am normally loud when I have to be, and I have never been that person who is totally caught up in the moment cheering. However, here I was on the front line yelling at the top of my lungs at the other cities. Now, most would think this distracted from the "real" intention of Boys State but instead it actually reinforced it. Being one of the leaders in my city in chanting had given me the confidence to run for and win offices at the city and county level. To run for these offices we had to give speeches. There was a certain amount of comfort in speaking to strangers because I knew that if I embarrassed myself, I would never see these people again. It was this comfort that gave me the confidence to stand in front of my peers and give a coherent, effective speech. Now, I am much more confident in any speech or performance I have to give.

By Wednesday, the fourth day, the whole dynamic that had been established in the beginning had completely changed. The awkward conversations had changed into outgoing chats between all of us as if we had always known each other. Everyone poured themselves into the chant battles; the mark of a good citizen became the absence of a voice. I was surprised most by myself that I had poured myself entirely into this week. No one from my school would have recognized me because I could already tell this week had changed my identity. I no longer associated myself with someone willing to let others take the lead; I was now striving to be at the front and had established myself as a leader in my city. People had always associated me purely with my grades, but here I was everything but that. I was truly myself.

Friday was when I realized just how much talent everyone there possessed. Everyone acted so casual and were athletic, so no one really thought much about academic abilities. However, in one conversation, I learned that all the guys I was talking to were team captains, top of their class, or possessed incredible abilities. One boy who was the epitome of the stereotypical skateboarder got an 800 on his Math SAT. Another could memorize complicated symphonies and play them back on the piano. I was blown away and humbled to be in the presence of so many incredible people.

That night was an awards banquet and they were announcing the winner of the Samsung American Legion Scholarship. I had entered into the contest, but so did over a hundred other boys so I just zoned out when they were going to announce the winner. Then they said the winner was from Rock Hill and I thought what a strange coincidence. Then they started listing the winner's qualifications such as valedictorian and cross country team captain. At this point, my new friend punched me in the arm and said, "That could be you!" Then they said, "The winner is Daniel Austin Abel!" It took a minute to sink in but my city erupted in cheers and congratulations as I stood and walked to the stage. It was incredible, not only winning but also having so many people be that happy for me because even though we were strangers, they genuinely cared about me. After everything, we went back to our cities and we all talked as a group for two hours. Our senior counselor had just lost his best friend that week and through a combination of talking about lost loved ones and memories of the week, all forty of us supposedly mature young men, ended up balling our eyes out for two hours. We all exposed secrets and hidden feelings and surprisingly I was the first to talk, not about myself but instead to console our counselor. Of all the things that happened all week, this surprised me a considerate amount because I was never the first to talk, certainly not to deliver a heart-felt speech to comfort someone else. I fell asleep that night thinking how incredible that week had been.

"Six days will change the rest of your life." These words were greeted with an uproar of cheers and applause. It was such a change from before because these words had proven to be true. It had changed my life not because it made me a new person, but because it helped me find the self that had always been there. Not what I was, but who I was. I discovered that I really could be a leader, even in non-academic things. I found out that I could strike up random conversation with strangers and be an outgoing person rather than a borderline introvert. I realized there are people out there how really care about your successes rather than becoming bitter. Perhaps most importantly, I learned to value this identity that had been hidden inside of me for so long. And so, as we left the auditorium for the last time, there were no chant battles or yelling because every city felt as our city did; that we just wanted to spend these last few precious minutes with our new friends and lifetime brothers, the brothers that had helped me find my identity, the brothers of Keowee.

Undergraduate / "Big Questions" - Stanford Intellectual Vitality [2]

Any help or feedback would be great!

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

Ever since I was young, I have always wondered about the "big" questions. How did we get here, are we alone in the universe, and why does everything just work? Because of this insatiable curiosity, I devoured ideas in books and spent countless hours watching any Discovery channel program on the universe. I thought it was all very interesting but it never clicked with me that discovering the mysteries of the universe could be a job. Then one day during the summer, a friend of mine, Chris was talking about the same questions and he uttered two words that changed everything: theoretical physicist.

Suddenly, not only had I found someone else as secretly dorky as me that was also interested in the same things but also I now knew a future goal to pursue. Because Chris and I were both on the cross-country team, we ran together a lot and suddenly our runs became like the salons of the Enlightenment. We were bouncing ideas off each other so much that our friends decided it was better to give us a wide breadth during our impassioned discussions. We talked about string theory, muons, and neutrinos. I would go home after our runs and read books by Leon Ledermann and Michio Kaku learning more and more about the mysteries of the universe. I also learned how much more there is to discover and potentially engineer helping to fuel my drive to benefit humanity in the future.

Three years have passed since those summer runs but the fire of curiosity still burns within me. In no way were all of my questions answered, and I plan to answer them one day. Their answers are just waiting to be discovered by someone, and why could that someone not be me?

Undergraduate / "Responsibility" - Stanford What Matters to You [NEW]

Hey, this is one of my Stanford essays. It in the character limit so I'm good there just any feedback or advice would be great!

What Matters to you and why?

Responsibility matters to me above all else. For many this is just a word put onto motivational posters but for me it is so much more. This is because I had to learn to be responsible from a younger age than most of my peers. It started when I was about 11 years old and my mom began working four jobs just to make ends meet. Because she was rarely at home, all the household responsibilities fell on me. It was up to me to watch my younger sister, clean the house, take care of the horses and dogs, cook dinner, and delegate appropriate tasks to my sister. In addition, because I was home alone, I had to learn self-discipline so that I would get my schoolwork done even though my mom was not hanging over my shoulder. I never thought anything of this; for me it was completely normal but I have come to realize over the years that none of my friends have to do any of this; they don't even make their own school lunches! Of course, there have been times that I did not want to do the work but I knew if I did not do it, it would not be done.

Having all of these home responsibilities has given me the ability to be to responsible in everyday life. This has led me to be able to lead the cross-country team as well as the various clubs in which I hold an office. On the cross-country team, there is an inexplicable sense that I am responsible for the younger runners. I cannot pin point exactly what it is, but I feel I should be there for them in either running or any part of their lives if they need me. It is my job to mentor them and make them not only better runners but to also make them more mature people, and believe me, some of them need to be more mature.

I have lived my whole life having more responsibilities than my peers do and I used to hate it. However, now I thank my mom because I possess a sense of responsibility not only for my own actions, but also for the actions of others.

Undergraduate / UVa supplement - Engineering Essay "Glass Bridge" [2]

"If you were given funding for a small engineering project, what would you do?" It's a little longer than they would like so if anything seems like it could be cut, please tell me. Does this seem like a good idea or too big? Also, does the last sentence make sense? Thanks!!

Everybody in my town is very excited for the newest addition to our community, a place called Riverwalk. The plan is to build a new area of town that would have outdoor shopping, a new neighborhood, and an Olympic cyclist training center. All of this will situated beside the Catawba River, but from what I have seen of the plans, the river is underutilized. So far, there is a sidewalk beside the river and that is all that is planned and the river seems to be more a namesake rather than an attraction.

There is a fan-shaped section of land that juts out into the river and this is where I would propose to build a park. All of the underbrush and dead trees would be cleared away and new grass would be planted. Park benches and picnic tables would sit in the shade of the remaining trees. Paths would wind around the trees and there would be pavilions for entertainment and gatherings. However, this riverside park would serve as a gateway to the more daring project. At this point in the river, it is roughly 200 feet across and I would build a foot bridge to cross the river. The bridge would be simple and would ideally be wide enough for four people to walk side by side and be able to hold medium levels of foot traffic. The main application of the bridge is not just as a connection to the other side but as an attraction itself. The middle forty feet of the bridge would be made completely of glass: the floor and the sides. This idea is based on the glass viewing deck at the Grand Canyon and would be made of the same glass. By having a floor of glass, visitors would see the water as it rushes past just feet below them. This would offer an unrestricted view of the whole river and a unique perspective not found anywhere else.

All of this would offer more of an attraction for tourists as well as somewhere for the local residents to relax. The park could host events or just be a place for families to have cookouts. Across the river, trails could be created for walking and biking and these could even host an annual "Riverwalk 5k" to attract more tourists. Connecting these two landscapes would be the real attraction, a bridge with a glass floor to allow visitors to almost walk on water.

Undergraduate / UVa Supplement - World I come from "Neighbors" [3]

" Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are." I don't know how strong this one is. Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

The Skyview neighborhood was a nice, little country neighborhood and will always be home to me. I lived there from the time I was in third grade until eighth grade. I grew up there and because of that, it has had a deep impact on me and the morals I possess. Two neighbors impacted me more than any other, the Taylor's and Vivian.

We actually met the Taylor's because my mom was a horse trainer and their horses needed training, but there was just one tiny difference; their horses were miniature horses. My mom trained them all the same but the important part is that it started a friendship that lasts to this day; in fact they invited us to their Italian family Christmas dinner this year. Mrs. Taylor is the type of woman who is always offering food even though you have had already had quite enough. She drove by the bus stop on her way to work every morning when my sister and I were out there and always stopped with a friendly hello and some Twizzlers. I learned from the Taylor's to always be generous, not only with my possessions, but also with my love.

And of course, there was Vivian. She was the perfect model of a Southern woman; outdoorsy, soft spoken but never weak, and beyond nice. She welcomed us into her family with open arms and every year she invited us to Thanksgiving at her house along with her whole big family. She also helped my mom through some difficult times with comforting words of wisdom and always helped us when we were in need, especially near the end of our time in that neighborhood. I learned from her to treat others like family and to always help them when they are in need, even if it's just a reassuring word or a home-cooked breakfast.